This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day,
I have followed your blog for several months and appreciate that your posts are educational, with many dashes of humor and candid honesty. I have noted that you enjoy young adult fiction, and I hope to interest you in representing my novel.
Eighteen-year-old Kellen is a Crowmaker, lifted from a bleak existence and turned via magical experimentation into a hero–a law keeper for the expanding Tenvan colonies. When the Crowmakers’ greatest weapons begin to fail and Kellen’s best friend and fellow Crowmaker is killed as a result, Kellen sets out to bring to justice the man she holds responsible, the engineer whose flawed plans and rushed experiments caused the failure. What Kellen finds instead is a dead man, a town under siege from a sentient force of nature with links to her personal plight, and the need to save the life of her enemy’s daughter in order to save her own.
CROWMAKER is a 76,000 word young adult fantasy novel which follows Kellen’s journey through despair and the desire for revenge and along the path to becoming something greater than a made hero–her own person. It is a completed work and available upon your request.
I am also the author of several short stories which have appeared in THE LEADING EDGE (April 2003) and CRICKET MAGAZINE (Dec. 2005), as well as other publications.
Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Author
STATS: 13% request rate
Elizabeth says
Dear Author,
While interesting, your story lacks a strong hook and a clearly defined character goal. Sorry, but I must pass at this time.
Best Regards,
Agent Elizabeth
bveggie says
form reject
Shawntelle says
Dear Author,
Thanks for your submission today. I am afraid I must pass since the premise didn’t grab me. Good luck in seeking representation.
Sincerely,
Shawntelle
Thermocline says
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me.
(I am confused by many points of your description and can’t tell what to expect from your novel. Is this a story about revenge, a fallen hero, someone who has been duped, someone who gave up being normal just to want it back again? Is being her own person better than being a hero?)
Ego says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission CROWMAKER.
Please forward the first three chapters to me by email, if that’s possible for you.
Regards,
Ego
kaseee says
Dear Author,
While your work is not without merit, it isn’t what we’re looking for at this time. This is a subjective business. Another agent may feel differently.
Best wishes,
Agent
Kristin says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query; however, I am sorry to say that I will not be pursuing it any further. It does not fit my list at this time, but there are many agents out there and I would encourage you to continue submitting to those who rep your genre.
Regards,
KM
Anonymous says
Writer,
Thank you for your query, though I don’t think I’m interested in taking your story idea. Keep on writing.
-Thanks,
Suzuki Volkeswagon
Marybeth says
Dear Author,
I regret to inform you that I am unable to represent your manuscript. Unfortunately I am not interested in this genre. Best of luck to you in the future.
Sincerely,
Marybeth
Owl Sprite says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for sending me your query for CROWMAKER. I am intrigued by this project. Please send me a chapter outline and the first three chapters. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Owl Sprite
(who is feeling much less rushed and in a much better mood today than on Monday.)
Tamara says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I wish you the best of luck finding a home for this project, but after consideration, I have to say it’s not for me.
Best wishes,
Agent for a Day
(Tamara)
Agent Yard Oaf says
Dear Author,
I’m interested. Please send me your full manuscript.
Thanks,
Agent Yard Oaf
gypsyscarlett says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your story is not right for me.
I wish you much luck finding a suitable agent.
Rubenesque Writer says
Dear Author,
I don’t think I am the best agent to represent this particular book. Best of luck.
Sincerely,
RW Lit
Tyler says
Dear Author,
Thank you for considering me in your quest for publication; unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for your project. Best of luck in your future endeavours.
Sincerely,
Agent T
Anonymous says
Dear Crowmaker,
This sounds interesting. Please send me a full via email.
🙂 Best,
Lindsey S
RB Ripley says
Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me with your recent query for CROWMAKER.
Unfortunately, this project does not resonate with me and I must respectfully decline, though I do hope you’ll continue to consider me for future projects.
Please remember, we are part of a highly subjective industry and I am confident there is an agent out who would best represent your story.
I wish you all the best in your continued efforts. Keep writing!
Sincerely,
Agent For a Day
[rejection reason: Since the Crowmakers play such an integral role to the story, offering some context will really help hook the reader. ALso, the introduction of Kellan’s son at the very end of the query was a bit of a surprise. I very much appreciated reading and learning from this well-written query. Thanks for sharing!]
jnantz says
Dear Author:
I appreciate the opportunity to consider your work. After a lot of thought, I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass. I just don’t feel I can represent this project with the kind of enthusiasm it would require. However, this business is very subjective, and I encourage you to query widely. Many agents may feel differently than I do.
Thank you again,
Jnantz
Cristy at Living Donor 101 says
Thanks for your submission, it doesn’t fit our needs at this time.
(side note: If I was an agent, I wouldn’t rep YA, so I’m not the best judge of this query’s quality.)
Nathan Bransford says
Please ignore the troll.
Nik says
Thank you for your submission, but I’m afraid I must pass at this time.
Reasoning: There’s nothing wrong with the query or even the hook, but for some reason the blurb doesn’t captivate me. I didn’t have any moments where I just thought WOW!
Jenn says
I like it! Send me the first 30pages.
I thought this query was very well written and gave me enough information about the plot to want to read more. I do agree, though, that more information on what a Crowmaker is would be better.
NotJana says
Dear Author,
Thank you for querying me.
Although your premise is interesting, I am still undecided. Lucky for you, I have used my last coin to purchase a chocolate bar – please send the first five chapters to avoid a potential injury to the next coin I find by failing to catch it as I am trying to decide between ‘yay’ or ‘nay’!
Agent For A Day (Or Two)
Mira says
Dear Author,
A fast-paced YA fantasy novel with elements of vigilantism (sp?)could be very marketable. You’ve written a clear, competent and readable query as well, which leads me to believe that the story is well-written and well-executed too.
The tricky part here is the female protagonist. I am very tempted to request a partial, but due to that, I’m holding off. Boys traditionally won’t read a female protagonist. It’s terrible, but true, and I suspect publishers consider that. And I’m not sure how the vigilante part of this will appeal to young girls.
I think the trick here is for the book to be very good. If it’s as well-written as your query, and it’s not yet published, it will eventually find a home, especially as you publish more and more short stories.
I personally love strong female characters, being one myself, so please don’t misunderstand me. Girls need good strong role models! It’s just a harder sell, I think.
Again, I believe that all really good books will eventually find a home.
I wish you all the best. Let me know when it’s published (if it’s not) because I’d like to read it.
Mira
rantonson17 says
Dear Author,
Thank your for your query. Your synopsis is reminiscent of the Chronicles of Narnia. Unfortunately, I am unable to represent your work at this time.
Best of luck,
Rebekka
Anonymous says
Thank you for your interest in representation by Cold Day in Hell Literary Agency.
Your query format indicted a good understanding of the agenting/publishing process, although I believe the query itself needs some work. More explanation, albeit brief, of terms such as “crowmaker” would help support your efforts.
However, please send me your first three chapters and a synopis.
Sincerely,
Agent for a Day Chris
Flemmily says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I feel that CROWMAKER is not a fit for our agency.
Best of luck with your future endeavors,
Flemmily
Diana says
Dear Query #50:
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this isn’t the right project for me.
Best wishes,
Diana
Perle_Rare says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your recent query. Please send the first 50 pages of CROWMAKER pasted into your reply email. Do not send attachments.
Sincerely,
Perle_Rare
Reason:
– I’m intrigued.
H. Zilionis says
Dear Author,
Thank you so much for sending me your query and offering me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, I am not the right agent for your project.
Good luck and keep writing!
Holly Z – Agent for a Day
TecZ aka Dalton C Teczon - Writer says
Dear Author:
I enjoyed receiving your query. I found your novel, “Crowmaker,” to be very enticing and I’d like you to send me the first five pages of your manuscript in the body of an e-mail? I’d be happy to take a look and let you know whether I’d be a good fit for the project.
Best regards,
Dalton C. Teczon – Agent
Janny says
Dear Author:
Thank you for querying me with CROWMAKER. Many elements of this story are promising–but it simply doesn’t stand out enough for me, so I’ll be passing on it for now.
Keep in mind, though, that publishing is very subjective…and what doesn’t work for me might work for someone else. Best of luck submitting it elsewhere!
Sincerely,
Janny
Davien says
Dear Author,
This is one of those letters I loathe to write as an agent, because you have a great hook.
However, I have reached the quota for projects I can reasonably manage at this time.
I encourage you to continue to submit, and would like to see subsequent queries at a later date when I may accept more works.
Sincerely,
Dana says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I am not interested in representing your novel.
Regards,
Dana
Reason: not a fan of the plot, I wasn’t really sure what the world was like or who the Crowmakers were. sort of subjective.
donnas says
Thank you for your interest and for reading my blog. However, I am afraid I can not give your novel the attention it deserves at this time.
Best of Luck.
lilianamama says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your interest in the “Be An Agent For a Day” contest. While I find your idea intriguing, your query needs a bit more polish.
1. Let the agent know that you read his blog after you’ve wowed him with your plot. That’s what you want to be remembered for, after all. 2. Unfortunately, your plot paragraph is the weakest part. Try something like: Eighteen-year-old Kellen is the product of a magical experiment: she’s a Crowmaker, a lawkeeper for the expanding Tenvan colonies. But when the Crowmakers’ greatest weapons fail (note the lack of a passive verb), Kellen’s …. The rest of the paragraph worked well for me. I’m not suggesting that as your re-write, mind. I’m saying that the first sentence in your second paragraph was so convoluted it turned me off. That said, I think your story shows terrific promise and I wish you all the best. I expect to see this in print.
Nora Coon says
Not right for us at this time. Best of luck.
Lorin says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this isn’t a good fit for me at this time.
Thank you,
Lorin
Annie Reynolds says
Dear author
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to the A.F. A.D. agency. Unfortunately I do not believe your novel is a good fit at this time, but please remember that this is a very subjective industry, so keep trying.
Good luck with your career.
Yours truly,
Annie Reynolds.
Brian Crawford says
Thank you for sending me your work. Unfortunately, I must reject it. Don’t feel bad; I receive about 2,000 queries per week, and reject 99.99% of them. Assume I’m wrong about your book. Don’t give up. In the meantime, increase your chances of success by downloading my e-book, “Kick-ass Queries,” available on my website for only $199.99.
RainSplats says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately it’s not a good fit for me. Best of luck.
-Rain
Janine says
I am intrigued by the premise here, please send me the full manuscript.
Enusan says
Thank you for your query. Your premise sounds very serious for a YA novel, which is something I would like to see more of. Please send me a partial at your earliest convenience.
Cheers,
Bokai
Getabo Publishing says
I like the premise, the show of surprise event/catalyst, and resulting motivations. I think it’s an excellent query, and this made my Top 20.
Just didn’t really hook me enough to make my top 5.
But I did really like it.
***
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately we do not think that your book would be a likely prospect for our list.
We regret that the large number of submissions we receive makes it impossible to offer individual comment. We believe it is more important to read and evaluate every query / submission we receive with due consideration.
We appreciate you thinking of Getabo Creative Publishing, and wish you the best of luck with your manuscript and future writing endeavors.
Sincerely.
The Editors
Getabo Creative Publishing
Alisa says
No, thank you.
Alisa.
The Spidermonkey says
Thank you for your query, which I have considered carefully. However I’m afraid to say I won’t be able to represent you.
YA fantasy is such an overcrowded marketplace that I would only consider something truly distinctive, and I’m afraid your proposal is not sufficiently original.
Please bear in mind this is a personal opinion, and others may see things differently. Good luck!
collegelife says
pass on this one
Cat Moleski says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. However, your project is not right for me at this time.
Cat
Joy says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission and your interest in using me as an agent. After taking some time to consider your material, I have decided that this isn’t right for me.
Best of luck in your writing endeavors,
Joy
Note: I had a hard time getting drawn into the plot. I’d encourage you to use more specifics to illustrate the uniqueness of this story. Good luck!
Bekkoni says
Dear Author,
Please post the first twenty pages as soon as possible,. I am highly excited about this work.
Sincerely,
Bekkoni