“The Wrestler” got me thinking about the sacrifices writers make. While it’s certainly possible (and advisable) to live a balanced life as a writer that does not involve Randy “The Ram”-esque self-destruction, everyone I know who has succeeded as a writer had to give up something to get there, whether it was time doing something more immediately fun, spending time with friends and family, or the ability to read bad writing without cringing.
What have you given up for your writing dream?
Anonymous says
Mostly just sleep, since I write late at night after sig. other is asleep, and do have a career dayjob to go to every weekday. Weekends I hang with family/friends and catchup on sleep. Weekdays–work, weeknights: write.
Ben Dutton says
Money, mostly. I only go to my paying job two days a week (Sat & Sun, both nine hour shifts) and the rest of the week I write. The writing isn't paying very well yet but I hope it will one day. For it to do so I have to keep at it, keep submitting work, fighting for my first big break. Only I'm not in it for the money. I don't really care about the stuff. So long as I write, have a roof over my head, enough food for the day and books to read I'm happy. My father can't understand it. I have a Masters Degree, nearly done with a PhD, and all I want is a cabin in the woods and time to write.
Other things I've given up: frienships, or rather cultivating friendships. I know people, and have time set aside for them, but other than a few hours a week I don't bother.
Sex and a close second relationships. I've been single for five years now. Occassionally a woman will come into my orbit who wants a relationship with me and I usually end up pushing them away. They want to take me away from my writing and my writing is who I am.
As I'm thinking about it I've given up quite a lot. My plan was to keep at it until I was 30 and if I hadn't published a novel by then I'd give up. I published the novel so the plan changes. Now it's get a good publishing deal my the time I'm 35. I'm so focussed on it and my writing I forsake almost everything else. I know it'll probably mean I'll end up lonely, but I need to write. It's my mania. Wow, that was a depressive ramble. So I guess I also gave up my mental wellbeing. Seriously, who'd choose to be a writer?
AstonWest says
Anything resembling a life…
Linda says
Sleep. Sparkling toilets. 3 squares a day. Optimal exercise.
Priorities: 1/ Writing and family ALWAYS (I have 2 younguns and a hubbers); 2/ day job (which is rewarding). That’s it. Peace, Linda
Catherine Astolfo says
I retired early from a very lucrative job; it hasn’t been easy financially, but I don’t regret the decision.
Anonymous says
I’m relieved to find out I’m not the only slob typing away.
Mara Wolfe says
I have given up watching tv and movies to write, which isn’t much of a sacrifice. However, when I first started seriously writing, without thinking about it, I gave up reading. It was just the natural thing to cut out since I was getting so much fiction thorugh writing. Well, out went tv and back in came reading when I realized it.
Anonymous says
I gave up a better paying job with more responsibilities. It really over-utilized the uncreative side of my brain and I would come home drained (and would have more work to do from home). I needed that creative energy to write. So now I have less money to have fun,etc. but I believe in my story and my writing and hopefully it won’t be fruitless. And if I hear from my mother one more time about where did she go wrong in teaching her kids to keep a tidy house…
Cass says
Nathan – It’s really amazing how some of your posts can bring in such a huge volume of responses.
I’ve kept my job of 23 years to keep health care and that 2nd paycheck this two income family has become so accustomed to. Of course this means I’ve given up any notions of 12 hours days of writing (although I have gone into work extremely tired from some late night writing). I’ve come to the realization that my WIP will be done, when it’s done.
Maybe I’ll give up the job when the time comes that I have deadlines and book signing’s and such…oh I can dream, right?
Colorado Writer says
Attending SCBWI conferences in liu of family vacations…
Lucinda says
“What have you given up for your writing dream?”By giving up, do you mean, “Sacrifice”?
Sacrifice? Nothing.
Writing takes the place of those mindless tasks once thought necessary and almost all idle entertainment.
Lucy
Penslinger says
I’ve given up nothing of substance.
Writer from Hell says
Full time career, my financial independence; due to that some delayed imp personal decisions…. and some more.
Pattie Garner says
T.V.–I’m always the one person in a room who has no clue when it comes to the popular shows: The Office, Biggest Loser, CSI, and the list goes on and on…
Vic K says
I’m with Scott on this one. I’ve given up peace of mind – the kind of peace of mind that lets me sit and enjoy watching the fire or surfing the net…because I feel guilty, knowing I should be writing instead of relaxing. Or just about anything really… (except playing with the kids. I can always justify family time, horse time and hubbie time.)
But the truth is I can be the Empress of Procrastination.
Now what I need to give up is the internet…I need to give up Nathan. And Janet and Jessica and Colleen and Jennifer and every other great agent out there.
Think I will? No, me neither. *sigh*
John says
I have mainly given up weekends, vacation time and two to three nights per week to hone my craft.
Writer from Hell says
And unlike many others, I never ‘dreamt’ of being a writer. I was frustrated with a lot of problems in my country and had strong opinions as I was quite an aware person even then. I thought I’ll just write a 40 page book in a month and publish it (Oh well..)
Before I knew, it took a life of its own, I gave up more and more, went deep into research, writing.. and boom about 3 years down the line I’ve got the picture complete.
This picture will reach the right minds I see it clearly not quite sure how.. but I’m trying to pick up the pieces of my career that I left behind (though it is not as meaningful anymore).
StrugglingToMakeIt says
Actually, probably nothing that I shouldn’t have given up.
I don’t watch nearly as much TV. I gave up Blockbuster online and joined a book rental service in its place. And I’m single so I don’t have a family to worry about. Oh, and I live in quite possibly the most boring town in America, so no distractions there. I guess I could study more than I do currently, but that probably wouldn’t have happened, writing or no writing.
Liz says
I’ve given up the delusion that I didn’t need help writing a great book.
Anonymous says
I tend not to think about what I’ve given up, which is fairly negligible, and to focus on what I’ve gained.
I spent most of my life trying to deny that I was a writer, and as a result, I went nuts. Writing seriously has given me a sense of purpose, more emotional stability, and more happiness than any of the other dead-end career avenues I tried. It keeps me more entertained than television and gives me more satisfaction than being close to family members… all of whom make carnivorous plants seem cute and cuddly.
It’s easy to get caught up in the drama of the tortured artist, but the fact of the matter is, many people are saved, not destroyed, by art. It’s the “normal” things that really get them down. I’ll take crippling writer’s block over an office job or tea with my cantankerous grandmother any day!
The Writers Canvas says
Probably sleep and housework. I’ve narrowed down TV to my favorite shows, and if I’m screaming to have something on the tube, I play something while typing on my Alphasmart Dana; two things accomplished at once.
Writing *IS* the key thing. I do have a day job and family, but fortunately both allow me time to write, and I make good use of the time allowed.
Great question and ponderings, Nathan!
Elaine
mulligangirl says
I’ve given up: 3 of 8 hours nightly sleep, television, road rage (traffic =time to craft scenes in my head), a low-cal diet (processed sugar helps me write better), inactive verbs, run on sentences (except this one, working overtime (anything over 40 hours is mine)…and a guilty habit – Nancy Drew computer games. What I haven’t given up is: reading great books, learning the industry, helping other writers, spending ‘focused’ time with my family. I’d say so far I’m coming out ahead.
pdtoler says
Ulcers
Writer from Hell says
Ben Dutton 4:15 pm. Sweet. Your depression is fetching on you. Sometimes pain is an important motivator.. yours or others’.
Kristin Tubb says
I’ve given up my ability to pay the bills on time. Remember that recent blog entry about advances, and how they look after the writer has deducted writing expenses from them? My writing expenses would include late fees. Lotsa.
Lucinda says
Jen C…said on yesterday’s blog, “It’s pretty easy to balance writing and life if you don’t really have much of a life!”
I can relate. So, maybe I have sacrificed something after all, a life.
Reading this blog causes sleep deprivation. Does that count? 🙂 I should have been in bed an hour ago. (okay, it is not just this blog. I was rewriting and reading Backspace, too)
spyscribbler says
I’ve never been much for free time. Before I wrote, I practiced piano when I wasn’t teaching it. Now that I write, I write when I’m not teaching piano. Never had health insurance.
I’m just more myself, now. If I didn’t write, I’d probably work out four hours a day and be obsessed with martial arts.
BarbS. says
Cable television.
And housework.
Anonymous says
Sleep. I always wake up exhausted because I refuse to sleep more than a couple hours.
Security. Instead of going after a job that would allow me to never stress over bills I am putting all of my effort into my project.
Time. I used to spend it doing things with my husband, talking to friends, reading, sleeping, eating, ect. Now I am mostly found writing.
Kids. I have always wanted to be a mother, but for now I really just need to focus on writing.
There are many things I have put aside so I can write, but I have found it all to be worth it.
Mystery Robin says
sleep
Wanda B. Ontheshelves says
Q: “What have you given up for your writing dream?”
A: Alignment.
Meaning, being a writer has been a struggle – I have to agree with the person who said they never thought of it as a “dream.” It’s just my life. It feels so hard a lot of the time, painfully so. But – I think of the majority of people on this planet – that are living lives that are hard in ways I can’t even imagine, and will never experience, because of where I was born, or my “good genes,” education, skin color, etc. So I feel, maybe if I wasn’t a writer, I would be aligned more with notions of success, “the American dream,” the glories of capitalism, progress, science, technology – but I’m not – I guess I’m thinking how when you’re wealthy, you’re supposed to be into things that are “artisanal” – artisanal cheese – handmade/handwelded/handpainted products for the home – and aren’t those wonderful jobs, hand making, hand welding, hand painting – and best of all – small companies that employee only 10 people, making cheese the old-fashioned way! I love those giant wheels of cheese!
But everyone else can have jobs centered on computers in offices (when they’re not busy being laid off from these techno-centered jobs), or work in fast food restaurants – or work in factories overseas making clothes, or maybe go the entrepreneurial route and start your own meth lab!
And then you go and buy your overprocessed food and mass-produced items made overseas because the environmental laws are laxer and there’s no OSHA, no collective bargaining etc.
So being a writer is like, damn it, we all want artisanal cheeses and beautiful handmade items! Maybe we’d like there to be millions and millions of good-paying jobs all over the world that are labor intensive and labors of love, so we can afford to (and see the value in) buying each other’s beautiful things! Hell, there’s enough for everybody and the polar bears too!
Alignment. With the imaginary world in which everyone can afford the good life. Nobody going grocery shopping at the landfill. Etc.
Laura D says
#1 sanity
#2 lost my inhibitions (learned to dig deep honestly-even when I didn’t want to admit things to myself)
#3 security-I write better when I’m vulnerable
#4 time just living
#5 friends (but maybe they weren’t friends to begin with)
Susanne says
Sleep. The house thing? Who are we kidding? Any excuse to give that up! Relationships. Especially when I spend more time thinking about my characters than anything else. Television. Reading, sometimes. It’s hard for me to get into my own book and someone else’s at the same time. Oddly, I can read two books at once. And excellent blogs such as this one have taken some of that time I had been using to write. As soon as I win the lottery, no worries. Read half the day, write the other half!!!
mcpolish says
I’m not afraid to admit it: Dusting. I’ve given up dusting. Actually, I’m kind of glad about it.
And also, in a sense, pride. I’ve had to set it aside sometimes so that I can take the criticism, make my writing better, make my dream more of a reality.
Oh, and getting my hair done professionally at the salon. Who knew Natural Instincts was just as good?!?
Lynn F.C. says
At UCLA Extension Writer’s Program, I’ve
given up tuition money at least $495 a class for 10 weeks and time on the freeway traveling on campus, or if in an online class similar tuition and time doing my writing…time to publish my 10 new pages a week…time to critique at least two others’ work a week…and becoming obsessed with my story and how my craft can improve to make it worthy for anyone else to read it. But, it’s all worth it…I’m putting in my 10,000 hours…per The Outliers premise…to be successful which is always in doubt. Being tired in my day job because I’m obsessed with writing this story that’s nagging me to death. I keep dreaming and I keep writing. What else can one do.
Reba says
Marie Force @ 10:27: Exactly my list! Only I haven’t been published yet. Also, I would add sleep, as I still have a day job. Writing happens at night.
Pete Miller says
Watching television. I was so far behind that I recently cleared about 10 episodes each of Lost, Battlestar Galactica, and Heroes. I’m just not interested and evening is the only time I have to write.
evepaludan says
I haven’t given up anything. Being an author has added immeasurably to my personal and professional life. I also have a job as an editor. I feel like I have the best of both worlds because I have financial security as well as the freedom to create. I’m a very good time manager, so it is not that difficult to work both jobs.
Jen C says
It’s taken me all day to reply to this post, because I knew it was bothering me but I couldn’t work out why. Now I believe I’ve worked it out.
I haven’t given up anything for writing. By way of explanation, here’s a little snap shot of my week:
1. my 9-5 (actually it’s 8:30 – 5:30, but who’s counting?)
2. my second job, corporate writing, editing, research and design.
3. study for my English degree, essays, exams, obsessively checking for posted grades etc.
4. writing
5. dance class
6. singing lesson (I’m a double threat, woooo watch out!)
7. occasional luch with BFF or movie with a mate
8. download latest ep of Lost, House, Dollhouse, and True Blood
9. watch DVDs
10. read
11. play on YouTube / read blogs / write blogs / Stuff on My Cat / FAILBLOG
12. thinking
13. eating, sleeping, bathing etc.
See how writing just slots in there with everything else? There is no “giving up” and no “sacrifice”, it is just a thing that I do. For me, doing things and learning things is what life is all about.
“Giving up” and “sacrifice” are such strong and negative words, which is what has been bothering me.
I don’t see writing as any more of a sacrifice as sleep or work. It’s just a part of life.
KathyF says
Well, I have to say that I haven’t given up anything for writing – since I just started again recently. And I’d already given up so much stuff for my husband and son when we moved to a better place to raise our son. I am reading much more fiction now. And, I guess I don’t play online games as much as I used to.
My family encourage me to write.
KathyF
Court says
An income.
rupeboyd says
I have not given up anything. In fact my life is enriched by the characters that fill my mind.
CathyH says
I’ve read through a lot of the posts and have to say that I agree with quite a few of them. Housework is a big one, along with sleep. However, I’ve also found that I’ve given up the ability to enjoy experiences just for enjoyment’s sake. Each memory, experience or occasion has become a potential scene or plot scenario for a novel. Each new, interesting person I meet has become a possible protagonist or adversary. I find myself grasping for distinctive words to illustrate each new sight, every unique sound. After being injured in a recent accident, I pushed through the pain to complete a story outline based on the cause of the injury. I sometimes wish that I could go back to the before… when my mind wasn’t so crowded.
Laini Taylor says
Honestly, I think the only thing is: travel. At least, more frequent world travel. Once upon a time I had a steady job as a travel book editor (for Lonely Planet) and if I’d stuck with that — or some other steady employment — I’m sure I’d have been to more of the places on my “list.”
But it’s hard to really feel I’ve given up anything. I feel so incredibly lucky to be making a living doing what I love. I’m still hoping the $$s rise and the travel becomes more frequent 🙂
(Also, just got The Wrestler but haven’t watched it yet. Looking forward to it.)
Mira says
Ben Dutton –
Sex?
Okay, I can see giving up an income, friends, family, stability, peace of mind, sleep and health.
But sex?
Let’s put this in perpective here.
Amanda says
My sanity!
Yamile says
I can’t give up housework because I’m a maniac, a clean freak. But sleet…with four little ones under 8, and a mind that won’t stop working, sleep is last in my priorities list…
Yamile says
and that was “sleep,” not “sleet.” 22 hours awake will do that…
Anonymous says
Not a single thing. Or if I did, I can’t remember what it was…!
Lisa Lane says
Having a life very far beyond the computer … and keeping up on housework. 😉