My love of query trends is well-documented, and people are often asking me what I see a lot of (whether they want to avoid or capitalize on trends depends on the person). One thing I’m prepared to declare official: the absolute most common titles include the words GATHERING and RISING. I always joke about how the ultimate title is THE SISTERHOOD OF THE CLUB CODE, but I think we’re going to have to change that to THE GATHERING OF THE SISTERHOOD OF THE CLUB CODE RISING.
Anyway, here’s an early You Tell Me since we’re going to be celebrating America’s birthday tomorrow (stay awesome, USA!): You Tell Me a million dollar book title, something that will send people scurrying to the bookstores. And heck, let’s just go ahead and make it a contest. It doesn’t have to be a parody like THE GATHERING OF THE SISTERHOOD OF THE CLUB CODE RISING, it could be something more straightforward like THE HOMEBOY PHONE (I’d buy that in a second) or THE BLACK SWAN (that one is taken, but is extremely awesome).
The winner (chosen at my sole and completely irrational discretion) will get their own query critique, and, of course, the bragging rights that come with winning a contest on a random blog.
Let the games begin!
Sick with the Sun
Mostly Human
The Secret Bride
Problems with a Dead Mother
(self-help)
The Cat in the Pyramid
The Secret Life of Queen Hatshepsut’s Cat
“Popcorn persecution”
‘And Finally …’ by God
‘My Father, the Alien’ by Bill Gates.
‘How To Exorcise Evil Hamsters’
seeking the unseekable
a memoir
This is for my MS under revision: a novel based on the official red light area in Pakistan:
Daughters of Joy and Sorrow
Lighter Side of Black
Deceptive Music
Behind the Open Door.
TERROR AWAKES
Alex
The Slackers Guide to Changing the World
Don’t Read This Book
Ooh, I vote HOW TO LIVE LIKE DONALD TRUMP WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE HIM! Very clever, earl scott.
The Secret Book of Secrets
What Nobody Wants You to Know
Your Mother Never Told You
The Book of Useful Lies
How to Get Away With Everything
The Live Forever Diet (or has that already been used?)
THE TOAST BITCHES
The story of four women who regularly meet in the lunch room, torturing their colleagues with the smell of fresh toast while they discuss their lives, their loves and their hates.
It’s already been used (created) by Mary Oliver for a poem but with an appropriate quotation, it would be a cool book title: LINGERING IN HAPPINESS. (“and soon so many small stones, buried for a thousand years, will feel themselves being touched”)
MLB
1) Cell Phones for Drug Dealers: (How to Stay Ahead of the Law series, Volume 1)
2) Here’s Blood In Your Eye (An Ocular Mystery)
3) Kaleido-scope: The Changing Role of Medicine in America
4) Bloody, Burning Monsters: A Pop-Up Book for Psychopathic Children
No, Paris Hilton’s book would be called Surrounded by Bars for the double value.
I *so* want to see Happy Cheerful Goth Kids the musical.
“Losing Weight on Five Pounds of Chocolate a Day”
Laurel… that’s great! I’m really liking The Book of Useful Lies!
“A Perfect Query”
Writers would queue up to get a copy! It’s a sure winner. 😉
Happy 4th!
The Dead Hand Pill
I can’t take complete credit for this title (in fact, I’m not sure I want to take any credit at all!) because it was dreamed up by a small group of publishers’ reps at a rather boozy soiree a number of years ago. Not that publishers’ reps are in the habit of drinking to excess, mind you, or even that they might make fun of their publishers’ titles, but we all thought that “The Joy of Sex Scratch-and-Sniff Pop-up Book” had a ring to it that would also open the door to a great series.
Cherry Popsicles and Jello Shots
Da Vinci and the Deathly Hallows
How to Finish a Thought: For People Who
My title, “Now.”
You guys are cracking me up. Okay, here are mine:
“Worm in the Rain”
“Clear as Night”
“Herding Cats”
and what the heck,
“Finders Keepers” (my current YA WIP about a young teenage boy who is taken from his family when the father he never met gains custody of him)
On the lighter side:
“Breakingthatcaffeineaddiction”
“Breathing the Life Back into Your Marriage: The Theory and Practice of Genital Resuscitation”
“A Monkey Could Do It: The Secret to Following Trends and Writing Marketable Books”
“OMG LMAO WTF BBQ – Understanding Your Preteen in the Age of the Internet”
Happy 4th!
Liz
Oh, and if we’re only allowed to submit one, just use the top one on my list.
Liz
Barbie’s Conundrum
1) The Wolf Who Cried Boy
2) Coffin City
3) Survival of the Fittest Slave
4) Recycle My Body: True Stories of Plastic Women
5) Waisted: Addicted to Thin
The Life and Death of Black Steve, King of the Pirates.
Ack! We’re not border guards! We are border patrol officers or customs and border protection officers!! I am not a rent-a-cop!!
I’m Okay But Your Mommy’s Dead: The true story of a serial killer
Wherever You Aren’t, That’s Where I’ll Be: A Novel (Women’s fic, naturally)
She Wore Chaps On Wall Street (The real story of insider trading and how it operates.)
Over My Undead Body (the adventures of a soon-to-be vampire seeking revenge on the one who infected her)
Some of these are so bad I love ’em. Not sure about mine, though.
Oh, I had to mention my favorite real title (and it’s a movie): CANNIBAL, THE MUSICAL. Hi-larious.
I love all these.
How about: Harry Potter 8: Harry Potter and the Rising Dark
Really, anything with Harry Potter 8 in front of it would fly out of stores, so I didn’t think that hard about the actual title.
1.) Till Court Do Us Part
2.) The Groovy Tune of Marty Moon
3.) The Trashcan Thief
4.) The Ink Disciples
5.) Pushing the Big Red Button
The Truth behind Colonic Irrigation
Winnar: “A Smoked Cheese Pig and a Whole Lot of Nothing”
Laughed a whole bunch after reading this.
Memoirs Of A One-legged Man In An Ass Kicking Contest
I’m Going To Hell, Will you Save my Place In Line?
or
Hell: I’ll Save You a Seat By the Fire
The Book of Snark: Killer Yapp Reads the Snarkives.
(This would likely sell a few hundred at least)
Dunderhead and McGoon: How Sillyputty Saved the World
Ok, may not sell a million, but sillyputty rules.
JDuncan
http://www.jimnduncan.com
Anonymous: The Truth Behind Colonic Irrigation.” Is that by Colin Lavage?
Anyway, my nominoses:
“Well, Just Turn Up the Air Conditioning Then! A Skeptic’s Guide to Global Warming.”
“If I Were President,” by George W. Bush.
“Undisclosed Locations: A Travel Guide,” by Dick Cheney.
“My Favorite LSD Trips and Sexual Misadventures,” by Pat Robertson.
And (drumroll) the actual title of my next novel: “Damnation Creek.”
(Trademark!)
Why do the Redneck Girls Hate Me?
Time Management for Agents: How to Respond to Every Query in Two Hours or Less
by Nathan Bransford
Word Math for Dummies
The Daughter’s Daughter, Daugherty Daughter’s Mother’s Daughter’s Daughter.
The above by Chris Daughtry
Metaphysically Clairvoyant Emotions on Man’s Constant Turmoil in Seeking to Free Himself from the Inhibitions that Stifle a Creative Philosophy (or Best Strategies for Watching the Scrambled Porn Channel)
PORN: A graphic novel.
And, judging from the number of hits my blog gets because of an incautious post title: Medieval Porn – would be very popular.