UPDATE: VOTING IS CLOSED!
Ladies… gentlemen… Chris Harrison…
This has been an incredible journey. I can honestly say this has been the hardest decision of my life, and it just kills me to have to decide who gets to stay… and who has to go home. I really hate to say goodbye to these amazing paragraphs, but I had to look inside my heart and find the first paragraphs I really connected with on an emotional level. Thank you to all of you for being here tonight.
(deep breath)
I only have 7 roses to give out tonight.
But first, let me discuss with the camera in a pained voice some of the things that helped me make my decision.
While I met over 600 beautiful women er, paragraphs in the course of this journey, some of them just weren’t in it for the right reasons. Here are some of the things I was looking for, and a few of the reasons some of the paragraphs did not receive a rose this evening (besides the fact that some of the paragraphs had shotgun-wielding fathers).
I crave originality. When establishing a world in a first paragraph, it is so so so important to avoid cliches and sentence crutches. One easy way of telling if you’re using one of these is to run a “find” in the comments section for key phrases in your paragraph. For instance, Chris, I hate to single these lovely paragraphs out but the phrase “the last thing X expected” was used five times.
Also, trust is just so important in a relationship, and I really had a lot of respect for the first paragraphs who trusted me as a reader. Some of the paragraphs who will not receive roses tonight had too many redundant words of emphasis. When they said something unexpected, they followed up with superfluous emphasis, as in “No, really.” or “Literally.” or “Seriously.” or “I’m not talking about this, I’m talking about THIS” You have to trust the reader to recognize when something is surprising, and if you do have to qualify it, it means you probably could have written it better the first time.
Lastly, I found myself attracted to first paragraphs who didn’t try too hard — they didn’t try too hard to be literary, and they weren’t too chatty. A healthy middle ground is simply amazing.
(another dramatic pause — have I mentioned the candles??)
The first rose…. goes to MAY VANDERBILT.
Let me tell you — it took hours and hours to go through the entrants to pick finalists, and I seriously cannot thank May enough for her help. For the love of all things Bachelor, please subscribe to Good Girl Lit, buy THE BOOK OF JANE, and express your appreciation to May — this was a tremendous task, and the mere thought of trying to choose finalists without May gives me hives. Not that I get hives. Moving on.
Now for the finalists in the Largely Indispensible First Paragraph Challenge…
IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER…
The second rose…. goes to Sophie W.:
Oh no, it’s some kind of infestation, Rosemary thought, prodding the ground with her boot. Next to the barn were several fist-sized holes, just big enough for rats, or worse, imps. She hated imps. They were always getting into the larder and causing a fuss.
The third rose…. goes to eric:
There’s this girl I’ve never met that I know everything in the world about. Well, most everything. Not the big stuff, I guess. Like what she prayed about when she would cry at her bedside or whether she really believed those prayers might get answered. And I never knew all of the reasons for the crazy shit she did, but hey, who really does? I did know other stuff though. The real freaky-deaky shit. Like how she would crack open her father’s disposable razors with a pair of pliers she kept stashed behind her dresser and how she’d slice herself up. Sometimes I think she left her window blinds open that way just so somebody, anybody, me–a guy she never met–would know. Not that she was some kind of attention whore. Just about everybody is some kind of attention whore. Not Scissors, though. And I could testify in court to that, since, I’m like, some kind of authority on the girl.
The fourth rose…. goes to CC:
Brooklyn didn’t know very much about me. Actually, the girl knew surprisingly little, which was exactly what I needed in a friend. She didn’t ask intrusive questions and I didn’t have to lie or have my heart pound while I searched for acceptable answers. She wasn’t into meaningful conversation and heartfelt talks. She was light, snappy, and never depressed. And most importantly, she wasn’t my responsibility.
The fifth rose…. goes to Emily Ryan-Davis:
Life inside a piano isn’t all knitting cobweb sweaters and napping. It’s dangerous. Every time a clumsy student flings himself at the bench and bangs on the ivories, just to see his fingers walk across the black and whites, I face death. The action’s unpredictable. If I’m in the wrong place at the wrong time, I could lose my head.
The sixth rose…. goes to Aden:
He was short and skinny, shorter than the others, and never wore a shirt when he ran. His thin arms flailed as he kept ahead of us and we all wondered how. He was so fast. But mostly we watched the bouncing scars on his back and thought about how he got them. We called him the Wizard. It was because of his hair, wild black mass with a white shock hanging in the front. That’s how I thought of him. The Wizard. I wish I knew what names they had given him but I never asked. Between us, there was an unspoken rule: everything would remain unspoken.
Chris Harrison: “Paragraphs, Bachelor… this is the final rose this evening.”
The last and final rose…. goes to Regan:
The great flaw in the system was that some of the Children remembered what it felt like when they were taken. It was impossible to tell who would remember–temperament, age, gender, none of them seemed to matter. The flaw persisted despite all of the technicians’ attempts to eradicate it. In rare cases a Child, newly imprinted, would awaken at odd hours of the night, crying for reasons she couldn’t explain or shaking with a nameless dread and a desperate feeling that something wasn’t right.
Chris Harrison: “Paragraphs, Bachelor…. If you did not receive a rose this evening, please take a moment.. and say your goodbyes.”
IF YOU RECEIVED A ROSE TONIGHT: please e-mail me at nb@cbltd.com — you are entitled to a query critique. I know some of you don’t need a query critique because you’re all agented and everything, but we’ll figure something to properly reward your awesomeness so e-mail me anyway.
Now is the time for voting. Here are the procedures:
In the comments section of THIS POST, please vote for your favorite paragraph. Anonymous votes will not be counted, so please either sign in to Blogger or use your real name. Please do not openly campaign for yourself or others on the Internet or via e-mail (this is a meritocracy), and irregular voting activity will be monitored and mercilessly punished.
Thank you so much to everyone who entered — I really appreciate that everyone put themselves out there by entering, the response was seriously overwhelming. And trust me, it was ridiculously difficult to pick finalists — there were many close calls and tough decisions.
What an amazing journey.
Laura says
Congratulations to all. Great choices, it was tough choosing just one. My vote goes to Emily Davis-Ryan.
jessie says
I vote for Regan. They are all pretty fantastic, though. It was difficult to choose.
Melanie Avila says
Wow, what a tough decision! My two favorites are Emily and Regan. I’d keep reading both, and while Regan’s seems more like my type of book, I’m voting for Emily. Very well written and I want to know about that spider.
Nathan and May, kudos for all your hard work and I love the presentation this morning.
stakingmyclaim says
CC!
Congrats to all finalists.
TiffinaC says
Pick One? No, seriously? I cannot decided between CC and Aden… they are both wonderful openings.
The Wizard is gonna have to take this one.
Sorry CC, but I loved it all the same.
Julie K. Rose says
Very creative, all of them, but I like Regan’s the best.
amanda h says
I vote for Sophie W. and the imps.
Karen Duvall says
I vote for Eric. Can I just say “fabulous!”?
Maria says
Hi, there…
I have no idea what this was or what in the heck people are voting for. But it sounds fun, and I’m hoping there will be another “bachelor-writing-rose-voting-thingy” that I can particpate in next time. I’ll keep my eye out!
Maria
http://www.jubileeonearth.com
WandererInGray says
Congrats everyone!
My votes for Sophie W – I want to know about the imps. 😀
K
Angela says
It was a tough choice between Regan and CC. CC’s was the best well-written but Regan’s premise intrigued me just a lil bit more, …so,I vote Regan!
Mrs. Revis says
eric. It was beautifully written.
Marlene Dotterer says
I have a tie! What do I do?
Emily…Regan…Emily…Regan…
Both of them make want to continue reading. So if either of these becomes actual books, will someone let me know?
Okay. I’m closing my eyes and pointing:
Regan! (I’m partial to SF and it sounds like SF)
eric says
Emily Davis-Ryan
What a wonderful opening.
R.C. says
I vote for Aden.
Nathan, you say that the entrants are “all agented and everything.” Isn’t this like a married women going on the bachelor? Just saying.
Thanks for the great fun, and congrats to all the nominees!
R.C.
otherkatie says
I vote for Emily Davis-Ryan.
Jen says
Nathan,
You made me believe you cared!! *sniffle* I just…I just don’t understand what I did wrong!!
But I’ll be fine. I refuse to cry over this.
*lip quivers*
It’s your loss!
*Turns away from camera, shoulders shaking as I try to hold back my tears*
It wasn’t supposed to be like this!
Okay, seriously, I vote for Emily. (g)
SaraMerrick says
Emily Davis-Ryan.
Nathan, your blog is always entertaining, fun and full of helpful information. Thank you for making me LOL day after day.
Robert says
I have to vote for Regan. The opening was decent and it makes me want to see what happens next.
Josephine Damian says
There were many well written pargraphs that I passed over because the plot was too similar to a book I’d seen before.
Regan’s reminded me of “Never Let Me Go” by Kazuo Ishiguro, JMO.
But congrats to all the rose holders!
stephanie f says
tough call…
…but i’m going to go with eric’s paragraph.
Tom Judah says
Once again, many thanks to Nathan and May!
I gotta go with Aden and the Wizard.
Tom
Lauren says
I’m going with CC. Though I have to say that all of them make me want to keep reading.
sylvia says
I did like these — all excellent. The one I want to keep reading right now is Eric’s stalker.
Danita Cahill says
My vote goes to Sophie W. and her imps fussing up the larder. I mean, what are imps? For that matter, I’m not even sure I know what a larder is, but both sound intriguing. Ha!
brynn chapman says
for emily davis ryan…for being more literary than I could ever hope to be….signed forever genre lol.
Margaret says
Congrats to the finalists. Enjoy your roses :).
I vote for Emily Davis-Ryan’s paragraphs because it had the feeling of The Borrowers.
Shauna Roberts says
Sophie W. and her imps
Maya Reynolds says
All of the paragraphs were great.
I was the most torn between Sophie and Emily.
I vote for Emily as the one that made me the most interested in reading further.
Precie says
I feel the same was as josephine about Regan’s paragraph. I find it compelling and well-written, but I feel as if I’ve read it before.
bria says
I’m going with Emily
cc says
I vote for Aden.
Because boom! You’re right there in the story, even though you aren’t quite sure where you are yet. Loved it.
Conduit says
Eric’s was my favourite first last time around, and it’s also my favourite opening paragraph.
liquidambar says
My rose goes to Emily Davis-Ryan.
The only thing that gives me pause is whether there’s enough action inside a piano to sustain an entire story. However, the tone of this paragraph is just so wonderful–funny, quirky, full of danger and the unexpected–that I trust the writer to deliver.
In the Great Voice category, I would like to mention Eric too. Regan seems to have the most promising plot, but the voice didn’t grab me quite as much as Emily’s or Eric’s.
Megan says
I vote for CC.
Other Lisa says
Emily Davis-Ryan, and I don’t think I could even tell you why, I just like it. Nice, compact writing and a weird premise!
Onovello says
Emily Davis-Ryan.
Scott from Oregon says
Where is May Vanderbilt’s entry?
Is she a ghost writer?
How can I vote for one in seven, when I see only six?
Heather M. says
I vote for Aden.
Nathan Bransford says
scott-
Deep breaths. May just helped judge the contest.
DeadlyAccurate says
I vote for Emily Davis-Ryan’s, though I really liked all of them.
Kimber An says
Aden. I want to know how the Wizard got those scars too.
:o)
Congratulations to all Finalists!!!
LD says
I vote for Emily Davis-Ryan.
Marina says
For me it was between CC and Eric.
Okay, I vote for Eric. I love his natural voice.
Thanks for all your hard work, Nate and May.
Josephine Damian says
But Precie, who you gonna vote for?
Nathan, maybe you could edit the post to differentiate between May getting a much deserved rose, and the entries getting their roses?
After May’s mention, you might wanna add space, a border, a header, some graphic element (like a picture of a bottle of Captain Morgan)? Just a suggestion….
A Paperback Writer says
Well, I’m rather surprised. Most of these didn’t do a whole lot for me. I would’ve put all but two of them back on the shelf.
I’ll vote for Emily. That one’s my favorite. (But Regan, if you read this, I liked yours, too.)
Nathan Bransford says
Why do people gotta snipe at the finalists? If you liked others that didn’t make the list, just cite them, no need to be dismissive or critical of the people who made the list — let’s keep things positive.
Precie says
Aw, josephine, you had to go and put me on the spot. Ack, the pressure.
After much careful deliberation, I’m voting for Aden (the Wizard boy paragraph).
I get a subtle “A Prayer for Owen Meany” vibe from it. It’s evocative and vivid. The voice sounds authentic. And it raises all sorts of questions I want answers to.
Chumplet says
I like Sophie’s.
Is it my imagination or were most of them in first person?
Thanks, Nathan.
Kate says
Here’s one more vote for Emily’s piano-dweller…