Writing is a solitary pursuit. It takes silence, concentration, patience, and provides a ready excuse to escape any awkward family gathering.
It also takes the forbearance of your friends and family as you toil away on the page or laptop and anguish over rejection letters and bad reviews.
What do they think about it?
Vegas Linda Lou says
My friends and family think my writing habit is awesome! When I’m writing, I’m not talking—they’re enjoying the peace.
Seriously, everyone is very supportive. They particularly look forward to reading my blogs and get on my back if I haven’t posted by mid-morning. They share my belief that “rejection is just a reflection of someone’s regrettable lack of insight.” Yeah, I’ve trained them well.
Writers do have to be careful about who we surround ourselves with. I dated a guy who viewed my writing as nothing but a nice little hobby. I’d talk about querying agents and he’d say, “I just hate to see you get hurt.” Well, who was crying in the Pancake House when I broke up with him for being so negative? Who was hurt then, huh???
Walter says
I’ve always found a way to do it when everyone else is busy with other things, and so as odd as this may sound, the hardly know about it.
Windy Aphayrath says
I have a few fans and a few half-fans in the family and friends sector.
For the most part, all the friends are really supportive and do like to ask about submissions and progress on the getting published road.
Family, however, are mostly a pragmatic bunch and if they know I’m writing at all, they either don’t say anything or they come in under the “oh, that’s nice dear” umbrella.
My sister, my biggest fan, was nervous at first when I told her, now she waits to be the first to read each chapter.
And my husband, well, he’s given up fighting the laptop for my attention. Now he’s just waiting for the ability to retire young and spend all his days fishing.
Heidi the Hick says
My parents don’t know what the heck to think of it. My sister seems fairly unimpressed, but I don’t blame her one bit; she’s the one with the career and I’ve always been somewhat flaky! My in-laws are quietly amused by it and go out of their way to correct my grammar, even when it’s a piece of writing in first person told by a character who would not have perfect 1950s British grammar.
My husband and kids are right behind me, cheering all the way. I think that matters the most.
Most of my friends know about this writing thing and are generally encouraging. Two in particular are very into it.
My parents though… they don’t generally read what I write, so I don’t expect them to like my work. In fact I don’t want them to read it.
Two summers ago I was helping Dad with some farm work. I don’t remember what brought this on, but he mentioned reading something I wrote that was full of swear words. While I was puzzling what the heck I wrote that I would have given him to read, he announced, and I love this:
“Why do you think you have to write trash like that? You’re better than that. Don’t you know that people who talk like that don’t read anyways? They’re illiterate! You should be writing something for people who think.”
I believe this was his way of telling me that I’m a good writer, or at least that’s what I want to believe…
DebraLSchubert says
My lap top is my fifth appendage. When I visited my family in Colorado in December, I cut WAY back on my writing time. Their opinion? I did nothing but write the whole time I was there. My family and friends respect me for it, they just think I’m a little “over the top…!”
Janet says
I’m also fortunate. The reactions range from enthusiastic support to benign indifference. One older member of the family does have a little trouble taking it seriously, but she doesn’t get nasty about it. And her attitude would change very promptly if the money started coming in. So, all in all, I’m happy.
Madison says
My family is supportive of me, even though they don’t like too much of what I write. I write sci-fi and fantasy.
I have friends who support me and want me to do good. These friends read what I write and enjoy it.
But I think most people I know won’t care until (if) I get published. But it doesn’t really matter to me. I’m happy and love what I do. THAT’S what matters! 😀
Very interesting question, Mr. Bransford. A very interesting one.
Ulysses says
I’m a closet writer.
In the ’90s when I had a run of short-stories published, I made sure I gave my parents a copy of each magazine in which I appeared. They were very proud, but my father said, “I’ll never read them. I don’t read that *manure*.” As far as my brother and sister, my friends and co-workers are concerned, my writing life seems to be much like my sex life: I don’t deny it exists if it comes up in conversation, but I don’t advertise it.
My wife puts up with my ambitions to the point of not complaining about the time I spend writing, as I don’t complain about the time she spends watching sports (she’s an armchair athlete). She hopes it makes me happy. My children are aware that I write a lot, but they don’t know what and really have no interest in finding out. They can’t figure out why I’m not spending my time playing video games, and there are times when I can’t either.
Scratchy Paw says
To bark the truth, the family is unaware. They’d get growly if they knew I wrote about them.
NP says
My husband has always been incredibly supportive. In fact, it was his prodding that led me to quit my 9-5 job and pursue writing full time.
Many of my friends are writers, as well, so they understand what it’s like to be a writer.
Martin Willoughby says
My family support what I’m doing and enquire whether I’ve submitted anything recently. It keeps me on my toes and writing and makes me send off something to somewhere so I can answer positively.
Audrianna says
My entire family, as well as our entire neighborhood, is very supportive of the writing…as long as I make time for them as well. I usually get reprimanded about once a week for spending too much time writing and not enough time on chores, classes, etc. I must admit that I do tend to overindulge in writing and writing until I’m completely finished with a page, chapter, project, etc.
My mom and her mom are usually the only ones that read my work, even though I mostly write young adult stuff. They are always (painfully, brutally) honest with me about my work, so I know when they say that they love it, that they mean it. My mom and I are really a support system because as of a couple months ago, my mom started writing too.
Heidi – Trust me, you’re not alone! My grandma usually gives me that speech…”You know, you don’t have to put that word in there (or action that is something that *she* wouldn’t do). Not everyone talks like that.” My response: Yes, I know not everyone talks like that, but that particular character does.
It’s all good though. I’ll listen to all advice…I just don’t have to use it, right?
Melissa says
You know who doesn’t support my writing? My dogs. Despite explaining it to them half a dozen times, they refuse to make the mental connection between my one day getting a book deal and them one day getting more and better quality kibble.
All they know is that when I’m at the computer typing, they get less walks, so they come up with various creative ways to get my attention.
My cats, on the other hand, being more highly evolved creatures, are thoughtful enough to sleep all day so that I can write undisturbed.
JaxPop says
My wife is very supportive & I try to be fair with my time. Since I have a full-time career, I usually only write for an hour or two at night while she watches certain TV shows that I despise. Saturday night from 9 'til dawn is the most productive writing time for me. Friends & family? No one cared much until they heard checks were coming in. Now they're interested, but I avoid or downplay the topic.
Dan says
My family is waiting for my first bestseller to come out.
Sierra Rix says
So-so; to be honest. My husband is supportive, but wants me to balance my time, which I can find challenging when a particularily interesting idea takes hold. But I find that he is actually very helpful in editing and that when I do maintain balance, I’m never ever stuck staring at the screen, unsure of what to write next.
Kids are too little to know – they just think I love my computer…a lot.
Dawn says
I would say they are not enthusiastic. As with everything I try that reaches beyond their life and the life I have right now…reaches out into other possibilities…they tolerate it without being too encouraging. They ultimately don’t care and seem to believe it’s wrong to encourage me when it will surely end in disaster.
It’s no big deal, it’s just the way my family works. I was not raised to believe anything is possible. It can really be a struggle sometimes.
Mim says
My husband wants to write as well, but is currently finishing up a video project that he and a friend are working on. He is totally supportive, and his feedback and criticism are the most valuable to me.
I have a brother who’s input is also incredibly valuable. He plans on getting an MFA in creative writing in another year when he’s done with his BA. So he’s supportive.
My sisters all marvel that I wrote something as good as I did–they’ve dreamt about the story. My mom keeps pushing me to start sending the novel out, even though I don’t think it’s quite ready. My dad told me that he’d go get the second in the series if it was available. My parents have thought I’d be a writer since high school, but it’s taken twelve years to get there.
My favorite support is my seven year old daughter–I was reading my manuscript outloud to her why I proofread the first draft, and I stopped in the middle–she took my manuscript and wrote Read More of This to Me. That just melted my heart.
So my family’s supportive. I don’t talk about it really to my friends, but I’ve started coming out of the closet so to speak, and it’s been good. They are all supportive.5
Kim says
My family and friends think that writing comes easy to me. They enjoy what I write, but don’t realize the time and energy involved and get annoyed when I spend too much time on the computer. It’s a neverending balance act for me, trying to meet the demands of real life while still dedicating the time and focus to writing.
PurpleClover says
Unfortunately, my husband thinks it’s a waste of my (and his) time. So I write when he’s sleeping or at work.
My sister just finished her memoir and she thinks my husband should suck it. She wants me to write because it is our destiny.
My kids would rather I watched Spongebob with them.
So I generally talk to my sis about writing. 😉
Whirlochre says
Sadly, I strangled my family and buried them in a hole.
Seriously though — they want to strangle me and bury me in a hole.
Sue says
My husband thinks I’m a genius. (He is wrong, but it’s nice that he’s delusional in my favor.) I write boring tech stuff for a living, and he encourages me to write fun stuff in my free time. He’s taking the kids to his mother’s house this weekend, specifically so that I can have some writing time. Gotta love him.
Kristy Colley says
All have a ‘good luck’ attitude. Believe in me, but with no need to be verbose about it. They know I’ll keep writing despite their opinions, so they’re silently encouraging. We don’t really talk about it. Don’t need to. (unless I need to go for a drive to clear some writer’s block)
Nikki Hootman says
My husband is my biggest supporter. In spite of being totally uninterested in the genre I write, he won’t let me give up even when I want to give up on myself. Actually, I think I would have thrown in the towel sometime last year if not for him.
My parents are also very supportive.
As for extended family? Being totally uninformed about what an uphill battle it is to get published, they seem to expect that my book will be on the shelves in the near future, never mind that I don’t even have an agent. It’s painful to face those innocent questions, so I’ve instituted a general policy that I Don’t Talk About Writing. At this point most of them think it’s because I’m a little superstitious. I’m happy with that.
Friends…
Friends? What friends? I’m writing all the time.
Anonymous says
My husband is great, thank God. I probably wouldn’t still be writing without him.
My family is supportive, but no one really gets it. My parents loved my last book, but think they have to stay on top of me to help it progress because they don’t understand the seemingly endless cycle of querying and rejection.
My friends don’t really get it, either. Most of them are of the “I’ll write when I’m retired” variety. I once declined an evening out with a friend because I had to work on my novel. She said, “That sounds so pretentious, as if I were to tell you I have to go work on my rocket ship.” I told her that the difference is that I really did have a novel.
Michael says
My family (read: Wife) is a hard nut to crack. Balancing time between day joy (with travel, ugh), other hobbies (surprise!), fatherly husbandly duties and writing can be difficult. Currently I use travel downtime to do must of my writing, but it’s neither regular nor reliable. I fear I must give up some sleep hours to get into a regular schedule. She might ease up a little if I can get something published, though. Starting a new habit is always the hardest part.
Laura D says
I write in secret mostly. A handful of supportive friends know it’s my passion.
Alicia says
I’m lucky that my parents and husband are very supportive, as is my friends that also have a literary bend. And to my surprise, I now have two aunts that want to read my manuscript as well.
My husband, even though supportive, gets jealous pretty easily over the amount of time I spend working on the writing thing. Especially now since I’m co-authoring a book. Deep down, I think he believes it’s just an excuse for me not spend time with him.
Arachne Jericho says
Well, the writing that I get paid for, my friends think is a job well done.
The writing that gets published officially by respectable third parties but that I don’t get paid for, my friends still think is a job well done.
The writing on my blog that’s targeted towards the Kindle, ebooks, and books in general, my friends think is an interesting hobby, mostly since Amazon Associates pays me a pittance and at the very least I get hits (these days) and a couple Stumbles.
Anything else, my friends—the ones who don’t write, that is—think is on the stupid side of things. Which included my blog for about the last year or so. (Actually, the ones who do write, some of them still think blogging is stupid, and heck, you know, it *is* blogging.)
But you persevere, and all that, and hopefully in the end it pays out.
Money is the goal marker for respectability, in other words, and at least money is measurable. Anything else that doesn’t eventually work out is pointless in the eyes of many of my friends.
You’d think this would be a deterrent, and I used to think it was. But I’ve found out that mostly it makes me think harder about what I really want out of writing, and how to develop the path, and also what my path may/might/should/can be, maybe. A very good reality check.
Jack Roberts, Annabelle's scribe says
Most support. My wife is my strength. So are my kids. They all still believe it’s going to happen, even when I’m in a more realistic mood.
Average friends and family think it’s fantastic that I wrote a book but they think that means you instantly get published. They don’t realize the hard work and long road you have as you edit, submit and so on.
Regardless, they do support me, too.
Melissa says
My parents are glad that I finally figured out what to do with my life. At fifty. Hey, I’m a late bloomer!
My husband is glad I’m happy and busy after the Princess of the Universe left for college
My daughter wonders why anyone would read, much less write, but she’s one of the biggest fans of my edgy YA mss, helping me ‘keep it real’
My friends patiently read my drafts and are brutally honest.
My dogs watch patiently until I need a break. They love it when I get stuck and need a lot of walks.
Biggest frustration? People don’t know the publishing business, how hard it is to get the right kind of attention. My businessman hubby thinks you just send out some professional letters and Voila! Published!
Rejection? It’s a tough world out there, every rejection forces me to write better. I’m just one step away from sainthood.
Jenna Loves Chachi says
I am a naturally solitary person, so the writing life suits me.
My family are all massive readers, so it’s all good on that end. My Mother used to own a used bookstore when I was a child, and my older sister and I went there every day after school and just picked out books to read. I still love the smell and feel of used book stores today, it’s comforting!
At home we had a mind-boggling amount of books, and Mum and Dad were especially into Sci-Fi and Fantasy, so that’s where my interest in those genres came from. Mum and Dad are old hippies and are just glad that I’m not super straight-laced and normal, I think! They’re happy that I’m and artsy, creative type 🙂
My older sister is also a writer and editor, so no friction there. A little good-natured competition perhaps, but definitely supportive.
My friends are supportive too. Probably because they’re just as weird as I am – they consist of traveling gypsies, tattoo artists, and just general swell folk like that.
TERI REES WANG says
I tend not to share my writings with friends.
I have shares some visual art, but only because I could no longer hide it.
I am in a book club, and our one rule is…
“no friend authors”.
…but, even that is changing as new members unknowingly offer up their friend’s work, if it has proven reviews and sales, that seems to be the acceptance ticket; interesting.
Lisa says
Nobody knew for years.
My ex was supportive in a generic way, but never expressed a desire to read anything.
Mentioned it to various members of my family a couple of years ago, and the reaction has been about the same as if I said “I’m collecting antique telephones now.”
“Nice, Lisa, I’m sure you’re wonderful at it, and I’m going to change the subject now.”
Works for me.
Griffin Asher says
When I started writing my first novel my parents (I still lived with them at the time) thought that was cool. Then I started showing signs of “writer crazy” and asking questions like “Would a long sword be able to cut someone’s head off in one blow?” and “What would be the easiest way to remove a human heart?” (I write Fantasy, btw) Then they started to get a little worried about me, but were still supportive. My friend’s opinions range from being mystified that I’m a writer to rolling their eyes and saying, “Are you _still_ doing that stuff?”
For the most part though everyone is supportive (even if they are a little confused as to why).
Kelley Nyrae says
My hubby believes in me and supports me until it’s his day off and he needs to watch the kids so I can write. LOL. I’m half joking and half not. He does try to be supportive but I think it’s hard for people who don’t write to understand what we do, and what goes into writing a book.
Meg says
“I wish I had time to write a novel.” Is honestly the most common response I get from my family. The guilt trip because I’m financially able to purely focus on writing and they never ‘got the chance’. Still supportive though. Just makes me not want to talk about it with them.
My husband and my friends are super supportive. One of my friends seems to think I am now a super genius because I wrote a book. She’s a little odd.
Sharon Gerlach says
The parental units have gone from "writing is a good way to amount to nothing" to "you'll never finish anything" to "now that you've finished something, you'll never sell it." I keep proving them wrong; hopefully soon I'll prove them wrong on the last one, too (I'm sure they'll go on to "It won't sell very many copies" once I do sell something. Oy.)
My husband, children, and friends, on the other hand, are very supportive. My husband reads everything I write, helps me figure out tricky plot issues, tells me when he thinks I'm going in an implausible direction, and helps me "guy things up" when I'm writing from a male POV.
Most of my friends are writers themselves, so they absolutely comprehend how my brain is always outlining plots, developing characters, and running through dialogue even when I'm not actively writing.
I've been really blessed to be surrounded by people who understand they will rarely have my full attention, and accept it as part & parcel of our relationship.
MzMannerz says
It depends on how long they’ve known me.
Some people are impatient with me and believe I don’t focus on it enough or have waited too long to focus on it. It’s good natured impatience. I think.
All of my family and friends are supportive. My husband, in particular, is very much on board and very encouraging. This is a huge positive for me because he’s not someone who gets excited about things he views as extraneous or hobbies. I paint and sing and I’m pretty sure the response would be “Huh?” if you asked him about those activities. 🙂
~Jamie says
As a new writer… this one is really tough for me… my husband is excited and supportive, but not really so interested in reading or editing, etc. I want to show my friends my writing… but I am scared to… it’s like a different side of me that they didn’t know existed before, and I have to just get over it and let them read it! It’s a weird new balance… I have had to find friends that write… that has helped a lot, because they understand the true meaning of a work in progress, and don’t expect every draft to be a publishable work of art.
Anonymous says
For me, I never mentioned to anyone I wrote, and only my immediate family knew. They didn’t care because I already worked a full-time career dayjob that pays the bills. When I sold my novel, though, what they did notice was the sudden interest in social networking and web promotion which ate up a lot of my time (most of the writing is done late at night after the wife is asleep anyway), but the promotional stuff I’d be up doing before work, as soon as I got home from work before dinner, and on the weekends–more than the writing itself. And everyone’s like, doesn’t your publisher do this kind of stuff for you? You have no control over how it sells anyway…So it’s not the writing itself that took some explaining, but the business of it.
Raethe says
My family’s basically supportive of whatever I want to do, in a passive sort of way. Actually, my mother gets much more involved in my musical aspirations than my writing ones; my friends have asked me “is she your mother or your manager”. (Her answer: “Yes”.) I’m not too sure what the difference is, unless it’s the abundance of local American Idol-style talent contests. But yes, other than that, my family basically just lets me do my own thing.
Most of my friends ARE writers, and the ones who aren’t judgemental. I’m lucky in my family and like to think I have good taste in choosing my friends. 😉
I’ve never been the closet type. I just do what I do and I’m not particularly apologetic about it. That might also have something to do with the way other people view it.
Anonymous says
I should add to the above, though, that my modest advance went a long way toward having people put up with the time it takes.
Allegory19 says
Average friends and family think it’s fantastic that I wrote a book but they think that means you instantly get published.
Tell me about it! Especially my dad, he just doesn’t get it…
Sophie W. says
My parents are supportive but congenially baffled.
Cam says
The more seriously I take it, the more seriously they take it. If I let too many things get in the way of the writing, they’ll think it’s optional, which it’s not.
Kat Mayo says
When I told my mother and my husband I was going to actually write, they both said ‘finally’, like I was coming out of the closet, and bought me a new laptop. It seems I was the last to know I wanted to be a writer.
Mary says
Most of my friends and family don’t know that I write. They just think I’ve become somewhat anti-social. 😉
The few closest to me are very supportive. Luckily, they too have projects with which they’re a little obsessed.
Dearth of Reason says
When I seclude myself to write, they suspect I’m watching porn. They’re wrong. They suspect that if I’m not watching porn, I must be playing games or updating my Facebook profile or reading blogs. They may be right about that. So now I must find a secluded place with no broadband connection — they’ll probably suspect I’m napping.
acpaul says
My father thinks it’s a waste of time I don’t have. My husband thinks, or rather, knows I’m crazy, and my children are trying to read over my shoulder since I tell better stories than their teacher.