This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day,
I am seeking representation for my suspense/thriller novel, Deadworld, complete at 110,000 words. The following is my query blurb.
I warned my partner that someone would die. Heck, our prime suspect warned us, but then why would you trust a guy who so obviously obscured his past and evaded every possible question posed to him? Never mind the fact that Nick Anderson lives some strange, in between existence, vicariously balanced between the living and the dead. But then, Jackie doesn’t have it in her to leave well enough alone. People were getting drained of blood, and it was her job to find out who did it and why. I just wish her determination was grounded in something more healthy. Some of that is my fault. I’ve known for years, but I never confronted her. I loved her too much. Now death pursues her from both the present and the past, and I don’t know that I will be able to help her. Nick might, but he seems ready to embrace death as much as Jackie runs away from it. This guy is bad news. I could touch the spirit world, but I never encountered anything like this. I only wish I’d known my warning of death had been directed at me.
This is my second completed manuscript. I am Vice President of my local RWA chapter, and upon request, I would be happy to submit a partial or the full manuscript for your review. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Author
STATS: 2.3% request rate
Tyler says
Dear Author,
Thank you for considering me in your quest for publication; unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for your project. Best of luck in your future endeavours.
Sincerely,
Agent T
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I read through your query and I’m not interested in representing you at this time. Your piece isn’t quite what I am looking for right now. I hope you receive the critiquing you need and be sure to keep submitting and writing.
Agent Emily Jean
Anonymous says
Dear pursuing author,
After reviewing your query, I feel that what you have presented to us is just not going to fly in our market right now. Sorry but keep up the good work.
Sincerely,
Pepe Habanera
Mega says
I thank you for sending me your query but it isn’t right for me at this time.
-MV
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I really didn’t like it.
Backdoor Trojan
Kristin says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query; however, I am sorry to say that I will not be pursuing it any further. It does not fit my list at this time, but there are many agents out there and I would encourage you to continue submitting to those who rep your genre.
Regards,
KM
Professor I.M. Diphthong says
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately this is not what I am looking for. I wish you the best of luck.
Diana says
Dear Query #5:
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me.
Best wishes,
Diana
(reason: I didn’t mind the first-person gimmick, but I was really confused about who was who and what was what.)
Rubenesque Writer says
Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me, but I don’t think I am the right agent to represent this manuscript. Best of luck.
Sincerely,
RW Lit
jnantz says
Dear Author:
I appreciate the opportunity to consider your work. After a lot of thought, I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass. I just don’t feel I can represent this project with the kind of enthusiasm it would require. However, this business is very subjective, and I encourage you to query widely. Many agents may feel differently.
Thank you again,
Jnantz
lilianamama says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your interest in the “Be An Agent For a Day” contest. At first glance, I was interested in your book, but I believe I’m going to pass as I found your plot paragraph a little confusing.
It moves along well until you introduce a second character by name, Jackie. I don’t know if she is your partner as she wasn’t mentioned at the beginning of your paragraph, where the partner should be named if she’s going to be named in your query. We also don’t know how the main character knows someone will die. You hint and suggest throughout the query, but now is not the time for subtlety. If you cannot say it by using text from the manuscript itself, then come out and say, “I’m clairvoyant and I told my partner, Jackie that one of us was going to die.” Or whatever is appropriate. But it took me too long to try and decipher your plot to be tempted into requesting a book I might have the same problem with.
I suggest you attempt to use text from your story that displays your skill as a fiction author. If you do that, try to use “quips” to show your rising tension, arc, and possible conclusions. Also, tell us how your main character changes throughout the book. Only use the story’s major characters. If you can get rid of either Jackie or Nick’s name in your query, do it as more characters make a query harder to follow.
I wish you all the best.
Kaiscomet says
Thank you for your submission. I regret to inform you that I am passing on your project at this time. I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely
Demelza1 says
No, too confused,
Demelza1
Cristy at Living Donor 101 says
I really like the voice of this, but I’m afraid I’ll have to decline representation. Keep querying however, I suspect another agent will take a chance on it.
gypsyscarlett says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query.
Unfortunately, your story is not right for me.
I wish you much luck finding a suitable agent.
Leis says
Dear Author,
Thank you for querying me. I’m afraid I have to pass on this one.
Good luck with your work.
Kind regards,
Leis
rantonson17 says
Dear Author,
Thank your for your story. Unfortunately, I am unable to represent your work at this time.
Best of luck,
Rebekka
Perle_Rare says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission but this isn’t right for me at this time.
Best wishes,
Perle_Rare
Reason:
– I can’t figure out who’s who.
NotJana says
Dear Author
Thank you for querying me. Although there are some potentially interesting elements presents, I am afraid this is not the right project for me at this time.
All the best,
Agent For A Day (Or Two)
H. Zilionis says
Dear Author,
Thank you so much for sending me your query and offering me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, I am not the right agent for your project.
Good luck and keep writing!
Holly Z – Agent for a Day
(Note: If the query was a bit tighter I would probably have requested the first few chapters. The voice is interesting and has potential. However, I wasn’t quite sure what the main plot of the story was enough to gauge my interest in it.)
Sharon aka Sapphire says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I do not feel it is right for me. Remember that my opinion is just one. I urge you to continue to seek out representation with your manuscript.
Best wishes,
Sharon
Aimless Writer says
Sorry, I have to pass.
Not enough on what the story is about. I felt like I was in someone’s rambling thoughts.
TecZ aka Dalton C Teczon - Writer says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query and for allowing me to consider your work.
While your novel, “Deadworld,” sounds exciting, I feel I’m not the right fit for your project. Therefore, I must decline on this project right now. But I do want to encourage you to continue submitting. Just because a project isn’t quite right for me, doesn’t mean the right agent isn’t just around the corner.
I wish you the best of luck with all your writing endeavors and in the querying and submission process. Persistence pays off, so don’t give up!
Best regards,
Dalton C. Teczon – Agent
Just_Me says
You’re going in the MAYBE pile because the story and voice are good. Your chances aren’t strong because the formatting on the query is maddening. I can’t tell if that’s on purpose or not, but you really do need white space.
Learn to love it.
When I’m done reading queries I’ll review yours and decide if you make the cut.
Maria A says
Thank you for thinking of our agency, but not for us at this moment.
Best of luck,
Agent
Davien says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.
All the best,
Janine says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but I am not the right agent for this. Best of luck.
Rebecca Knight says
Dear Deadworld,
Thank you for your query, and for thinking of my agency. Unfortunately, I feel that I’m not the best fit for your project. This industry is highly subjective, so I’m sure others will feel differently. Best of luck to you in all your endeavors.
Sincerely,
Rebecca Knight
Nora Coon says
Not right for us at this time. Best of luck.
***
Not fond of first person in a query. Seemed a bit disconnected.
Alisa says
No, thank you.
Alisa.
Annie Reynolds says
Dear author
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to the A.F. A.D. agency. Unfortunately I do not believe your novel is a good fit at this time, but please remember that this is a very subjective industry, so keep trying.
Good luck with your career.
Yours truly,
Annie Reynolds.
Shannon says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query for Deadworld for review. Unfortunately, I am not the right person to represent this story. This is a subjective business so another agent may feel differently. Good luck.
Sincerely,
Shannon
drat says
Dear Author,
Thank you for sending me your query. I gave it careful consideration, but ultimately I concluded I’m not the right agent for the book. Good luck with your manuscript, and query widely!
Thanks,
SDC
Cat Moleski says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. However, your project is not right for me at this time.
Cat
Asherose says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but it isn’t for me at this time. Best of luck with it elsewhere!
Agent
Reasoning: First para largely unnecessary. Blurb is hard to follow, reads like a partly-written story rather than a blurb. “Upon request” etc goes without saying.
Aisling says
Dear Author,
I am sorry to inform you that I am not interested in your book. It does not fit with what I am looking for right now so I regret to tell you that, although I appreciated you sending me your query, I would not like to publish your work. Feel free to send me a query for other books you complete. I wish you the best of luck with your writing!
Aisling
Anonymous says
Dear writer,
I appreciate the query but your book is not what I am looking for at the moment. However, I wish you luck in getting this book published.
best regards,
Nathaniel Orange
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Not my cup of tea.
Agent Edgar Leroy 3rd
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I appreciate your time and efforts, but I am sorry to say that I do not wish to represent your story. If you have another story idea, please send it to me in the future, and I would be happy to look at it.
Best Wishes,
Quintus Blackburn
Anonymous says
Dear writer,
I enjoyed your query, but I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent this work. I’d love to see more of your writing.
Gloria Valentine
Anonymous says
Thank you for your query, though I don’t think I’m interested in taking your story idea. Keep on writing.
-Thanks,
Suzuki Volkeswagon
Katalina Marie says
Dear Author,
I’m sorry but I don’t think that this book is the one for me.
Regards,
Katalina Marie
Anonymous says
Dear Writer,
Thanks so much for the query, but this is just not right for us at this time. Feel free to send me any others you might come up with, and best of luck in other endeavors.
Agent R.
Arkham says
Dear Author,
Your story sounds rather intriguing. I would like to see a full manuscript.
Thanks,
Arkham
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the submission, but I regret to inform you that I will not be picking up your story.
Keep Writing,
Agent Jackie Moon
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I have decided not to take up your offer on publishing this book. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to view your material.
Thank You,
Happy Gilmore
Anonymous says
Dear author,
I appreciate your query and found your concept interesting; however, it is just not what I am looking for. I look forward to future queries from you!
Thank you, Scarlett Cyrus
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I’m sorry, but this story is not right for me. Thanks for sending me your request, I really appreciate it. Please continue writing.
Veronica Lovette
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I would very much like to thank you for submitting your query, unfortunately it’s not right for me.
Sincerely,
Agent Sunshine
Anonymous says
This is Agent Sunshine, now that I think about it I really like this story, please send me a full manuscript.