“The Wrestler” got me thinking about the sacrifices writers make. While it’s certainly possible (and advisable) to live a balanced life as a writer that does not involve Randy “The Ram”-esque self-destruction, everyone I know who has succeeded as a writer had to give up something to get there, whether it was time doing something more immediately fun, spending time with friends and family, or the ability to read bad writing without cringing.
What have you given up for your writing dream?
Janet says
I have given up the right to be very choosy about what I read. I have to know what’s out there, and a lot of it I wouldn’t have read on my own. So reading is less fun than it used to be, because it is now a professional obligation.
And I will be giving up leisurely web-surfing. *sigh* Focus, focus, focus!
Anonymous says
I don’t think of it as having “given up” anything. I do it because I like to do it. Sure, I guess I could be doing something else with all that time (I figure, for example, that if I paid myself minimum wage for each hour I’ve spent writing, that, even after taxes, I’d have a lot more than I’ve received so far from my advance, but still…you only get one life, right? You should do what you feel is constructive with it.) Besides, I already have a fulltime dayjob–so, I’d rather have the book I’ve written (with the contact) than having had a *second) job with all that time instead, the cash from which I would probably blow anyway on exotic vacations and stuff that would, wel..make me want to write about it.
Joann Mannix says
The clean house became more of a soul-killing chore than a source of pride. It was the first thing to go.
My insane work-out schedule where I was at the gym by 5:00 AM every morning was the next casualty. Now, I’m a little softer, but a lot more creative with the proper amount of sleep.
Regular cooking went next, along with the pronouncement that I would no longer be the slave of the house. What a wonderful gift I gave to my kids-forced independence. Truly, a good thing.
Now, I dictate that the laundry room door MUST stay shut at all times, so visitors aren’t privy to the fact that my laundry piles are as towering as my dreams. The title of my blog, laundryhurtsmyfeelings, was inspired by those towers I am unable to conquer.
My involvement in the community and my kids’ schools has also sadly been put on the back burner.
But, most importantly, I gave up the fear and stepped off.
No matter what happens, it has all been worth it.
Ulysses says
Tough question. If you’ve never had X, how do you know you’ve given it up?
I believe all I’ve given up is time. Time that I could have spent with family or friends. Time that I could have spent sailing or gardening or playing video games or writing computer programs (yep… geek is as geek does), or watching television. Time that I could have used to learn a new skill.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve done all those things. I just haven’t had as much time to do them as I would have if I hadn’t set aside the time to write.
Things I’d like to do if I gave up writing:
– Plot world conquest. I just don’t think enough people are doing that anymore.
– Become involved with a supermodel. If Mel Gibson can run around with a Russian girlfriend, why can’t I?
– Shave a yak. Just what the heck to those things look like under all that hair, anyway?
– Sabotage a political campaign. It looks like fun.
– Invent the Next Big Thing. How hard can it be?
– Get rich by spamming Nigeria.
– Achieve spiritual enlightenment. I figure I can do it in a week. I bet the Dalai Lama makes it look more difficult than it is.
– Learn patience. That shouldn’t take too long.
– Discredit my enemies. I don’t actually have any, but once I started on this list, I don’t think it’d take a week before I had hundreds.
Mira says
Oh, I am going to have to give up something.
This is hard for me to say, but, sadly, I’m probably going to have to give up my blog.
With working full-time, and now school full-time, something has to give. It’s sad….
Is anyone interested in taking over Come In Character? I’d be happy to pass it into some capable hands…..
Anonymous says
“…leaving my PhD in the dust to be “creative”.
I’d say it’s a mistake not to finish the PhD, if you’re at least 2 years into it. It will give credibility to your writing, help you sell more books. (think of being introduced on the interviews as “Dr., author of…”
Plus, the experience of going through with it will give you the fortitude to complete an arduous project, something you will need in order to sell a book. Then there is the expeirence itself, the people you’ll meet, your thesis defense–all of this is great fodder for fiture stories which you are forsaking because you think you’ve got enough in your head already.
Think again. think again.
Jason Crawford says
I really don’t feel like I’ve given up anything because (OK I know this is cheesy, but here goes) I REALLY love writing.
I don’t watch much TV because I’m writing, but I’d rather be writing anyhow so it’s not like I’ve given anything up.
There are other things I like that I don’t get to do much of, but none of them compare to my desire to write. But if I didn’t write everyday I’d probably be one heck of a guitar/piano player. I guess that’s one sacrifice.
Leni Qinan says
Basically,
Sleep
TV
Coffee breaks at work (I use them for writing sometimes)
Housework (I only do the basics)
but it’s rewarding, even if you’re unpublished!
AmyB says
I gave up World of Warcraft. Believe me, it wasn’t a big loss.
Weronika says
How about (more) perfect grades? The party-it-up type social life? Writing has enveloped everything, but I have no regrets.
Anonymous says
I thought my husband had given up his sleep, and time with me, for his writing, but it turned out he was also having an affair.
So now I have huge issues with my own writing.
Never give up time with your family.
Jason Crawford says
would like to add…I think the way to avoid becoming like the dude in the movie you mentioned, Nathan, is to know what things in life you are not willing to sacrifice for writing, and then building a wall around them. OK so this wall needs to have a door, but the door should remained locked most of the time.
I will not sacrifice my marriage or my daughters for writing. Other than that I’d pretty much give up anything else.
darkened_jade says
I honestly don’t see it as “giving up” something in order to write. I want to write and so I’m doing what I want to do. If I miss out on socialising, or television or any of the other so called amazing things out there, then I chose to do so.
I will point out that the one thing I will not give up is my day job. If I did that I would spend twenty four hours glued to the computer, never eat healthy again, and I wouldn’t have any inspiration to draw on to write about. I like the balance I have between working, writing and socialising. If I were to actually get published, then I might have to tweak that balance more in favour of writing, but I’ll play it by ear.
Mira says
I feel like the most horrible, irresponsible person in existence giving up CIC.
I really hope someone takes it over. There’s such a wonderful community building there.
kristin-briana says
Mostly pride. And ridiculously high expectations. I had to look at my work more objectively and realize that it was not great – it wasn’t even necessarily GOOD – and I can always make it better.
Elaine 'still writing' Smith says
What have I given up 2
The feeling that I am not the person I was supposed to be.
Marilyn Peake says
Mira said:
“I feel like the most horrible, irresponsible person in existence giving up CIC.
“I really hope someone takes it over. There’s such a wonderful community building there.”
—————
Don’t feel badly, Mira. Grad school should definitely take your full attention. Have you posted an announcement on the CIC blog, asking for someone to take over? Wish I could do it, but I’m swamped.
Andrea says
Hahaha! Good question. I had to give up wearing my wedding band! Typing with it on gave me a cyst on my ring finger, and now I can’t wear it.
Anyone out there gotten a tat on their finger? Seriously!! 😉
Other than that, I have had to learn to schedule myself so that my family doesn’t get lost.
I once listened to a music writer tell how the royalties for his most popular songs went to paying for his divorces. A new x per song!
That is a price I’m not willing to pay!
Marilyn Peake says
Andrea said:
“Anyone out there gotten a tat on their finger? Seriously!! ;)”
I get what feels like a Vulcan neck pinch after typing for hours. Ouch.
Lupina says
Gave up: teaching job with benefits and such, having a house clean enough that I could happily allow neighbors inside any time, a well-tended flower garden, artwork, delusions of grandeur, the ability to kid myself, fancy clothing I didn’t need, baking,various dumb hobbies and most TV.
Won’t give up: Time with family and close friends, naps, sleep, exercise, making nutritious food, the dog. Tried all of that and got cancer, which could have been a real writing career buster. Nothing is worth that!
Suzanne Casamento says
Stability. Freelance writing doesn’t exactly bring in the big bucks. But it’s worth it. ; )
Other Lisa says
A career. I always felt like I had “a day job,” even when I had a pretty decent gig that paid well.
When I was working full-time and writing, sleep. Balance, a lot of the time. I pushed really hard on the last book, to the point where I’d joke it was written in dog years. I could tell my regimen wasn’t good for my health.
At least one relationship. It wasn’t “the writing or me,” but the fact that he so did not get how seriously I took it.
Now, maybe my little house in a wonderful neighborhood. I no longer have the lucrative day job, and I’m just not willing to go back to that kind of life. That’s about far more than just the writing – it’s about needing to lead a life that has both adventure and as Nathan put it, “brain-breathing time.” And time for very long walks.
I used to be able to do all of it, the job, the writing, the exercise, even a modicum of social life, but I can’t any more. After a while, not having that brain-breathing time is almost worse than not having enough sleep.
Word verification: dowoop!
Now that’s a nice, upbeat word. I’m going with it.
Icy Roses says
Wow, I feel pretty lucky. I haven’t given up anything. You have a lot of free time your freshman year in college…
Next year though, I feel less optimistic about time management.
Marilyn Peake says
Nathan,
Have you considered asking the flip side of today’s question – What positive things have we gained from writing? Answers might be illuminating, and lead to another positivity day. 🙂
Anonymous says
Any semblance of a personal life. Can’t manage a “day job” and write and have any time left over for anything other than grabbing a few hours of sleep (and I don’t even get 8 of those).
J.F.
SB says
I’ve given up people looking at me like a normal, sane human being when I tell them what I’ve been up to.
Also, I’ve given up being a workaholic in my day job. Although I have a pretty good, low-profile job, I could have a wonderful, yet stressful, high-profile job in the same line of work that would have given me absolutely no time to write.
Matilda McCloud says
I guess I’ve had to sacrifice my façade of being a Writer with a capital W. It was one thing to tell people I was writing a novel, quite another to give a copy of the ms to friends and family to read and critique. Once I did that, I couldn’t pretend I was Gabriel Garcia Marquez anymore (ouch…). But I have to say the ms is now much, much better.
I agree with darkened Jade. I don’t want to give up my day job. I still do all the things I did when I wasn’t writing (playing the piano, singing in a choir, etc). Mira, maybe you should continue writing your blog. I love writing a blog and find it very satisfying to work on when the other writing stuff isn’t going well.
MaLanie says
I try to spend an hour in the morning learning grammar and the craft,an hour during my daughter’s nap time reading a novel and after everyone is in bed I work on my book.
I am sacraficing time, a dust free house and sleep! But it really doesn’t feel like a sacrafice as I LOVE to learn and apply it! I believe one day it will pay off.
Anonymous says
Because of writing deadlines, I didn’t get to see my daughter ride a camel. And I didn’t get to see my son, the first time he was on a pony. Of course my husband didn’t have a camera with him on either occasion.
I gave up other stuff too, like a career in law, which might have actually helped pay back my law school loans. Lots of little things, mostly materialistic, though. But the camel and the pony, those were the hardest.
pjd says
sleep
fear
self-doubt
pretty much in that order
Mira says
Marilyn,
Yes, I just did – ask for someone.
Matilda – it’s a different type of blog. It’s more like a forum. There’s alot of hidden work.
I feel sad about it.
Dana says
Wow… that’s a question… holy cow!
I gave up my job, a clean house, most of my personal life, and a fair amount of sanity. Also some of my health… I’m not vitamin D deficient- seriously. 🙂
Luckily, I have an uber-supportive husband, so I haven’t had to give up too much as far as lifestyle goes. Though, I did have to give up my total fear of talking to people- swallowed my stomach and went to talk to a lot of people at the conference this last weekend, even Nathan. That might have been the most difficult. 🙂
Polenth says
I was going to say that my life isn’t that busy, so making time for writing doesn’t mean huge sacrifices. But when I think about it, I have time because I keep my living costs down, so I don’t need a fulltime job. I don’t tend to think about the sacrifices involved in keeping costs down, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there.
I wouldn’t sacrifice my health and happiness. I take time to exercise and cook proper meals. My mind works best when I’m healthy. As far as being happy goes, if I can’t be happy now, it’s unlikely I’d be happy in the future either. Unhappy people tend to stay unhappy, no matter how many of their dreams they achieve.
MaLanie says
I forgot to mention pride; I am taking on my weakest area and putting it out there for people to judge. Talk about scary!
Anonymous says
Mira,
Is that a picture of you, instead of desert?
Jo
Marilyn Peake says
Julie Weathers,
Your personal story is extremely moving! I wish you great success with your novel, Paladin.
Marilyn Peake says
MaLanie said:
“I forgot to mention pride; I am taking on my weakest area and putting it out there for people to judge. Talk about scary!”
Pride is so overrated. I feel like I blush so much promoting my work online, I no longer need makeup. 🙂
Anonymous says
The only thing I’ve given up is the crap that doesn’t matter anyway (i.e. TV and a spotless house). I’ve kept the hubby and the munchkins. 🙂
Mira says
Jo-
No, I just really like that picture and the feeling it conveys.
In terms of what I really look like, I’d take a picture, but it’s hard to fit all three heads in one frame. Also, the pointy hump on my back always swells in the Spring, so I’d rather wait until Winter. Besides, it’s much easier to hide my bald head under a winter hat. I’m alittle embarrassed about that bald head. Even if the other two heads have hair.
Sort of.
See? I told you I looked like Brittany Spears but prettier.
It looks like CIC may become a group project. One person takes a day. I would be so happy if that happens!
Anonymous says
I’m the opposite, though finally coming around. I gave up my dream of writing for three years to work on my husband’s dream – a complete renovation and addition for our home. Now that it’s nearly done, I’ve announced that I will be working on my own dream full time from now on.
Bethanne says
LOL Dayna. Very funny. And TRUE! http://www.cdyates.com says it right, REAL WRITERS DON’T VACUUM!
Mostly, though, I read less. From at least three books a week to at the most three books a month. 🙁 VERY SAD!!!!!
Eva Ulian says
I can’t think for the life of me of ever having given up anything for my writing dream. I know I have got rid of doing everything I didn’t like doing so as to spend the rest of my life, what little is left of it, to just write. That’s why I consider myself lucky, because that’s precisely what I am doing.
Nicole R Murphy says
Money. Early last year, I left a full-time job and was faced with whether to keep going at a full-time job (which was making it hard to write), or part-time which meant less money but more writing time. With Hubby’s support, chose the later and haven’t looked back. Am very happy, have two part-time jobs in my mind (but the writing one isn’t paying – yet).
Anonymous says
As a sixteen year old, I’ve given up lots of social time when I could be out with my friends! My family teases me because I spend so much time in front of the computer typing away!
Anahita says
Sometimes I get so excited about a writing project that it starts to affect my time with my husband and kids. But that also causes unhappiness because I become impatient and anxious. So I quickly figure out that something is wrong and adjust back. I keep myself in check and writing remains blissful.
Betty Atkins Dominguez says
Just about anything that gets in the way, except children and g-children.
BTW, is the TO ALL ans. button on this blog’s e-mail supposed to be your work e-mail or to the blog itself?
Jeff Carlson says
I don’t eat or shower. 🙂
Dawn Maria says
I think I was giving up on myself before I made the commitment to take my writing seriously.
Now that I am taking it seriously, I’ve given up my stay-at-home mom status to work for our school district. The money helps the household and finances my residency, conferences and other expenses. I feel strongly that because this is my dream, I should do all the work toward it, though without my husband and sons’ support (which they give generously) it would be even tougher than it is.
R.J. Self says
The weird thing is that I don’t feel like I have given up anything. I have gained time with my family, I can do housework whenever I want (Laundry at 2 am is fun), I can take my kids to the park while sit on a nearby bench and write. It’s been a bit of a struggle on the income side, but I have 2 kids so it’s always a struggle.
Anonymous says
My looks; I have no hairstyle, no fashion sense, no particular scent, no new anythings (except groceries), no secret admirers – only fans, who have no clue my pic on the cover has expired ten years ago.