It goes without saying that people hate writing query letters. Loathe! Abhor! Hiss! Some authors feel it is simply beneath their dignity to have to distill the wondrous complexity of their novel to a brief excerpt.
But as has been chronicled in the past on this blog: authors have to summarize their work. Often. Repeatedly. In a wildly diverse array of settings. So much that you start to hate your own book. Okay, not that much. But close!
UPDATED 5/31/19
You have to learn to pitch
Summarizing your work is part of the job description of being an author. You signed up for it the minute you typed “Chapter 1.” (And yes, literary fiction types, you don’t get to sail through on “oh man it’s so complicated but it’s really all about the writing”. You have to pitch too!). Whether it’s pitching a project to an editor, for film, in interviews, in everyday conversation: you’ll basically spend about as much time summarizing and talking about your work as you did writing it.
And yet different situations call for different length of pitches. A query is basically a two paragraph pitch with some query-related detail. But sometimes you’ll want to use a one sentence pitch (for a bio, if you’re into that whole brevity thing), or a one paragraph pitch (for briefly describing in real life conversation when you don’t want someone’s eyes to glaze over).
My feeling: get it all out of the way at once. Save yourself the headache and come up with a one sentence, one paragraph, and two paragraph pitch before you even start to query. Then: practice and memorize your pitches. You never know when you’re going to need them.
Start with the one-sentence pitch
I personally think the best way of going about this is to start with the one sentence pitch: not only is it the hardest to write, it contains the essence of your book. It’s the most crucial arc of your story, with all the other details stripped away – even, sometimes, character names. It can be painful to whittle it down (I don’t even mention the key villain in mine), but utterly, utterly necessary.
Here’s a post dedicated to the one-sentence pitch if you need some help.
You then build around that one sentence pitch and flesh it out with some key details in the one paragraph pitch – maybe the character names, or the most important subplot, or a few quick images that give a sense of the sensibility of your work.
With the two paragraph you have more flexibility to add still more details and can make it a bit more of a story itself.
I did this for Jacob Wonderbar. Here are my pitches (which I have to use very very often):
One sentence pitch
Three kids trade a corndog for a spaceship, blast off into space, accidentally break the universe, and have to find their way back home.
One paragraph pitch
Jacob Wonderbar trades a corndog for a sassy spaceship and blasts off into space with his best friends, Sarah and Dexter. After they accidentally break the universe in a giant space kapow, a nefarious space pirate named Mick Cracken maroons Jacob and Dexter on a tiny planet that smells like burp breath. They have to work together to make it back to their street on Earth where all the houses look the same.
Two paragraph pitch
Jacob Wonderbar has been the bane of every substitute teacher at Magellan Middle School ever since his dad moved away from home. He never would have survived without his best friend Dexter, even if he is a little timid, and his cute-but-tough friend Sarah Daisy, who is chronically overscheduled.
But when the trio meets a mysterious man in silver they trade a corn dog for his sassy spaceship and blast off into the great unknown. That is, until they break the universe in a giant space kapow and a nefarious space buccaneer named Mick Cracken maroons Jacob and Dexter on a tiny planet that smells like burp breath. The friends have to work together to make it back to their little street where the houses look the same, even as Earth seems farther and farther away.
Your turn
And you know? There’s no time like the present! It would be great to have more examples of these different types of pitches: Feel free to share your one sentence, one paragraph and two paragraph pitches in the comment section!
Need help with your book? I’m available for manuscript edits, query critiques, and coaching!
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JohnO says
I have real-life evidence of this, which I can back up using highly truthful math 'n' stuff. On my current book…
– No. of queries that led to requests: 2
– No. of sample pages only that led to requests: 1
– No. of mentions of one-sentence pitch that led to requests: 4
And of those 4, one wasn't even pitched at an agent or editor. I mentioned it to a fellow writer whose wife is an editor (and she requested it). THAT'S why you have a pithy summary.
So here's mine:
A VP at a global entertainment company tries to form the most lucrative band in the world — a band that plays children's music — then the band starts to rebel.
Beth says
Great, timely post. I have a verbal pitch this Saturday and another one in June and I'm scared stiff. I wrote a pitch (just in case my mind goes blank) and am finalizing a query and synopsis.
I love your three-step approach of whittling down novels to one sentence, one paragrah and then two paragraphs. I'll work on that.
Fingers and toes crossed fpr everyone who is pitching right now. Deep breaths and anti-anxiety pills (I even had hives). I'm a wreck but will pull it together.
I'll be querying you in a few weeks, Nathan!
April Wendy Hollands says
Great advice, Nathan. I hadn't thought to memorise pitches, but it makes utter sense. Not sure I'd want to memorise a two-paragraph one though, as, when reading through yours, I just couldn't hear myself saying it without sounding like it was read. I think some verbal additives would be needed, don't you?
Nathan Bransford says
april-
Yeah, when you get to the two paragraph one it's more important to paraphrase it or else it sounds rehearsed. What's works on the page doesn't always sound good read out loud, and vice versa.
Perry says
great post – now I want to read the book. That's what it's supposed to do right?
Mesmerix says
I use Randy Ingermanson's Snowflake Method for all my writing. It starts with the 1 sentence hook and builds out to a full synopsis, outline, and finally, the novel. I love it because when I'm done with the novel, I already have my pitches. Granted, there is so much revision along the way, but this system really works for me.
joannehuspek says
Great post, but I hope someday you touch upon the 2-5 page synopsis. That's the killer for me.
Emily White says
Your pitches are great! I'm still working on my one paragraph and two paragraph pitches, myself. Usually, I decide after a week or two that I no longer like what I'd come up with.
However, I have settled on my one sentence pitch. Here it is!
Nathadria is weak, half-starved, and clumsy…and destined to kill a god.
Ishta Mercurio says
Great post, and great pitches! Thanks for sharing your three pitches for JACOB WONDERBAR with us; it helped to see how you started with something very pared-down, then expanded upon it, then really fleshed it out.
I haven't gotten to the stage with any of my novel projects where I've written a pitch for them, but maybe I should, as a planning and plot-strengthening exercise.
Dave says
Here's my one-paragraph pitch for a picture book:
Norval takes pride in his tidy farm. His meadow-like hayfields and straight rows of corn are the envy of all his neighbors. But trouble lurks when Norval’s cows find a strange weed sprouting on the pasture. Though they find the weed tasty, after munching the scrumptious plant, Norval’s cows develop an embarrassing problem. Instead of milk, they’re making bubbles.
John says
True, Snowflake Method FTW.
My first couple of books were FBTSOMP (fly by the seat of my pants) style.
Then I started coming up with premises and writing one-sentence hooks for them to see if they sounded different enough to hook anyone.
After the hook sentence, I'd write a query. After that, the synopsis.
I did it this way before finding the Snowflake method which is actually a bit more rigid than my method, but it seems a very effective approach.
The difference with me is I usually write the first 30-50pp after the synopsis and see how I feel about everyhing. I make sure the story starts where it should, etc. and polish the pages a bit.
Then if it feels right to me, I'll flesh out the synopsis a bit more and continue writing pages.
At this point, I also know the genre, rough word count, and other marketable info that'll be necessary for an agent to know.
I know a lot of people feel they have this story inside that needs to be let out. The characters, they say, will take control and develop the story.
I used to think that way worked ok, but if the story is in you, you probably have a vague notion of the important factors and what leads to the end. I think it's important to have that skeleton frame otherwise you might end up with a huge mess of plotholes, sinkholes, and empty characters.
Jane Harmony says
Great post and good timing! I've been thinking about this a lot, because friends have been asking me, "What's it about?" So, out of necessity, I've had to condense it down to a sentence. This has also had some unexpected benefits in the rewriting process. I'm able to see what is really important about the story and what needs to be taken out in the interest of simplicity and more powerful writing. So – here's mine:
With no memory of her royal childhood in an enemy country, Ivolet finds her loyalty – and her love – torn in two different directions when she is forced to return to the land of her birth.
(Haha, I thought I had a one-sentence, but then I realized it was three – more like a one paragraph. So it was some on the fly cutting/editing here in the comment box!)
Remus Shepherd says
I was lucky enough to get a chance to pitch to an editor at a con last month. I already had a one-sentence pitch (a 'log line'), and the two-paragraph pitch I took from my query, but the one-paragraph pitch I don't have.
Nathan, you've already seen the query, but I'll show you the one sentence pitch: "Girl genius as a double agent in the League of Extraordinary Psychopaths."
lisanneharris says
You've done an amazing job of capturing my attention with all three of your pitches. It's a good thing you're an agent or you'd be wasting your talent.
katharrmann says
Great post … I never thought of coming up with several pitches of various lengths. Good stuff.
Richard Mabry says
Nathan,
Excellent advice. I've done a number of book signings recently, and the question I'm asked most frequently is "What's the book about?" That's where the elevator pitch comes in handy. (The second most frequent question is generally about the location of the rest room).
Amanda says
Eek! Summaries and pitches make me nervous. :/ Thanks for the post because there really can't be too much advice on the subject.
Here are the best I've got right now:
One sentence (which is awful, I know):
Homeless teenager Delilah Cruz is finally given the opportunity to have a real life, but the streets won't release her from its grasp easily.
One paragraph:
Homeless teenager Delilah Cruz fights every day to simply survive. When a stranger intervenes during an confrontation with the neighborhood pimp, Delilah is handed the tools she needs to really live – if she'll use those tools is a completely different story.
Two paragraphs:
Homeless teenager, Delilah Cruz, spends most of her days attempting to stay out of the clutches of the neighborhood pimp, Elijah, and just trying to keep her head above water. The loss of the only things she owns could mean having to rely on Elijah for survival, which is something she’s sworn never to do. Delilah has no idea that a simple intervention by a stranger could be her ticket out.
But leaving the streets isn’t as easy as it might look on the surface. She feels pulled back to her old life when the new one gets difficult – learning the truth about her family, trying to make sense of the new feelings she's having, and discovering how far a close friend has fallen. Delilah questions if she’s meant for a normal life, after all.
andrea says
Wish you'd posted this several months ago! Sigh. 🙂
Since announcing my book was getting published, I've been asked multiple times a day what it's about. I've shared so many different versions of my pitch with people I run into, I'm now confused with who's heard what. 🙂
Glad you shared yours – that'll help a ton.
Miriam S. Forster says
Ooo, this looks fun! I don't have a two paragraph pitch for my being-revised project yet, but here are the others.
Sentence: An overachieving high school student dies, comes back as a kitten, and has to figure out a way to fix it and be human again.
One Paragraph: When overachieving Becca Waverly hits a patch of black ice and spins into a pond, she doesn't expect to wake up as a kitten, living in her ex-boyfriend, Matt's house. Her only way out is to switch bodies with someone who can hear her, and the only person available is Gina, the wheelchair-bound new kid at school. But Becca can't control everything, and when Gina and Matt start to connect, it looks like Becca will stay a kitten forever.
Hey, that was fun! I'm going to go write the two paragraph one now. 🙂
Lisa says
Nice.
Here's my one sentence pitch:
When a seventeen-year-old girl, working at an inn catering to supernatural creatures, stumbles across a dead pixie in the hallway, she's got to find the killer in order to save the family business…and her own life.
You've seen the query! Ha! =)
lisanneharris says
Well, that's weird. It looks like I posted twice, but I really didn't, unless you include this post. (~,~) Sorry for clogging up the "net waves."
Wendy Qualls says
Two paragraphs:
Brandon Jarvis has dedicated his life – and his security consulting business – to protecting people. When he causes Allison Epworth to break her arm while trying to help him move his little sister into her dorm, he extends that protection to her. Whether she wants it or not.
But Allison’s done with protective men – even Brandon. And if Brandon doesn’t like that she’s headed to Mongolia to do some research for her thesis – and bringing his little sister with her – well he’s just going to have to deal with his disappointment. The question is, [pithy question I haven’t perfected yet]?
I'm completely at a loss for how to condense this down to one paragraph or one sentence, though!
Holly says
Holy cow, Nathan. Your book sounds great. The burp breath did it for me, plus I grew up on the street where all the houses look the same, too.
Nathan Bransford says
wendy-
That's why I think it's easier to start with one sentence, rather than condensing from a bigger paragraph. Rather than trying to figure out what to keep/omit from a longer summary, I think it's easier to try and just start with a very basic description of the novel and build from there.
Patty says
Great post, Nathan… does anyone else find it easy to fill a scroll but impossible to write one sentence? I think I was the only student whose term papers exceeded the page length requirements.
Here's my one sentence for current WIP. Critique away:
A former juvenile delinquent starts senior year at a new school, under a new name, and finds it's impossible to escape his past.
Perle says
Thanks for sample. Here's mine for
Murder is a Primary Color. Opinion?
A real Bewitched, Jade Kenion and a Sam Spade wannabe, Lt. James Jeffries of Mayax Law Enforcement, join forces to solve a series of anomalous murders in a post 2012 world.
Perle
Mesmerix says
After reading some of the pitches, I really think the best 1-sentence hooks come from using *specifics* that set your idea off from the rest. You have to be able to tell the who and the conflict precisely.
For instance, here's my Hook:
"A rookie detective investigates a link between homicide case files and confronts the agents of Good and Evil."
Now, I'm not saying it's great or anything, but it's specific about who my protagonist is (a rookie homicide detective) and what the conflict is (there's a killer and supernatural Good vs. Evil things are involved). I don't think a hook needs any more information than who/conflict.
Thoughts?
Tamara Narayan says
One Line Pitch:
A young girl is kidnapped, and instead of destroying her life, the crime saves her and hundreds of others.
One Paragraph Pitch:
When coed JODIE BELAY kidnaps a young girl, FBI agent JOEL DEANGELIS doesn’t stop her. DeAngelis belongs to the Guardian Project—an FBI subdivision that secretly monitors people with ESP who prevent disasters. By taking Melody Miller, Jodie saves the child from dying alongside her father in a horrific car bombing. Nevertheless, the kidnapping polarizes the Guardian Project. While DeAngelis believes Jodie’s ESP will lead them to a stolen cache of explosives, his nemesis demands Jodie’s arrest. Because if it takes a kidnapping to save a child, what crime will Jodie commit to stop a major bombing?
My two paragraph pitch is still three paragraphs–too long to post here. Back to the drawing board.
heather says
These were my one line and two paragraph pitches. Were, because I believe I now have a new main character. Just a switcheroo of two different main characters, but the pitch will read different by the time I finish.
(okay, I was just really excited to post something on here. hopefully it's not super sucktastic!)
~heather
Single mom finds love and excitement when fate leads her into the life and arms of an unusual stranger and his dangerously frightening reality.
Kate is tired of being alone. A single mom of two, her dating life is a joke, and it's getting old until Wyatt, every fairytale's stereotype, walks into her life and sweeps her off her feet. But they've each left out key details of their lives, and things get hairy as Kate finds herself thrust in the middle of the dark secret of his existence.
Enter Nathan, Wyatt's best friend and harborer of his own frightening truth, who comes along just in time to help Kate deal with the circumstances of her new life. Wyatt's past invades his present when Kate's boys are kidnapped and an old love arrives with a warning. The children are now at the center of a centuries old vendetta that started with the controversy surrounding Wyatt's birth. It's up to Wyatt to save the boys, but he'll have the help of his friends and a new ally he never expected.
Steve Anderson says
Great post and comments. Anyone who's had to pitch face to face understands immediately what works and what doesn't. Like any writer I loathe putting these together, but they really do help you tell your tale — and also zero in on weaknesses in your story that might need revision.
Here's one sentence for my historical crime thriller The Liberator:
An American captain in occupied Germany aims to solve a torture-murder but the clues lead him straight to his mentor, a corrupt US colonel.
It's got to be conversational. Try saying it to friends or, worse yet, to strangers — or, gasp, record yourself. It's the worst thing ever, but you'll fix things up real quick after that.
One way to look at it: Your story is a river, with a current heading toward your ending. Everything that rises above water or descends below the river bed are the highs and lows of your story and could be mentioned. The rest, in the water, are all those details you should probably leave out.
An easy way to think of these, if no one's mentioned it before here, is like the jacket blurb(s) on a book.
I could go on — I both loathe and love this topic, but I'll leave others to it.
Thanks for the fine blog,
Steve
Jill says
Aargh! Can't do it! Here's my best shot:
A thirty-three year-old mother of two draws on her strengths to survive being taken hostage in the rainforest of Chiapas, only to find she is utterly unequipped to survive the media’s fascination with her once she returns home.
It sounds like a movie blurb from the back pages of a TV Guide! *grumble*
I'm also participating in Rick Daley's query challenge — I'm finding it much easier to pull a query letter out of thin air than extract a sentence from a novel.
V says
I must be weird. Not only do I like writing pitches, I find them helpful when working on the novel. (They function as a very condensed outline.)
Here are the pitches for my science fiction murder mystery work in progress.
———————–
Dr. Freja Hobarth is an itinerant physician and reluctant spy who gets drawn into a murder investigation.
————————-
Dr. Freja Hobarth, an itinerant physician and a reluctant spy, forgot herself and volunteered information. She proved a murder suspect innocent when everyone assumed he was guilty. Now, she is far from any backup and surrounded by aliens, ill wishers and suspicious persons while being forced to help solve a murder.
—————-
Dr. Freja Hobarth is an itinerant physician, an ex-forensic specialist and a reluctant spy who forgot the first rule of survival. She volunteered. Freja is forced into solving a murder because she proved the main suspect was innocent. Now she is surrounded by aliens, ill wishers and suspicious persons.
Freja's medical ship is impounded until she can help the United Planetary Fleet's Special Inquisitor Xian Brannigan solve a case of murder, false identities, theft and betrayal. Freja must figure out who to trust with the truth, when to tell lies and what secrets should be kept or revealed.
MJR says
this seems to be the zeitgeist today–Betsy Lerner is also inviting people to try out their one-sentence pitches on her blog…
I'm not brave enough yet to do this, but I'll definitely work on it…it forces me to figure out what my novel is really about…
Jacqueline says
One sentence. That’s great advice Nathan. I think I can write one sentence and take it from there. Especially after reading what you did with Jacob Wonderbar. It’s a great example, how you add details and specifics as you move towards the two paragraphs. Loved it! Thank you.
Anonymous says
Thanks for sharing, Nathan. Having 4 names in the 1 and 2 paragraph versions seems a bit outside the suggested box, at least for queries. Is this something you did to provide more detail, or are the pitch and queries addressed at different angles?
Barbara Martin says
This is timely for me as I'm in the process of sending out queries.
Here's my one sentence.
In a quaint little town in the North Cascades, an FBI agent is discreetly investigating a spate of murders, disappearances, and rapes that seem linked to a man whose DNA is not, strictly speaking, human.
Leslie says
The best advice I ever got on constructing a one-sentence pitch came from author Lisa Scottoline, who ran a seminar I attended a couple of years ago. She directed everyone to the NYT book review, which contains a one-sentence summary of every book on the best seller list. I practiced putting my WIP into that format and it worked beautifully.
Rowenna says
This might sound crazy, but I wrote a short pitch/summary before finishing the novel I'm working on now, during the draft stages. Obviously it isn't set in stone, but it does wonders for keeping you focused!
Jayme Allen says
*Gulp* Here's my one-liner for an adventurous MG:
When a dorky neighbor boy gets kidnapped by gorillas, twelve-year old Hannie Bunker only has a few days to rescue him from an evil zookeeper (who has a habit of stealing brainwaves from children).
Nathan Bransford says
anon-
Without naming the characters it becomes difficult to describe who does what in the plot. In my case it's just Jacob and Dexter who get marooned (which is one of the most important plot points), and that's difficult to describe without naming them in the pitch. But if my plot were different I probably wouldn't name everyone because it does make for a paragraph that can be a bit hard to track.
J. T. Shea says
So Jacob goes easy on the regular teachers?
I love writing queries! I could write them all day long. One of my favorite pastimes. Oh, you mean write them and SEND them?
Seriously, I do like summarizing my work, at least for my own sake. It keeps me on track. So here goes. Sort of Shortish Single Sentence Summary (SSSSS):-
'A teenage boy joins a great expedition on an ocean liner, across the monster-infested seas of a little explored planet, and up an immense jungle river, in search of a fabulous lost city.'
The peculiar structure and pushy (but accurate) adjectives are deliberate. Paragraphs coming up!
Portia says
Awesome post! I've been working on mine in preparation for a conference a month from now. The best ones sound like they were so easy to write. Applause to all of those who've shared yours here. Here's my latest version:
A young teacher facing false charges of sexual misconduct seeks safe haven at her aunt's isolated Missouri farmhouse–and finds a stalker waiting.
Ishta Mercurio says
This post has inspired me to work out my pitches for the novel I'm currently focusing my energy on! I'm still working on them (LOTS of outlining going on right now), but in the meantime here's my pitch for a PB for 6-8 yr-olds that I have out on submission at the moment:
When Penelope's huge hair draws unwanted attention, she tries all sorts of things to hide it – until she realizes that focusing on her strengths is a better path towards self-acceptance.
Kathryn Packer Roberts says
How's this?
–When ancient philosophers hid a higher knowlege from the world, did they know Christian Lewis would find out their secret hiding place within his own school library?–
Okay, I still need to work on that =)but great practice exercise!
Ishta Mercurio says
J.T: "SSSSS"
LOL!
Carole says
Although my genre is different from most of your readers, I find the assignment to good to pass up.
One Sentence: Jamie Lake is pulled into a world of intrigue when given the horrible news that an old high school friend has been murdered and she is the only person with a motive.
Paragraph: Jamie Lake is pulled into a world of intrigue when given the horrible news that a dear friend from high school has been murdered. Before she has time to process her feelings, she learns that she inherits her friend’s estate and is catapulted into the number one suspect to the murder. Jamie’s hunt for the murderer stretches her skill set as a pastor’s wife to the brink.
Two Paragraphs: Jamie Lake is pulled into a world of intrigue when given the horrible news that a dear friend from high school has been murdered. Before she has time to process her feelings, she learns that she inherits her friend’s estate and is catapulted into the number one suspect to the murder.
Jamie’s hunt for the murderer stretches her skill set as a pastor’s wife to the brink. In a matter of days she faces two very dangerous enemies who will stop at nothing to keep their secrets safe. As she closes in on the killer, the killer closes in on her.
Kristin Laughtin says
You have a good point on why it's best to craft the one-sentence pitch first. I usually work backward, finding it easier to pare down, then pare down again, until I can capture the essence of the thing in one simple statement. Regardless of which method you choose, it's definitely best to do it soon after writing, so that you always have the pitches ready.
Ben Carroll says
GREAT post. this was tough tough tough. (long comment coming up)
One sentence:
Two boys must shield their unique friendship against one pretty girl, two car crashes, and 26 people dressed like the undead.
One paragraph:
David and Fenton–an unlikely pair—have one last summer together before university, and they’ve got plans for it. But a stolen camera, a pretty girl and some surprising exam results put the one thing they’ve always taken for granted—each other—under threat. They must do what they can in the face of a washed-up novelist, the love of noise-punk, and 26 people dressed as the undead, to decide what matters most to each of them.
Two paragraphs:
David knows painting is easier than people, and Fenton knows impressing people in the easiest thing in the world. Neither of them are quite sure, looking back, how they ended up such close friends. All they know is they have one last summer together before university, and they’re determined to make it count.
But when it kicks off with a car crash, a gap opens up between them. Soon a stolen camera, a pretty girl and some surprising exam results wedge the crack wider, and they are forced to decide how much they really need each other. But it’s hard to think clearly over the clamour of a washed-up novelist, the rise of noise-punk, and 26 people dressed as the undead—not to mention the growing fear that everything will end, like it started, with a car crash.
I thought about adding 'a snapshot of youth, potential and companionship' at the end of the one sentence… thus making it two sentences. not sure.
Luc Reid says
A couple of posters up-page have mentioned the Snowflake method, which also came to my mind as I read this post (which, as with mostly all of the posts here, I was grateful to read: thanks, Nathan!).
For anyone who might not be familiar with it, the Snowflake Method is a pretty popular and intriguing approach to novel writing that starts with a one-sentence summary and expands from there to a paragraph, then a one-page summary per major character, etc. Instead of writing the novel off the cuff, you kind of build it out. It's like making rock candy.
Snowflake Method deviser Randy Ingermanson lays the whole thing out here: https://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/art/snowflake.php
D. G. Hudson says
Thanks for the solid information on crafting pitches in different formats. The simple sentence is the most difficult to write, but can be the most useful tool for marketing our writing.
This post has prompted me to refine my earlier attempts at summarizing my novel. I may be pitching it at a local writers' conference later in the year.