This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day,
I am seeking representation for my suspense/thriller novel, Deadworld, complete at 110,000 words. The following is my query blurb.
I warned my partner that someone would die. Heck, our prime suspect warned us, but then why would you trust a guy who so obviously obscured his past and evaded every possible question posed to him? Never mind the fact that Nick Anderson lives some strange, in between existence, vicariously balanced between the living and the dead. But then, Jackie doesn’t have it in her to leave well enough alone. People were getting drained of blood, and it was her job to find out who did it and why. I just wish her determination was grounded in something more healthy. Some of that is my fault. I’ve known for years, but I never confronted her. I loved her too much. Now death pursues her from both the present and the past, and I don’t know that I will be able to help her. Nick might, but he seems ready to embrace death as much as Jackie runs away from it. This guy is bad news. I could touch the spirit world, but I never encountered anything like this. I only wish I’d known my warning of death had been directed at me.
This is my second completed manuscript. I am Vice President of my local RWA chapter, and upon request, I would be happy to submit a partial or the full manuscript for your review. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Author
STATS: 2.3% request rate
Sherry Ficklin says
Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m going to have to pass. Best of luck finding another agent!
Sincerely, Agent Faux
Tree says
Dear Author:
I want to thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. Unfortunately, I did not connect well enough with your project to pursue it further. As I’m sure you know, agenting is a very subjective business. Although your project didn’t fit with my particular list, another agent may respond very differently.
Please accept my best wishes for success in your writing career and finding the perfect advocate for your work.
Sincerely,
Tree
educlaytion says
Thank you for your submission, but your book is not for me. Good luck in the future.
Fawn Neun says
Thank you for sending in your query for consideration. Unfortunately, we do not represent suspense/thrillers.
Thank you for offering the opportunity and best of luck,
Fawn
cwsherwoodedits says
Thank you for your query. I’m going to have to pass.
JohnO says
Dear Author,
Thanks for letting me consider your query. Unfortunately, this project is not quite right for my list. I must therefore step aside and encourage you to submit elsewhere.
Best,
Agent
Fairduncan says
Dear Author
Thanks for querying us. I regret I have to pass on this one, but wish you every success in finding representation.
Cordially Yours,
Agent
Amethyst Greye Alexander says
Dear Author,
I’ve reviewed your query but am afraid your project isn’t a good fit with the works I represent. I hope you won’t let this discourage you, however, as every agent has different tastes and you’re sure to find representation that will better suit your needs.
Thank you for considering me.
Amethyst Adams
Wandering Spirit says
Dear Author,
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query. Unfortunately I am unable to offer you representation at this time. However, all writing is of value and I wish you the best in your endeavours.
Best wishes
Agent for a Day
Note: The opening of the query did it for me – not a great opening. I then became lost in the synopsis and couldn’t really understand what this is about, sorry.
Anonymous says
Form Rejection.
Agent DC
Nifaerie Noven says
Hi!
Wow! You have an incredibly dynamic voice. But unfortunately, your query lacked much in clarity. I was really confused. Try a smarter agent.
Best of luck.
Maryann Miller says
So sorry, but I will have to pass.
Venus Vaughn says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, your project doesn’t meet my needs at this time.
Best of luck to you in your writing career.
~Venus Vaughn
KareFree Kennels says
Deadworld
Sorry, not for me.
Best of luck,
Sheryl
Savannah Pens says
Dear Author: Thank you for your query. However, I must pass at this time. Although I found some of your premise intriguing, I did not get enough of an idea of your main character and the inner and outer conflicts that make up your plot. Best wishes. Savannah Pens Agent.
Merry Monteleone says
Agent for the day
Dear Author,
Thank you for your interest in The Only Literary Agency Insane Enough To Trust Me With Queries. Unfortunately, I’m going to have to pass.
Best of luck,
Merry
Elizabeth says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. There were interesting elements about your story that had me on the fence, but in the end, I must politely decline a closer look.
Best regards,
Agent Elizabeth
Lucy says
Dear Author: Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately, we do not feel that we are a suitable agency to represent your work. We wish you every success in your search for an agent. Sincerely, L. C.
Anonymous says
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me. I appreciate your time and consideration, and wish you luck in finding representation.
Best,
Agent M
Anonymous says
Thanks for your query, but I’m afraid this isn’t write for me.
Raven56 says
Dear Author,
Thank you for querying “Agent for a Day” Agency. Unfortunately, we do not feel this story is a good fit for our list at this time. We encourage you to continue querying other agents.
Best of luck,
Raven56
RB Ripley says
Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me with your recent query.
Unfortunately, your query is hard to follow and does not provide me with information needed to understand the protagonist, the story or the scope.
Please take a moment to find and review some successful query letters and feel free to submit again.
I wish you all the best in your continued efforts. Keep writing!
Sincerely,
Agent For a Day
[rejection reason: See above.]
Audrey E says
Dear Author,
Thank you for query. I’m afraid that this piece isn’t right for me and I will have to pass at this time.
Yours,
Audrey
Taymalin says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but this story is not for me at this time. Best of luck with your future endeavors,
Taymalin
Carradee says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but this story isn’t for me. Another agent might feel differently.
I wish you success in your writing endeavor.
Carradee
***
It’s a good rule of thumb to not include certain things in your writing:
“/” (which means “or” in the context you used it)
“the following is…”
They’re symptoms of a vague idea of what you’re wanting to write–which is likewise showing in your pitch paragraph. Focus.
Jill says
Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me as a possible representative for your novel.
While your query held my interest, I’m sorry to say I’m not enthusiastic enough about the novel’s premise to request additional materials.
Best of luck in finding the right home for your novel.
Agent Du Jour
Jill says
Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me as a possible representative for your novel.
While your query held my interest, I’m sorry to say I’m not enthusiastic enough about the novel’s premise to request additional materials.
Best of luck in finding the right home for your novel.
Agent Du Jour
Robert A Meacham says
Dear author,
Thank you for taking time to query me but I must pass on this genre at this time.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank your for your interest in our agency. Please send the first 50 pages of your MS. I look forward to reading it.
Sincerely,
Agent.
(I really enjoyed the query, but it was a little short on actual story. Pages might have resulted in a request for a full.)
Sara Darling says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query for consideration. However, I’m afraid I cannot ask for a partial. Your story isn’t for me, but do keep trying.
I have two pieces of advice for you, the first and most important one being always, always, always write your query in third person! Secondly, write in multiple short paragraphs instead of one long one, as that makes the query easier to read. As a suggestion, I think you should give away a bit more of the plot, given it is a query and agents like to know what to expect. This “blurb” is good for the back of your book, but not the query.
Good luck and keep up your search!
Best wishes,
Sara Darling
Lorin says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this isn’t a good fit for me at this time.
Thank you,
Lorin
MarkM says
Dear Author,
Thanks very much for sharing your story with me. Unfortunately, it’s just not a good match for me at this time. I encourage you to keep writing and querying.
Best of luck,
KatieB
Marilyn Peake says
Dear Author of DEADWORLD:
Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you that I cannot offer you representation at this time. Please do not in any way interpret this as meaning that your book doesn’t have merit or that you should give up on writing. Follow your dreams. I wish you all the best in your search for a literary agent.
Sincerely,
Writerly Angst Literary Agent
Liz says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I would be interested in seeing the first three chapters of your manuscript.
thank you,
Agent for a Day
Jeannie says
Thank you for querying our agency. Unfortunately your project is not what we’re looking to represent at this time. Best of luck.
– Jeannie
00 Pisces says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. DEADWORLD is not a good fit for me. Best of luck to you.
00Pisces
TFree says
Thank you for considering me. Unfortunately, this piece isn’t right for me at this time. Good luck with this and future endeavors.
TF
Krista says
I find this interesting. Please send manuscript.
RainSplats says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, it isn’t a good fit for me. Best of luck,
Rain
(Wrong POV for a query)
Hallie says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to My Imaginary Yet Successful Literary Agency. I receive many queries each day, and I request only a small percentage of manuscripts that I’m interested in representing. I have decided not to request one for your book because I don’t feel that I’m intrigued enough to be its best representative.
Should you need resources for querying, finding writing resources and groups, or if you’d like to know more about how I choose manuscripts, please visit (this section of my agency’s website) for more information. I wish you the best of luck in finding a home for your writing. Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to consider your work.
Warm regards,
Hallie
________________________________________________________________
And if I were fortunate enough to be able to give some feedback for each and every author I declined, I’d note the following:
Rather than reading a sample of your story, which can give me only a little bit of information, I’d like you to tell me about it in just a paragraph or two. Here, the single paragraph just confuses me because I don’t even know who these characters are. (I also found that paragraph to be too long for me to unravel given that I didn’t know who the characters were, but that could also be caused by the format and layout of the blog, so take that with a grain of salt.) I do like thrillers, but I would have to pass on this one based on the query.
Jada says
Form rejection.
Reason: I don’t know what is happening in this story. We get only the vaguest of hints from your query. I think it’s about vampires.
I would rewrite your query from your own POV, not your character’s, and give an outline of who the character is, and the conflict he faces. If you include pages the agent can still read your character’s voice.
Inkblot says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but I am passing on it. I wish you the best of luck in placing it elsewhere.
Regards,
Agent Inky
Sometimes breaking the rules and using first person in the query works. Unfortunately, I don’t think it works here, because while you give us a great sense of the voice and character, there’s almost no sense of what the story is about.
ros says
Sorry. The first-person voice isn’t working for me.
Ego says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your work. I regret I am not sufficiently enthusiastic to represent you at present. Note that this is a personal reaction and you may have success elsewhere.
Regards,
Ego
Exir Kamalabadi says
Dear Author:
Thank you for querying our agency. Unfortunately, I’ll have to pass on this one. Keep in mind that publishing is a subjective business, and what is not right for me may be the perfect fit for another agent!
Best of luck,
Exir Kamalabadi
austere says
Dear Author #5
Regrets.
Good luck with your writing.
Regards,
Thermocline says
Thank you for your query. I am going to pass on your novel.
(You describe it as a suspense/thriller but it reads more like a horror with the mentions of draining of blood and the spirit world. Your description of the plot is not clear. I don’t think you are best served by the first person viewpoint.)
Marybeth says
Dear Author,
I regret to inform you that I am unable to represent your manuscript. Although this sounds interesting, it does not compel me to read further. Best of luck to you in the future.
Sincerely,
Marybeth
Agent Yard Oaf says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query. You have some interesting ideas, but I don’t feel that I could adequately represent your book.
Best wishes,
Agent Yard Oaf
rainsinger says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query but it felt awkwardly written and failed to excite my imagination as it did not give a sense of who the characters were and where the plot was going.
Best wishes
Rain agency