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The Ultimate Book Title Contest

July 3, 2007 by Nathan Bransford 130 Comments

My love of query trends is well-documented, and people are often asking me what I see a lot of (whether they want to avoid or capitalize on trends depends on the person). One thing I’m prepared to declare official: the absolute most common titles include the words GATHERING and RISING. I always joke about how the ultimate title is THE SISTERHOOD OF THE CLUB CODE, but I think we’re going to have to change that to THE GATHERING OF THE SISTERHOOD OF THE CLUB CODE RISING.

Anyway, here’s an early You Tell Me since we’re going to be celebrating America’s birthday tomorrow (stay awesome, USA!): You Tell Me a million dollar book title, something that will send people scurrying to the bookstores. And heck, let’s just go ahead and make it a contest. It doesn’t have to be a parody like THE GATHERING OF THE SISTERHOOD OF THE CLUB CODE RISING, it could be something more straightforward like THE HOMEBOY PHONE (I’d buy that in a second) or THE BLACK SWAN (that one is taken, but is extremely awesome).

The winner (chosen at my sole and completely irrational discretion) will get their own query critique, and, of course, the bragging rights that come with winning a contest on a random blog.

Let the games begin!

Filed Under: Contests Tagged With: contests, The Hills, You Tell Me

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. joycemocha says

    July 5, 2007 at 6:33 pm

    New one–nonfiction:

    There is No Magic Wand: An Insider’s Guide to Special Education from a Parent and Professional Perspective
    (disclaimer–actual project I’m toying with–not only am I a sped professional but I’m a sped parent)

    Reply
  2. jah says

    July 5, 2007 at 6:35 pm

    Racer X’s Guide to Keeping the Mystery in your Marriage

    Ten Ways to Drive Your Spouse Crazy (into Love with You!)

    The Presidential Guide to Inventive Language Usage, Useless Geography, and the Internets
    (by The Decider who Decides)

    Reply
  3. jason evans says

    July 5, 2007 at 6:38 pm

    Since this post made me think of writers as a school of fish flashing sideways at a splash in their midst, my title is:

    Fish School Dissected

    Reply
  4. Anonymous says

    July 5, 2007 at 6:56 pm

    Since you said “enter often”…

    The Lion, the Witch, and the Espresso Stand in Oz (a hybrid of Narnia and Wizard of Oz worlds)
    Lord of the Ringworms (a pet care guide)
    Tome of the Wii and iPhone (for video and techno geeks)
    The United Federation of Tribble (for Trekies)
    Harry Potter and the Drooping Dumbcane (a botany encyclopedia)

    AWAP 🙂

    Reply
  5. Cheryl says

    July 5, 2007 at 7:07 pm

    The Barmecidal Philanthropist

    Reply
  6. Marti says

    July 5, 2007 at 7:31 pm

    For search engine optimization I’d go with:

    The Secret Da Vinci Kite Potter
    (snicker)

    Reply
  7. takoda says

    July 5, 2007 at 7:46 pm

    I have two more spoofs:

    The Devil Wears Nada

    The Headless Stupid (sorry to make fun of one of Zilpha’s books–I loved this one!)

    Everything I Learned in First Grade: sequel to Everything I Learned in Kindergarden

    Reply
  8. Jude says

    July 5, 2007 at 7:48 pm

    You’re Starting To Grow On Me

    Reply
  9. takoda says

    July 5, 2007 at 7:50 pm

    LOL!!! Medieval Porn and The Decider! Cracked me up!!!!

    Reply
  10. Ben says

    July 5, 2007 at 8:26 pm

    The Secrets of the Conspiracy Sisters kind of rolls off the tongue.

    My self-help suggestion:Blame is not a Game: How to Free Yourself of All Responsibility in your Life

    Reply
  11. Robert Henshaw says

    July 5, 2007 at 9:17 pm

    “Healing Chiron”

    If you’re not familiar with Greek mythology, you won’t get the sheer smartness of it.

    Reply
  12. Anonymous says

    July 5, 2007 at 9:28 pm

    “How to Achieve World Peace: A Handbook for the Anarchist”

    “The History of Christianity: A Guidebook for the AntiChrist.”

    “Roadkill. Or… How to save money while grocery shopping.”

    “Why do you hate me? The tender confessions of Oscar the Grouch.”

    “Richard Simmon’s Guide to Being Manly.”

    “How to get a record contract.” by William Hung.

    — craig.

    Reply
  13. takoda says

    July 5, 2007 at 9:47 pm

    Based on some of your reading selections:

    The Baltimore Crisis

    The Baltimorean

    The Stars Above Baltimore

    Year of the Orioles

    In the Slammer (yanno, we are number 2 in the nation for homicide)

    Cheers,

    Reply
  14. JAMR says

    July 5, 2007 at 9:50 pm

    Armageddon Looms…and Other Great Reasons to Stop Dieting

    Reply
  15. Therese Walsh says

    July 5, 2007 at 9:51 pm

    Three more from me:

    Stain on a Dark Note

    Death of Seasons

    The Gingerbread Coffin

    (Obviously I’m in a jolly mood today. 😉 )

    Reply
  16. Merry Jelinek says

    July 5, 2007 at 10:22 pm

    How about:

    Friends Make Good Produce – The Cannibal’s Cook Book

    Reply
  17. Hélène B says

    July 5, 2007 at 10:31 pm

    THE LAST PARAGRAPH

    by Paige Turner

    Reply
  18. A.S. Peterson says

    July 5, 2007 at 11:20 pm

    The Budge-Nuzzard!

    Land of the Leapers Wee

    My Smells, My Hells

    Reply
  19. Anonymous says

    July 5, 2007 at 11:23 pm

    The Fabric of Night

    -Brandon Jimison

    Reply
  20. Anonymous says

    July 6, 2007 at 1:09 am

    I’ve Caught My Tail, What Do I Do With It Now?

    A Feather Is A Letter From A Bird

    Reply
  21. Josephine Damian says

    July 6, 2007 at 1:30 am

    Oh, goodie, a second chance!

    We’ll Always Have Paris… Hilton
    written by her boyfriends

    :-0

    But I’m casting my vote for Tom Burchfield:

    If I Were President by George W. Bush

    🙂

    Reply
  22. Dwight's Writing Manifesto says

    July 6, 2007 at 1:37 am

    The Lyin’ Bitch and Her Wardrobe.

    Reply
  23. Capt. Nic says

    July 6, 2007 at 2:57 am

    What Really Saved the World? The Search For Virtual Reality.

    Reply
  24. spyscribbler says

    July 6, 2007 at 4:14 am

    The Goodbye Chronicles
    The Wrinkled Toes of the Creekside Ballet Company

    Reply
  25. Jordyn says

    July 6, 2007 at 5:30 am

    Okay, okay, MORE TITLES. They might all suck, but this is too much fun to stop!

    BOOKS, BOMBS, AND BANANA PEELS

    SLEEPING FOREVER

    MOONSHINE IN THE MORNING

    LIKE, OMG, THAT’S SO TOTALLY, LIKE, WHATEVER! (THE VALLEY GIRL’S GUIDE TO, LIKE, TALKING)

    A WHISPER IN THE SHADOWS

    MY MIRROR SELF

    Reply
  26. Bethany says

    July 6, 2007 at 5:33 am

    In All the Dark Corners

    Reply
  27. Nathan Bransford says

    July 6, 2007 at 5:41 am

    Annnnnnnnd… time’s up.

    Tallying up the votes now. Check back tomorrow for the winner!

    Reply
  28. Anonymous says

    July 6, 2007 at 5:42 am

    Hi Nathan!

    How about a hot and sexy title!

    Disorderly Sex and Uninhibited Bedrooms (Secrets to a lasting marriage)

    Destiny Blaine
    destinyblaine@yahoo.com

    Reply
  29. C.J. says

    July 6, 2007 at 4:42 pm

    “Flakes Bloom”

    Let me know if want the manuscript for it, Nate. : )

    Reply
  30. Anonymous says

    October 10, 2007 at 4:00 pm

    Never Suck a Dead Man’s Hand by Dana Kollmann (a book about her CSI experiences)

    Reply
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Hi, I’m Nathan. I’m the author of How to Write a Novel and the Jacob Wonderbar series, which was published by Penguin. I used to be a literary agent at Curtis Brown Ltd. and I’m dedicated to helping authors achieve their dreams. Let me help you with your book!

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