A very good nonfiction query (query critique)

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• Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
• Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

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And, of course, if you need help more urgently or privately, I’m available for edits and consultations!

Now then. Time for the Query Critique. First I’ll present the query without comment, then I’ll offer my thoughts and a redline. If you choose to offer your own thoughts, please be polite. We aim to be positive and helpful.

Random numbers were generated, and thanks to LagunaMitch, whose query is below.

Dear Agent,

Because you are looking for Art books that inspire you, I’m excited to share LAGUNA BEACH: THE ART & SOUL OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. My photography of this unique art colony combines the beaches from Gray Malin’s Italy with the cityscapes found in Liam Wong’s debut TO:KY:OO. Academy Award-winner and former resident Diane Keaton has written the foreword.

Laguna Beach eats, sleeps and breathes the arts and deserves its own book of art. My images drop you into the heartbeat of Laguna life, from its SoCal beach culture, eclectic hangouts, annual events and public art to its love for conservation. Think illustrator Norman Rockwell’s slices of life meets Anthony Bourdain’s sense of place storytelling. Laguna’s previous photobooks have documented its historical past in vintage black and white. LAGUNA BEACH is the first to capture today’s Laguna in full color.

LAGUNA will be the perfect book for the coffee tables of coastal lovers, interior designers and homeowners from Nantucket to New Zealand. Laguna’s natural beauty and laidback charm attract 6.3 million visitors annually who find this quirky town to be unlike any other place on Earth.

I received the 2023 “Best News Photo” from the Orange County Press Club and was a finalist in the 2021 Epson International Pano Awards. My photos prompted President Obama to add Laguna’s offshore rocks to the California Coastal National Monument. My work also appears in The Christian Science Monitor, Digital Photo Magazine and The Surfer’s Journal. 

I have secured marketing support from community organizations and social media influencers, totaling 240K opt-in emails and 1.5M social media followers. The completed book proposal includes an aggressive promotional plan with a publicist and endorsements from California State Assemblywoman Cottie Petrie-Norris, Westways Magazine and the Surfrider Foundation.

Sincerely,
Mitch Ridder

LagunaMitch really nails this query and I believe he’s making very strong choices coming and going. The comp titles are judiciously chosen and give a sense of what the book is like, he’s secured a pretty stellar blurb/foreword in Diane Keaton, he makes a strong case for the regional and broader selling points, and he has strong publishing credits.

And even though this is primarily a book that will hinge on its photographs, the writing is very smooth and vivid. It’s crisp, precise, and accomplishes all the goals of a nonfiction query.

I have a few tiny nitpicks, but I’d happily use this query as an example of what a good nonfiction query letter looks like. Very nice work, Mitch!

Here’s my redline:

Dear Agent,

Because you are looking for Aart books that inspire you [This may be a placeholder, but make sure it’s a bit more uniquely personalized], I’m excited to share LAGUNA BEACH: THE ART & SOUL OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. My photography of this unique art colony combines the beaches from Gray Malin’s Italy with the cityscapes found in Liam Wong’s debut TO:KY:OO. Academy Award-winner and former resident Diane Keaton has written the foreword.

Laguna Beach eats, sleeps and breathes the arts and deserves its own book of art. My images drop you into the heartbeat of Laguna life, from its SoCal beach culture, eclectic hangouts, annual events and public art to its love for conservation. Think illustrator Norman Rockwell’s slices of life meets Anthony Bourdain’s sense of place storytelling. Laguna’s previous photobooks have documented its historical past in vintage black and white. LAGUNA BEACH is the first to capture today’s Laguna in full color.

LAGUNA will be the perfect book for the coffee tables of coastal lovers, interior designers and homeowners from Nantucket to New Zealand. Laguna’s natural beauty and laidback charm attract 6.3 million visitors annually who find this quirky town to be unlike any other place on Earth. [Perhaps consider some “nuts and bolts,” such as how many words and how many photos you’re envisioning so the agent/editor has a bit more precise sense of the book you have in mind]

I received the 2023 “Best News Photo” from the Orange County Press Club and was a finalist in the 2021 Epson International Pano Awards. My photos prompted President Obama to add Laguna’s offshore rocks to the California Coastal National Monument. My work also appears in The Christian Science Monitor, Digital Photo Magazine and The Surfer’s Journal. 

I have secured marketing support from community organizations and social media influencers, totaling 240K opt-in emails and 1.5M social media followers. The completed book proposal includes an aggressive promotional plan with a publicist and endorsements from California State Assemblywoman Cottie Petrie-Norris, Westways Magazine and the Surfrider Foundation.

Sincerely,
Mitch Ridder

Thanks again to LagunaMitch!

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Art: Spring in Southern California by Granville Redmond