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How to Do Your Chores in 12 Easy Steps

May 13, 2013 by Nathan Bransford 35 Comments

Step 1: Start a novel

Step 2: Write 50 pages in a month

Step 3: Write 5 pages in the next two months

Step 4: Stare at the screen

Step 5: Despair

Step 6: Open a closet

Step 7: Eye cleaning supplies longingly

Step 8: Clean every square inch of your apartment/house, marveling at how much more fun you’re having than writing your novel

Step 9: Find a filing cabinet, organize it

Step 10: Find tiles, scrub them with a toothbrush

Step 11: Run out of things to clean, return to computer

Step 12: Stare at the screen in a freakishly clean living space

Art: Bridget Holmes, a Nonagenarian Housemaid by John Riley

Filed Under: The Writing Life Tagged With: Life of a Writer

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Chris Bailey says

    May 13, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    Done! Dog is shedding new chores as I write.

    Reply
  2. T.J. says

    May 13, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    *giggle* *snort* Yup, that sums it up nicely.

    Wait, maybe that's why the fam always asks what page I'm on…

    Reply
  3. Shawn says

    May 13, 2013 at 4:13 pm

    Yup.

    Writing (as a hobby/pursuit) is a great litmus test to ordinate the rank of stuff you hate the most.

    Any time you say "I'd rather be writing," there's a good chance you are doing something you really dislike.

    Reply
  4. Annie Sisk says

    May 13, 2013 at 4:17 pm

    Oh my word. So much truth here.

    Reply
  5. Dawn Malone says

    May 13, 2013 at 4:18 pm

    Somewhere in there should be 'Organize bookshelves by genre, then alphabetize by author' which I'm guilty of in the midst of such despair.

    Reply
  6. Johanna Garth says

    May 13, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    I'm semi-moving at the end of the summer, leaving my house behind as a furnished rental which means I can't even be in it or else the list of things I need to do (take down personal photos, find someone to regrout the shower) becomes so loud it literally outshouts any potential words!

    Reply
  7. Matthew MacNish says

    May 13, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    LOL. Never had this problem.

    Reply
  8. Gretchen says

    May 13, 2013 at 4:42 pm

    So, I take it your house is freakishly clean at the moment, Nathan? Yeah, sorry about that. Don't worry – the writing will eventually flow again, and the house will get dirty (giving you plenty to clean next time). Good luck!

    Reply
  9. Linda Moore Kurth says

    May 13, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    And don't forget the dandelions in the yard that need to be pulled. Summer brings on an entire new list of chores that "have" to get done.

    Reply
  10. Richard Pieters says

    May 13, 2013 at 5:06 pm

    Oh, yeah, the yard. Edge the beds. Weed. Plant. Weed again. Water. Weed some more. Forget the house; commune with nature.

    Reply
  11. Josin L. McQuein says

    May 13, 2013 at 5:07 pm

    You forgot "Get so sick it hurts to touch the keyboard."

    Reply
  12. abc says

    May 13, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    It's funny cause it's true!

    Reply
  13. The Advicist says

    May 13, 2013 at 5:15 pm

    Ha ha! My house / life / eyebrows were immaculate during my University finals! They haven't been since, sadly…

    Reply
  14. Steve MC says

    May 13, 2013 at 6:29 pm

    When the filing cabinet's been cleaned through, I go outside. It's amazing how many sticks one can find in the woods.

    Reply
  15. birdinabowler says

    May 13, 2013 at 6:48 pm

    This is why I go somewhere else to write.

    Reply
  16. Deb Nam-Krane says

    May 13, 2013 at 7:19 pm

    Yeah, well, let me know when you've hit the sock drawer and organized the spice rack.

    Reply
  17. Nancy Kelley says

    May 13, 2013 at 9:24 pm

    I usually write a first draft in a mad rush of inspiration. During the writing phase, my house is a wreck. Then I collapse in exhaustion and start editing… And that's when I clean my house.

    Reply
  18. Wendy aka Quillfeather says

    May 13, 2013 at 9:27 pm

    You've hit the nail right on the head, Nathan!

    May have to steal this post and put it on my blog … if you don't object?

    Reply
  19. Nathan Bransford says

    May 13, 2013 at 9:39 pm

    Wendy-

    Thanks, but no stealing please! Fine to link to it, of course.

    Reply
  20. AM Riley says

    May 13, 2013 at 10:18 pm

    What a relief to know I'm not the only one.

    Reply
  21. RayBear says

    May 13, 2013 at 10:41 pm

    That's why people recommend getting a writing buddy… ACCOUNTABILITY!

    You have weekly chats/reconnoiters with your buddy where you detail progress, you have solid reachable goals weekly/daily, and you have someone to help you and be your go to for bouncing off ideas or getting editing help.

    I myself am looking for a writing buddy. I want someone with similar goals in mind for their writing project i.e. sending out the manuscript to publishers. It would help if their project had similar aspects, such as length, type, and audience but I don't think that matters too much.

    Reply
  22. Lesley says

    May 14, 2013 at 12:59 am

    LOL!!! I fiendishly tried to get around this by hiring a cleaner to come and dust etc. once per week so there were no more excuses.

    Instead I have now become quite the expert in the publishing industry, ways to get an agent, various royalty scenarios and networking approaches.

    All really important for an unpublished author who (with this productivity level) will never get published!

    Reply
  23. jan says

    May 14, 2013 at 2:13 am

    I never seem to run out of things to clean. Oh! Look! There's a smudge on my screen…

    Reply
  24. Deb Marshall says

    May 14, 2013 at 3:21 am

    This.
    Is.
    AWESOME!

    Reply
  25. Christina Hollis says

    May 14, 2013 at 5:36 am

    That is so true!

    Reply
  26. Regina Richards says

    May 14, 2013 at 11:51 am

    Too Funny!

    Reply
  27. Wendy says

    May 14, 2013 at 4:52 pm

    I am SO GOOD at this!

    Reply
  28. Neurotic Workaholic says

    May 14, 2013 at 8:40 pm

    One reason I don't write at my desk (I prefer to write in cafes) is because my apartment is so messy. But on the other hand, it's even more difficult for me to motivate myself to clean, which is why I'd rather leave my apartment then clean it.

    Reply
  29. Mira says

    May 15, 2013 at 4:53 am

    This is really funny. And too true! 😀

    Reply
  30. Peter Dudley says

    May 16, 2013 at 3:32 am

    If you don't feed the cat, you're gonna need stitches.

    Trust me.

    Reply
  31. John "Ol' Chumbucket" Baur says

    May 17, 2013 at 9:48 pm

    Was going to write. Instead I'll gto wash the dishes. See if that helps.

    Reply
  32. inklings Anon says

    May 22, 2013 at 8:22 pm

    definitely work better in a chaotic mess so that would be worse than counter productive… besides the fact that I don't like to clean…. and I'd rather write than just about everything else. just about. that's how an amateur writer can write 4 novels in 4 years while either working full time or going to graduate school while taking a 6 month writing sabbatical.

    Reply
  33. dianelashdecker says

    May 30, 2013 at 11:17 pm

    A clear desk (house, apartment, closet) is a clear mind!!! Now write!!!

    Reply
  34. Linda Roy says

    May 31, 2013 at 2:03 am

    Haha – excellent!

    Reply
  35. Vinshire Sisters says

    July 5, 2013 at 6:17 am

    The funniest thing- I've done it.

    Reply

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