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The Finalists Are… (announced in the form of a Bachelor rose ceremony)

October 26, 2007 by Nathan Bransford 184 Comments

UPDATE: VOTING IS CLOSED!


Ladies… gentlemen… Chris Harrison…

This has been an incredible journey. I can honestly say this has been the hardest decision of my life, and it just kills me to have to decide who gets to stay… and who has to go home. I really hate to say goodbye to these amazing paragraphs, but I had to look inside my heart and find the first paragraphs I really connected with on an emotional level. Thank you to all of you for being here tonight.

(deep breath)

I only have 7 roses to give out tonight.

But first, let me discuss with the camera in a pained voice some of the things that helped me make my decision.

While I met over 600 beautiful women er, paragraphs in the course of this journey, some of them just weren’t in it for the right reasons. Here are some of the things I was looking for, and a few of the reasons some of the paragraphs did not receive a rose this evening (besides the fact that some of the paragraphs had shotgun-wielding fathers).

I crave originality. When establishing a world in a first paragraph, it is so so so important to avoid cliches and sentence crutches. One easy way of telling if you’re using one of these is to run a “find” in the comments section for key phrases in your paragraph. For instance, Chris, I hate to single these lovely paragraphs out but the phrase “the last thing X expected” was used five times.

Also, trust is just so important in a relationship, and I really had a lot of respect for the first paragraphs who trusted me as a reader. Some of the paragraphs who will not receive roses tonight had too many redundant words of emphasis. When they said something unexpected, they followed up with superfluous emphasis, as in “No, really.” or “Literally.” or “Seriously.” or “I’m not talking about this, I’m talking about THIS” You have to trust the reader to recognize when something is surprising, and if you do have to qualify it, it means you probably could have written it better the first time.

Lastly, I found myself attracted to first paragraphs who didn’t try too hard — they didn’t try too hard to be literary, and they weren’t too chatty. A healthy middle ground is simply amazing.

(another dramatic pause — have I mentioned the candles??)

The first rose…. goes to MAY VANDERBILT.

Let me tell you — it took hours and hours to go through the entrants to pick finalists, and I seriously cannot thank May enough for her help. For the love of all things Bachelor, please subscribe to Good Girl Lit, buy THE BOOK OF JANE, and express your appreciation to May — this was a tremendous task, and the mere thought of trying to choose finalists without May gives me hives. Not that I get hives. Moving on.

Now for the finalists in the Largely Indispensible First Paragraph Challenge…

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER…

The second rose…. goes to Sophie W.:

Oh no, it’s some kind of infestation, Rosemary thought, prodding the ground with her boot. Next to the barn were several fist-sized holes, just big enough for rats, or worse, imps. She hated imps. They were always getting into the larder and causing a fuss.

The third rose…. goes to eric:

There’s this girl I’ve never met that I know everything in the world about. Well, most everything. Not the big stuff, I guess. Like what she prayed about when she would cry at her bedside or whether she really believed those prayers might get answered. And I never knew all of the reasons for the crazy shit she did, but hey, who really does? I did know other stuff though. The real freaky-deaky shit. Like how she would crack open her father’s disposable razors with a pair of pliers she kept stashed behind her dresser and how she’d slice herself up. Sometimes I think she left her window blinds open that way just so somebody, anybody, me–a guy she never met–would know. Not that she was some kind of attention whore. Just about everybody is some kind of attention whore. Not Scissors, though. And I could testify in court to that, since, I’m like, some kind of authority on the girl.

The fourth rose…. goes to CC:

Brooklyn didn’t know very much about me. Actually, the girl knew surprisingly little, which was exactly what I needed in a friend. She didn’t ask intrusive questions and I didn’t have to lie or have my heart pound while I searched for acceptable answers. She wasn’t into meaningful conversation and heartfelt talks. She was light, snappy, and never depressed. And most importantly, she wasn’t my responsibility.

The fifth rose…. goes to Emily Ryan-Davis:

Life inside a piano isn’t all knitting cobweb sweaters and napping. It’s dangerous. Every time a clumsy student flings himself at the bench and bangs on the ivories, just to see his fingers walk across the black and whites, I face death. The action’s unpredictable. If I’m in the wrong place at the wrong time, I could lose my head.

The sixth rose…. goes to Aden:

He was short and skinny, shorter than the others, and never wore a shirt when he ran. His thin arms flailed as he kept ahead of us and we all wondered how. He was so fast. But mostly we watched the bouncing scars on his back and thought about how he got them. We called him the Wizard. It was because of his hair, wild black mass with a white shock hanging in the front. That’s how I thought of him. The Wizard. I wish I knew what names they had given him but I never asked. Between us, there was an unspoken rule: everything would remain unspoken.

Chris Harrison: “Paragraphs, Bachelor… this is the final rose this evening.”

The last and final rose…. goes to Regan:

The great flaw in the system was that some of the Children remembered what it felt like when they were taken. It was impossible to tell who would remember–temperament, age, gender, none of them seemed to matter. The flaw persisted despite all of the technicians’ attempts to eradicate it. In rare cases a Child, newly imprinted, would awaken at odd hours of the night, crying for reasons she couldn’t explain or shaking with a nameless dread and a desperate feeling that something wasn’t right.

Chris Harrison: “Paragraphs, Bachelor…. If you did not receive a rose this evening, please take a moment.. and say your goodbyes.”

IF YOU RECEIVED A ROSE TONIGHT: please e-mail me at nb@cbltd.com — you are entitled to a query critique. I know some of you don’t need a query critique because you’re all agented and everything, but we’ll figure something to properly reward your awesomeness so e-mail me anyway.

Now is the time for voting. Here are the procedures:

In the comments section of THIS POST, please vote for your favorite paragraph. Anonymous votes will not be counted, so please either sign in to Blogger or use your real name. Please do not openly campaign for yourself or others on the Internet or via e-mail (this is a meritocracy), and irregular voting activity will be monitored and mercilessly punished.

Thank you so much to everyone who entered — I really appreciate that everyone put themselves out there by entering, the response was seriously overwhelming. And trust me, it was ridiculously difficult to pick finalists — there were many close calls and tough decisions.

What an amazing journey.

Filed Under: Contests Tagged With: contests, The Bachelor

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. sunjunkie says

    October 27, 2007 at 6:56 pm

    Congrats to all the finalists! Tough choosing, but I have to go with

    Aden’s paragraph.

    I kept wondering, “Where ya goin’ with this?” Compelling.

    Thanks, Nathan and May!

    Reply
  2. hannah says

    October 27, 2007 at 7:08 pm

    I vote for Sophie!

    Reply
  3. graywolf says

    October 27, 2007 at 7:22 pm

    Aden
    Can’t wait to read the rest.

    Reply
  4. diana says

    October 27, 2007 at 10:05 pm

    Great choices,but i’m going for Eric: is it creepy thrillery or teen angst gone kooky? inquiring mind that should be working wants to know.

    Reply
  5. Sue Eves says

    October 27, 2007 at 10:32 pm

    And thanks May!

    Reply
  6. Spartezda says

    October 27, 2007 at 11:57 pm

    I vote for Sophie. The imps always win.

    Reply
  7. MBS says

    October 28, 2007 at 12:38 am

    Sophie W. for me. I want to read more.

    Reply
  8. Jennifer L. Griffith says

    October 28, 2007 at 12:54 am

    My vote is for

    CC

    Congratulations to all of the finalist. And thanks to Nathan and May. Time and love are the two most valuable commodities around.

    Reply
  9. Dr. Dume says

    October 28, 2007 at 1:07 am

    I vote for Sophie W.

    What can I say? I have a soft spot for imps. Although it wasn’t soft until they started chewing it in the night.

    Reply
  10. MelodyO says

    October 28, 2007 at 1:54 am

    My vote goes to Sophie W. I read hundreds of entries, and that was the only one that stuck with me. ::looks under the couch for imps::

    Thanks as always, Nathan. Your contests are great learning experiences.

    Reply
  11. Ozal says

    October 28, 2007 at 2:06 am

    My vote to Regan.

    But they are all excellent! I’d happily keep reading others, and a bunch that didn’t make the short-list as well.

    Thanks for the contest, Nathan!

    PS re Josephine on Aden’s wizard… I know someone with a white streak in their dark hair. She’s had it all her life, which is how long I’ve known her. So while fiction might need to be more believable than reality, a streak in a kid’s hair is not unrealistic. Just in case Aden was getting worried!

    Reply
  12. Sophie W. says

    October 28, 2007 at 3:46 am

    “I’d take Sophie W’s book home with me. Such a casual, off-hand treatment of an unusual situation – catches my attention immediately.”

    That’s so funny! I was just saying how much I loved your paragraph.

    So, yeah. I vote for Emily.

    Reply
  13. Maripat says

    October 28, 2007 at 4:22 am

    Yikes. They’re all great openings…but I’m voting for Regan. I really wanted to read more.

    Reply
  14. Charlotte says

    October 28, 2007 at 6:35 am

    I vote for Emily and the piano. I was intrigued.

    Reply
  15. Stephen Parrish says

    October 28, 2007 at 7:10 am

    Regan.

    Reply
  16. Sam says

    October 28, 2007 at 9:41 am

    Amazing quality of writing in the finalists! Bravo!
    I want to know more about Sophie’s imp infestation, lol, so I vote for Sophie.

    Reply
  17. InkChant says

    October 28, 2007 at 2:06 pm

    Congrats to all. My vote it for Eric.

    Reply
  18. writtenwyrdd says

    October 28, 2007 at 2:10 pm

    Eric’s paragraph is totally gripping. I normally wouldn’t read a book like this, but it sounds too compelling not to continue.

    Reply
  19. JaxPop says

    October 28, 2007 at 2:50 pm

    My vote would be for Regan
    Thanks Nathan & May – great contest. The rose thing…. people really watch that crap?

    Reply
  20. Christopher M. Park says

    October 28, 2007 at 3:02 pm

    Very good entries! My vote is for Regan.

    Reply
  21. Vi says

    October 28, 2007 at 7:34 pm

    Eric!

    Loved his voice. Very real and immediately sympathetic.

    Reply
  22. Fiona says

    October 28, 2007 at 8:55 pm

    Thank you for your post on the Novel Racers

    I’ve told my fellow racers of my faux pas and we’d like to copy your idea…if that’s okay with you?

    Really enjoyed reading the entries – best wishes

    Reply
  23. Joann Haberer says

    October 28, 2007 at 11:19 pm

    I vote for CC.
    I never say “no” to a good first person narrative with a little mystery thrown in.

    Reply
  24. Elena says

    October 28, 2007 at 11:56 pm

    I vote for Regan. And again, thank you so much for a great contest, Mr. Bransford.

    Reply
  25. superwench says

    October 29, 2007 at 2:45 am

    Eric!

    Reply
  26. Stephanie Zvan says

    October 29, 2007 at 4:23 am

    The pickings were never this good on The Bachelor. They’re all damn fine paragraphs. So were many of the others–so many I couldn’t list them all before the voting deadline, so I’ll have to love them privately.

    My vote goes to CC. There’s an emotional sophistication in this paragraph that I love to find in a YA.

    Reply
  27. dmp says

    October 29, 2007 at 6:12 am

    Really torn between Regan and CC. Regan’s is more intriguing, but CC’s has a light, lilting quality that kind of makes you want to hum along.

    In a humming mood, I guess, so CC by a nose.

    The others are very respectable as well. Congratulations to all the finalists, and a commendation to Mr. Bransford for taking the time to do this.

    Reply
  28. Sasha says

    October 29, 2007 at 1:24 pm

    I vote for Sophie. The Imps have take the cake!

    Reply
  29. chirky says

    October 29, 2007 at 2:07 pm

    Regan. But intrigued also by spider and imp and razor, oh my.

    Reply
  30. Kim Lionetti says

    October 29, 2007 at 2:22 pm

    Wow. Do you have superpowers? I’m in awe of how quickly you were able to get this thing done!

    I like Emily’s.

    Reply
  31. Jennifer says

    October 29, 2007 at 2:38 pm

    I vote for Sophie’s paragraph.

    Reply
  32. B.E. Sanderson says

    October 29, 2007 at 2:43 pm

    I choose Sophie W.

    Reply
  33. ~Nancy says

    October 29, 2007 at 2:49 pm

    Wow, it was between Sophie and her imps (sounds like fun!) and Regan’s Children (creepy). But they were all good, so it was hard to narrow down to those two.

    But…I pick Sophie.

    Reply
  34. Nathan Bransford says

    October 29, 2007 at 3:52 pm

    VOTING IS CLOSED! THANKS, EVERYBODY!

    Reply
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Hi, I’m Nathan. I’m the author of How to Write a Novel and the Jacob Wonderbar series, which was published by Penguin. I used to be a literary agent at Curtis Brown Ltd. and I’m dedicated to helping authors achieve their dreams. Let me help you with your book!

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