Bryan Russell (aka Ink) blogs at Alchemy of Writing. He is moderator/sheriff in the Forums and has my vote for Prime Minister of Canada
I had a very clear image, when I was young, of the path I was going to take. The Writer’s Journey. More specifically, the writer’s journey I would take, carefully laid out, 1, 2, 3, 4. It was a neat little trip. Very orderly. Very tidy. In high school, once I knew that yes telling stories is what I wanted to do, I decided to major in Creative Writing at University. Thus, The Plan: 1) Study Creative Writing. 2) Write A Book. 3) Get An Agent. 4) Get Book Published. (Yes, everything on the list was capitalized. This is Important Stuff)
And note the neatness! The tidiness! Note the lack of anything implanting itself between the end of University and the Glories of Publication!
I had a plan. It was very comforting, that plan. So I went to school, got good grades, wrote a few short stories, won some academic awards. 1… check. In fact, number 1 was so fun that I added 1b: Grad School. A Masters Degree and a chance to write a novel! I could squoosh 2 into 1b! Bonus marks for me. So Grad school and a novel.
Yet, somewhere along this path, I learned that writing was hard, getting an agent harder, and getting published even more so. But this was an abstract knowledge. Getting published was very hard, yes. You know, for other people. I had a plan, you see. It was right there on the list, number 4: Get Book Published. See? No problem. Obviously the whole idea of difficulty did not apply to me.
But, just to be safe, just to uphold the proper hardworking image, I got a degree in Education. A job! A career! But it was okay because I had my book. In fact, I had a few books. Peachy! Ahead of schedule. Here I was, just out of school, and I had books!
So I sent one of these books off to an agent and they said yes. This was good, and all according to The Plan. See? Right there, number 3) Get An Agent.
1, 2, 3. Neat and tidy. And then something funny happened, something… messy. We’ll call it 5) Life. And 5, let me tell you, was pushy. It would not stay in line. It had to jump in there ahead of 4.
There were lots of parts to number 5) Life, lots of addendums, provisos and postscripts.
I developed a disease, Colitis. And then my father died suddenly and everything went a little dark. There were shadows I had never noticed before, the weight of light shrugged off and forgotten. In these shadows it seemed hard to find words, to gather them in and set them down in neat little rows, the tidy rows I had always loved so much. And then my agent died, cancer stealing her away just when she was about to start submitting my novel.
5) Life.
Yet I had just gotten married. I bought a house, started a family, left one career and started another, having decided to open a little bookshop. There were lights in the darkness. And I remembered, always, a winter day just after my father died. Snow on the ground, the air sharp as a pine needle on cold skin. And the light, this slanted light coming down and refracting off the snow, a clean glow rising like mist and lingering in the air. So beautiful it ached, a permanent visual echo lodged in my memories… and I knew this was something important. Even here, on the far side of loss, there was beauty and light.
I began to write again, thinking of that halo of light over the snow. I put the old novel away. It wasn’t ready yet, anyway, agent or no agent. I’d rewrite it some day, but now I needed something new.
New books, new family, new store. New life, in a way, though forever tethered to the old. And now the process continues. I’m back at 3) Get An Agent. The list, now, is dirty, wrinkled, old. Well worn. I laugh at the Capitals. I know a little more about 5) Life. And, what’s more, I know a little more about writing. The two are not unconnected.
It’s a different plan, in many ways, a different understanding. Difficulty can apply to me as easily as it does to anyone else. Indeed, some have had it easier… though many have had it far worse. Yet that difficulty is part of my path. Perhaps I’m even better for it.
Still moving forward, full of hope.
And you? What keeps you moving forward on your path… or keeps you moving forward even when you’re off the path? I see clean light on snow. I see it and know there’s something yet to share, to say, to write. To live. And you?
Anonymous says
As I sit here in a computer lab with 21 kids trying to type their essays I taught them how to write, I think your post helps me realize my writing is just as important. Thank you. (hug)
Robena Grant says
This was beautiful, Ink. I love your voice. Experiencing the bitter and sweet in life, and moving through it all with some kind of grace, will improve our writing if we allow ourselves to be open and honest. The work will gain the depth and meaning necessary for success. If you aren't published yet, I believe your success is imminent.
Mira says
Beautiful post, Bryan.
Or perhaps I should say, Mr. Prime Minister? 🙂
This was very moving.
I struggle with wanting to give up the path at times. It's hard. But it's that very difficulty that makes me yearn for expression. It's hard that you – me – all of us, really – have frustrating and heart-breaking bumps in the road, but I believe it's those very bumps that make us the artists we are.
See? I'm too moved by your post to even give you a hard time. 🙂 Shoot.
Beautiful writing, Ink. I know your talent will take you to some wonderful places. 🙂
Brent Peterson says
The 'dream' is everything. I consider those who have one to be one of the lucky ones.
What keeps me going – the euphoria I feel when I lose myself in the worlds and stories I create. In other words, I write for myself and I love it.
Man plans and God laughs. I'm 47 and my list is also dirty and wrinkled. I too have changed course (several times) and now writing is my new dream. Isn't it nice to know you can find your true passion at any stage in the game?
Thank you for your remarkable post! And as a Canadian, I would definitely vote for you as PM –lord knows we need a new one!
Anonymous says
Life is beautiful and messy and disaterous and miraculous. Thanks for the reminder.
Suzannah-Write It Sideways says
I was so excited to find today's post written by my fellow Canadian (and fellow university student, and possibly one-time classmate), Ink!
This is a beautiful story, and one that should make us all sit up and recognize that there are no sure things in this business.
But fear not, you'll get there. I have that warm tingly feeling about it all.
And might I say, I'm not surprised in the least that you used snow in this post. It reminds me so much of home.
Best of luck with your writing, and I'm looking forward to picking your literary brain on the forums.
Bane of Anubis says
Life is a cruel bitch who cares little for the wants (and needs) of humanity, much less individuals. As you so poignantly relate, the journey can be harsh, painful, and unrelenting. We have two choices. Keep staring into the abyss, or pick ourselves up and trudge on. Kudos to you, Bryan.
Lindsey Himmler says
Love this post. Life is so neat and orderly when we're young. But the amazing thing is that I know if I had followed my list, I would never have any pain to write about. Funny how that works.
Kristine Overbrook says
What keeps me going? My father. He had big goals, big dreams, but did nothing to make them reality. He was so afraid to fail that he didn't dare try. I can't function that way. I have to try. If I fail, I learn and am wiser when I try again. I've finished two novels and had a short story published.
If you don't try you never fail, but there is also no way to succeed.
The Pollinatrix says
Glorious! If I was an agent I'd take you on in a heartbeat.
What moves me forward on the writing path is that it just won't go away no matter how much I've ignored it when Life has gotten in the way.
I became jaded with The Writing Life for a while after grad school, but am now back to it, with much less angst about Getting Published.
I'm writing now because I love it and I'm good at it. I love noticing and drawing attention to the uncanny and ubiquitous connections that present themselves to me. And behold! The more I notice and write about them, the more they appear. Go figure.
Kayeleen says
I started out thinking I would spend a lifetime with writing and english, but changed course when I got to college. I spent ten years earning a degree in psychology, planning to go into some kind of public service.
Then life happened. Wonderful, exhilarating life. I got married and had two kids. In the quiet moments of naptime, I rediscovered my love for writing.
I've only been serious about writing for less than a year now, but it's become something I really do want for the rest of my life, regardless of what life continues to hand me.
ryan field says
Nice post. I wanted to be the next Maxwell Perkins, but I took a few side streets along the way 🙂
Anonymous says
Touching…thank you.
Arabella says
The details are different for me, but life definitely did get in the way. I don't regret any of it, though. Good luck to you.
Barbara's Spot on the Blog says
I enjoyed your post very much. It rings so true with reality and my own experience. So much of the time I've been so caught up in #5 that I've forgotten it's not about the arrival but about enjoying the journey. Like those moments you mentioned when the sun's rays shine on the snow.
Thermocline says
Thank you, Ink.
That ole #5 pushes us onward, which, for my money, is better than stagnation. I started writing because I needed to MOVE. I was drowning in sameness. Now, I have a craft, insecurities about it, and disappointments from rejections, but I l-o-v-e love it. I am alive in the struggles.
Serenissima says
Lovely post, Ink. Something tells me that #3 and #4 are in your not-too-distant future.
Ink says
Thanks for the kind words, everyone. And thanks for sharing some of your own experiences, too, as one of the things that has always made this journey easier for me is knowing I wasn't alone. Knowing that there were other writers on their own journeys, facing (and overcoming) similar things. It helps to hear how other people coped.
And Prime Minister! Sure! Vote away. As a corrupt public official I would be absolutely lovely.
Ink says
Mira,
I had the catapult all ready…
Like the Death Star I've been preparing it in secret. "Fully operational", oh yes.
All Adither says
Swoon, swoon, swoon. Your words are tidy, indeed. And elegant. And very readable. They pulled me through to the end of your post. And most blog entries don't.
Same: Life. Husband, house, children, other writing jobs (but none the novel), an independent editor telling me my manuscript is almost there. Heavy, dark doubt, still. I see the refracted light sometimes. Without the dark, though, I probably wouldn't even notice the refraction. So, I'm thankful for both.
ryan field says
"Knowing that there were other writers on their own journeys, facing (and overcoming) similar things. It helps to hear how other people coped."
It's the strength you get from these things that makes your writing better.
Ink says
Ryan,
Yeah, I agree. And it helps you not just as a writer, but as a person. I mean, I think that's part of why we're all here, as readers and writers. Stories mean something. They can touch us, can shape who we are or who we want to be. And that goes for the ones we write as well as the ones we read. But I think hearing others stories connects us, gives us something we can use and share. It's like a chain, energy passed on from story to story.
Benjamin Westbrook says
A wonderful post Ink.
For me it's being able to tell my daughter one day to follow her dreams and beleive in herself, knowing I'm not a hypocrite.
Kristi says
Bryan – I loved this! Like you, I gave up the careful order in which I thought things should happen. The craziness of life and kids has made me a stronger person — and a stronger writer. You're absolutely correct that life and writing are interconnected. Now I'm all about baby steps. Best of luck w/ your writing and thanks for this!
Terry says
Ink, that was beautiful. I'm glad you're back at it, after all your suffering. I too have had terrible losses, so you really touched me with this.
I'm trying to get myself back together now too. My writing seems to follow my mourning, though. When I'm feeling OK, my writing is fine, when I'm not, it's slow going.
But after suffering major loss, little things like rejection, are no more than a mosquito bite. One good thing.
My new writing plan is less ambitious but still good. I just started blogging today. I thought I'd never be able to do that. Baby steps.
What keeps me moving forward are my husband and friends and my new blogging pals. I've met so many nice people in the writing community online. And hearing their stories and watching how they keep plugging inspires me.
Anonymous says
Good post. Truer words, truer words…
Anonymous says
My plan was:
1)study science
2) write book
3) get agent
4)publish book
In reality I went: 1, 2, 5 (life), 2, 5 (more life), 2, 4!
A.R. Williams says
Life is what happens when we're busy making other plans.
I don't know who made that quote, but they're right. Great post. And good luck with #4
Anonymous says
Thank you.
One sentence in there is an extraordinary piece of poetry:
"There were shadows I had never noticed before, the weight of light shrugged off and forgotten."
Matilda McCloud says
Beautiful post. I always like reading your posts over at your blog, too. Keep writing…
My trajectory has been somewhat similar…creative writing major in college, long career in publishing (a writing-killer, I think), marriage and kids, loss of parents. I've noticed, however, that my writing has become even more important to me over the years.
Ulysses says
A.R.W.: the quote if from John Lennon.
Bryan – Well done. Life does have a tendency to get in the way. But I know I could not write about love or loss if I had never experienced those things.
I will, however, contest your leadership of our home and native land. If anyone's going to become a corrupt but beloved despot, I'd prefer it be me. Vote early and vote often.
Rebecca Knight says
"Even here, on the far side of loss, there was beauty and light."
This really spoke to me, because I've been there, too :). Thank you for this beautifully written post, and good luck to you with both #4, and #5!
Rick Daley says
Great post Bryan, I think many of us can empathize with it. Except the good grades part (for me, at least). I was always much better at procrastinating than at studying.
I do keep pushing forward, though. It's not just that I am driven to write, but I have many good stories to tell, and writing novels happens to be my preferred medium. They are books I want to read, and to be able to do that, I need to write them.
Emily White says
Bryan,
This post has sent me into a quiet, contemplating mood. I, too, created a list a while ago and yes, Life got in the way at certain points. But you're right, life and writing don't have to be two separate entities. I needed to hear this. Thank you.
Kristan says
Wow. Just… wow.
Thank you.
Yamile says
I'll echo the others before me: WOW. Such beautiful writing, such a talent and gift with words.
In my plan, writing wasn't even mentioned because it was a given, but I've realized that I have to fight to keep this obsession I have with words, even if it means staying up until two in the morning because it's the only time my children let me write.
Thanks for this beautiful post.
abc says
lovely.
Mira says
Ink –
Really? The catapult's all ready? Awww, I hate for it to go to waste…
Well, can you fling some snow over here? Your post made me see the whiteness and purity of snow…….and all we've got is this darn monsoon of rain. Wet.
fatcaster says
Ink —
Well-written. Very well-written. Most excellently well-written. Very astute, too. You've got my vote, but only if you get the Coyotes the hell out of Arizona and back where they pucking belong.
Yat-Yee says
Great post. Moving and encouraging.
Susan Quinn says
Ink, your words never fail to move me to tears – or to spit-choking laughter, depending on the blog posting! If there's any justice left in the world, your words will soon be seen by many, many more people. I have a feeling that 2010 is your year.
You have too much heart to be a corrupt public official. I know from which I speak, on this. I only wish that more of our leaders (pick any country) had your wisdom.
Dana says
Lovely post! Thanks so much
jmartinlibrary says
I love the phrase "moving forward."
Staying on that positive trajectory takes focus. Thanks for keeping me on track with this post!
Marsha Sigman says
Prime Minister Ink…very well said. Love to hear you wax poetic….you even made me miss snow.
Anonymous says
Thank you for the post. It reminds us to leave room for the unexpected. 🙂
My journey was and is different and yet just the same. I've always put writing aside with the goal to do something more practical financially for my family. I had a plan: school, cpa certification, work. What I didn't expect was for writing to continue knocking until I finally opened the door and allowed it to settle in my life. Now, I can't see myself doing anything else.
Ink says
Thanks again, everyone.
I was going to say that one of the key things to continuing onward was having, somewhere at the root of things, a deep confidence in what I was doing. Yet I'm not sure confidence is the right word. Commitment, perhaps. A commitment of self, where somewhere at the center of things we realize that this thing we do, the placement of words on pages, is an integral part of ourselves. Part of who we are. And then having faith in the value of that, in the importance of stories, whether published or not.
I suppose I always come back to that in the end, and I'm not sure I could escape it even if I wanted to.
Jil says
Lovely and wise post, fellow Canadian! I especially connected to the part about living and getting the most out of life to be able to write about it. Writing does make life richer, as every nuance must be savored and remembered to be used later. Even the bad things are easier to suffer through as your heart dissects them and then lends them to a budding Character.
Marilyn Peake says
That is absolutely beautiful, Bryan. I am crying. You are a true writer. Sitting here on an incredibly busy day, just stopping by to catch up on Internet reading, I saw the light on the snow, your gift to the world, stood spellbound, frozen in my tracks. You caught me off guard, tapped me on the shoulder as good writers do, tapped into my own experience with Life.
I’ve had the same experience with Writing. Yes, Life, #5 on your list, is messy. It vies for attention. It’s a wild thing. Kind of like raising lions. You can tame Life or lions and have them cooperate for long periods of time. But, ultimately, both are wild and out of control and will demand your respect.
I’ve lost both of my parents and my mother-in-law to cancer, and two of my closest aunts to old age. Life is sometimes dark; but there is always light, even if only a pinprick of light shining through the deepest darkness.
What keeps me moving forward as a writer, not giving up forever? I’m not sure. It’s just the way I’ve always related to the world. While part of me lives life, another part of me is always observing and writing stories in my mind.
D. Antone says
What a fantastic read! Life is so full of unexpected changes. I went to college with the intention of becoming a dentist and instead became a writer. Your comments really speak to me. Thanks!
Reesha says
wow.
For me it's reading stuff like this.