We all know that writing can be both a solitary pursuit and one that takes an incredible amount of time. Honing one’s craft over hundreds and thousands of hours while sitting quietly in front of a notepad or computer screen is often time not spent out in the world, engaging with friends and loved ones.
It’s time where we’re happily lost in our own head, creating our own worlds during the time we’re not out living in the real one. Writing can be a dazzling, fulfilling, and meaningful time, but life can beckon and intrude into that space, and not always unfairly. Sometimes it’s life that must come first.
As Jennifer Hubbard wrote in her truly magical post about the topic:
Sometimes the writing desk is a solace, an escape from tedium or pain in daily life.
Sometimes writing is a celebration. Sometimes it’s a way to process painful truths.
Writing is a life examined, which is supposed to be a life worth living. But a life can’t be spent only writing.
Sometimes we put down writing for a while. Sometimes it refuses to be put down.
So how do you strike the right balance between writing and living? How do you know when it’s time for writing and time for life? How much living is necessary to be a good writer, and how much writing is necessary for you to live?
Holly says
I have never been able to balance family, an outside job, housework, and writing. Something has to give way. Sometimes I let the housework go, or wear earplugs so I can write through a Yankees game. I lost my beloved husband two years ago, so sadly, the balancing act is not an issue now.
Family is more important. Yes, make time to write, but put your family first.
Stasia says
I balance them poorly. But I keep trying 🙂
D.G. Hudson says
I've always tried to achieve that balance, to avoid cognitive dissonance (that intuitive feeling that something's not right here).
I try to do my writing at the same time every day, being aware of the other things that need to be done. I do bits of writing when I'm waiting for appointments, or whenever I can. I edit writing when I'm fresh, not in the evening when I'm tired. That time is reserved for spending time with my husband/or family.
I have to be somewhat organized, or I start to resent the invasion into my writing life. Talking with family helps immensely. Be sure they know what you're trying to achieve. Don't be a closet writer – unless there's a reason.
The important thing in my mind is that as a writer I need to have some time alone, but as a person, I need that support that comes from investing some time in all those things that make up 'Life'.
The more commitments one has, the more divided your day becomes. Examine your priorities, and adjust what you can.
Great question, Nathan. I look forward to reading all the other entries.
MJR says
My sons' school used to have the kids pick choose to's and have to's every day. Before they could do their choose to's, they had to do a few have to's. I guess that's the way it is with me and writing. I do work first (I work freelance), do icky stuff like pay bills etc, then I write. I keep it very flexible. If the rest of the family is watching a boring TV show, I'll sit on the couch with them and write on my netbook. For me, the whole thing about set times, places to write, and word counts per day doesn't work. But I do try to write every day.
TERI REES WANG says
I don't.
Kate says
Poorly
Lucy says
@ Rick Daley
Ah, you've got my vote for comment of the week: "I don't balance, I wobble."
Makes for an interesting perspective on the world, when you're not exactly right-side-up. 😀
Joel Q says
My wife says as long as I'm writing I don't have to do chores around the house on the weekends.
And that's only the start of just how awesome she is.
Nancy Coffelt says
I have a very hard time separating writing and art from my "real life". The circus in my head is pretty enthralling.
I guess as long as I can keep my tennis game up and my friends and family remember what I look like, then it's all good.
Leigh Ann says
One word: Naptime.
I've made writing my Project 365 for the year. Project 365 is like a love letter to myself dated January 1 – It says, "You are important enough to take a little bit of time doing something today for you and you alone." I take that seriously.
Like Gina said – "So, like anything that means anything, you find time for it."
But, yeah. Naptime.
Stephanie@thecrackedslipper says
It's a combination of cutting things out and combining them. For example, like a lot of other posters, I cut sleep. Writing is part of living life. As they say, I can sleep when I'm dead.
Combining is more nuanced. For example, I "write" the night's scene in my head while I'm running. When the kids are finally asleep I can dive right in without wasting half an hour figuring out where to start.
Little things make a difference!
swampfox says
I would love to just wake up and write until it's time to go to sleep. A funny thing happens in between, however. That thing called a life. I should be on my fortieth novel by now.
Heidi says
Thank you so much for starting this conversation. This is something I've been struggling with, and I always wonder, "How do other writers do it?"
I'm enjoying reading everyone's responses, and learning along the way, as usual!
It's all just one big lesson after all.
salima says
If my head is clear, if I have a wonderful exhaustion and what's in me came out, then I can engage with the world fully and enthusiastically. But if I don't write to exhaustion, the story becomes a nagging hum under all my daily doings and sort of superimposes itself on things. Fortunately I don't have many people around me demanding my time and energy–just a very understanding boyfriend who is an artist himself.
Also, I do yoga, which is like Xanax.:)
Lisa Desrochers says
This is a really good question that I’ve struggled with all year. I still have my day job, which obviously takes a good chunk of my time, but I’m also under deadlines, so sometimes life takes a backseat. Example: Right now, I’m combing through first pass pages for my sequel (due on 1/17), and editing book three so I can send it to my crit partner next week, so here’s how my day went yesterday. Up at 6:30. Kids on the bus at 7. Went to work. Home at 4. Scoured first pass pages till 8 when I realized I’d forgotten to feed my kids. Dinner at 9. Edited until 11. First pass pages until 3am. Got up this morning and started again. I read each and every comment above looking for the magical answer, but it seems this is a pattern with many of us. I keep thinking: After these edits… Or, when I finish this book… But things never slow down.
Marilyn Peake says
I like what Rick Daley said, and that's what I do: I wobble. Trying to balance writing and life is tough sometimes.
sex scenes at starbucks, says
I know when it's time to live cuz my kiddos tell me.
Anita Saxena says
I always make time for my family and friends, and of course go to work, but I try to set aside at least three days where I have giant chunks of time for me and my writing. In between those three days I simply think about my book, way to make it better, etc… It works for me.
D.J. Morel says
I used to write seven days a week, but have since trimmed it back to six. Sundays are now a work and write free day, the day to go out and have a life. I also often make them a computer free day, not even allowed to check e-mail on my phone. It's amazing how long and rewarding the day is when you don't do anything other than interact with real, live people. Though I'll often end up reading a lot. That's part of living, isn't it?
Adele Richards says
My 2011 plan (working so far) is to write/plot for 30 minutes minimum a day no matter what. It's a piffling amount of time, I know but the good thing is that it's constantly rumbling along in my subconscious because I'm 'at it' so often. I figure if I take a few steps every day, eventually I'll reach my destination.
Ulysses says
I admit that, at the moment, I'm in a time where writing is difficult. There seems to be little space in my head for creation. I feel bad about it, but there are so many other things in my life that require my attention, and deserve it, that the production of words has fallen too far down the priority list to obtain processor cycles.
I don't expect this will last long. It never does. Writing, as a creative activity, is something I find necessary, as important in its way as exercise, meditation and reading are for my overall well-being.
I suspect I balance few aspects of my life well. Like many, I respond more to urgent demands than I do to important ones (urgent is not always the same as important). As a result, stress is a frequent companion, and depression a real danger.
Still, I'm learning. Time taken to balance things out is not time better spent elsewhere. It's necessary, as is saying "No," to some things. Writing is something that makes me feel good, and when I feel good, all those other demands, those burdens, are a little easier to carry.
Honestly, though, I could use a few more hours in my day.
Who am I kidding? I could use a few more days in my day.
Ulysses says
Reading through the comments, I see I'm not alone in the struggle to find time and energy.
Stephen King says (in On Writing): Life should not be a support system for art. Art should be a support system for life.
Anonymous says
When you're younger it's hard to strike a balance, mostly because you think you know it all.
It's not until you're older and can draw from past life experiences when you begin to strike the real balance. Things change after 40, when you realize you have more years behind you than you have ahead of you.
Anonymous says
There is not balance for me. I'm a full time senior design engineer for a multinational tech company, I have 1.5 hrs of commute every day, I own 10 acres of land to take care of, I need to work out regularly…it's quite insane actually. I recently uninstalled all my computer games to remove that temptation. Balance? LOL! Balance for me involves "Oh, I have some time, guess I will write." But, I do maintain lots of brainstorming docs using Google docs that I can access at almost any time and toss out and idea that floats in to my head.
Mira says
I agree with GregZ that the question here is rather subtle. (Although the discussion about how to find time to write is always an excellent and relevant one!) I'm not sure if I'm addressing your question, Nathan, but I'll share the thoughts that came up for me when I read your post.
I guess I have two main thoughts.
The first is that when we are writing, we are the tool that we use. And it's very important to take care of ourselves, because if we're exhausted, or deprived, or resentful, or dry inside, our writing will reflect that. That's not always a bad thing for our writing, but I think alittle bit of that can go along way. So, I think it's important for us to make sure that we have a balance of our needs being met in order to come back to our writing refreshed and clear. That includes fun, rest and engaging activities separate from writing.
The other thought I have is sort of a variation of that. I believe that when we write we express who we are and what we've experienced. Many people recommend observing the world to better your writing. I think observing the world can't hurt, but I believe what's really important is being aware of and in touch with yourself.
It's a matter of grappling with who you are, what you think, how you feel, what choices you make, where you are wounded, how you are healing and what lessons you are learning. All of that also opens channels to the unconscious as well, and I believe creation is a colloboration between our conscious and unconsious selves, and the clearer the channels between them, the more powerful the expression.
All of that is to say that as writers we not only need time to rest, but we need time to reflect, absorb, explore and sometimes do nothing. Having people to talk this our questions over with is invaluable. Also, even more invaluable is time alone.
Here's a quote from Brenda Ueland that speaks to this.
"I learned…that inspiration does not come like a bolt, nor is it kinetic, energetic striving, but it comes into us slowly and quietly and all the time, though we must regularly and every day give it a little chance to start flowing, prime it with a little solitude and idleness."
— Brenda Ueland
Anyway, hope that speaks to your question, Nathan. I know that it was helpful to me to organize my thoughts and talk about it. 🙂
Lindsay says
For me, this is THE question. I haven't found the answer yet. Getting "good writing" done means not doing many other things that also need doing (cleaning out the car, doing the dishes, doing laundry, taking my dog to the park, answering my phone). The closest I've come to balance is alternating writing and life. There are some days I don't write much, because I need to do other things; there are some days (some weeks) when "nothing gets done" because I'm writing and making a lot of progress. I'm in the middle of my first-ever week off from writing, because I'm cleaning my house for visitors and, being pregnant, I can't pull late-nights to catch up on my word count. For me, working fulltime and writing regularly means my life cannot be truly well-balanced–no matter how hard I try.
Carol J. Garvin says
My life isn't as busy now as it used to be but I remember the yearning for more 'me' time to pursue special interests, and I sympathize with those who are trying to stretch 24 hours to span a day's commitments. I often waste a lot of precious time and mental energy doing inconsequential things. Some days it doesn't matter; other days I know I need to be more efficient. Prioritizing works for me. I don't usually stop to wonder where I'll find time to get important things done, I just do them. Like lots of things in life, if something is important enough to me I make time, and let the less important things drop off that day's schedule.
Nicole L Rivera says
I set a schedule to write. If something comes up where I can "live" and be out in the world, soak up another's company, and add value to my vault of experience (which improves my writing) then I take it. If it's grocery shopping, I try to avoid it at all costs.
Kasie West says
Wait, nobody told me being balanced was a requirement. Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong.
Laurie Boris says
I write as a vocation and an avocation, so balance is particularly hard. I make time daily for exercise, good food and good sleep. I make time for family life. What frequently gets cheated is time with friends. Still working on that.
Pamala Owldreamer says
I have so many changes and so much uncertainty and sadness in my life at the moment my writing is my life.It takes me away from all the fear of the unknown.Gives me hope for a better day in th future. I blog and pour out my frustration and pain with humor.Writing is the only constant in the drama and upheaval that has taken over my life.I can cope as long as I can write and tell a damn good story.
mnaylor3 says
Write on your iphone! (this comment is sponsored by Apple)
Ganz-1 says
I let each have their own time. Whenever I feel like I can't write, I stop and enjoy life. Once I get to the spirit of writing again, I stopped life and enjoy writing. I measure balance in days, not hours in a day. If I can get 2 days of writing and 2 days of life, then it is balanced.
Debbie says
That's tough to balance for most of us and a great question. I know many writers who schedule time every day to sit at their computer and write. Very few of them, however, actually schedule time with their loved ones. I think, if you're serious about it, you need to consciously schedule both. Sure, things will happen and get in the way, but if you set aside time for writing and for living, the chances are that you'll do a better job of both.
Debbie Ouellet
S. M. Orges says
I'm a professional copywriter Monday through Friday.
Monday, Tuesday and Friday evenings, I try to work on my book, but usually end up watching YouTube videos because I'm tired from writing all day.
Saturdays I start writing around 1pm and continue until 10ish.
Sundays and Wednesday evenings are reserved for friends and family, and Thusday nights are choir practice.
Sheila Cull says
Yes, interesting reading the comments.
How do you balance writing and life Nathan?
Nathan Bransford says
Sheila-
Honestly, it's something I struggle with all the time.
Nathan Bransford says
Well, I should say in my case it's the balance between the triumvirate of work/life/writing
Joy N. Hensley says
Balance between writing and life? Yeah right! Between my commute, the two boys who demand (and rightfully so) time when I'm home, and the exhaustion that comes from teaching 90 13-year olds a day, it's hard for me to focus. But, I set a goal for myself to do one writing-focused thing a day. Tonight my two-year old was having a bad night, so we went to wal-mart and I bought index cards for my next story–that's my writing thing for today. Not too exciting, but it got something done.
I also carry a digital recorder with me in the car. So on my long slogs up the highway, I will write story notes or story ideas, then transcribe them at some point.
Every little bit helps and every little bit gets me that much closer to my goal of publishing a novel.
Adam Heine says
"How do you balance writing and life?"
Poorly.
Deepam Wadds says
It is an ongoing effort to maintain balance between the worlds. I don't write for a living (yet) but I set aside time to write as if I do. It's that important.
Anonymous says
You set priorities and learn how to say no, which usually means your social life suffers. And, friends get mad at you. But for me, I'd much rather experience a new release, knowing I put so much work into it, than spend more time with friends. As selfish as that sounds, it's the honest truth.
You simply can't have it all.
Sharon Bially says
This is a great question but it begs another question that keeps nagging at me: how do writers FINANCE the writing life over the long term? I hear many writers talk about writing all day, year round, and while I was lucky enough to work part-time for many years, it became difficult for my family and I now have a full-time job. I'm lucky if I squeeze in an hour of writing each morning. How do those who do devote most of their time to writing sustain? Do they earn enough from publishing revenues to forgo a salary? Or do they have the support of a spouse or a trust fund? I realize there are many answers, but I'd love to hear 'em all!
Nick says
Easy.
I have no day job, don't go back to university for another week, and never really hung out with friends a hell of a lot to begin with.
The trickier part is balancing writing with gaming/reading/film watching/etc.
Linnette R Mullin says
Well put, Nathan! Glad I'm not the only writer suffering from the balance act. 😀 I tend to be an all or nothing kind of gal. So, I'm totally living life or I'm totally in writer/reader mode. I have a hubby and four boys (three of which are teenagers, the other is 5) and I can literally shut out the commotion around me when I'm in the writing zone. It usually takes an earth shattering event for them to get me attention. 😀
Lucinda says
First half century, I lived.
Great question, Nathan….as usual.
Now, I am making up for lost time in pursuing the dream of writing…I don't try to balance it.
However, four children and three grandchildren often force a little balance here and there.
Lucy
wendy says
In the past I've had a lot of solitary time which has been a joy to fill with writing pursuits. Some of my happiest times have been while writing. The only family I have is my mother who lived a State away, back then, and I don't make friends easily, so being able to create stories about imaginery people has been a great blessing. Writing and music have saved me from a huge amount of loneliness, emptiness and self-doubt.
These days time is harder to come by as I'm a full-time carer for my mother now she's frail and ill, but I don't regret that either. Everything has its season, and I've moved on to the next phase with acceptance and joy.
Gordon says
I forget the speaker, but somebody once said a writer only writes based on the first 25 years of his or her life, ie, you should spend a quarter century living all the way up then sit down and be a monk for the rest of your days, spinning out those epic yarns of your well-spent youth.
I'm 22 and have spent a year and a half on a novel sort of based on the previous couple years of my life. I guess I lived through some stuff then wanted to write about it, but I never stopped living. You have to keep observing the world to stay inspired, to keep alive the necessity for your work to make it out there.
My one Unbreakable Vow is to never allow the Word file to stagnate for more than 24 hours. As long as something in the ms changes from one day to the next I know I've made tangible progress, and hopefully lessened the overall work remaining in the project.
Hillsy says
I decided I didn't like the balancing act anymore. Writing becoming more of a looming, excrutiating failure than an enjoyable hobby, so I switched it for stuff that makes me happy.
I mean I still write my SF and Fantasy epics, I just don't commit them to paper anymore….=0)
Ann Elise says
School was clearly the creation of the Devil, designed to gobble up so many hours of our lives in order to turn us into antisocial, pasty adolescents with no creativity or social lives, so I have to shove some of that out of the way to make time for writing. I handwrite most of my first drafts and any new scenes I'm inserting into existing works so I don't have to lug around a laptop–I'm too little and weak for that 🙂
This year, with two sets of study periods (that's one-third of my time at school), I'm hoping that the balancing act will be more manageable and I will finish the novel I started at fifteen years old. Then again, this is my final year so all bets are off.