Now that we have a…. healthy sample size of first paragraphs (1,758 at the moment), it’s possible to get a good glimpse inside an agent’s inbox and to simulate the experience of reading lots and lots of different story ideas in one sitting.
So. What do you think makes for a good first paragraph? What types of openings draw you in and which kinds leave you cold? Have you spotted any favorites? What was it about them that piqued your interest?
I shall be withholding my thoughts as the contest is still ongoing, but I’d be curious to know what you think.
I like books that set the scene from the beginning. I want to know the where and the what before the who. This is my favourite first line so far:
"The general store smelled of chocolate."
I don't like openers that start by naming the MC by full name or that start with an opinion. I can't digest the opinion of a MC if I don't know anything about them.
As a published author, I can tell you that the first sentence and the first 2-3 paragraphs are hard. I probably spend more time writing and rewriting the opening page than the entire first chapter, and that first chapter is no cakewalk either.
"The first sentence should be unforgettable, powerful, lyrical perhaps. The first paragraph should make the reader catch his breath, crave more… As a writer, I've always tried to keep that in mind." –commenter Leahsandra.
I totally agree with this and think about it whenever I pick up a new book. I want either tension, beauty, or beautiful tension right from the start, along with a clean writing style :).
It's been awesome to read through a few hundred of these to see what's out there, and to get a taste of Nathan's job for a day.
That was a ridiculous comment, person whose comment I just deleted, and anything similar is going to be deleted. I'm extremely thankful we have published authors around here to lend their expertise. If you don't think you have anything to learn from them, well, you most definitely do. We all do.
I think it's pretty hard to establish plot in a first paragraph. I'm more interested in character – if you're going to ask me to dedicate time to your character, then that person better be interesting from the beginning.
I think that the first paragraph is not a big deal. But the first 14-15 pages have to be good, otherwide I usually put the book down.
I don't envy your job– I went through about 300 of the posted paragraphs before I gave up– it made me want to stab myself in the eye!
Nathan, it was not a ridiculous comment. My point is that the first sentence, paragraph and page is hard regardless of whether one is published or not.
Thank you.
It would have been easy to have said that without being extremely rude.
A great 1st paragraph should tell you everything without you knowing it. Like the start of A River Runs Through It: "In our family, there was no clear line between religion and fly fishing…"
Speaking of favorites, Nathan, I am astounded by the response to your contest. It shows what readers of your blog (writers) want most is to be recognized.
You should capitalize on this: have your readers rank their favorite paragraphs to help you narrow it down to ten, and you decide the winner. Just think of how many times each writer will check your blog to see how his/her paragraph is ranking. You might just blow up the Google server.
+ I like to get a sense of the character and the place as soon as possible. I need to be able to picture the scene and the person before I can begin to care. It doesn't matter whether the story starts with a naval battle or slave auction or the mailman bringing a letter, but it should feel like something is happening or about to happen that sets a whole chain of events into motion.
– What I don't like are first paragraphs that move too fast. Where am I supposed to look first? Hey, this looks like a movie my uncle filmed with his hand camera! Who was that blurry someone who just flashed past?
– Big turn-off: gratuitous violence in the first chapter. (Gratuitous violence is always a turn-off, but when it happens this early, I'm not yet involved in the story or the characters, so in the trash goes the book.)
Style/tone/language — of course that's important. If I don't like the prose, I don't pick up the book. But it's impossible NOT to have these things in all your paragraphs. It takes me about a page to decide if I like the writing (sometimes first paragraph, sometimes 2-3 pages). Rule of thumb: If there isn't a thought, description, observation, small surprise, or unusual detail on the first page that makes me think: wow, that's nicely put / I wouldn't have thought of that myself, then chances are, I won't turn the page.
Have you spotted any favorites? What was it about them that piqued your interest?
Yes I have. What piqued my interest is that it's mine 😀
I disagree with the notion that this is a pointless exercise. Maybe I am aware of how important the first paragraph is because I absolutely suck at first paragraphs. But if you can write a good first paragraph, that skill would translate well to a query letter.
And if someone is in a bookstore browsing, they will have seen the cover and read the back. Online, maybe they just go the sample offered by Amazon or whatever ebook retailer. You have only the first paragraph or perhaps the first chapter to convince someone to purchase. That "I have to know what happens next/get to know this character better" feeling needs to be thoroughly in place.
My own entry was pretty long, but it was actually twice as long before I edited and posted it. I think I need to work on being more brief, because I seem to skim past the long entries myself. D'oh!
Some of my favorites are long ones though – I loved the one where the kid eats the urinal cake, even if it was so gross. It captured my interest.
I really liked the one that just said:
"What do I feel about my mother?"
It was so powerful. The story could go to any direction from there, but it already made me think.
The type of opening I like is one with a smooth voice and interesting statement, or action, or character. One that shows a little of what shapes the character, what shapes the story, or that gives voice.
I don't like openings that start with superficial things that will change. For example, I dislike first paragraphs that tend to follow this general formula:
"It was a cold winter day with a blue sky and marshmallow clouds. John Doe tucked his collar in to avoid the breeze, and watched cars twinkle with morning dew as they drove down the road…."
I can get description anywhere. When I first start reading, I want something that will have relevance throughout the entire work, even if it just shows what the character is like.
*Note: that paragraph up there is a mock up I did, not one that was posted.*
Hears an idea. Have a playoff among our peers. A field of 64 if you will. Everybody votes on your favorites in a head to head competition. Let's see if we can narrow it down to overlapping any one of your top three. Think Tiger Woods versus the field.
In the first paragraph I want to feel the mc's voice.
Nathan, I saw Jennifer's comment and have to agree, you can be a bit heavy handed here. You have control issues or something? Let loose a bit, no need to sit and catch and approve each and every post. I'd assume you have more on your plate to do.
Just an honest opinion.
There is meaning, if not points – a very Western conceit, the point – in everything.
I don't think he was being heavyhanded at all.
anon-
I probably should have counted to ten before responding and was overly heavy-handed in how I handled that. But all the same, I've been around the Internet enough to know that personal attacks can derail a really good discussion. I may have a heavier moderation hand than other sites, but I think it's important to maintain a tone that doesn't devolve into needless attacks.
Anyway, we had this discussion a few weeks back, and I don't see any reason to change course.
It's Nathan's house and his yard. In my opinion, if anyone doesn't like it, he can take his ball and his glove and go home.
(that was to anon@11:06)
Um… wasn't there a rule about angst?
I don't think you're being overly anything, Nathan; there are a couple of folks who are pushing at the envelope's boundaries and purposefully, I think. Looking to get a rise. It reminds me of a couple of instances in the past, where things, as you intimate, begin to become incendiary. It would be unfortunate for that kind of stuff to take over what is a great thread and exchange of ideas. So, I'm with you.
Sarah Scotti-Einstein said…
"I do [not?], in spite of how often I have heard this said, want an opening paragraph that 'grabs me by the throat.' In fact, I don't want anything to grab me by the throat, thank you."
Thank you, Sarah!!! I won't repeat, add or elaborate, but your comment states my opinion. 🙂
Personally, whenever someone starts to accuse you of being a control-freak, which has happened before, I think you should delete those comments. They have nothing to do with the thread/argument at hand, it steps beyond being passionate and even a little rowdy about, say, first paragraphs, and becomes more personally-oriented.
If the threat was 'Do you think I'm a control-freak?' it would be viable stuff; here, it is not.
OK, thanks everyone – let's move on now. I'm going to delete references the earlier incident henceforth in the interest of keeping the very good discussion about paragraphs going.
Nathan, what do you think makes a good opening paragraph? We can all discuss it all afternoon (or morning for you kids out West), but in the end an agent like yourself is the person who will be deciding whether an opening paragraph is good. So simply put, what do you like?
dave g-
All will be revealed.
That's good question Dave. If you look up the last First Paragraph challenge, you can find some of Nathan's thoughts. I did and found it very enlightening.
I haven't read all of them. But there are some good ones in there. The most recent I will choose is this one by Samir:
Zooey was in two minds about proffering her purple, polka-dotted piggybank to the altar of sacrifice. But when she saw her brother wearing a snazzy turban, which conjured up images of Prince Aladdin, her curiosity was piqued. Making a split-second decision, she pressed the porcelain porcine into the palm of his outstretched hand.
It sounds like a middle-grade novel. And I want to know more. I think that's what makes a good paragraph. You want to keep reading. Because when I'm flipping through books a the bookstore (or on Amazon, love that Look Inside feature!) I go to the first paragraph. If I want more, I'll get it.
One of the best first paragraphs I've read recently is from Dogs of Babel. Amazon it. Check it out. Awesome.
I can definitely tell what doesn't work for me in a paragraph. What does is harder to figure out. I don't like being coy with character names. I don't like the backstory opening, where we get a condensed history of the character, their personality, or some childhood incident. All of the adrenaline and panting breath and hammering hearts puts me off right away–I don't know what the danger is or who is in danger, so I don't really care.
All of those things, of course, can work in the right hands.
I admit to being a very impatient reader. I read 2-5 books a week, and my to-read pile just keeps growing. A book has the first paragraph to hook me if I don't know anything about it. Recommendation from friends usually gets it 10-30 pages, but the opening really is essential. I'll put up with a lot of murky middle if the beginning wows.
Awesome, thanks Derrick. And Nathan, you sure know how to drum up interest.
What struck me after a while was the sheer amount of adjectives. (See? even there 'sheer') We writers love words and lots of 'em! But I think we must kill all those beautiful, striking, and so on adjectives.
What makes a good pick-up line?
"Come here often?" is going to sound very different coming across the lips of Hugh Jackman than say, Paul Giamatti. Style and tone is everything.
I would think, can I fall in love with this guy? He might not be the most imaginative or creative guy in the place but if I like the sound of his voice I might give him a shot.
I want to fall in love with a book I'm starting and for me it's not what is said on the first page thats important but "how they say it".
Does that make me shallow? Ugh…
I like first paragraphs that clearly place me somewhere and clearly give me PEOPLE– I want to see someone that I can possibly like or relate to right off the bat. I get annoyed by books that initially focus on a character other than the protagonists. I look for an approachable voice and, as others have said, that sense of authorial control.
I think a good first paragraph indicates that the writer is skilled enough to keep control over wording, to make every word count, and there’s something intriguing in the subject matter itself. In regard to cases where first paragraphs fail, sometimes the first sentence or two are good, but then the writer appears to grope around for ways to put sentences together – an indication that the rest of the book might not hold together very well. I definitely found some favorites in this contest.
Something that is different. Something with a little magic.
Something that flows.
Something that makes me want to spend time with the characters.
Oh, here's something that has bothered me: a lot of jargon in a first paragraph. Maybe this is just because I don't read much fantasy, but I'm bothered by hearing about the Others and the Chifiese (my word verification word) and the Underlings and the Orcs and whatever else have you in the first paragraph. I don't even want to know about Vampires or Zombies in the first paragraph. When I do get drawn into a fantasy, I'm captured because the world in the first paragraph sounds like my own– then I know I can relate even to characters who live in a world very different.
This could just be me, though.
Maya –
No, that's not just you, a lot of jargon can be jarring in a first para. I agree with that.
I like first paragraphs that spark simple questions. Ooh, she's on an airplane… but to where? And someone has died, but who and how? Why does she refuse her airline meal?
If skillfully written, it serves as the aroma coming from the kitchen,awakening the appetite.
Hi Allison! Great feedback as always. 😉
I posted earlier about what I like in a first paragraph, but to be honest, if the blurb on the back of the book doesn't grab me (for authors I haven't read before) then I'm not going to care how the book starts. I have books on my shelves whose opening page weren't worth turning to the next for, but because the author has delivered in the past, I read on.
But, as we've heard many times, in many posts of this nature: some people see paragraphs as they are and say why [would I read on]? I see paragraphs [that have potential] and say why not? heh
It's all subjective people. No offense should be taken or given.
now, back to the drawing board. ;-P
If I were an agent, I would be looking for the following in the first paragraph:
a) the writer can, indeed, write
b) does it intrigue/interest me enough to read on. Most often I find myself stop reading within a sentence of two.
c) tone/voice and whatever you call it that tells me what I can expect of the story
I don't think first paragraph is the ALL-important part of the story (nor is the first sentence). I think the most important aspect of a good beginning is very simple: Does it make me read the rest, until THE END. If it does, then it's a good book. Period.
The thing about first paragraph isn't whether IT is grabbing, but the opposite: whether I would stop reading after the first few sentences. I'd say 8 out of 10 times I would STOP before I got to the end of the paragraph. I think that's what separates the pros from the novices for me.
Rhonda,
I also could read at way above my grade level as a kid, by the time I was 12 I was reading college textbooks and had been reading adult books for a couple of years before that. There are a few things you can do to help your kid read books at their level without changing the books being written. First, think about things that you personally don’t want them to read about (sex, violence, curse words, etc.) Then, find books that are less likely to have those things in them at their reading level. For example, my mother didn’t want me reading books with sex in them, so I could read all the adult non-fiction that I wanted to except Biographies. Classic lit. is also a good as you can easily find out if there is things you think are not age appropriate in them. Also, there is nothing wrong with reading books below your reading level either. You two could find a few books (or more) a year that are more challenging to read and then let them read books written for their age most of the time, as they will most likely want to read the books that are popular with their friends anyway.
I hope this helps some.
I prefer having a first paragraph that gets overturned as soon as the "inciting incident" happens. The MC is going about his/her day, then BANG! "it" happens and sends the MC spiraling off into an interesting story.
I think I better stop reading comments. I'm feeling a little anxiety coming on. I liked my first paragraph when I wrote it (though I tweaked it after just a bit) because it felt smooth and part of the story.
If I get anxious and start over-analyzing what felt comfortable, couldn't my paragraph start to sound forced? How do you know when to keep editing and when to just let it go?
I agree. A little mystery or an unanswered question is good. For example, what are the messages in those bottles hanging from the tree in the jungle? (If I'm remembering correctly–one of the entries).
All I'm thinking as I'm reading this is – Bugger! Maybe I shouldn't have opened with a piece of dialogue.
The first paragraph is very hard and I agree with one of the earlier comments that you spend a overly long time revising and editing them. (Mine's very much a first draft – honest!)
It is (rightly or wrongly) constantly drummed into us by contests like this, books and by anecdotal osmosis that you need a hook. I just hope that most people at least give you a couple of paragraphs… and forgive a little bit of dialogue in the first sentence.
For me a good first paragraph is something that sets the scene and makes me want to know more about the characters. Scenes that open without a sense of place and time, or that don't identify the main character in some way confuse me.
Without going too much into my own challenges in life, I wanted to say thank you to "The Editors" for addressing my plea. : )