This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day,
In a story that will challenge your perception of right and wrong, Nicky Fusco sets out to avenge his wife’s death, and to punish people for an oath that should never have been broken.
My name is Nicky Fusco. I’m a hit man. That’s not always bad, though; sometimes there are reasons for what a person does. I had five best friends growing up, and now three of them are dead. One got shot in a gang fight; one died in a car wreck; and the other one—my best friend—betrayed an oath, so I shot him. It was an oath we had all taken as kids, and after twenty-five years I had kept true to my end of it even though it cost me ten years in prison.
You might think this is cruel, but why don’t you listen to my story and let me tell you about friendship and honor—and what happened in my neighborhood when someone broke an oath.
Friendship and Honor is set in Wilmington, Delaware, and Brooklyn, New York, and is the first in a mystery/suspense series featuring hit man, Nicky Fusco, and Detective Mario D’Angelo. It is complete at 121,000 words. I have been writing for a number of years and am active in the Mystery Writer’s Critique Group as well as The Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror.
Thank you for your time and consideration. A complete manuscript is available upon request.
Sincerely,
Author
STATS: 7% request rate
Inkblot says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but I am passing on it. I wish you the best of luck in placing it elsewhere.
Regards,
Agent Inky
Although it has voice, to me the voice feels off (too casual? too young-sounding??).
ros says
Sorry. I don’t find anythingly remotely sympathetic about the characters you describe and I’m not interested in seeing your manuscript.
Elizabeth says
Dear Author,
There is much here to like, unfortunately, time constraints keep me from requesting further material. I wish you the best of luck.
Regards,
Agent Elizabeth
bveggie says
form reject
Shawntelle says
Dear Author,
Thanks for your submission today. I am afraid I must pass since the premise didn’t grab me. Good luck in seeking representation.
Sincerely,
Shawntelle
farmlanebooks says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. I regret to inform you that at this time your book is not suitable for further consideration.
Thank you for considering us.
Best wishes,
Jackie
Thermocline says
Thank you for your query. I do not believe I am the best agent for your project. I wish you the best with finding a home for your novel.
(You lost me at the first sentence – your claim seems too grandiose to make me want to complete the query. Let your story sell me rather than you trying to push it so hard.)
Aimless Writer says
No thank you.
I think this one skirted the real meat of the story. I think perhaps something along the lines of …
Four friends take and oath to…blah blah whatever the oath is…but only two survived. Then tell me more of the story.
I don’t feel I know what this story is about other then there was a oath and people are died for some reason.
Ego says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your work. I regret I am not sufficiently enthusiastic to represent you at present. Note that this is a personal reaction and you may have success elsewhere.
Regards,
Ego
kaseee says
Dear Author,
While your work is not without merit, it isn’t what we’re looking for at this time. This is a subjective business. Another agent may feel differently.
Best wishes,
Agent
Kristin says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query; however, I am sorry to say that I will not be pursuing it any further. It does not fit my list at this time, but there are many agents out there and I would encourage you to continue submitting to those who rep your genre.
Regards,
KM
Professor I.M. Diphthong says
Dear Author,
This is not what I am looking for at this time.
Anonymous says
Writer,
Thank you for your query, though I don’t think I’m interested in taking your story idea. Keep on writing.
-Thanks,
Suzuki Volkeswagon
Marybeth says
Dear Author,
I regret to inform you that I am unable to represent your manuscript. Unfortunately I am not interested in this genre. Best of luck to you in the future.
Sincerely,
Marybeth
splatter says
Form rejection
Reasons: I just wasn’t grabbed. I think the switch to first person took some of the power away, and it made the book seem more… average than it might be.
Agent Yard Oaf says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am unable to take on new projects at this time.
Best wishes,
Agent Yard Oaf
Tamara says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I wish you the best of luck finding a home for this project, but after consideration, I have to say it’s not for me.
Best wishes,
Agent for a Day
(Tamara)
gypsyscarlett says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your story is not right for me.
I wish you much luck finding a suitable agent.
Heather Harper says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. After careful consideration, I regret that I’m unable to request your manuscript at this time.
Best,
Agent for a day
Rubenesque Writer says
Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me, but I do not believe I am the best fit for this book. Best of luck.
Sincerely,
RW Lit
Tyler says
Dear Author,
Thank you for considering me in your quest for publication; unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for your project. Best of luck in your future endeavours.
Sincerely,
Agent T
Owl Sprite says
Dear Author,
Thank you for sending me your query for “Friendship and Honor.” Unfortunately, it doesn’t match my needs at this time.
Best wishes in your search for representation,
Sincerely,
Owl Sprite
Comments: Your query makes the protagonist seem rather unlikeable. Can you add some personal touches to make me feel that I want to know his story?
Kaiscomet says
Thank you for your submission. I regret to inform you that I am passing on your project at this time. I was impressed by your letter and the idea of your story, but the length is too long. I would be interested in seeing other projects that you have in the future.
Sincerely
RB Ripley says
Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me with your recent query for FRIENDSHIP AND HONOR.
Unfortunately, this project does not resonate with me and I must respectfully decline, though I do hope you’ll continue to consider me for future projects.
Please remember, we are part of a highly subjective industry and I am confident there is an agent out who would best represent your story.
I wish you all the best in your continued efforts. Keep writing!
Sincerely,
Agent For a Day
[rejection reason: While the author’s got a unique and enjoyable voice for what seems to be hard-boiled mystery, a clear storyline is missing from the query. Perhaps a little less back story to make room for the story itself? Let what you provide fulfill your promise to make the reader challenge their notion of right v. wrong.]
jnantz says
Dear Author:
I appreciate the opportunity to consider your work. After a lot of thought, I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass. I just don’t feel I can represent this project with the kind of enthusiasm it would require. However, this business is very subjective, and I encourage you to query widely. Many agents may feel differently than I do.
Thank you again,
Jnantz
Cristy at Living Donor 101 says
Thanks for the submission, but it doesn’t meet our needs at this time.
(note to writer: the voice is strong, but bear in mind that some agents dislike queries written from the protagonist’s pov. Also, emphasize what makes this ‘hit man’ novel different than the 500 others already on the market)
Robert A Meacham says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your work for consideration. I regret that I have to pass for reasons of compatability with what I choose to represent.
Nik says
Thank you for your query, but I’m going to pass at this time.
Reasoning: It may just be the way you approached the query letter, but wording the blurb the way you did and in first person made me really dislike this person from the start. I’ve read first story hit man stories and really enjoyed them, but this one didn’t work for me. This guy comes across here as completely unsympathetic and unlikeable to me.
Jenn says
Form rejection letter.
There was nothing in the query to make me think I’m going to like this character. Also, I felt the first person POV was unsettling in a query.
Anonymous says
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for your project. I encourage you to query other agents and wish you the best of luck.
Thank you,
Agent C
(I wasn’t crazy about the query being written in the protag’s voice)
NotJana says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. However, I’m afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your project.
All the best,
Agent For A Day (Or Two)
Mira says
Dear Author,
I like this. A hit man as the protagonist. This will appeal to the same crowd that likes Dexter (Is that the name – the serial killer t.v. show?) I also like your voice alot! I got caught up – I forgot that I was reading a query in first person. You make it work – although I might make the first paragraph first person as well.
If I were an agent, I’d request a partial, because your writing style is so tight and accessible. I like the humor and the promise of ethics turned on it’s ear.
But I’m not requesting a partial because I suspect this isn’t published and I want to win the contest.
I think this has marketable potential, although an audience willing to identify with a hit-man is abit niche. Still, if it’s not published, and the work itself is good, I suspect it would be a matter of persistance until you found the right agent.
My very best to you!
Mira
Dorothy says
Dear Author
I cannot proceed with your work in its present form. I suspect it will benefit from a sharp editing pencil. I concede your work reveals some interesting characterization and hope you keep developing your project.
Sincerely
Honesty is the Best Policy
rantonson17 says
Dear Author,
Thank your for your query. Your synopsis sounds like it would fit in with the likes of George Pelecanos and Dennis Lehane. Unfortunately, I am unable to represent your work at this time.
Best of luck,
Rebekka
Flemmily says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I feel that FRIENDSHIP AND HONOR is not a fit for our agency.
Best of luck with your future endeavors,
Flemmily
Jane Doherty says
Dear Author,
Please send me your manuscript as an attached Word document.
Thank you,
Jane
dcarpenter says
Please send the first 50 pages. Thank you!
Diana says
Dear Query #49:
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this isn’t the right project for me.
Best wishes,
Diana
Perle_Rare says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission but this isn’t right for me at this time.
Best wishes,
Perle_Rare
Reason:
– I could not get a clear idea of the characters or of the story.
Maria A says
Thank you for thinking of us, but not for us at this moment.
Best of luck,
Agent
H. Zilionis says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query of FRIENDSHIP AND HONOR, I am intrigued! Please E-mail me the first 50 pages as a Word document at your earliest convenience.
Best regards,
Holly Z – Agent for a day
H. Zilionis says
As a note that I forgot to add! I didn’t like the first line, however I was willing to forgive the cliche because I liked the rest of the query. I was interested in the events/the oath that led Nicky to his current predicament.
Janny says
Dear Author,
Thanks for querying me with FRIENDSHIP AND HONOR. While much of your story has intriguing qualities, I have to pass on many good projects from sheer lack of time, and this unfortunately is one of those passes.
Keep in mind that publishing is very subjective, and what doesn’t “grab” me might be exactly what another agent wants. In any event, I wish you the best of luck placing this elsewhere!
Sincerely,
Janny
Dana says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I am not interested in representing your novel.
Regards,
Dana
Reasons: Not a fan of the revenge theme and I wanted to know what the main character was actually going to go in the book, it was a little too general.
Nora Coon says
Not right for us at this time. Best of luck.
Lorin says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this isn’t a good fit for me at this time.
Thank you,
Lorin
Brian Crawford says
Thank you for sending me your work. Unfortunately, I must reject it. Don’t feel bad; I receive about 2,000 queries per week, and reject 99.99% of them. Assume I’m wrong about your book. Don’t give up. In the meantime, increase your chances of success by downloading my e-book, “Kick-ass Queries,” available on my website for only $199.99.
Annie Reynolds says
Dear author
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to the A.F. A.D. agency. Unfortunately I do not believe your novel is a good fit at this time, but please remember that this is a very subjective industry, so keep trying.
Good luck with your career.
Yours truly,
Annie Reynolds.
RainSplats says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately it’s not a good fit for me. Best of luck.
-Rain
Janine says
Thank you for your query, but I am not the right agent for this. Best of luck.