As longtime blog readers know, I have a bit of a reality TV habit. I still watch Survivor (I know), I was a habitual The Hills watcher before our messy breakup, and I would very much like to be friends with Phil Keoghan from the Amazing Race, who seems like the type of person who would tell great stories at a cocktail party and then somehow convince everyone to join a contest to eat the most pretzels.
You might mistake this for idle time! No no no. I wasn’t frying my brain and/or wasting my time watching these shows. Not. At. All. I was learning precious writing techniques. I was studying. Learning!
Behold: The things I learned about writing while watching reality television…
1. Overconfidence is your greatest adversary
How do you know when someone is about to get themselves kicked off a reality TV show? When they stare into the camera with a smirk and talk about how they have it in the bag. Then they inevitably end up getting voted off Tribal Counsel faster than you can say “Jeff Probst.”
Overconfidence causes authors to just send out queries with a few dashed off words of explanation, trusting that the genius of their manuscript will shine through. Overconfidence blinds authors to the changes they need to make to their manuscript, and makes them deaf to good suggestions.
When overconfidence enters the picture authors can turn into their own worst enemies. It didn’t work for the Four Horsemen of Survivor Fiji, who entrusted their plans with someone who called himself Dreamz. By choice. It doesn’t work for writers either.
2. Don’t mess with the host.
Did it pay for Kenley to antagonize poor Tim Gunn on Project Runway? No, it did not.
Did it pay for Chima to antagonize the producers of Big Brother? No, it did not.
Did it pay for Tiffany to talk back to Tyra on America’s Next Top Model? No, it most definitely did not.
In the publishing game, agents and editors and publishers are your hosts. You may not like the rules of the game, but you won’t get anywhere making enemies with the people running the show.
3. Pay your taxes.
Read Kristin Nelson’s essential post on the things you should do when your book sells. Remember, your advance will come to you as untaxed income, just like winnings on Survivor. Get a good accountant, pay your taxes immediately, and invest your windfall wisely.
4. Be a student of the game.
The best contestants on reality TV shows are often the ones who have lived and breathed a show for its entire existence. This season, the otherwise contemptible Russell from Survivor Samoa knew enough about the show to keep hunting for hidden immunity idols even though he didn’t have any clues, simply because he knew that the show often places hidden immunity idols around camp. Sure enough, it worked! And anyone who has watched America’s Next Top Model knows that when in a tough spot the best strategy is to break down in tears and plead for Tyra’s mercy.
Study the publishing game. Learn it. Breathe it. There may not be any hidden immunity idols (at least, not until I’m in charge), but the name of the game is survival, and it pays to know everything you possibly can find out.
5. Play nice.
On reality television, a contestant will inevitably show up and wag their finger and shout, “I’m not here to make friends!”
And that person never wins.
DG says
When I first read the title to this post I thought you were going to talk about how one can learn about plot and character development from watching reality TV. One of the most interesting things (maybe it's the thing) about Survivor is watching how the character interaction changes as the season progresses. I can't help thinking about how characters in my WIP are evolving with the story. I fret about whether or not my characters are as dynamic and interesting as these folks on Survivor can sometimes be.
But alas, you went another direction that was equally important. I've been guilty of overconfidence with the query–thought the manuscript would sell itself.
nkrell says
I, too, love The Amazing Race. I, too, still watch Survivor. In the beginning, I didn't care too much for Russell, but he's the only one in it to win it this time.
mlsfleming says
Well, I sure have learned a lot about writing from reruns of Law & Order. But the confidence controversy–all those articles on my refrigerator and my copy holder (and those former friends) insisting that my problem is underconfidence verging on no confidence . . .
wendy says
Speaking of reality TV tie-ins, how would one relate that amazing about-turn of Bachelor Jason in the last show to writing/publishing? 0.0 I'm predicting his relationship with Molly will not last as surely she'll have second thoughts when the excitement dies down. (That season hasn't aired in Australia yet. I only know this much from Youtube excerpts.)
Perhaps that tie-in could be in relation to a writer asking all the hard questions of his/her potential agent in the beginning before signing a contract. Trying to change agents later might be considered bad form by a new agent whom the writer is hoping to interest.
Had to have a shot at this. It's fun.
Della Luna says
Nathan, I don't think I've ever seen any of those shows. Tried American Idol but couldn't lose the feeling that I had just wasted an hour. However, I do watch "So You Think You Can Dance"? Hasn't done a thing for my writing…..
Nathan Bransford says
gordon-
Kudos, you managed to violate four out of five suggestions in a single response. You're officially in Omarosa/Puck/Johnny Fairplay territory.
Let's hope you're paying your taxes.
Nathan Bransford says
You're right, it doesn't. Which is why I can't see the utility in getting mad about it.
J.J. Bennett says
Good points Nathan. You can take this idea and use it in just about anything. The one who wins the race plays by the rules with good intentions. Is also kind, honest, and never has a swelled head.
Nancy Coffelt says
Love this!
A while back I blogged about how "House" is one of my best writing teachers because he's not afraid to guess wrong a bunch of times before finally hitting on an answer that works.
Now to figure out how "Dexter" is one of my best writing teachers…
A TV addict all my life and not ashamed to admit it.
Tara says
Top Model has so much more to offer! Let's see… you need to want it more than anyone else (but don't let wanting it get in the way of doing it), take criticism but don't be intimidated by the judges, Mr. Jay's opinion doesn't really matter, and if you've got a dull audition tape, you won't even get into the show.
Also, smize.
Nathan Bransford says
tara-
Also don't ever try to joke around or make fun of Nigel Barker.
Sarah Allen says
This is great! I think its very useful to learn about your craft from any source you can, including reality tv. And of course the lessons you gleaned for us are accurate and useful. If we're going to be watching reality tv anyway we may as well learn from it, right? Thanks for this! And p.s., I wrote something similar about Project Runway specifically on my own creative writing blog. Check it out, see what you think.
Catherine @ Inkslinger says
If you aren't out to make friends–or at least a community–then what as a writer are you doing?
That's what I would ask.
Thanks for a humorous post about good ole' fashioned manners.
Renee Collins says
Nathan, you rock. That is all.
Dawn Maria says
One of you best posts ever. Validates my own reality TV habit and gives writing advice. Love it!
Frank says
Lovely post. I think that's my favorite episode of ANTM, partially because it's of Tyra freaking out and partially because Family Guy spoofed it.
Rhonda says
Oh my. Not a single reference in that post was new to me. I had an immediate visual memory of each one. Hope all of my reality TV watching can be of use to me someday too!
S. Melville says
you forgot about TMZ, the show that teaches you that you don't actually need content, just a guy endlessly drinking starbucks, a clear wet board for ideas, and lots of BS.
My favourite writing show by far!
Other Lisa says
Nathan, you forgot the Bachelor/Bachelorette: Writing can be an amazing journey with an opportunity for many special connections, as long as you are there for the right reasons.
wendy says
Nathan, I hate to judge and comment on another person's words and style, but I'm worried that Gordon is going to upset you to the point where you go off the blogging experience. Most of us appreciate your posts, your time, your humour and expertise. This blog is the first thing I look for at the start of each day. I don't quite understand why Gordon is being confrontational. I'm sure he's basically a cool guy, though.
I think we all appreciate your handling the comments with patience and kindness as this can work miracles with anyone.
I admire your people skills and ability to empathise.
Tina Lynn says
Ah…Nathan, teaching us about the publishing game through reality TV. It's genius. Now you're speaking my language:)
Nathan Bransford says
wendy-
I appreciate the sentiment and your kind words, but Gordon doesn't bother me, and he's welcome to state his opinions provided he stays within the bounds of respectability.
Anonymous says
I have a question I'd love to see on here, perhaps as a "you tell me"…
How do you know when your book is done?
That is, when it's time to stop tweaking the dialogue, and rethinking the plot, and changing from third person to first person back to third again, and getting yet another critique from this cool writer you just met online, and just… having the guts to put it out there already.
Nathan Bransford says
Beat you to it, anon:
You Tell Me: How do you know when your novel is really finished?
Jacqui says
Oh, you are GOOD! I loved this. Thank you.
Jacqui says
And you are so classy in your responses to Mr. Bitter Man. Bravo.
Donna Hole says
Well done, Nathan. Very astute advise, delivered in a seriously humorous voice.
Honors to your clan!
………..dhole
word verif: fropyba. A mysterious faction on reality TV yet to be unveiled. Maybe even an immunity idol.
Anonymous says
Poetic justice: virtue rewarded; vice punished, qué el sorpresa.
Does poetic justice end with newfound fame? No, but there are more than a few writers who've once pierced the transom begun the down road of haughtiness and browbeating perceived lesser beings.
The point when a writer has made it is when the power curve inverts and the high lord muckity mucks start kissing a writer's toes. Getting there is as much maintaining the incredible lightness of being as it is demonstrating vigilant, good and noble character traits, no matter the station attained.
Whirlochre says
So what about being force fed cockroaches and lying in a submerged coffin full of rats for ten minutes?
Or does I'm A Celebrity get Me Out Of Here not air in the States?
Other Lisa says
@whirlochre – that's practice for the submission process…
Vacuum Queen says
OMG…Kenley…WHY did she do that??? She was the front runner! Crazy.
Good lessons.
You forgot though…when you have a deadline…"Don't Be Tardy for the Party!"
Tim Gunn says
Gordon kindof sounds like an infomercial. "that's right folks, step right up and ignore this here agent. I'll set you up with my indie publisher for only $19.95 a month." I mean, why else would he bother to write about the SAME subject every post? I know it doesn't bother you, and really me either, except for the fact that it's getting so boring hearing the same infomercial over and over.
Anne Lyken-Garner says
True, true and true.I've never seen it like this, but yes, you're right.
GhostFolk.com says
OMG, Marilyn Peake!
Let's start one. Sixteen Writers, One Contract…
Nathan Bransford, could you host and go by the nickname "Nath"? It lines up with Jeff better on the promotional materials.
And you can comment, "Mary is being wrestled to the mud by that extended metaphor!" [ Close up shot blurs gap in Mary's pajama top.]
Emergency Usage Nurses? "After blacking out and collapsing to the floor of his office, Max is given an emergency grammar I.V."
Jane has an allergic reaction that knocks her out of the show on "Adverb Day."
While Jim excels during the "Noir Night" competition, none of his 6,000 words are spelled correctly in the dark.
jongibbs says
Another great post. If only I could think of a similar excuse for all those hours spent playing Rome: Total War 😉
Scott says
Funny stuff, Nathan, and mostly true. I say "mostly" because we all know if "you're kind of a big deal" you'll still win anyway. /Christian – PR
I watch my share of Reality TV and combined with a lot of Internet foruming and communication I've noticed a proliferation of idioms in my prose. Presently, I'm editing a short passage that's something of an authorial intrusion in that the POV is omniscient over two characters who are doing a task without speaking. So, I'm writing directly to the reader (in 3rd). I'm debating whether to use the idiom "on end" as in "hours on end".
How chummy should we get with our readers? Certainly, today's readers are far more casually communicative.
Anonymous says
Nathan, re: as long as he stays within the bounds of respectability–that seems to me to have more to do with him, and some here might argue that ship already sailed.
Did you mean respectful? Which would have more to do with you and your followers here?
Mira says
Nathan – sorry for the deletions. I think my abivalence is coming out in trying to decide what to post. Here's what I decided:
Very good post Nathan, clever. 🙂 And I agree with everything, except #2. Well, I'm not sure I disagree with #2, it's something I'm really grappling with right now.
Is it better as a writer to stand up and have a clear voice, no matter what? Or is it better sometimes to play the game, so that your voice will be more easily accepted and listened to?
I don't know. I'm confused.
In terms of Gordon, though, I think he has some interesting points. I do wish he would lose the insulting tone – he loses his audience that way, and I think he is actually trying to reach some people.
But either way, I applaud Nathan for allowing free debate on his blog. Thank you, Nathan.
Anonymous says
Gordon,
I can tell you exactly why I am saving independent publishes for the last chance after I've given up on traditional publising:
Because they don't sell enough books. They don't have access to the same marketing outlets and resources. They won't put my book in my local Barnes and Noble – and since I am writing for the college audience and Barnes and Noble has a fat share of college bookstores around here, that's critical.
It has to do with that deep, deep need to make money, and to justify all these long hours I'm spending ignoring my family, pissing off my spouse, and not getting things done as well as they should be, or as I know I could do them if I weren't writing.
I'm making a lot of sacrifices here, and asking my family to do the same, but I keep saying, "Just wait until I get published, then we'll be rich! We'll have a mansion! We'll go to Disney World!"
My spouse is unemployed for third time this year. So, I'm joking about the mansion, but you get the picture.
I need the money, dude. So I'm aiming for a big contract and a good deal. It has nothing to do with principles… it has to do with responsibility and believing that I can make it.
If I can't, then sure, I'll submit to smaller publishers, or self-publish, just to see my book in print. But I feel I owe it to myself to at least TRY to get into the big game first.
Anonymous says
P.S. If my tombstone says "Author of the famous _________ series, which has touched the hearts of millions of readers," then I will be perfectly satisfied. Because my goal is to touch the hearts of readers, as I myself have been touched by other authors.
Anonymous says
Anon 7:40,
I think you need to read this:
https://www.genreality.net/more-on-the-reality-of-a-times-bestseller
I'm sorry to have to crush your dreams, but writing as a path to making money is akin to playing the lottery. You might have better odds in Vegas.
John says
I'd say place nice, be professional, and be really good at what you do.
In most careers, that advice will serve well. In entertainment, the rules don't always hold.
Anonymous says
Anon 8:02 – I was joking about becoming rich. But having to pay someone to publish my book, or settling for less than I could have gotten if I had a little more confidence in myself, seems very counter-productive. As well as throwing away the potential to reach more readers, which should be every author's goal.
If you believe in your work, why wouldn't you do everything possible to reach as many readers as possible?
Anonymous says
And, at this point, even a check for $100 would be a great blessing. Truly.
Anonymous says
And, as my mother always says, "You can't win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket!"
So, those who are unwilling to buy tickets – that is, jump through a few hoops – shouldn't put down those who are.
The Hot Heads Groupie says
I love this! Too funny and so true! 🙂 Love your blog!
Anonymous says
I'd love to see Gordon on "Big Brother." That vicious crowd would back door him in the second show.
Anonymous says
Anon 8:40, I had a feeling you were joking, but a part of me wasn't too sure, and I felt a little bad for your family there.
And I agree with you. A willingness to jump through a few hoops doesn't lessen one's artistic integrity.
Carpy says
Things I've Learned About Characters from Reality Shows and Other Movies, Sitcoms, etc.: Take your reality show people and transform them into your fictional characters who talk back to the boss (and lose); characters who find the golden immunity information nugget that ultimately saves their life when at the last moment they yell out, "Stop! I know who your father is!" and the special tattle-telling smirks that enlighten readers about who will survive the story and who will be gobbled by the monster. Those are my reasons for watching movies more than once or OMG! It's Tuesday, V Night, and what I can learn from mini-scenes alternating opinions about the Visitors. Thanks Nathan for the sharing.
Susan Adrian says
HA!! I totally did this too, a few weeks back.
Why publishing is just like America's Next Top Model:
https://susanadrian.blogspot.com/2009/10/youre-still-in-running-towards-becoming.html