My love of query trends is well-documented, and people are often asking me what I see a lot of (whether they want to avoid or capitalize on trends depends on the person). One thing I’m prepared to declare official: the absolute most common titles include the words GATHERING and RISING. I always joke about how the ultimate title is THE SISTERHOOD OF THE CLUB CODE, but I think we’re going to have to change that to THE GATHERING OF THE SISTERHOOD OF THE CLUB CODE RISING.
Anyway, here’s an early You Tell Me since we’re going to be celebrating America’s birthday tomorrow (stay awesome, USA!): You Tell Me a million dollar book title, something that will send people scurrying to the bookstores. And heck, let’s just go ahead and make it a contest. It doesn’t have to be a parody like THE GATHERING OF THE SISTERHOOD OF THE CLUB CODE RISING, it could be something more straightforward like THE HOMEBOY PHONE (I’d buy that in a second) or THE BLACK SWAN (that one is taken, but is extremely awesome).
The winner (chosen at my sole and completely irrational discretion) will get their own query critique, and, of course, the bragging rights that come with winning a contest on a random blog.
Let the games begin!
New one–nonfiction:
There is No Magic Wand: An Insider’s Guide to Special Education from a Parent and Professional Perspective
(disclaimer–actual project I’m toying with–not only am I a sped professional but I’m a sped parent)
Racer X’s Guide to Keeping the Mystery in your Marriage
Ten Ways to Drive Your Spouse Crazy (into Love with You!)
The Presidential Guide to Inventive Language Usage, Useless Geography, and the Internets
(by The Decider who Decides)
Since this post made me think of writers as a school of fish flashing sideways at a splash in their midst, my title is:
Fish School Dissected
Since you said “enter often”…
The Lion, the Witch, and the Espresso Stand in Oz (a hybrid of Narnia and Wizard of Oz worlds)
Lord of the Ringworms (a pet care guide)
Tome of the Wii and iPhone (for video and techno geeks)
The United Federation of Tribble (for Trekies)
Harry Potter and the Drooping Dumbcane (a botany encyclopedia)
AWAP 🙂
The Barmecidal Philanthropist
For search engine optimization I’d go with:
The Secret Da Vinci Kite Potter
(snicker)
I have two more spoofs:
The Devil Wears Nada
The Headless Stupid (sorry to make fun of one of Zilpha’s books–I loved this one!)
Everything I Learned in First Grade: sequel to Everything I Learned in Kindergarden
You’re Starting To Grow On Me
LOL!!! Medieval Porn and The Decider! Cracked me up!!!!
The Secrets of the Conspiracy Sisters kind of rolls off the tongue.
My self-help suggestion:Blame is not a Game: How to Free Yourself of All Responsibility in your Life
“Healing Chiron”
If you’re not familiar with Greek mythology, you won’t get the sheer smartness of it.
“How to Achieve World Peace: A Handbook for the Anarchist”
“The History of Christianity: A Guidebook for the AntiChrist.”
“Roadkill. Or… How to save money while grocery shopping.”
“Why do you hate me? The tender confessions of Oscar the Grouch.”
“Richard Simmon’s Guide to Being Manly.”
“How to get a record contract.” by William Hung.
— craig.
Based on some of your reading selections:
The Baltimore Crisis
The Baltimorean
The Stars Above Baltimore
Year of the Orioles
In the Slammer (yanno, we are number 2 in the nation for homicide)
Cheers,
Armageddon Looms…and Other Great Reasons to Stop Dieting
Three more from me:
Stain on a Dark Note
Death of Seasons
The Gingerbread Coffin
(Obviously I’m in a jolly mood today. 😉 )
How about:
Friends Make Good Produce – The Cannibal’s Cook Book
THE LAST PARAGRAPH
by Paige Turner
The Budge-Nuzzard!
Land of the Leapers Wee
My Smells, My Hells
The Fabric of Night
-Brandon Jimison
I’ve Caught My Tail, What Do I Do With It Now?
A Feather Is A Letter From A Bird
Oh, goodie, a second chance!
We’ll Always Have Paris… Hilton
written by her boyfriends
:-0
But I’m casting my vote for Tom Burchfield:
If I Were President by George W. Bush
🙂
The Lyin’ Bitch and Her Wardrobe.
What Really Saved the World? The Search For Virtual Reality.
The Goodbye Chronicles
The Wrinkled Toes of the Creekside Ballet Company
Okay, okay, MORE TITLES. They might all suck, but this is too much fun to stop!
BOOKS, BOMBS, AND BANANA PEELS
SLEEPING FOREVER
MOONSHINE IN THE MORNING
LIKE, OMG, THAT’S SO TOTALLY, LIKE, WHATEVER! (THE VALLEY GIRL’S GUIDE TO, LIKE, TALKING)
A WHISPER IN THE SHADOWS
MY MIRROR SELF
In All the Dark Corners
Annnnnnnnd… time’s up.
Tallying up the votes now. Check back tomorrow for the winner!
Hi Nathan!
How about a hot and sexy title!
Disorderly Sex and Uninhibited Bedrooms (Secrets to a lasting marriage)
Destiny Blaine
destinyblaine@yahoo.com
“Flakes Bloom”
Let me know if want the manuscript for it, Nate. : )
Never Suck a Dead Man’s Hand by Dana Kollmann (a book about her CSI experiences)