This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest.
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day:
I am writing because I am interested in obtaining a literary agent to help me get my book published. I’ve read some of the books written by some of your clients and I think you could really help me. I am a junior in The Providence Academy of International Studies and this is the first novel I have written. The main focus is for young adult readers. The title I have chosen for my novel is Black Rose. The reason is because the color black represents pain, suffering and death while a rose represents love and delicacy. I believe this contrast represents well both the main character and the book itself.
Black Rose is a story of a young girl that has been emotionally and sometimes physically abused by her parents since birth. Helen Wright is finishing high school in one year and she can not wait until the day she leaves. Her father is an alcoholic who has physically abused her mother, Rachel Wright, for as long as Helen as lived. To ease her pain Rachel is a drug addict and when she’s drugged (all the time) she abuses Helen,who has her own way of dealing with her problems. She cuts herself and when the school finds out they start questioning her family but her father is too smart and wealthy to get caught. To not see her mother suffer anymore Helen lies and says she does it because of stress from school.
Her group of friends whose she known her whole life do not know that she cuts herself but do know the life she’s had. Together they form a band they call Black Rose. Her best friend Lauren is the lead singer, her boyfriend Joey is lead guitar, her friend Jeff is on base, his bother Nick is on drums and Helen is rhythm guitar. Her friends are the only thing she has and when they all leave her; there is nothing more she has to live for.
I believe you should consider my book because Black Rose shows the struggle that some teenagers face. It will show the consequences that treating others differently just because of their clothes or style can bring. I feel that many young people will find this story interesting and would love to read it. It is just one of those books that even though it is really tragic you feel like you know the person and you want to know what happens to her. It will also bring comfort to those who are going through the same situation to know that they are not alone. That there are others who have the same problems and pain inside. Also it will show that if they are going through domestic violence or any other situation, they shouldn’t try to deal with it by themselves. That their actions do affect those who love them and that wahtever they decide will hurt others as well. I feel that you would find Black Rose intruging.
Thank you for taking the time to read and consider my query. I hope to hear from you soon.
Author
STATS:
Anonymous says
Dear writer,
I enjoyed your query, but I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent this work. I’d love to see more of your writing.
Gloria Valentine
Anonymous says
Dear Pursuing Author,
After reviewing your query, I feel that what you have presented to us is just not going to fly in our market right now. Sorry but keep up the good work.
Sincerely,
Pepe Habanera
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the submission, but I regret to inform you that I will not be picking up your story.
Keep Writing,
Agent Jackie Moon
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I am not interested in your novel. Keep writing, your story had potential but was not for me. Feel free to Query me later with another piece of your work.
Anonymous says
Dear author,
I appreciate your query and found your concept interesting; however, it is just not what I am looking for. I look forward to future queries from you!
Thank you, Scarlett Cyrus
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I have decided not to take up your offer on publishing this book. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to view your material.
Thank You,
Happy Gilmore
Anonymous says
I appreciate you sending me this, but I’m going to pass.
S. Pancake
Asherose says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but it isn’t for me at this time. Best of luck with it elsewhere!
Agent
Reasoning: Query structure needs work. Too much information about the author, much of which is too emotional; I felt it needed to be more businesslike, less personal. The storyline looks interesting, but the blurb is long and suffers from some structural problems beyond the level of typos. Entire ‘I believe you should consider…’ para is unneeded.
Eva Ulian says
Thank you for your submission, unfortunately due to its length, I will pass.
LateInTheGame says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I am not the best representative for your work.
Good luck in your search for representation.
All the best,
Agent LateInTheGame
drat says
Dear Author,
Thank you for sending me your query. I gave it careful consideration, but ultimately I concluded I’m not the right agent for the book.
Good luck with your manuscript, and query widely!
Thanks,
SDC
Gryph says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for your query. While I appreciate the time and effort you’ve put into your work, I don’t believe this is a good fit for me.
Please remember that what doesn’t fit one agent may well fit another! I encourage you to not give up. In the future, if you have other manuscripts to query, I hope that you’ll think of me again.
Sincerely,
Agent Gryph
SuzieQ Agent4U says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I don’t feel this is right for me. Good luck with your search.
Best,
S
Kate H says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent you, but I wish you the best of luck.
Kate H
Reba says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, it is not the right fit for me.
Best,
Reba
s.koncilja says
Dear Author,
I received and read your query. Unfortunately it is not something that I’m looking for at the moment.
Keep me informed about your future work and good luck!
Agent S.K.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I regret to inform you that I am not interested in representing your story. I hope you have better luck in the future.
Best of luck,
Arkham
Nifaerie Noven says
Hi,
Thanks for querying. I can not represent you at this time. Your voice was just did not shine through in this letter.
superwench83 says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your manuscript isn’t right for me. Best wishes in your search for an agent.
Sincerely,
Agent for a Day
Nikki Hensley says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I don’t think I am the right agent for this novel. Best of luck in your search!
Agent Nikki
publishingcareer says
Dear Author
Thank you for your interest in our agency and submitting your query for your novel Black Rose.
I read it with interest but unfortunately it is not what I am looking for.
Best of luck and kind regards.
Yours faithfully
Robert Sullivan AFAD
Melissa says
Form rejection:
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately it doesn’t meet my needs at this time.
Thank you and best of luck,
Melissa (Ximera)
Dave says
Sorry, but I’m going to have to pass. Don’t give up though!
vicariousrising says
Thank you for your submission. I regret that I don’t feel this project isn’t right for me.
I wish you the best in your writing endeavors.
Kendra says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your work. Unfortunately, this is not a project I feel I can sucessfully represent. Good luck in your writing.
Kendra
Hildegarde512 says
Thank you for submitting however [If I were a real agent, a GENTLE FORM REJECTION would exist here].
Hallie says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to My Imaginary Yet Successful Literary Agency. I receive many queries each day, and I request only a small percentage of manuscripts that I’m interested in representing. I have decided not to request one for your book because I don’t feel that I’m intrigued enough to be its best representative.
Should you need resources for querying, finding writing resources and groups, or if you’d like to know more about how I choose manuscripts, please visit (this section of my agency’s website) for more information. I wish you the best of luck in finding a home for your writing. Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to consider your work.
Warm regards,
Hallie
__________________________________
And if I were fortunate enough to be able to give some feedback to each and every author I declined, I’d note the following:
I’m not declining your query because you’re young; I read work by some teen authors! At the same time, your book has to compete with books by polished authors on the shelves, and so its query must compete as well. You show promise in your writing via your query, but where it bogs down for me is in how you’re telling me how very important you think the story is. I’ll feel that more strongly if you give me the essence of the story and find it out for myself. It’s sort of like when you fool someone into thinking your idea was their idea, you know?
From there, it looks to me like you have two story ideas that aren’t meshing very well. The first is a story about a girl who is suffering from abuse. The second is a story about getting a band together, maybe with some social drama included. If these two story pieces fit together in the story, I need to feel that more strongly in the query.
Finally, I think that stories don’t have to have happy endings, but they have to have hope. An example that you might like–if you haven’t read it already!–is Thirteen Reasons Why. If you’re writing a book and want people to use it as a tool to understand that they can find a way through their troubles, then they have to have something to grab a hold of. I couldn’t find the place in your query where that happened. It sounds like everyone abandoned Helen and that she didn’t find strength in herself, which left me feeling very depressed.
I hope you’ll keep writing. Find writing workshops and mentors, and keep going. Best wishes!
Jada says
Form rejection.
Reason: Your query needs a lot of tightening, which makes me think your novel might be the same.
Things I would cut: The reason for your title. The names of Helen’s friends and their positions in the band. The paragraph that begins: ‘I believe you should consider…’.
A tightened query and the inclusion of pages might lead to a different result in future.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for considering me. Unfortunately I have to pass. Reason for rejection – personal taste. Would prefer a more concise query. I like the title though.
Best of Luck!
Agent X-9
Vic K says
Thank you for submitting to my agency, however I’m going to take a pass at this time.
Vic K
Reason; This is intriguing, and was on my shortlist right up until the end. I think if the query had hinted at some hope to the resolution, I might have gone for pages, but right now it sounds like the MC dies and I’m not sure how well that fits the genre.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to represent you. Your subject matter is timely and important. Unfortunately this work is not for me. Good luck with your search for representation. Agent Festus Crapper
Heather says
Dear X,
Thank you very much for taking the time to query our agency. I have given your project thoughtful consideration; unfortunately, it is not a good fit for us at this time because, although the project seems to be well conceived, I had some difficulty with your word choice in the query letter, and feel the manuscript may need extensive editing prior to being ready for shopping at publishing houses. However, after a revision of your query letter and manuscript, please feel free to resubmit to my attention.
Rik says
Thank you for submitting your book – Black Rose – for my consideration. Regrettably, I do not feel that I am able to represent this work for you. Best wishes for your future endeavours. Agent Rik.
Crystal says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. However, currently, I am sorry to say I must turn down your manuscript. Good luck with other submission endeavors.
Sincerely,
Lit Agent
GuyStewart/DISCOVERCHURCH says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query, but I’m going to have to pass. I do not feel strongly enough about your story to represent it well.
Sincerely, Guy Stewart
farmlanebooks says
Dear Author, Thank you for your submission, but I’m afraid we will not be able add you our author list at this time.
Best wishes,
Jackie
Leis says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. I’m afraid I have to pass at this time.
Good luck with your writing.
Sincerely,
Agent for a Day
Kathy says
Thank you for thinking of me but I’m going to pass on this project.
Best of luck in placing your work with another agent.
L.C. Gant says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but I’m afraid your story isn’t right for me. Good luck with your continued search for literary representation.
Best wishes,
L.C. Gant (Agent for a Day)
(Reasoning: Far too many cliches here: the abusive, wealthy father, the drug addict, abusive mother, the daughter who is a cutter and uses music to help heal her pain… All of them together give the story a melodramatic feel that makes it hard to take seriously.)
Sarah says
Dear Author #47,
I regret that I cannot offer representation- and that my other obligations necessitate using this form letter.
Tastes and opinions vary, so I encourage you to query widely. I wish you the best of luck as you continue to pursue publication.
Warmly,
Sarah, Literary Agent for a Day
Reasons:
There seems to be more focus on the story’s message than the story itself. The author told me about the story, but query didn’t communicate the the tone or voice of the novel.
Hilabeans says
Dear Author,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. I regret to say that I don’t feel that I’m the most appropriate agent for this project.
Best wishes,
HHS
Dawn says
Dear Author,
Thank you for contacting Dawn Ink. Unfortunately, Black Rose is not what we’re looking for right now.
Best of luck in finding representation.
Sincerely,
Dawn
—–
Query is too long and the writing doesn’t grab me.
2readornot says
I think your idea of sharing what some teens experience is a good idea; however, if I were to take on this project, I would have to read this book numerous times, and I’m afraid it sounds too dark and hopeless for me. Good luck!
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to me.
At this moment in time, however, I choose to pass on your project. This does not automatically mean your query is not good enough. It simply means that I am not the right agent for this project. This can be for a number of reasons.
If you would like to know why, you can send a reply to this mail. Please change the subject line to: FEEDBACK / BLACK ROSE / YOUR NAME. I will respond to your request within two weeks.
Good luck with finding representation and keep on writing!
Kind regards,
Nicole34
Sara J. Henry says
Form rejection[Reasons: The first sentence alone tells me this writer isn’t ready. Also the phrase “I think you could really help me.” Definite turn-offs. In general the query is too long and a bit convoluted – but I hope this writer keeps working at her craft, and turns this into a taut, compelling manuscript – but I think there’s some work ahead.]
Anahita says
Dear Author:
Thanks for sharing your query. Sorry I can’t represent your work. Good luck!
Anahita
AgentforDay says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but BLACK ROSE is not what I am looking for at this time. I could not give it the necessary attention.
Good luck with your search for representation.
Please feel free to submit future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Agent for the Day
Conerning the query letter:
Take out the first paragraph.
Don’t explain the title.
Considering putting the hook in the first paragraph (the first sentence).
Clean up the typos in the query letter.
State the targeted market: BLACK ROSE is a (word count) young adult novel.
Take the last paragraph out.
Saint_Fool says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel that Black Rose is the right fit for me.
Best of luck.
Saint_Fool
NOTE: Too much about why the agent should like the book. MC appears to be very passive. If she takes no action, positive or negative, this story is definately not for me.
Enusan says
Thank you for your query. You have an interesting set up here, but there doesn’t seem to be a plot. Also, forgive me if I’m wrong, but your writing makes me suspect that you are just starting out. I would spend more time working on the style of your prose before submitting again.
That Girl says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.
Best of luck,
That Agent Girl