This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day,
What if a sweet, romantic suspense writer, living a sheltered life on a peaceful barrier island in Florida, becomes the victim of a brutal hijacking? Her twin brother and friends are murdered, and she did nothing to prevent it, yet she managed to escape the killers herself. Knowing that the characters she creates in her novels are never helpless, and would never be victims, Sarah O’Connell is determined to become more like them. The rose tinted glasses through which she viewed life must be crushed, and then she can help bring the criminals to justice. It’s the path she chooses for redemption and to rid herself of her survivor’s guilt.
A handsome doctor, who lost his brother to the same killers and has military training, agrees to teach her self-defense. David Bjorn falls in love with her during the process. Instinctively, he wants to protect Sarah, but she wants to be able to protect herself. If he doesn’t help the now feisty writer, she’ll go elsewhere to get it. Not an acceptable option for the doc.
David Bjorn was an intellectually gifted child that completed medical school at a young age. Although most of his time was spent on his studies, rather than the pursuit of women, he’s smart enough to know his own heart. After spending time with Sarah, the perfect doctor’s wife, he can’t imagine living without her. However, the last thing Sarah needs is a romance to distract her from her goals.
The discovery that a ship impersonating a U.S. Coast Guard cutter was used in Sarah’s hijacking, and she is a witness, bring in the CIA. Now, because two civilians are involved, a special group of White Knights is formed. Then under the guise of a husband and wife medical team, Sarah and David help them locate the hijackers, and apprehend the thugs hiding in the jungles of Costa Rica. It’s a race between the CIA and a terrorist group who want the pseudo CG ship to form their own version of the Somalian Pirates attacking tankers and U.S. oil supplies in the Gulf of Mexico.
Under cover, as well as under the covers, Sarah and David begin to enjoy their pretend marriage too much for comfort. Sarah is afraid to hope, to trust her ability to separate fantasy from reality because she’s grieving, vulnerable, and made mistakes before. She’s unaware that beneath the doc’s polished veneer of a successful surgeon, he is not immune to the pain of shattered dreams.
Will Sarah be strong enough to protect herself when the hijackers again threaten her life? When David deliberately endangers himself to help the team and to avenge his brother’s murder, will Sarah have the emotional grit to help him? The sex and the time spent together are more than wonderful, but will the memories be enough once the mission is over?
I’d love to tell you more of the story. This is book one in a series about the White Knights (special agents with compassion) where three are complete.
Author
STATS: 2% request rate
The Spidermonkey says
Thank you for your query, which I have considered carefully. However I’m sorry to say I won’t be able to represent you.
Romance is not my genre, so I may be wrong on this, but writer as heroine is not a promising start, and your plot is a little garbled.
Please bear in mind this is a personal opinion, and others may see things differently. Good luck!
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I’m sorry, but this story is not right for me. Thanks for sending me your request, I really appreciate it. Please continue writing.
Veronica Lovette
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I appreciate your time and efforts, but I am sorry to say that I do not wish to represent your story. If you have another story idea, please send it to me in the future, and I would be happy to look at it.
Best Wishes,
Quintus Blackburn
Anonymous says
Dear writer,
I enjoyed your query, but I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent this work. I’d love to see more of your writing.
Gloria Valentine
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the submission, but I regret to inform you that I will not be picking up your story.
Keep Writing,
Agent Jackie Moon
Anonymous says
I appreciate you sending me this, but I’m going to pass.
S. Pancake
Anonymous says
Dear author,
I appreciate your query and found your concept interesting; however, it is just not what I am looking for. I look forward to future queries from you!
Thank you, Scarlett Cyrus
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I think your novel has real potential, please send me a full manuscript for further review.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I have decided not to take up your offer on publishing this book. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to view your material.
Thank You,
Happy Gilmore
Mega says
I thank you for sending me your query but it isn’t right for me at this time.
-MV
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I would very much like to thank you for submitting your query, unfortunately it’s not right for me.
Sincerely,
Agent Sunshine
Asherose says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but it isn’t for me at this time. Best of luck with it elsewhere!
Agent
Reasoning: Blurb far too long and involved. Story looks interesting, but the length and detail of the blurb was hard to follow.
Eva Ulian says
Thank you for your submission, but first you must see how to reconcile your “homely” writer with a hard core mystery. At the moment your manuscript reads to me as if suffering from a split personality.
LateInTheGame says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I am not the best representative for your work.
Good luck in your search for representation.
All the best,
Agent LateInTheGame
drat says
Dear Author,
Thank you for sending me your query. I gave it careful consideration, but ultimately I concluded I’m not the right agent for the book.
Good luck with your manuscript, and query widely!
Thanks,
SDC
Gryph says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for your query. While I appreciate the time and effort you’ve put into your work, I don’t believe this is a good fit for me.
Please remember that what doesn’t fit one agent may well fit another! I encourage you to not give up. In the future, if you have other manuscripts to query, I hope that you’ll think of me again.
Sincerely,
Agent Gryph
Kate H says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent you, but I wish you the best of luck.
Kate H
Mira says
Dear Author,
I sat with this for a couple of days.
I really like the romance mystery element. It reminded me of, oh shoot, what’s that movie….? Romancing the Stone. That’s a big plus for marketability. Romances sell like hotcakes, in my extremely non-expert opinion.
And I love the sex! What’s a romance without hot sex, I ask you?!
I’m not going to ask for a partial, because I’m making a guess that this isn’t published yet. I could totally see myself being wrong. If the writing held up, this has all the components for a good, marketable intrigue romance.
If you’re not yet published, I will second some of the feedback from agents above that the query felt abit long. You might want to tighten it some. That can reflect the type of clean, easy-to-read writing that you need for commmercial romance.
I think this is one of the few niches that an unknown writer has an easier time breaking into – best wishes with this! I secretly enjoy occasional romances, so I may be secretly enjoying your romance book someday.
Best wishes –
Mira
Reba says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, it is not the right fit for me.
Best,
Reba
(Note: More hook, less telling me the whole plot would have gone a long way. Some of it seems a bit implausible, but if you can pull it off, more power to you!)
s.koncilja says
Dear Author,
I received and read your query. Unfortunately it is not something that I’m looking for at the moment.
Keep me informed about your future work and good luck!
Agent S.K.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I regret to inform you that I am not interested in representing your story. I hope you have better luck in the future.
Best of luck,
Arkham
Nifaerie Noven says
Hi,
Thanks for the query, I can not represent your work at this time. I did not feel your voice was strong enough.
superwench83 says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your manuscript isn’t right for me. Best wishes in your search for an agent.
Sincerely,
Agent for a Day
SuzieQ Agent4U says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. However, I don’t feel this is right for me. Good luck with your search.
Best,
S
publishingcareer says
Dear Author
Thank you for your interest in our agency and submitting your query for your novel about the White Knights.
I read it with interest but unfortunately it is not what I am looking for.
Best of luck and kind regards.
Yours faithfully
Robert Sullivan AFAD
Nikki Hensley says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I don’t think I am the right agent for this novel. Best of luck in your search!
Agent Nikki
Melissa says
Form rejection:
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately it doesn’t meet my needs at this time.
Thank you and best of luck,
Melissa (Ximera)
Dave says
Sorry, but I’m going to have to pass. Don’t give up though!
vicariousrising says
Thank you for your submission. I regret that I don’t feel this project isn’t right for me.
I wish you the best in your writing endeavors.
Kendra says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your work. Unfortunately, this is not a project I feel I can sucessfully represent. Good luck in your writing.
Kendra
Hildegarde512 says
Thank you for submitting however [If I were a real agent, a GENTLE FORM REJECTION would exist here].
Hallie says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to My Imaginary Yet Successful Literary Agency. I receive many queries each day, and I request only a small percentage of manuscripts that I’m interested in representing. I have decided not to request one for your book because I don’t feel that I’m intrigued enough to be its best representative.
Should you need resources for querying, finding writing resources and groups, or if you’d like to know more about how I choose manuscripts, please visit (this section of my agency’s website) for more information. I wish you the best of luck in finding a home for your writing. Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to consider your work.
Warm regards,
Hallie
__________________________________
And if I were fortunate enough to be able to give some feedback to each and every author I declined, I’d note the following:
I think this could be a fun read, but I’d need to see a tighter query to take it off the maybe list. Good luck!
Jada says
Form rejection.
Reason: I’m always cautious when I see stories where the MC is a writer. I can’t help wondering if it’s going to veer into Mary Jane territory. Plus the story itself didn’t grab me.
I’d also want to see a word count.
These are all personal things and I’m sure others will feel differently.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for considering me. I can see this being picked up elsewhere, but unfortunately I have to pass.
Best of Luck!
Agent X-9
abouttothunder says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the opportunity to represent your work. Unfortunately, it isn’t a good fit for me. Since you deserve an agent who will fully support you project, I will have to pass.
I wish you the best of luck in finding representation.
Sincerely,
Agent-for-a-day Sara
Heather says
Dear X,
Thank you very much for taking the time to query our agency. I have given your project thoughtful consideration; unfortunately, it is not a good fit for us at this time because, although the project seems to be well conceived, I had some difficulty with your word choice in the query letter, and feel the manuscript may need extensive editing prior to being ready for shopping at publishing houses. However, after a revision of your query letter and manuscript, please feel free to resubmit to my attention.
Sincerely,
Heather
Rik says
Thank you for submitting your novel for my consideration. Regrettably, I do not feel that I am able to represent this work for you. Best wishes for your future endeavours. Agent Rik.
Crystal says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. However, currently, I am sorry to say I must turn down your manuscript. Good luck with other submission endeavors.
Sincerely,
Lit Agent
GuyStewart/DISCOVERCHURCH says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query, but I’m going to have to pass. I do not feel strongly enough about your story to represent it well.
Sincerely, Guy Stewart
farmlanebooks says
Dear Author, Thank you for your submission, but I’m afraid we will not be able add you our author list at this time.
Best wishes,
Jackie
Leis says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. I’m afraid I have to pass at this time.
Good luck with your writing.
Sincerely,
Agent for a Day
L.C. Gant says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but I’m afraid your story isn’t right for me. Good luck with your continued search for literary representation.
Best wishes,
L.C. Gant (Agent for a Day)
(Reasoning: This query felt like a cross between a romance and a martial arts movie, and the romance aspect in particular felt forced. It would be hard to make this idea believable to readers.)
donnas says
Thank you for your submission, but I am afraid this is not what I am looking for at the moment.
Best of luck.
Hilabeans says
Dear Author,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. I regret to say that I don’t feel that I’m the most appropriate agent for this project.
Best wishes,
HHS
Dawn says
Dear Author,
Thank you for contacting Dawn Ink. Unfortunately, White Knights is not what we’re looking for right now.
Best of luck in finding representation.
Sincerely,
Dawn
——-
Query is too long and didn’t get to the point quickly enough. I’m not even sure if the title is White Knights.
Kathy says
I’m going to have to pass on this project.
Thank you for thinking of my agency.
Sincerely,
Kathy
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to me.
At this moment in time, however, I choose to pass on your project. This does not automatically mean your query is not good enough. It simply means that I am not the right agent for this project. This can be for a number of reasons.
If you would like to know why, you can send a reply to this mail. Please change the subject line to: FEEDBACK / WHITE KNIGHTS / YOUR NAME. I will respond to your request within two weeks.
Good luck with finding representation and keep on writing!
Kind regards,
Nicole34
2readornot says
Your idea has potential, but for me, I think it needs some tightening. Good luck with this!
Sara J. Henry says
Form rejection[Reasons: Please, please, please don’t start queries with a question. The agent’s inner voice will almost always answer So what? or No! This is an involved plot and the manuscript would need to be very tightly written and paced to pull this off, and that skill level isn’t reflected in this query letter.]
Sara J. Henry says
Polite rejection[Reasons: This may be a fascinating and well-written manuscript, but the query simply doesn’t grab me. It’s difficult to read and doesn’t clearly tell you the logline. If I were this author, I’d force myself to summarize this into a one- or two-sentence pitch, and craft the query letter around that.]