We all know that writing can be both a solitary pursuit and one that takes an incredible amount of time. Honing one’s craft over hundreds and thousands of hours while sitting quietly in front of a notepad or computer screen is often time not spent out in the world, engaging with friends and loved ones.
It’s time where we’re happily lost in our own head, creating our own worlds during the time we’re not out living in the real one. Writing can be a dazzling, fulfilling, and meaningful time, but life can beckon and intrude into that space, and not always unfairly. Sometimes it’s life that must come first.
As Jennifer Hubbard wrote in her truly magical post about the topic:
Sometimes the writing desk is a solace, an escape from tedium or pain in daily life.
Sometimes writing is a celebration. Sometimes it’s a way to process painful truths.
Writing is a life examined, which is supposed to be a life worth living. But a life can’t be spent only writing.
Sometimes we put down writing for a while. Sometimes it refuses to be put down.
So how do you strike the right balance between writing and living? How do you know when it’s time for writing and time for life? How much living is necessary to be a good writer, and how much writing is necessary for you to live?
Transparent Mama says
This is what I strive for daily. Fortunately, I have four children who demand that I have balance my writing life and my family life. And for my own sanity, I must also add exercise and time with friends to that equation. It takes discipline and planning ahead.
Gina says
It isn't easy, especially when writing hasn't gotten me anywhere (yet). Sometimes I feel like I must be crazy wasting my time this way.
I will write in my slow periods at work, or at night when my husband is working late. I can't devote as much time as I'd like, but it's as important to me as getting the laundry done or putting dinner on the table. So, like anything that means anything, you find time for it.
Dan says
Balance? Bal-ance. Nope, not familiar with it. Seriously, this is a big problem of mine. I dive wholeheartedly into one aspect of my life, work, writing, family, and everything else gets neglected. Then I have to overcompensate to make up for it and the whole cycle continues.
I need more organization, I think.
Widow_Lady302 says
Treating it like a job and a hobby. That is how I maintain balance. You don't do a job (or shouldn't) 24 hours a day. A hobby you have is the same. You may love the job of writing, or love the hobby, but think of it in those terms. Scheduled 95% of the time with a 5% of spontaneity. That is at least how I manage it.
Eileen Andrews says
I try to have a writing schedule and stick to it. Family time is family time and I'm not allowed to write or do any social marketing (twitter, facebook, blogging) when it's family time. But that also means I double down and work extra hard when it is writing time.
It's not easy, especially when my urges fight the schedule. But that's part of what flexibility is, knowing when to give and take with it.
JMCOOPER says
Not very good at the balance part yet. I'm either in my own head or in my family's life. And each place is wonderful, so it's a constant tug-of-war.
Jake says
Used to writing was a favourite personal past-time. But now that I write all day for someone else, the last thing I want to do is spend my 'me' time writing. So, my personal blogging suffers, my poetry writing suffers, and my novel just sits there – not writing itself. My 2011 resolution is to do more writing for myself. The best way to accomplish that is to embed me writing time into my schedule and then don't waste it Twittering and FBing!
IanBontems says
To be honest, I'm struggling at the moment to find a balance.
Christine Danek says
I'm still working on this. So far, I've not been successful. With two small kids, I feel like I will never get to find the right balance. I'll keep working on it. I love when I get peace and quiet to just write.
Have a wonderful day!
Margot Galaway says
Life comes first. The bills must be paid. But if you think about, life is where the writing originates. Without it, there would be little to write about.
M.J.B. says
I am lucky to have a very relaxed day job, which sometimes allows me time at least to do brainstorming work, query letter drafting, and sometimes real writing. I do the most significant work–the actual book stuff–on my hour long lunch breaks during the work day and on Saturday and Sunday mornings at Starbucks.
Otherwise, I do bits of work on weeknights between the gym, eating, and household chores. I attempt to relax with Netflix, and I try to read in bed at night for at least 15-20 minutes to clear my head of everything work-related. I tend to save socializing for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Other than the day job, I enjoy every second of it!
That said, I'm amazed by those people who are doing all this AND raising children. Kudos to all of you!
Julia G. Darelle says
I don't think I can really do that "balance" thing. My family comes first. And I work in science which is pretty demanding occupation as well. But, I can't live without writing – so I guess, the answer will be – with terrible sleep deprivation. I start writing after midnight and finish around two or three in the morning, or whenever I find myself unable to keep my eyes open.
Rick Daley says
I don't balance, I wobble. I've been fortunate to avoid a full-tilt situation where life supercedes writing entirely (or vice versa) but to be honest I haven't found a perfect medium.
WORD VERIFICATION: payinght. Just another damn bill.
veela-valoom says
This is something that I find very difficult. I have an interesting job that has a very strange schedule. Sometimes I work Saturdays, plan overnights for whole weekends, work evenings, etc. It's hard to form writing habits when my working life doesn't follow the same schedule from week to week.
littolearnby says
See, that's the thing. I don't have to be writing to be lost in the world I've created. I have to actively stop myself from thinking about my WIP – and sometimes it leads to getting easily burnt out.
So no, no balance. Probably never will be. I'm a writer; it's what I do. The words in my head may drown out the world around me for now, but that doesn't mean I'm not listening to both.
Porter Anderson says
Some of us who are more solitary by nature don't feel a lot of pressure to engage in deep-field frolics among the other animals. For me, a good exchange with a cashier or a waiter is plenty of balance. Digital communications keep me more than adequately in touch with the world, and I have to use RescueTime's FocusMode to limit even that. Wouldn't mind getting a non-speaking dog soon, though. One who can edit and make blog comments for me.
Laura Campbell says
Thanks for the post. It's good to know I'm not alone when it comes to making time to write. Right now, I am working on self discipline. When I was immersed in the work force, I put my job before everything, including myself. I suffered.
Now, I work from home as a freelance writer. Slow moving and learning everyday. I'm much happier. Although the euphoric high I get from writing is addictive, I don't spend as much time writing as I hope to EVERYday.
I'm refusing to rush anything and giving myself room to make mistakes. Hopefully, in a few months my work ethic and mind with be more focused.
Deb says
I'm still working on this. The balance I have is more like being on a teeter totter. WAY up with the writing, down with everything else. WAY up with everything else and down with the writing. Sometimes I think that is maybe just the way I write. Other times I want to work. it. out. Looking forward to what others have to say and will for sure check out Jennifer's post. Thanks for the link!
educlaytion.com says
This question is always filled with loads of offshoots. Any pursuit can become unhealthy for sure. Writing in and of itself is a good thing. These days, most writers can't just stop at producing words. There's the social networking aspect and much more that goes with it. I constantly hear writers lament the challenges of family and craft. I wrote only a fraction of what I desired while married. Now that my personal circumstances have changed I've been writing more than ever. I guess the short answer is that no passion or job should ever supersede relationships.
Dana Rose Bailey says
Is there a such thing as real balance? I keep thinking that next month things will slow down and get back to 'normal.' I'll get into a schedule and find that balance. But I've yet to make it back to normal.
That's why I don't have a daily goal, but a weekly goal, so I can be flexible when I need to be. But sometimes it's hard to even make that goal, but that's not always a problem with balance.
However, in the end, things usually work out. For instance, I took a writing break to spend extra time reading. The books I read took time away from writing, but studying the writing styles of well written books made my writing better. I'm back to editing, and I can tell the difference in the way I look at my writing.
I'm constantly learning. Anything that happens outside of writing can be brought back to writing. There's a bigger picture than what feels like the right balance.
Sometimes we don't even know it until years later. At the time you may feel like you've neglected your writing, but then later realize that you needed that time away to clear your head.
Of course that's not to be confused with plan time wasting like playing spider solitaire that I am way too guilty of.
21tiger.com says
I love this stuff. After my morning workout+ shower, I do a 20 minute meditation, then write for 1 hour.
That's BEFORE work. So when I'm flipping on the email, I've already been writing and creative, and buzzed for an hour.
To do this, yes, you have to wake up early, but if will give you the energy to write every day,and smooth out the rest of your day!
Great post!
Susan Antony says
Originally, my novel was something fun to work on in my spare time. A year and 1/2 later, now that it is near completion, it has become an onus that I carry on my back. I don't sleep. I have cut out exercise, (I can see it on my hips) when I am not editing it I feel guilty. It is on my mind 24/7. Sometimes I feel it is my Mozart's Requiem. How do I balance writing and life? Not well.
Tracey Neithercott says
Having a job forces me to balance writing and real life. On mornings when I wake up and want to continue last night's writing–alone–I'm forced to head to work. Now, balancing writing with other things, like sleep and exercise? Much, much harder.
lora96 says
I view writing, like most things in my life, through the lens of guilt.
I can ignore laundry and e-mail and a sinkful of dishes to write. I cannot ignore papers that need grading, a dog who needs to go outside, or a husband who wants attention. If I do, I'll feel sorry later.
If I'm in the middle of writing something I think is flowing well, I'll give myself one sticky note to scribble the idea on and then shut the laptop.
There are, however, times when when I can write all I want but nothing decent will materialize-that's when the laundry gets done. 🙂
Maria I. Morgan says
Great post! Have had these same thoughts this week. Glad to hear someone else describe the writing process as getting 'lost in our own head.' I can definitely relate to that one.
Balance comes when I schedule my time – yes, I even schedule time to call friends and comment on blogs! God has allowed me to be a wife, mother, friend and writer. He's also given 24 hours in the day. When I follow His plan, I have plenty of time to finish what He's given me to do in that day. I get into trouble when I get sidetracked by MY agenda!
Have a truly balanced week! God bless!
mzmackay says
I loved the last line of your post. I read Jenn's blog post a few days ago and I really identified with it.
I'm lucky to have a family that is very supportive of my writing. But, I too must support them with their own pursuits, so we compromise. Every week night, I have my writing time from 9 to 11. During the weekends, I am theirs completely.
The experience of of a life lived brings so much to our writing. The experience of writing, gives me the satisfaction, that I have lived the life I want.
Gregz says
Funny, but I think Nathan's post was actually on a slightly different topic than most of the comments. It struck me as being more about making sure you made time for life when you were writing, not making time for writing in your life.
Yet, the difficulty of finding the time to write, especially every day, is so relevant to all of us, we can take the smallest hint at that topic and run with it.
As for me, it is not easy. I have a demanding job and three beautiful daughters, two of which are teenagers and all of which are crazy-active. I would love to "write every day" and "treat it like a job", but the practical fact of my life just won't allow that. So, I grab time when I can–early in the AM, late at night if I am feeling peppy, at lunch, and over weekends.
abc says
I have only one child. And I'm keeping it that way. I have a small house. I have learned to say "no" when I need to. And I don't let myself be too hard on myself (most of the time). I don't beat myself up if I miss writing and instead play a board game with the fam or watch Netflix streaming or, um, nap. I write when I can and try to be disciplined about it, but I also have a great job and a cool kid and a husband who insists we watch art movies together sometimes and all of that is good.
jg says
i don't see the point of balancing anything until you've achieved what you want.
You have to go off-balance, put everything into something if you want to achive it, especially in writing – life can wait
Teralyn Rose Pilgrim says
That's easy — I don't do any work at my job! But I don't write all day everyday (except during NaNo), so I love the line "Sometimes we put down writing for a while. Sometimes it refuses to be put down." I never know when I need to put my writing down because I feel like I shouldn't ever put it down, but I certainly know when it refuses to be put down.
janflora says
Apparently, I don't do the balancing act well at all. My family life and responsibilities completely took over during Nano. I did not write a word in December.
Sometimes my writing takes over and the house (and probably the family) suffers. Some nights I eagerly wait for the household to fall asleep so I can write, and the next day I try to function on three hours of sleep.
Right now, I am in the library hoping to write a few hundred words before I pick up the preschooler in an hour.
It's not so much balancing as juggling 🙂
Nancy Thompson says
Unbelievably enough, I never really had to do much balancing before…until this week. Now, for the first time, I'm having to put work before writing & I must say, I hate it! It's like a magnet constantly pulling at me, but I've managed to buckle down & get most of the work done. Of course, I only have one goal, get it all done & get back to the real game. I think I might have liked it better when the economy sucked worse!
Watcher55 says
I was "combat commo" (31K) in the Army. The first and last thing they taught us was – KISS (Keep It Short & Simple). I keep my needs to a minimum. Family, Friends, Music and wood to split (metaphorically speaking). Do I need anything else?
Krista V. says
Um, I don't. At least I haven't very well this week. I've been feeling driven to finish the revision I've been working on. But I really don't like this obsessive drive I sometimes get. I need to figure out how to harness it.
*guiltily crawls back into her writing cave*
Linda Gray says
A key for me is to engage with other writers, whether in a group blog, a writers group or even making sure certain writer friends will be at conferences I attend.
They are our peeps, after all, and if you can find good friendship-type relationships and build them, you get to combine writing energy with real-life energy. You might even find yourself doing non-writing things together, like shopping and eating and drinking and laughing.
Krista McKenna says
I believe balance is a very difficuly thing thing to get a good grip on especially on those days when the chacters in my are hear clammoring so loud to have their story told that it is hard t ignore. But, life must come first, chids, school work, dishes, laundry…All must be tended to. I try to spend my days doing all the nessessary lfe things and then once dinner is done, the kids are fed and tucked in for the night, I can fall into my own world and write. Unfortunatly that often makes for extremely late nights and going to bed at two a.m. when you have to get up at six makes for a long day…
E. Arroyo says
It really depends on my state of mind. If I'm useless as a family member (out of wack) I write. If I can't seem to grasp anything in writing, I indulge in life. It usually balances itself out.
Jayme Stryker says
I don't know about balancing writing and living, but I wish I could balance writing and sleeping. For some reason, thinking about my writing always seems to kick in right when I'm trying to fall asleep. Then it keeps me up sometimes for hours. Still working on figuring this one out. An off switch for my brain would be useful…
Juliana Brandt says
I would definitely say this is something I am still working on. I am lucky to have a job that allows me have time to write. I also am an endurance athlete which allows me to both take time off of writing and also is an inspiration for my writing.
I think a huge part of finding balance is having a supportive family who both helps give time to write and also calls you back to the real world when it is needed.
Laini Taylor says
Interestingly, this had become easier since having my daughter, who's now a year and a half. Before, "work" could be an interesting tapestry of time-wasting and self-delusion. Now that I have a very limited time each day to write, its boundaries are crystal clear, and time wasting is minimal. I wrote my last book SO MUCH FASTER than the previous ones (and I think it is the best 🙂 It's important to me too to take time between books. I know some people write every day and don't want to lose momentum, but I have to have a break in between books to shift the work/life balance more to "life" for a while. It recharges me for the next book, gets me itching to dive back in.
Cheers!
Shelli says
We are facing a move, and I just realized I probably need to focus my energy there instead of my writing. Practical, right? And yet there's the little voice screaming inside me, "Noooooooo!"
I guess I'm lucky, though — writing fits in perfectly with my current life, and I should be patient with this little hiccup.
Fenris says
It's pretty hard, especially now that I have critique partners waiting for feedback. It's my duty to get that done as well as finishing my WIP, but sometimes life gets tired of waiting for me.
Recently, it's barged through the door and roared defiantly in my ear.
So if any of my crit partners happen to read this: it's getting done. Slowly, but surely.
As to how I balance the two, typically I set a quota, a goal. I tell myself I'll spend (say) four hours a day writing/editing/critiquing/etc. On a good day, I triple that. On a not-so-good day, I don't get anything done at all. I think the key is learning how to divide your attention; you can write for a while but never quite lose track of what's going on around you, and when life calls you away you retain the memory of what you were writing immediately beforehand, so you can get right back to it when you can.
It's tough, sure, but whoever said life was easy? Writing is simply one way we choose to spend it; that doesn't make life any easier, nor does it take pity on us while we're "away."
Kayeleen Hamblin says
I actually just started up again after a very long writing break. My real life and family had to take the forefront for a while. Now that I'm picking it up again, I've learned that all the living I did has been great for my writing.
I think that finding balance means taking into account all the different claims on your time and making sure that everything gets it due. Sometimes that means writing only gets a little time. Sometimes other things take the backseat. Each day needs it own balance.
T. Anne says
I write primarily at night. It gives me something to look forward to all day. I love the solitude (sans tweetdeck). It's such a great way to unwind for me. Often I find myself plotting out the scene throughout the day.
B.E.T. says
I actually did a post about this! So, yeah, already have a ready answer. It's a day by day basis. My life has gotten busy lately and so I resort to carrying a notebook around in case the mood strikes and attempt to get my 1000 words out in the morning before class. My approach might change in the future with my responsibilities, who knows? Taking it one step at a time, though, helps me not worry about how I'm going to manage in the future, and helps keep me flexible and content.
Jenny says
My children watch way too much T.V.
But perhaps that's not balanced? Ah well.
Samantha G says
I live life and then force writing into odd hours of the night. It's an extremly good system but I have the mind frame of "there's no need to rush" so I never feel panicked. (Expect for, of course, odd moments in the day where sit and wonder if I'm crazy.)
Stephanie Barr says
I gave up sleep (but not sex) and collaborate with my husband.
Jen says
I also need to balance sleep and writing. I stay home with my toddler and infant, which some people think gives me time to write. Ha! Perhaps fortunately I don't have an office or desk in my home, so I go out for 2-3 hours 6 days a week and write at the bookstore or coffee shop. I get a lot done and a waste little time procrastinating because it's all I have! We have a sheet with my husband's work schedule on the fridge and mine is written right underneath it.
Ms. Taken says
Shirley Jackson said, "I can't persuade myself that writing is honest work. It's great fun and I love it. For one thing, it's the only way I can get to sit down." I totally agree with this. Like Shirley Jackson, I'm a mom and I don't often have time to sit down. When I do sit down, I write. It seems pretty darn self-regulating to me.