It goes without saying that people hate writing query letters. Loathe! Abhor! Hiss! Some authors feel it is simply beneath their dignity to have to distill the wondrous complexity of their novel to a brief excerpt.
But as has been chronicled in the past on this blog: authors have to summarize their work. Often. Repeatedly. In a wildly diverse array of settings. So much that you start to hate your own book. Okay, not that much. But close!
UPDATED 5/31/19
You have to learn to pitch
Summarizing your work is part of the job description of being an author. You signed up for it the minute you typed “Chapter 1.” (And yes, literary fiction types, you don’t get to sail through on “oh man it’s so complicated but it’s really all about the writing”. You have to pitch too!). Whether it’s pitching a project to an editor, for film, in interviews, in everyday conversation: you’ll basically spend about as much time summarizing and talking about your work as you did writing it.
And yet different situations call for different length of pitches. A query is basically a two paragraph pitch with some query-related detail. But sometimes you’ll want to use a one sentence pitch (for a bio, if you’re into that whole brevity thing), or a one paragraph pitch (for briefly describing in real life conversation when you don’t want someone’s eyes to glaze over).
My feeling: get it all out of the way at once. Save yourself the headache and come up with a one sentence, one paragraph, and two paragraph pitch before you even start to query. Then: practice and memorize your pitches. You never know when you’re going to need them.
Start with the one-sentence pitch
I personally think the best way of going about this is to start with the one sentence pitch: not only is it the hardest to write, it contains the essence of your book. It’s the most crucial arc of your story, with all the other details stripped away – even, sometimes, character names. It can be painful to whittle it down (I don’t even mention the key villain in mine), but utterly, utterly necessary.
Here’s a post dedicated to the one-sentence pitch if you need some help.
You then build around that one sentence pitch and flesh it out with some key details in the one paragraph pitch – maybe the character names, or the most important subplot, or a few quick images that give a sense of the sensibility of your work.
With the two paragraph you have more flexibility to add still more details and can make it a bit more of a story itself.
I did this for Jacob Wonderbar. Here are my pitches (which I have to use very very often):
One sentence pitch
Three kids trade a corndog for a spaceship, blast off into space, accidentally break the universe, and have to find their way back home.
One paragraph pitch
Jacob Wonderbar trades a corndog for a sassy spaceship and blasts off into space with his best friends, Sarah and Dexter. After they accidentally break the universe in a giant space kapow, a nefarious space pirate named Mick Cracken maroons Jacob and Dexter on a tiny planet that smells like burp breath. They have to work together to make it back to their street on Earth where all the houses look the same.
Two paragraph pitch
Jacob Wonderbar has been the bane of every substitute teacher at Magellan Middle School ever since his dad moved away from home. He never would have survived without his best friend Dexter, even if he is a little timid, and his cute-but-tough friend Sarah Daisy, who is chronically overscheduled.
But when the trio meets a mysterious man in silver they trade a corn dog for his sassy spaceship and blast off into the great unknown. That is, until they break the universe in a giant space kapow and a nefarious space buccaneer named Mick Cracken maroons Jacob and Dexter on a tiny planet that smells like burp breath. The friends have to work together to make it back to their little street where the houses look the same, even as Earth seems farther and farther away.
Your turn
And you know? There’s no time like the present! It would be great to have more examples of these different types of pitches: Feel free to share your one sentence, one paragraph and two paragraph pitches in the comment section!
Need help with your book? I’m available for manuscript edits, query critiques, and coaching!
For my best advice, check out my online classes, my guide to writing a novel and my guide to publishing a book.
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Emily Anderson says
I have this strange habit of making books sound unappetizing when describing them. I don't why, so people are pleasantly surprised when they read them? So I don't sound like I'm selling something? Because I like people thinking I'm a quirky nerd? I'm not quite sure, but it makes it very hard to write a pitch. And I used to be a copywriter. I should be able to do this, but I can't, not when it's me I'm selling and I can't rely on personality to fill in the gaps. So thanks for the kick in the pants. I need to figure out how to do this thing I hate with a passion.
treeoflife says
Hi Nathan, it's funny how the little details stick in ones head… I love how you describe Sarah as "chronically overscheduled." Even as my eyes read on into the second paragraph, I kept on thinking about what Miss Overscheduled would be like.
That's a great description.
Bronwyn Scott-McCharen says
Great post Nathan! And yes, whoever mentioned the Snowflake Method was right on! That really helped me with the 1 sentence and 1 paragraph pitch for my WIP.
Here's my 1 sentence pitch: An unassuming young woman watches as Argentina’s Dirty War claims the lives of her closest friends.
Here's the paragraph pitch: Four girls befriend one another at the prestigious Colegio Nacional de Buenos Aires—the radical Julia, the romantic Irene, the outspoken Liliana, and the bookish Victoria. When Julia is killed while agitating for revolution in northwestern Tucumán, the remaining friends are devastated. However, they are unaware that Julia’s death is merely a precursor to the savage violence that is to come. A few months after a military coup, which overthrows the government of Isabel Martínez de Perón, a pregnant Irene and her boyfriend Horacio disappear. Incensed, Liliana decides to speak out against the brutality of the military, while Victoria, fearing for her life in such a climate of fear, remains silent. After Liliana disappears, Victoria leaves Buenos Aires, and only returns in 2005, after more than two decades.
Mary McDonald says
One sentence: Wrongly imprisoned as an enemy combatant, the last thing Mark Taylor wants to do after release is save the life of the bastard who interrogated him, but his ability to see the future means he must, or allow innocent people die as well.
J. T. Shea says
Two shortish paragraphs:-
‘Two great expeditions race across the oceans and jungles of a little-explored planet in search of a fabulous lost city. The Axist Empire sends three thousand trained and disciplined soldiers and airmen in a fleet of giant armed airships, with submarines and armed trawlers as back-ups.
‘A similar number of civilian volunteers from the city state of Usavia race against the Axists, also armed to their proverbial teeth, but with little training and less discipline, as Usavia has no regular army, navy or air-force. What Usavia does have is the 80,000 ton ocean liner Colossus, the boundless enthusiasm of amateurs, lots of ammo, and Jimmy Fort. Sixteen year old Jimmy strives to join the Usavian expedition, stay on it, and survive it. A liner load of trigger-happy lunatics, and they’re the good guys!’
Eric says
Oldfangled
Carl H. Petnoy is old, frail, longing for a retirement that seems will never come, and a werewolf.
Calliopenjo says
Hi Nathan,
You happened upon a subject I need the most help with. Granted these change every time I write them. I hope for the better. Would somebody let me know if they don't sound right?
Here goes:
Sentence: Injured, Empress Belphoebe finds the homestead of a healer, where not only her body heals but her heart heals as well.
Paragraph: Empress Belphoebe of Titilayo left Medaya needing answers. Why were the supplies dwindling? What to do about the slave uprising? Where were the supplies coming from? She flew away to a northern island thought to be uninhabited. It is there she finds the answers to the questions she knows, and the answer to the question only her heart asks.
Two Paragraph: Empress Belphoebe of Titalayo leaves her home on Medaya needing answers to issues of slavery, the dwindling supplies, and where the supplies are coming from.
Before Clarine settles down for the night, she does inventory of her current healing supplies. Upon hearing a noise, she ignores it believing it to be her imagination. Hearing it again, she opens the door to begin her search to find the answer leaning against her door jam. Clarine helps to heal the stranger's wound and at the same time healing the missing part of her heart.
sex scenes at starbucks says
When you're pitching the editor and agent, or chatting them up in the bar, it never hurts to mention what you're working on with the one sentence pitch. The feedback can be invaluable for WIPs.
Here's mine:
A Christian soldier and a Wiccan eco-terrorist fight to stop a crusade over a mysterious, new Holy Land.
Andrea says
The one sentence is hard. My book is two different stories switching off each chapter, then later coming together.
ryan field says
Great post.
I like the once sentence pitch. It's different from a tag line, but once you get it right it could help you write a decent tag line.
Corey says
This was the push I needed. I had lately found myself asked "So what's your book about?" and fumbling around for a reply.
Mike Martinez says
What an interesting exercise! Let's see here…
Sentence: An astronaut on Mars discovers a journal detailing a fantastical alternate universe where sailing ships voyage between planets — a universe that could come crashing down on ours!
Paragraph: An astronaut on Mars makes an improbable discovery — a journal detailing an alternate universe in which sailing ships voyage between planets and alchemy is the science of the day. As the astronaut and her colleagues plumb the journal's secrets, strange events on the Martian surface echo the journal's narrative. Is the journal a herald of an impending clash of universes, and will an ancient evil be freed amongst the chaos?
Two-paragraph: A disgruntled astronaut on a backwater Martian mining colony makes an unusual discovery on the rust-red surface: a journal detailing a fantastical alternate 18th century in which sailing ships voyage between planets and alchemy is the science of the day. In it, she discovers a tale of intrigue, murder and swashbuckling adventure as the HMS Daedalus sails in search of a murderous mad alchemist bent on freeing an ancient Martian from its mystical prison.
Yet as the astronaut and her colleagues plumb the journals secrets and investigate its mysterious appearance, strange seismic events on the Martian surface echo events detailed in the journal. Does the alchemist's scheme reach beyond one universe and into ours? And will heroes from two centuries and two universes be able to stop an ancient evil from being freed?
Anonymous says
Dave, I LOVE your paragraph!
And many others!
(I forgot how middle school is composed of so many embarrassing and silly bodily factors like burping and bubbles! Oh the giggles of my seven year old daughter and her chess club boy-buddy about buggers in the back seat of our car one drive to a tournament (where she gave a twelve year old a run for his money!!))
Wow, this is a GREAT exercise. I'm not going to post mine here, but yes, I start to get it as I play and all the fine examples are very helpful.
Thanks!
Anonymous says
I meant boogers.
Patty says
Here's another shot at mine:
Over-zealously prosecuted as a sex offender for cyberbullying, a teen hiding behind a new identity must risk his anonymity to prevent a classmate from making an even bigger mistake.
Which one do you all like better?
Katt says
Okay, here's an attempt at the one sentence…
Jordan helps people hide and Delia is about to mess things up royally by finding them.
h
J. T. Shea says
Interesting sentences and paragraphs.
Emily White, your short single sentence about Nathadria sounds intriguing. Don’t over-critique it.
Good advice from Steve Anderson. The middle section of my story enfolds on a river, literally! But headed upstream to the source instead of down. Movie director Stanley Kubrick used a similar metaphor, saying that good movie stories have about eight ‘unsinkable units’, maybe two per act.
Eric’s oldfangled werewolf sounds like crotchety fun.
Ishta, my sibilance may be triggered by the snakes in my story. Sea snakes five hundred feet long, to be exact. They swallow sailors, passengers, lifeboats, an airplane and a torpedo, but they don’t actually hiss. Must add hissing…
Lydia Sharp says
Yays! I love sharing. 🙂 Great post! Here is my contribution (and it's not quite polished yet–still a work in progress–so be kind):
One paragraph (sort of)
SUMMER HOAX is a Young Adult (anti)Romance about finding friendship, losing faith, and coping with unrequited love.
The summer between sophomore and junior year, Diana Atkins agrees to play the fake girlfriend of Ben Attillio, a gay classmate who asks her to help protect his "Italian Stallion" reputation until he decides how to come out of the closet. But by the end of their elaborate summer hoax, Diana realizes that the lie has become truth–she's fallen in love with him–and now she must figure out how to endure their planned break-up without it breaking her heart.
Helen DeWitt says
Jonathan Littell says this isn't his job.
Ms. C. says
Nathan,
Does it still count as one sentence if you use a semicolon? 🙂
Here's my attempt:
When a thirteen-year-old girl seeks refuge from an evil emperor by fleeing to a moon colony, she hopes to make some new friends; instead, she makes trouble.
Claire King says
Nathan, thanks. You just did the literary equivalent of breaking a dream. Really. Thanks.
Marilyn Peake says
Very cool that you offered examples of your pitches for JACOB WONDERBAR! I love your writing style, and plan to buy a copy when it’s published. Are you going to have signed copies available for purchase?
Here are my pitches for THE FISHERMAN’S SON, the first novel in my trilogy of middle grade fantasy novels, published by a small indie press:
ONE SENTENCE PITCH:
On the back of a magical dolphin guide, twelve-year-old Wiley O’Mara travels deep beneath the ocean where he finds a map and sword, slays a dragon beast, and rescues six boys trapped within a submerged city of marble and gold.
ONE PARAGRAPH PITCH:
Wiley O’Mara’s mother dies from fever passing through their village while his father’s away on an alcoholic binge. Entering a forbidden forest to find a priest in the neighboring village, Wiley begins a journey that eventually leads to a magical dolphin guide and his own destiny to rescue six boys trapped within an ancient city under the ocean.
TWO PARAGRAPH PITCH:
Wiley O’Mara’s mother dies from fever passing through their village while his father’s away on an alcoholic binge. Entering a forbidden forest to find a priest in the neighboring village, Wiley begins a journey that eventually leads to a magical dolphin guide and his own destiny to rescue six boys trapped within an ancient city under the ocean.
In the forest, Wiley encounters several mythical beings including Lucinda, a beautiful fairy godmother. She offers him a golden goblet inscribed with the words, "Drink deeply by land or sea. Earth comes only once." Showing him visions within an enchanted moonlit lake, she tells him that "Destiny is bigger than what you can understand at the moment," and instructs him to go to the ocean in summer and wait for the dolphin that will recognize the goblet. The scenery and culture of Wiley’s island resemble Ireland at the beginning of the nineteenth century. The ancient city has much in common with ancient Greece and Rome and the legendary Atlantis.
Terry Stonecrop says
I always learn much better by reading examples, so thanks for this.
Rick Chesler says
Absolutely true. My novel debuts on the 25th, and by now I think I've spent more time summarizing it in various formats and dishing out those pre-written summaries than I did writing it (and it took me a looooong time to write).
Erika Robuck says
Someone once told me when I try to write the elevator pitch, pretend I'm at a dinner party describing a movie I'd like to see to the group. It helped tremendously. As did this post. As always.
Phoenix says
Ooh, fun. For my plot-driven near-future thriller, SECTOR C:
Sentence
Cloning Ice Age mammoths and saber-tooth cats for canned hunts seems like a good business venture — until it reintroduces the species-jumping pandemic that wiped out the megabeasts 8,000 years ago.
Paragraph
Triple E Enterprises offers clients the chance to hunt once-extinct animals on the plains of North Dakota. When people and livestock in the area start dying, CDC investigator Mike Shafer and veterinarian Donna Bailey team to find out why. Their search for Patient Zero leads to the Triple E geneticists who have developed a possible cure they intend to sell to foreign interests. To prevent the potentially life-saving research from going offshore, Mike and Donna must face down Triple E's hostile attempts to stop them, a raging wildfire set by arsonists, and a group of panicked megabeasts.
Two paragraphs
Triple E Enterprises offers clients a chance to hunt exotic wildlife on the plains of North Dakota — including the elite package in Sector C: exclusive specimens from the Pleistocene. When people and livestock in the area start dying at an alarming rate, CDC investigator Mike Shafer teams with veterinarian Donna Bailey to find out why. Their search for Patient Zero leads to the Triple E compound where they discover the company is about to capitalize on the pandemic it unleashed by selling a possible cure to a Sino-Pakistani pharmaceutical that doesn't have U.S. interests at heart.
To prevent the potentially life-saving research from going offshore, Mike and Donna must face down Triple E's hostile attempts to stop them, a raging wildfire set by arsonists, and a group of panicked megabeasts inadvertently released from Sector C. But even if they do succeed, it may already be too late.
Elaine AM Smith says
OK – one hour (and a year, or so) later:
Jess strays the wrong side of stalker status, realises the boy she obsesses over belongs to a non-genotypical subspecies and decides, when it comes to love, differences don't matter.
Heidi J. Johns says
Okay…deep breath…here goes…:
ONE SENTENCE:
When the Norse god world collides with a Montana cowboy community, four teens discover that more than just the fate of Yellowstone National Park is at stake.
ONE PARAGRAPH:
When twins Iven and Olivia Taylor show up at Mia Holden’s Montana high school near Yellowstone National Park, they set loose the turbulent world of Norse mythology — a place where gods reign, giants destroy, best friends lie, and worlds end. Oh, and where love between humans and gods is forbidden. Which is a problem. Especially when Mia discovers what her best friend has known his entire life.
TWO PARAGRAPHS:
When twins Iven and Olivia Taylor move to Mia Holden’s Montana cowboy community, not only is the turbulent world of Norse mythology set loose, but Iven and Mia are thrown into a relationship hindered by murderous Frost Giants, jealous Norse gods, and, perhaps scariest of all, High School.
As the end of the Norse god world looms and Frost Giants threaten to destroy Yellowstone National Park, Iven and Mia find that risking their lives is nothing compared to risking their hearts in a place where love between humans and gods is forbidden. Especially as Mia discovers what her best friend, Tait, has known his entire life.
MY FAVORITE (BUT PROBABLY NOT THE BEST) ONE SENTENCE:
Mia’s prince is really a Norse god, and the end of the world is ruining her happily ever after.
****
I'd love to hear any thoughts on these. Thanks!
RB says
What a great post, Nathan. Thanks! You give us all courage.
Here's my stab at the one-sentence spiel…
An extraordinary girl is thrown into a maze of conspiracies when a dark angel believes she's the key to launch the end of days; to survive, she must put her trust in the 1500 year old knight who has haunted her dreams for years.
OK, so it's really two sentences strung together. I cheated – just a little. 🙂
Anna L. Walls says
Ok I know you made a comment just for me yesterday. My email says it's 4 minutes old but I swear, I popped over here as soon as I saw it. 79 people beat me to it – sigh
Sarah Scotti-Einstein says
I'm terribly confused about how to craft these pitches for memoir. Do I use my name as if it were a character name, write it in the first person, acknowledge the genre in the single sentence version?
Kathryn Magendie says
I've finally just taken to saying simply "it's an Appalachian family saga . . ." and if the person who asked "what's your book about" wants more or prompts me for more, then I tell them a little bit more . . . but sometimes really they don't want to know what the book is about, but are just being polite, or sometimes they are really asking "should I buy your book?"
If they are just being polite, the "appalachian family saga" is enough – if they are really asking "should I buy your book" then they'll want more.
Of course, this wouldn't apply to "pitches" but only to general conversations.
It took me a long time to recognize that a little bit goes a long way, that long stuttering explanations of books bores the snot out of me and they bore the snot out of everyone else. 🙂
I really enjoy your blog.
Irene says
This is such a good idea because my book (Sisters on the Fly) comes out next week and I'm finding that most radio and TV producers want a short (paragraph or two) pitch. Nothing long. Nothing elaborate. I dusted off my elevator pitch, added a little and there it is. Useful information. Thank you, Nathan.
Ideas Man, Ph.D. says
Behind Closed Doors (which despite billing itself as literary fiction has a plot)
One Sentence: Everyone thinks they know exactly why Isaac Smith was murdered, but they're all wrong.
One Paragraph: Everyone knew Isaac Smith had it coming to him, but why did he die in such a pedestrian way? He'd gained notoriety for publishing the secrets of the Mormon temple ceremony, dwelling in particular on the gruesome ritual suicide promised by anyone who revealed those secrets. So why the boring bullet-ridden body? Does it have anything to do with his insistence that the real secret of the temple is that there is no secret, that nothing interesting actually happens there? Then why kill him?
Added 2nd Paragraph: In this love triangle disguised as a murder mystery, his best friend Cannon tries to explain why. He also thinks he know why Isaac was killed, but as he explains the story to us, he realizes that he is wrong: journeying through Cannon and Isaac's time as missionary companions, their years at Brigham Young, Isaac's childhood dealing with an absent father who'd been a Mormon bishop before running off with one of his counselors, Faye's grief over her dead brother, and Cannon's inability to fully leave the church he doesn't love, we learn that Isaac's death was the result of totally different forces.
Victoria Dixon says
Thanks for doing this, Nathan. I head to Crested Butte next month and need the practice. This is one of the more succinct descriptions I've found. Here's my first and second pitches:
1. Liu Jie fears for his wife and child after the Emperor calls him to civil war; must he sacrifice his family’s safety for his Empire's survival?
2. MOURN THEIR COURAGE is a historical fantasy set in the Rōn Empire, where ghosts are guides and heroes are traitors. When Liu Jie receives his Emperor’s call to war, he must respond, though all he desires is a safe life with his wife and child. Jie endangers himself and his family as he battles to protect the Empire. When enemies and bitter loss overwhelm him, he faces a terrible choice: must he sacrifice his family for his Empire's survival?
Now off to read some samples and find ways to improve. ;D
Anonymous says
Are you a CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS fan? The tone here for JACOB WONDERBRA seems like it'll appeal to those kiddos.
Carolin says
Alright, have never done this, but here's my first attempt of a one sentence summary of my WIP:
When Emperor Justinian declares war on Italy in the 6th century, the young Gothic noble Teja learns the hard way that his dream of a future where Goths and Romans coexist in peace is in jeopardy.
Mira says
This is really helpful! I love the idea of memorizing pitches, because I write much more fluidly than I speak.
Also, I get nervous, so having something memorized is a great idea.
I like your paragraphs, Nathan. Can't wait for Jacob to come out.
So, in terms of the query – for the record, I don't mind writing queries. They're kind of fun to critique, too. My issues with the query stem from other sources. But I'm still taking the 'best to tread lightly here' approach, so I won't pontificate. It's a great sacrifice. I like to pontificate even more than writing queries.
This really is a very helpful post, well-organized thinking. Thanks!
February Grace says
FIREWORKS FLOWERS
One Sentence: A coffee house manager who aspires to write discovers he’s in love with one of his regulars…half an hour before the scheduled start of her wedding.
One Paragraph: Aidan is ringmaster of chaos (Manager) at a low-priority franchise of Run Aground, a national chain of coffee houses. Between no-show employees and customers from Hell the only bright spot in his life is Emily- shy, sweet Emily who carries a copy of Hitchhiker's in her purse, takes an interest in his stories, and dances in her seat to one secret, specific song on her iPod when she doesn't think anyone is looking. Emily is absolutely perfect…with the exception of the fact that she is marrying the human equivalent of a wolf in sheep’s clothing in less than thirty minutes unless Aidan can find a way to stop her.
Two Paragraphs: Run Aground manager Aidan Flynn's day couldn't possibly get any worse. The fax machine is jammed again, his baristas seem to have lost the last of their tenuous grip on reality and everything in the world feels wrong. His life's gone to Hell for only one reason and it's entirely his own fault; his favorite regular is getting married today because he didn’t have the guts to say the only thing that might stop her.
Following a fateful conversation with a Salvation Army bell-ringer, Aidan realizes he has no alternative; he has to find a way into the fabled Halsey estate and crash the society wedding of the year. If he doesn’t speak now he’ll never be able to face himself tomorrow. Painfully aware of all he has to lose, he wonders how he’ll ever convince the girl who believes she’s nothing special that she deserves so much more than to live out her life in the withering darkness of another woman's shadow.
Vegas Linda Lou says
One sentence:
BASTARD HUSBAND: A LOVE STORY is a humorous account of my first year alone in Las Vegas following a midlife divorce from someone who I thought was my soulmate (until his thirteenth beer) and how I came to perform stand-up comedy for the first time at age 46.
One paragraph:
BASTARD HUSBAND: A LOVE STORY is a humorous account of my first year alone in Las Vegas after a midlife divorce from someone who was the perfect soulmate–until that one drink too many. The book is threaded with reflections of the relationship and shows how I transitioned from anger and sadness to performing stand-up comedy for the first time at age 46. Funny and sad, demented and poignant… all at the same time.
Two paragraphs (okay, it’s really three)
A week after I arrived in Sin City, I attended a divorce support group I found in the local newspaper listed between Cross-Dressers of Las Vegas and Friends and Family of Incarcerated People. (And I thought I had problems.) As I sat among a circle of strangers waiting for my turn to share, I glanced at the Absolutely No Swearing sign hanging from the ceiling and thought, “This will be a challenge.”
“I’m Linda,” I began, “I have no husband, no job, and you people are my only friends.” Everyone laughed at my pathetic truth.
BASTARD HUSBAND: A LOVE STORY is an autobiographical account of my first year alone in Las Vegas following a midlife divorce. Balancing poignancy and edgy humor, I reflect on the troubled relationship that prompted this story and lead readers through a hodgepodge of emotions as vast as a Vegas buffet–from the sadness of a failed union and the questioning of my spiritual convictions to the thrill of exploring the Vegas neon nightlife and the triumph of performing stand-up comedy for the first time at age 46.
Jennifer Swan says
Hi Nathan,
Here goes:
In 1950, a farm wife walks into a vast Wisconsin cornfield and has a spiritual vision that sparks a pilgrimage of 100,000 – against the wishes of the Catholic Church.
Terrific post!
– Jennifer Swan
Liz says
Here's what I came up with, although I'm not sure I could easily spit out the two paragraph pitch…
One sentence: Three kids from California go on a backpacking trip in the mountains and end up on a quest with Merlin’s daughter.
One paragraph: Jess is on a backpacking trip in California when she is literally blown away. She wakes up next to her sister Piper and a teenage boy named Will. They’re surrounded by standing stones, but Jess is pretty sure they’re not in England when they’re attacked by reptilian wolves. Searching for help, they stumble on Moonstone Castle and find themselves on a quest with Merlin’s daughter.
Two paragraphs: Twelve-year old Jess has heard of Merlin, but she’d rather read about horses than King Arthur. If you told her she was about be torn away from a backpacking trip in California and flung into the aftermath of a spell cast by Merlin’s son, she’d look at you like you were crazy. If you said she’d be stuck on this adventure with her little sister and a teenage boy, you’d see the biggest eye-roll of your life. The part about getting lost in a strange land where she’d have to fight wolves, giant bats and maybe even a dragon would get her attention though
From a granite slab where she’s hanging out with her sister, Jess is literally blown away. She wakes up next to her sister Piper and a kid named Will, who joined them just before they vanished. They’re surrounded by standing stones, but Jess is pretty sure they’re not in England when they’re attacked by reptilian wolves. Searching for help, they stumble on Moonstone Castle, befriend Merlin’s daughter Sela, and discover a society where girls rule, boys serve, and everyone bonds with a horse. Jess gets the horse the teen queen covets and she and her friends are exiled to the mountains, where Sela leads them on a quest to find a magic stone.
Liz says
By the way, Isn't it hard to say "sassy" with a straight face?
traceybaptiste says
Do not stop writing novel to come up with 1 sentence pitch just so you can participate in cool pitch-sharing blog post.
Don't. Don't do it! Finish novel first!
Margie says
My one sentence:
At four ft. nine (when he stretches), 86 pounds (at the end of the day and soaking wet), but armed with a quick wit, 15-year-old Bixby Darwin isn't your typical hero, but then Cypher, Indiana isn't your typical town.
Amy Sue Nathan says
I've been working on this! It's not 100% but I'm getting there.
When Daisy, a snarky, multi-pierced, California-bred college student finds the East Coast, starched and pressed father, step-mother-from-vegetarian-hell and preppie younger brother who don’t even know Daisy exists, she must choose between the life she knows and the one she thinks she always wanted.
Tambra says
Hi everyone,
Apologies if my response is late. I've just finished taking my finals today.
I have pitched to editors in person and all have been very professional and gracious.
Now that I have a completed YA novel and have pitched face-to-face and online, I figure I can pitch anywhere. I try to remember the KISS rule: Keep it simple stupid.
Not sure if I pulled it off, but here's mine for a 12k historical paranormal romance:
For my historical paranormal romance, A Cursed Heart.
One sentence:
Can a Druidess and a cursed wolf-shifting warrior find true love?
One Paragraph:
Tani's visions of a warrior haunt her. The last one differs from the rest by engaging all of her senses. The gods have chosen her to find the warrior and heal him of his curse. Evil abounds in the village and Tani is the target.
Two Paragraph:
Tani is one of the few mortals chosen to undertake a dangerous journey given the Celtic gods. Before she embarks on this mission, she must escape two women in the village who want her dead. Tani enters the sacred grove
and her life is threatened their most holy place.
Finally, Tani begins her task set by the gods and sails for Manannan's Isle.
The meeting with Owein, the warrior of her dreams doesn't go as planned. Owein's brother wants him dead and Tani can't break, Cernunnos, The Lord of the Animals, curse on Owein.
Best,
Tambra Kendall/Keelia Greer
Katny M. says
Thanks for the help Nathan. This is my one-liner, and so on. I would appreciate any opinions.
One-Liner: Teens experience the right-of-passage where the perfect vacation begins with romance when one teen uncovers a world of secrets, two-hundred-year-old legends, botched lab experiments, a sinister tycoon, vampires and weresharks all thriving on an island in Hawaii.
One-Paragraph: Tommie Lanier uncovers secrets while vacationing with her brother and friends. Her adventurous nature sends her spiraling into her geneticist brother’s world on the island of Maui where his top-secret discovery of immortality brings her face to face with love and danger. As she stumbles deeper into the mythical world, she finds her choices are leading her in a direction she is not ready for. Will Tommie find her way back home?
Two Paragraph: After high school graduation, Tommie Lanier, her twin brother, and their friends celebrate by vacationing in Maui with their elder brother, Adam, who is immersed in top-secret research. Because of her sleuthing nature,her troubles begin the first day she steps foot on the island with sightings of strange animals and unique gardens.
While there Tommie has her first encounter with romance, only to find he is the result of Adam’s successful experiments. The mythological stories that have been told for centuries come to life before her eyes as the legendary creatures and spirits of Hawaii wreak havoc in order to protect the islanders from the unnatural blunders that are now loose on Maui. Tommie finds she is immersed in a life she can’t seem to find a way out of, and the only thing that makes sense to her is the demi-god she is now in love with.
Tricia says
Nathan you're really good at this. Do you want to write mine?
One sentence: Jeremiah's life is changed because of a prophecy, but it isn't about him.
One paragraph: Jeremiah is born a peasant into a medieval world with a strict caste system. A misdirected prophecy gives him the chance to train as a scribe for the king. It alters his life and puts him the hands of Darrah, a magician who compels him to risk his life to find scrolls that will make her spells permanent while all other magic remains temporary. He has to obey or find a way to overcome her control.
Two paragraph: Jeremiah is born a peasant into a medieval world with a strict caste system. A misdirected prophecy gives him the chance to train as a scribe for the king. It alters his life and puts him the hands of Darrah, a magician who who compels him to risk his life to find scrolls that will make her spells permanent while all other magic remains temporary.
Luckily, Jeremiah has three friends to help him, but they have their own agendas. One needs a favor that could kill Jeremiah. The second will betray him to the king. The third leaves when love starts to blossom between them. To save his own life, Jeremiah must get the scrolls or break free of Darrah's power. Either way he has to succeed before the Headmaster finds a way to have Jeremiah thrown out of the scribe guild.
Rick Daley says
Here's a one-sentence and a one-paragraph pitch for RUDY TOOT-TOOT:
A little boy who was born on a bean farm can fart with hurricane force, and he needs to find the right time and the right place to use his talent to save his family’s home.
Rudy Toot-Toot has a special power, almost like a super-hero: he can fart. It comes natural when you’re born on a bean farm. The problem is that Rudy can’t control the timing or the force behind his special gift. It gets him into a lot of trouble at home and school, and after one monstrous blast scares all the Beanheads away from the Toot-Toot Bean Market, it’s up to Rudy to find a way to lure the customers back, or the bank will take away their home.