Every writer I know, whether they’ve written one novel, two novels, or twenty-five novels, at some point had to deal with the “Am I crazies” before they found publication.
You probably know what I’m talking about: the “Am I crazies” are that feeling you get where you’re spending so much time writing a novel or multiple novels, your friends and family are wondering what you’re doing, and you have no idea whatsoever whether you will ever see publication. You could be spending your hours writing the great American novel or you could be writing something that will only be read by your critique partners. No way of knowing. That’s when you stare at the ceiling and wonder, “Am I crazy for spending so much time doing this?”
The “Am I Crazies” are a natural result of writing a novel without having any idea whether the novel will find its way to publication, which is… you know, every novel by an unpublished author. This feeling can also be a pernicious, crippling force for some writers as they struggle with self-doubt and try to keep going without knowing what the future will bring.
So. How do you deal with the “Am I crazies” and keep yourself writing?
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Art: Edvard Munch – Melancholy
PV Lundqvist says
Passion. If I don't 'have to' tell a story, life, family, work, doubt, the four Horsemen of Another-thing-to-do would overwhelm me.
That's why I could never write to catch a fad or fancy, I have to write for me. I need to see it finished.
abc says
I tried writing screenplays for a few years (in my twenties) and decided I was crazy and gave up and moved on. Perhaps I'll do the same with fiction writing, but I haven't tried hard enough yet (and truth be told I didn't with screenplays either–I just really didn't want to be another wannabe screenwriter. Too depressing). YA is what I thought I would do since 8th grade so I finally decided to give it a try. If after 10, 000 hours there is no payday, well, I'll always have my blog. And, like, Kiersten, M&Ms. I prefer the peanut butter variety.
Sarah says
I read this true story of this man who wove baskets each day and b/c he couldn't get them to market, he destroyed the baskets at the end of each day and started over the next day (K. Norris). Publication can't be the only goal; creating for the sake of creating must exist too. My story is my basket that I'm not sure will survive at the end of the day.
Eva Ulian says
I Twitter, and drown my sorrows with fellow Twitterers- or facebook pals
AndrewDugas says
Talk about a no brainer! NOT WRITING results in a worse craziness, so really, writing is the lesser of two evils.
Jen says
I just keep on keepin on. I may be crazy, but I'm hoping that sooner or later, someone will appreciate my particular brand of crazy enough to publish me anyway. And if they don't, well…at least I've tried my best to live my dream.
That said, I will admit that I have an incredibly supportive spouse and extended family. They don't think that what I'm doing is stupid, or a waste of time, or just a "hobby" (meant in a detrimental way). They may be as deluded as I am LOL, but they believe in me. That makes all the difference.
It also helps to get really postive feedback from fellow writers, which helps prop me up when I start thinking I have no talent, no skill, and no business trying to get published.
Alpha Otter says
I'm head-long into writing my first novel (on the second draft, wrote the first draft over the course of a couple years) and sometimes the "Am-I-Crazies" do eat at me. Should I keep doing this, or should I invest my time in something else? The story itself continually lures me back to the keyboard. I'm completely in love with the story I'm writing, and I'm eager to tell it in a way that will do it justice. That helps me not get impatient or rush the work. Even though I've never been published, and even though the publishing world may use my manuscript to decorate their offices with crudely folded origami animals, I can't wait to finish the novel. I dream about getting published, of course, but I'm equally as excited about reading the final version of the story and seeing it all come alive before my eyes the way it should. So I keep writing.
My Inconvenient Body says
I have found justifications other than publication for my hours spent writing (and yet publication is still very nice and all)
T. Anne says
I'm masochistic that way.
RebeccaRose says
I take a writing workshop, I read a book on editing, I take a small brake to get perspective. What is life if you can't follow your dream.
Thomas Burchfield says
AndrewDugas is right for me: not writing is not much of an alternative, though I get my share of the Crazies (and am feeling them now). It's what I do best in my life and so I keep doing it. (Though I expend my talent in other directions, such as my Red Room web page, where, this week, I satirize the "pork barrel spending" controversy . . . and boy ain't that a lame segue.
Ken says
Rockin' post, Nathan.
Here's what works for me — I remind myself that success at just about anything invariably requires two things: hard work & sacrifice.
What makes it hard for writers is the solo nature of it.
In my work life, I make video games, which takes tons of hard work and sacrifice from my whole team — but we're all doing it together, so we (usually) don't spend much time wondering if we're all collectively crazy. (We are, btw).
With my writing, there's a lot more opportunity (say those hours before the sun comes up…) to question my sanity.
Outside validation helps, naturally. Got a great agent last year, which is cool.
Now I just wonder if HE was crazy for taking me on 😉
Ken
lora96 says
Your timing is impeccable. Just this morning I was trolling the internet for agents to query. Reading bio after bio of too-pretty women in statement jewelry and men posed in alternately sporty or mug-shot stances, stating that "[NAME] is interested in high-minded, upscale literary fiction and thrilling crime novels" (neither of which I am attempting to sell), I experienced a near-frantic episode of Am-I-Crazies. The answer, sadly, yes. I am probably pixilated to attempt this, but I am also determined.
Jeffrey says
Nathan,
Your guest blogger, the editor Victoria Mixon (www.victoriamixon.com) blogged the other day about reasons to write. She asked was it for love or money?
I’ll answer your question the same way as I answered hers. I told her that I’d married for love, and believed I had it. But I ended up divorced anyway. I’d worked hard for money, and frequently did well at it. But I ended up broke. And ever since I was a teenager (before, during and after both love and money) I ignored my urge to write.
One day the love ran out; and the money ran out on a different day. But I am sure, no matter what, I’ll never run out of words.
So for me now, in this part of my life, I ain’t writing for love, and I ain’t writing for money. I’m writing because I have to write. I can’t stop it, and I don’t want to stop it. I just want to be as good at it as I possibly can.
Maybe I’m ‘crazy,’ now I like this ‘crazy’ much better!
lora96 says
I also use eating and distraction to stave off fears of encroaching madness–I make a killer cheesecake, and I am currently level 60 on Mafia Wars. If that ain't a time-sucking distraction, I don't know what is.
Julie Butcher-Fedynich says
1. I critique for other writers.
2. I try to lift their spirits.
3. I run #wordathon on twitter. (At least I know I'm not the only one.)
AM Riley says
Once a month there's a "two-for" sale at the corner liquor store. I stock up.
nah.
I don't cope. I whine, freak out, argue with my dogs, obsessively blog and generally drive everyone around me crazy. Occassionally I corner someone and make them listen to my plot problems.
I AM crazy. There's no question about it.
PurpleClover says
So Nathan is caught up, wrote a "You Tell Me" post which he's notorious for commenting seldom within, AND isn't reading the guest blog emails which the winner has to be chosen by Friday (indicating he'll do them in the evening). This can mean several things, but I'm going to take a stab and read between the lines (cause that is what I do) and say he's working on a gigantor deal! Major major major deal. Big bucks. Happy Happy Happy major deal with big bucks.
And that is how I procrastinate and avoid the "Am-I-Crazies"…but that probably just proves how crazy I really am. Well here's to hoping Nathan's working on a gigantor deal right now!
Writeaholic says
I don't think I'm crazy but my family does — mostly my father, who thinks that it's simple — you write a novel and send it to a publisher and voila — it's published!
I spent a good half-hour the other day disabusing him of this misapprehension, outlining the whole process from first draft to revision to search for agents, to polishing a query and sample chapters, to submitting said query, to rejection, to resubmission and hopefully, an offer of representation, and then a sale at the end of the long line. I'm still at the search for an agent and polishing query stage. Sigh.
Steph Damore says
A couple of you guys have said how important "finding balance in life" is.
I'm not good at that. At all.
I have an obsessive personality. When I want to write, I write. Or I obsess about wanting to write until I can.
It's not just writing either. It's whatever my brain is focused on at the time – applying to PhD programs, balancing my check book, reading a book. I think I'm very selfish in this way. I don't like it when others dictate how I should spend my time.
And family members wonder why my husband and I don't have children?
SM Blooding says
There are some GREAT comments in here! Um, me? Uh, I…I've been informed that I wear my rose colored glasses and that I'm too optimistic and that I'm insane…well, there's more. I'll stop there.
Really, though, this is who I am. I have all these voices in my head, scenes that no one else sees. If I don't write, I am a VERY cranky (others have called me MUCH worse) woman. My boss will even ENFORCE a mandatory lunch hour so that I CAN write.
*shrug* I hope I'll get published some day, but if I don't…my kids can sell them when I'm dead. There's always that.
Lori Benton says
I'm unpublished. I've completed three novels, am about to start another. Facing the challenge of new historical research, knowing how hard this is going to be, I've been dealing a lot lately with the "Am-I-Crazies." I know it'll pass. Before too long I'll have a day when something totally unplanned and unexpected but So Perfectly Right will make it from my brain to the screen, and floating along on that high I'll look out at the rest of the non-writing world and wonder "Are-They-Crazy?"
sally says
Crazy? Of course I'm crazy. It's the only way to be. The trick is to convince others that THEY are the crazy ones.
I've noticed that non-writers seem to have somewhat of an 'oooo…you're a writer?!?' thing, so that's enough reinforcement for me. I'm happy to go about my insanity while others think I'm completely contructive.
Sharon A. Lavy says
Yeah. I'm crazy. I am well past the denial stage. =)
R Elland says
I keep writing for the same reason I buy at least one lottery ticket a week.
If I don't write the book I KNOW I won't be published. And I do want to be published some day. Will it happen?
I don't know. But I certainly won't be if I don't make the effort to work at my writing, work to improve, and continue.
(Of course there are times I think that I'll win the lottery sooner, but that's when I bear down and push forward with my writing.)
Anna C. Morrison says
I try to stop writing, but the characters won't allow that. They will let me rest, but then I'm nudged to complete their stories whether or not they ever see another person's eyes. I don't really have a choice. I agree that chocolate does help. And coffee.
Tom Bradley Jr. says
Being prone to crises of confidence when writing (as in, Yes, I AM crazy for doing this), I realize that what I am doing provides an outlet for the voices in my head. That helps, as does plenty of beer.
Memoirs of a Bulimic Black Boy says
I would have to say today the answer to the "Am I Crazy" question would be yes. Being as it is 105 degrees here in Seattle and six months ago I chose to leave my nice air conditioned corporate job to write in my less than nice non-a/c house.
Victoria Mixon says
I become a Writing Mummy and spend a day wondering which limb is going to fall off next.
https://victoriamixon.com/2009/07/10/returning-from-the-dead/
Then I pick myself up and go back to running with the chipmunks.
https://victoriamixon.com/2009/07/13/running-with-the-chipmunks/
Hope this helps!
Victoria
Firefly says
I never talk to my mother about my work.
Or my sister….
Or pretty much any family member…
Wendy says
I'm just so glad to find out it's not just me. Well, phew!
I deal with it by reminding myself that plenty of other Mum's/friends/family members have things they do just for themselves that take up huge amounts of their time and there's no reason I should feel bad for having something that means so much to me. I'm lucky.
I write because I feel bad if I don't and I tell stories that I really want to read. It's a huge gift to myself to be able to immerse myself in this world with these wonderful people and watch them evolve and change as I work on the story and improve it. It's way too much fun to let guilt and fear get in the way.
KC Neal says
I'm sure this will happen to me at some point… but then again, maybe not. When I'm doing something I truly enjoy, for the pure fun of it, there's no need to wonder if it's a valid use of my time and energy. 🙂
Christy Corp-Minamiji says
The question in my head is less often "am I crazy," (that one was answered long ago)but more typically "who am I to even try this." I need to be cautious when reading articles or posts by or about struggling MFAs. 20 years ago, I sensibly stepped off of the creative writing path and into the muck and mire (literally) of veterinary medicine. Now, I struggle with the feeling that I turned my back on the writing world, and am unworthy for readmission.
The problem is that for me, as for so many of those that have commented here, I must write. I spent years ignoring my tendency to narrate the world around me, and avoiding even a pen and notebook. Guys, I'm here to tell you, it's not worth the pain. Writing may be time-sucking, exhausting, and ego-crushing, but dodging it kills the soul.
My poor little gestating novel is so mutilated at this point (second re-write, endless drafts) that the notion of querying is a warm, fuzzy dream, but it drags me back to the computer daily. Sometimes its louder than my kids.
If my characters refuse to behave,or if the insecure mutterings get to loud, I put them all in "time-out" and go for a run.
Laurie says
I tell myself there are worse hobbies. I could veg out in front of the TV or play video games. Instead I am happy creating a whole world. I never ask myself whether it's crazy to knit, so I try not to ask myself if I'm crazy to write.
Great post, Nathan! I think every unpublished writer grapples with this question.
Daphne says
How about Tarot cards or Gypsies? Those are a heck of a lot more entertaining than worrying about publication. The way I figure, I love to write, will always write, and if I get published, then that's going to be the hot sauce on my burrito! (Hmmm…must be dinner time)
ryan field says
Blogs like this one help. When you see other people doing the same thing you're doing, you don't feel as crazy anymore.
Jen C says
Hmmm. I guess since I've always been crazy, writing doesn't feel all that different to normal. You know, in the way that some people might think reading the dictionary is crazy, whereas I think it's just a cracking good read. 😉
Plus, everyone I know is very supportive of me and my writing, so I don't get the "what the heck are you bothering with that for?" vibe from anyone. I think my friends and family would be more concerned if I started acting normally. Are there un-insane asylums, where people go to get denormalised? That's where they'd send me.
I'm rambling, aren't I? D'oh.
Genella deGrey says
I write because I'm crazy.
LOL
G.
susiej says
Whenever I think it may be best to move on- clean the house, drag out the forgotten running shoes, have lunch with a friend I haven't seen for a while- I do all that and even go to bed on time. And after a few head clearing days, the characters start talking again, the scene begs to be rewritten. And I start anew.
Botanist says
I keep reminding myself what a milestone it was just to have completed a novel in the first place! It's amazing how many people say "You've written a book? Cool!" no matter that it's not published.
Plus, I've left my heroine surrounded by seriously pissed-off bigwigs after her first venture and I can't really leave her like that, can I?
Jil says
When I was a child I would go to bed, burrow under the covers and conjure up a daydream until I fell asleep and sank into real dreams. I never sleep without dreaming.
Now,when I write, it's like being under those covers; safe in my own world and walking in other moccasins.Instead of Crazies I am inclined to suffer from the Guilts. Am I selfish to spend hours each day in another life when there is so much I should be doing in this one? Only one success would surely prove to "Them" that what I do has worth.
'Til then I forget my guilt by continuing to hide under my computerized covers.
Adam Heine says
I once again evaluate if I am spending an appropriate amount of time on my "real" responsibilities. Assured of that, I write some more.
Terry says
Toast and tea.
Amy Cochran says
I've not had to deal with the "Am I crazies" where writing is concerned. To be honest, I wish I had more time to spend on my novel. I often just don't have it. As the President of a greyhound adoption group with thirty-five dog kennel, a pack of my own, plus wildlife rehabilitation; my time is extremely limited. Right now, we are in "on season" with wildlife rehab and the adoption group is on fire as well. As a result, writing is a passion that serves as my escape. My volunteers are pushing me to finish my novel and have even stepped up their volunteerism to help me achieve this goal. Still, all my time seems to go elsewhere.
Reba says
I have one friend who not only reads my raw work, she demands more. So I figure if I never publish a thing, I will at least have made two people happy in the process. After that, I figure my belief I will get published is a fine delusion and therefore worthy of feeding.
verification: padst – the motion thy cat makest as it doth tread the boards.
Imagyst says
I always get that, especially when I attempt to talk to normal people about my stories….
but then I remember that I'm writing because there's several voices inside me that need to be written just so they're real, and there is one very, very, (obsessed) reader that I'm writing for. Me.
I write because I need to know how the story ends. And because maybe, someday, some one else will want to know how it ends too. That usually kills the crazies.
If not… I threaten to sacrifice a character so they'll leave me alone.
Mystery Robin says
Have people read a page or a chapter.
Let my husband take a look at it and tell my I have talent.
Send my critique partner a chapter.
Enter a contest.
Post at critique circle.
Then remind myself that I'll never know for sure till I finish and submit to agents.
And keep first thing first so I haven't sacrificed anything I shouldn't have.
Dara says
Family support. It's especially helpful when my younger sister (and my best friend, besides my husband) is a writer too, and we can support one another by sharing our triumphs and our difficulties.
And we both know that even if we don't get published, we at least have each other's books to read 🙂
Tamara Hart Heiner says
amen to what Christina said! Denial! I simply could not believe that what I was writing would not one day see publication. Still, the thought of starting other novels, revising, finishing them, just so that maybe they could be read by my posterity brought a lump to my throat.
I remember vowing that I would never stop submitting until someone accepted it…but deep down there was this feeling like, "But if no one accepts it…maybe it's because it's not any good."
That thought brought about despair. To think I'd pursued this dream with no return, that perhaps I really had no talent as a writer at all–because if I did, someone would want me–that was terrible. I wondered for how long I'd submit my manuscript before giving up. And I wondered how I'd give up. Because a writer can't simply cease to write.
So. Denial. That's the only way to deal with it.
Lucy says
The voices in my head won't let me quit. 😉
Seriously, I have a couple of inspirational quotes of poetry that I have posted where I can read them every day. My favorite seems to be anonymous: I cannot find the author.
"Work on with patience, though thy toil be slow, Yet day by day thy edifice shall grow.
"Believe in God – in thine own self believe – All thou hast desired thou shalt achieve."