This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest.
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day:
I am writing because I am interested in obtaining a literary agent to help me get my book published. I’ve read some of the books written by some of your clients and I think you could really help me. I am a junior in The Providence Academy of International Studies and this is the first novel I have written. The main focus is for young adult readers. The title I have chosen for my novel is Black Rose. The reason is because the color black represents pain, suffering and death while a rose represents love and delicacy. I believe this contrast represents well both the main character and the book itself.
Black Rose is a story of a young girl that has been emotionally and sometimes physically abused by her parents since birth. Helen Wright is finishing high school in one year and she can not wait until the day she leaves. Her father is an alcoholic who has physically abused her mother, Rachel Wright, for as long as Helen as lived. To ease her pain Rachel is a drug addict and when she’s drugged (all the time) she abuses Helen,who has her own way of dealing with her problems. She cuts herself and when the school finds out they start questioning her family but her father is too smart and wealthy to get caught. To not see her mother suffer anymore Helen lies and says she does it because of stress from school.
Her group of friends whose she known her whole life do not know that she cuts herself but do know the life she’s had. Together they form a band they call Black Rose. Her best friend Lauren is the lead singer, her boyfriend Joey is lead guitar, her friend Jeff is on base, his bother Nick is on drums and Helen is rhythm guitar. Her friends are the only thing she has and when they all leave her; there is nothing more she has to live for.
I believe you should consider my book because Black Rose shows the struggle that some teenagers face. It will show the consequences that treating others differently just because of their clothes or style can bring. I feel that many young people will find this story interesting and would love to read it. It is just one of those books that even though it is really tragic you feel like you know the person and you want to know what happens to her. It will also bring comfort to those who are going through the same situation to know that they are not alone. That there are others who have the same problems and pain inside. Also it will show that if they are going through domestic violence or any other situation, they shouldn’t try to deal with it by themselves. That their actions do affect those who love them and that wahtever they decide will hurt others as well. I feel that you would find Black Rose intruging.
Thank you for taking the time to read and consider my query. I hope to hear from you soon.
Author
STATS:
kaseee says
Dear Author,
While your work is not without merit, it isn’t what we’re looking for at this time. This is a subjective business. Another agent may feel differently.
Best wishes,
Agent
Kristin says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query; however, I am sorry to say that I will not be pursuing it any further. It does not fit my list at this time, but there are many agents out there and I would encourage you to continue submitting to those who rep your genre.
Regards,
KM
Professor I.M. Diphthong says
Dear Author,
This is not what I am looking for at this time.
Anonymous says
Writer,
Thank you for your query, though I don’t think I’m interested in taking your story idea. Keep on writing.
-Thanks,
Suzuki Volkeswagon
Marybeth says
Dear Author,
I regret to inform you that I am unable to represent your manuscript. Unfortunately I am not interested in this genre. Best of luck to you in the future.
Sincerely,
Marybeth
Agent Yard Oaf says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am unable to take on new projects at this time.
Best wishes,
Agent Yard Oaf
Anonymous says
As a young writer, I want to compliment you on the work you have put in on this story. It is evident that you take your writing seriously. While this piece does not currently meet our needs, I want to encourage you to continue with your studies and your writing. I hope you will consider us again with your future submissions.
Sincerely,
Cjones
splatter says
Form rejection
Reasons: the query felt amateurish, with FAR too much explaining going on. Don’t tell me why you named your book as you did, for instance. The author needs a stronger, more self-assured voice in the query to really sell the story – and they need to cut down on the amount of information they give. Honestly, I’d cut the first paragraph.
Rubenesque Writer says
Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me, but I do not believe I would be the best agent for this book. Best of luck.
Sincerely,
RW Lit
Tyler says
Dear Author,
Thank you for considering me in your quest for publication; unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for your project. Best of luck in your future endeavours.
Sincerely,
Agent T
lilianamama says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your interest in the “Be An Agent For a Day” contest. Your query’s structure needs reworking, which suggests you haven’t researched how to write a query.
I suggest you attempt to use text from your story that displays your skill as a fiction author. You must show rising tension, arc, potential resolutions and consequences of wrong decisions/actions. While you do that, convey how your main character changes throughout the book. Only use the story’s major characters. Your last paragraph should tell the agent why you chose them, based on which of their clients’ books you’ve read and how your book relates to theirs. Be specific. Do it all in a page.
I wish you all the best.
Owl Sprite says
Dear Author,
Thank you for sending me your query for “Black Rose.” Unfortunately, it doesn’t match my needs at this time.
Best wishes in your search for representation,
Sincerely,
Owl Sprite
PS Since you are a young writer, I would strongly encourage you not to give up! Keep writing and honing your skills. You have some good ideas and I give you full credit for a) completing a manuscript and b) having the guts to submit your query to this contest.
Unfortunately, this book sounds a little too stereotypical. There are a lot of stories about there about troubled teens. I think you need to come up with something really unusual and interesting to make this character and story intriguing to the general public.
However, I would really suggest that you look around for young writer’s competitions on the Internet. You may find the perfect place to submit this! You might be able to win some kind of an award or self-publishing deal that would be a stepping stone for your future writing career.
gypsyscarlett says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your story is not right for me.
I wish you much luck finding a suitable agent.
Kaiscomet says
Thank you for your submission. I regret to inform you that I am passing on your project at this time. I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely
RB Ripley says
Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me with your recent query for BLACK ROSE.
I very much appreciate your willingness to take on an important topic such as abuse.
Unfortunately, this project does not resonate with me and I must respectfully decline, though I do hope you’ll continue to consider me for future projects.
Please remember, we are part of a highly subjective industry and I am confident there is an agent out who would best represent your story.
If you are open to some unsolicited suggestions: First, you don’t really need the first paragraph. Just a quick salutation and then dive in. Second, make sure that you’re telling what the plot and central conflict of the story is and not just the circumstances.
I wish you all the best in your continued efforts. Keep writing!
Sincerely,
Agent For a Day
[rejection reason: Ultimately, the story itself, while compelling in theme, didn’t have a defined beginning, middle and end.]
Cristy at Living Donor 101 says
Thanks for your submission but it does not meet our needs at this time.
(note to writer: shorten this query considerably. There is a lot of extraneous info that could be cut. Also, what keeps this book moving? Why should we care about these kids or this band?)
jnantz says
Dear Author:
I appreciate the opportunity to consider your work. After a lot of thought, I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass. I just don’t feel I can represent this project with the kind of enthusiasm it would require. However, this business is very subjective, and I encourage you to query widely. Many agents may feel differently than I do.
Thank you again,
Jnantz
Nik says
Thank you for your query, but I’m going to have to pass.
Reasoning: There is nothing wrong with this, it just doesn’t shine for me. I think it could be spectacular though. Keep working and try to tighten the query a little (200 words or less is what I aim for because it’s quick.)
Jenn says
Form rejection.
Typos and lack of writing skills in the query. The premise is good, but the writer should consider working on their writing a bit more before submitting.
colleen rowan kosinski says
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for your project. I encourage you to query other agents and wish you the best of luck.
Thank you,
Agent C
(double check for typos, watch the rambling in the opening paragraph, simplify and polish. I’d lose the last paragraph.)
Mira says
Dear Author,
This is an important story. It clearly has deep meaning for you, and you have written it out of a desire to help and to heal. I applaud you.
I am not asking for a partial because I think it might be difficult to get such a dark novel published from an unknown author. Unless the writing was astonishingly crafted or beautiful; without samples, I can’t assess that.
If this isn’t already published, the trick would be to find agent who would feel passionate about the topic, and advocate for it. If you have trouble getting representation, I would keep on writing. If you can publish other works, you might be able to go back and sell this after being more estabilished. Or, perhaps independent publishing targeted toward African-American fiction. Hopefully it will find it’s audience.
My additional unsolicited advice; keep on! You have the heart for writing.
I wish you all the best.
Mira
NotJana says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. However, I’m afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your project.
All the best,
Agent For A Day (Or Two)
rantonson17 says
Dear Author,
Thank your for your query. Unfortunately, I am unable to represent your work at this time.
Best of luck,
Rebekka
Dorothy says
Dear Author:
I cannot accept your work at this time. You offer an interesting theme and important views in your work. I am not convinced you have developed your voice sufficiently to handle this subject. I also suspect this work is strongly biographical. That in itself is no fatal flaw, but you will be able to improve your work when you have more distance from it. Seek out in put from other writers and keep at it. This idea is worth it.
Sincerely,
Honesty is the Best Policy
Flemmily says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I feel that BLACK ROSE is not a fit for our agency.
Best of luck with your future endeavors,
Flemmily
Diana says
Dear Query #47:
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this isn’t the right project for me.
Best wishes,
Diana
Perle_Rare says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission but this isn’t right for me at this time.
Best wishes,
Perle_Rare
Reason:
– Too wordy.
– I was not hooked.
H. Zilionis says
Dear Author,
Thank you so much for sending me your query and offering me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, I am not the right agent for your project.
Good luck and keep writing!
Holly Z – Agent for a Day
Maria A says
Thank you for thinking of our agency, but not for us at this moment.
Best of luck,
Agent
Maria A says
Thank you for thinking of our agency, but not for us at this moment.
Best of luck,
Agent
Davien says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your time and consideration. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent BLACK ROSE.
Best wishes,
Dana says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I am not interested in representing your novel.
Regards,
Dana
Reasons: The whole abused kid who cuts has been done, plus the writing was week. I didn’t think it flowed at all and the syntax was repetitive.
Nora Coon says
Not right for us at this time. Best of luck.
***
Abuse is a really tricky subject, and I didn’t see anything in the query that grabbed me or told me that this book would be different somehow.
Lorin says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this isn’t a good fit for me at this time.
Thank you,
Lorin
RainSplats says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately it’s not a good fit for me. Best of luck.
-Rain
Janine says
Thank you for your query, but I am not the right agent for this. Best of luck.
Annie Reynolds says
Dear author
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to the A.F. A.D. agency. Unfortunately I do not believe your novel is a good fit at this time, but please remember that this is a very subjective industry, so keep trying.
Good luck with your career.
Yours truly,
Annie Reynolds.
Annie Reynolds says
Dear author
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to the A.F. A.D. agency. Unfortunately I do not believe your novel is a good fit at this time, but please remember that this is a very subjective industry, so keep trying.
Good luck with your career.
Yours truly,
Annie Reynolds.
Alisa says
No, thank you.
Alisa.
Shannon says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query for BLACK ROSE for review. Unfortunately, I am not the right person to represent this story. This is a subjective business so another agent may feel differently. Good luck.
Sincerely,
Shannon
Cat Moleski says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. However, your project is not right for me at this time.
Cat
Joy says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission and your interest in using me as an agent. After taking some time to consider your material, I have decided that this isn’t right for me.
Best of luck in your writing endeavors,
Joy
Note: Sounds like a good start, just needs tightening. What’s your hook? Something that really makes your book stand out? Focus on that in the query. Good luck
Bekkoni says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submisson. Unfortunately, this novle is not a good fit for me.
Best Wishes,
Bekkoni
Aisling says
Dear Author,
I am sorry to inform you that I am not interested in your book. It does not fit with what I am looking for right now so I regret to tell you that, although I appreciated you sending me your query, I would not like to represent your work. I wish you the best of luck with your future writing!
Aisling
The Spidermonkey says
Thank you for your query, which I have considered carefully. However I’m afraid to say I won’t be able to represent you.
You may be too close to your subject matter- there’s too much issue and not enough story here.
Please bear in mind this is a personal opinion, and others may see things differently. Good luck!
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I didn’t like it. Try again later.
Backdoor Trojan
Anonymous says
Dear writer,
I appreciate the query but your book is not what I am looking for at the moment. However, I wish you luck in getting this book published.
Best regards,
Nathaniel Orange
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I appreciate your time and efforts, but I am sorry to say that I do not wish to represent your story. If you have another story idea, please send it to me in the future, and I would be happy to look at it.
Best Wishes,
Quintus Blackburn
Chuck H. says
Dear Author,
Sorry to say this just didn’t grab me. Good luck in your search for representation.
Sincerely,
Chuck
(Too much gloom and doom. No resolution for Helen’s problems is mentioned. Is this book just one downer after another? Tone and voice of query just doesn’t appeal to me.)
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I’m sorry, but this story is not right for me. Thanks for sending me your request, I really appreciate it. Please continue writing.
Veronica Lovette