This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Good Day, Agent for a Day,
Based on the quirky sense of humor with which the articles on your blog are written, I think you might be interested in my novel, XLI. I would like to invite you to review the manuscript for my novel and hope you will consider representing me.
Monk and warrior, knight-errant and priest, policeman and philosopher, Bertram Do’Shire (Tram) is a Protector of Astori. He will give everything he has and is to save his people from the pirates who have conquered them. Nomads and storytellers, refugees and dream weavers, The People of the Ships will do anything to escape the ancient threat that has pursued them since the dawn of their history. Assassin and hedonist, Tenly is the self proclaimed most feared woman in known space. She would do anyone, pirates and ancient threats included, for a decent cheese steak.
XLI is the story of Tram, a Protector from the world of Astori, who has come to the world of Penance, where anything can be had for a price, seeking mercenaries to liberate his world from a brutal band of pirates. While on Penance, he is manipulated into hiring Tenly, an assassin, thinking that she is a mercenary captain. Tenly insists on Tram himself as part of her price for liberating Penance, a price to which he reluctantly agrees. During the voyage back to Astori, Tram begins to notice unusual things about Tenly and begins to have a series of strange dreams. On their return to Astori, they gather the dregs of Astori society and form them into a force to defeat the invaders.
XLI is written as an action adventure, but the technical elements contained in the book are based loosely on currently held scientific theories. The future history has been plotted out from the present time to the time at which the story starts. In short, it’s hard science fiction candy with a swashbuckling chocolate coating and a creamy nougat center of romance and just a bit of nutty philosophy. XLI is a complete 136 KWord novel intended to be the first in a five book series. The second book in the series is my current work in progress, and is roughly 1/2 complete at 86 KWords. While XLI is my first novel, I have already received very positive feedback from Pamela Uphoff at Baen books, who recommended I rewrite it and find an agent. The rewrite completed, I am now looking for an agent. She also said very plainly that she wouldn’t mind seeing the novel again, but hinted that it might stand a better chance if represented by a professional agent.
I’d be glad to send you a complete copy of the manuscript for review. Thank you for your time, and I hope to hear from you soon.
Author
Sample Pages follow:
***
XLI
By
Author
Chapter One
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.
Mahatma Gandhi
Tram closed his eyes leaned his head back against the smooth, cool tiles of the wall. The tile felt strange against his close cropped sandy hair, strange because of the unfamiliar lack of texture in the ceramic, but mainly strange from most of his hair being gone. He rolled his head gently back and forth, the chill easing the ache even as the motion and the gentle bumping caused a faint nausea.
After a few moments, he opened his eyes and looked toward the receptionist. By that gentleman’s collar tabs’ insignia, Tram supposed the man had a job title that sounded a bit grander and far more militant, but to Tram, anyone sitting at a waiting room desk greeting visitors was, by definition, a receptionist. Tram took himself to task briefly for allowing his thoughts to wander, then realized that the middle-aged man behind the desk was trying, subtly, to get his attention.
Tram made eye contact, then glanced at the mans hands, which had been raised above the desk as if he were about to rest his chin on them. One finger pointed to the timepiece on his wrist, then the opposite hand flashed three fingers then clenched. A ghost of a smile, a ghost of a nod, and the man behind the desk went back to being a study in attentive non-communication.
Tram tried not to sigh gratefully as he digested the information. Unless he completely misread the man, he had roughly thirty minutes further to wait. Not enough to get the real sleep he so desperately needed, but perhaps enough to rest his eyes and take stock of how close to the edge he had pushed himself. He closed his eyes, folded his legs up under him on the chair, and laid his hands across his knees. The position wasn’t the most comfortable, especially on the hard plastic chair, but hed learned the hard way that one didnt sit on the floor anywhere on the world of Penance, and despite extensive practice hed never quite mastered the skill of meditating in any position he found himself.
He brought his breathing under control then relaxed all but those muscles holding him in his chair. Next he began a count of heartbeats, and let a corner of his mind keep count. All of it was both difficult, due to the distractions of his failing body, and frighteningly easy, perhaps due to the same cause. In the privacy of his mind, he took stock of his situation. Hed had no food since his first day on Penance, which his faltering time sense told him was some six days ago. More pressing, hed had no water since two days before. Worst of all was the lack of sleep. Since he left Astori, hed not truly had any sleep, although during the transit there was ample time to meditate.
Hed meditated expecting to sleep once he arrived on Penance. Even if he couldn’t afford a temporary residence, as a wandering Protector hed often enough slept on the ground. His surprise at the ordnances forbidding any such activity was only equaled by his surprise at the fact that they were quite strictly enforced, and transient lodgings on Penance went at rates that made Tram’s eyes widen quite abruptly. Given the nature of his business, he carried as much portable wealth as could be secreted on a human body, but Penance was not a world that catered to visitors. More accurately, it catered to them quite thoroughly, and based on the advertisements he had seen, in any fashion they so desired, so long as they no lack of funds to spare.
Despite his hidden wealth, Tram didnt have any to spare. He knew that what he carried would only be a down payment, and that a fairly small one, for the services he looked to purchase here. So he did without sleep, catching short rests like this one while awaiting meetings with the companies he sought to employ.
The same thing held true for sustenance, only more so. Thus far only the first company Tram visited had actually supplied their prospective customer with a meal during negotiations. He suspected that after that first meeting, word had been spread in advance of his arrival that he wasnt a well-funded customer, and no more meals were forthcoming. Three companies since then had at least been polite or generous enough to provide water at the meetings, but not all had, and walking, even in Penance’s generally cool evenings and mornings, hadnt been without its cost in sweat.
Things were looking up, though. After the first few meetings, which Tram had arranged with companies with enough fame to have been heard of even back on Astori, his tactics had changed. Instead of negotiating directly and ardently for the services he was seeking, he instead made a polite inquiry as to the cost of those services and then, when the answer inevitably came up higher than any amount his people could afford, he had asked if the company could recommend someone more suited to his budget. Twice that had gotten him ejected forcefully from the compounds, and more often than not, his request for information was denied. But for whatever reason some of the company representatives felt his question was worth answering. Hed gradually moved down the list, from the famous, through the infamous, and on down until he hit the level he had privately labeled ‘just competent enough to remain alive in a deadly profession’. Thus far he had spoken with two such companies, neither of whom had quoted prices far out of his budget. Unfortunately, while neither company flat refused to work for the prices he mentioned, or with the conditions his situation required, neither had the resources available to assist him.
Both of them had recommended a third, however, and that third was where he now waited, hovering on the edge of starvation, dehydration, and well beyond the edge of sleep deprivation.
A nagging thought caught his attention, and his eyes snapped open on the thirteen-hundredth heart beat since he began. The receptionist, who had just opened his mouth to speak, was unable to stifle a slight grin as Tram unfolded himself and stood a moment before he was prompted.
“The Captain will see you now, Mr. Do-Shire.”
“Thank you. You have been a most gracious host.”
***
Tram strode past the amused receptionist and through the indicated door. He stumbled slightly as he caught sight of his reflection in the door. His normally sandy hair had been bleached by Penance’s harsh sun, and his skin, normally the color of wild clover honey, had been tanned to the color of age darkened amber. The contrast with his pale green eyes was shocking. He adjusted his clothing to cover his delay then continued through the door.
The reception area had been, compared to most hed been in recently, quite Spartan. The conference room continued the theme, but with more of an air of practical reuse than simple frugality. The long table in the center of the room quite obviously did double duty as a desk, and from faint smells in the air, conferences frequently included food or the room doubled as a dining room. Well cushioned, equally well worn chairs were rolled back against the walls on all sides of the room, and a quick glance upward showed the ceiling to have the telltale marks of a recessed projector. Given the lack of any corresponding marks for a screen, Tram assumed the whiteboard at one end of the room was the typical projection surface.
The man seated on the far side of the table was of a piece with the rest of the room, attired in a uniform that was well cared for and clean, but obviously not new or expensive, with hair graying at more than the temples, and a face worn by responsibility and time. As Tram entered, he looked up from signing the last of a stack of paper documents.
All of this registered in a flash, and if Tram felt dismay at how primitive the equipment appeared to be compared to the truly amazing multimedia setups hed been exposed to recently, an equally strong feeling of relief hit as he realized that here he had found a company which might be employed without beggaring his people.
His quick survey of the room had not, however, gone unnoticed by the man on the far side of the room.
“Good day, son. I’m Captain Olton. I hear you have a proposal for OMalley’s Company. I also have heard through the grapevine that you’re polite to a fault, but Im not the sort with time to be complimented by every potential client who walks in off the street. Either well take your work or we won’t, just spit it out.”
Tram swallowed the greeting hed been about to reply with. After a moment to gather his thoughts, he decided that simplicity was his best option.
“Captain Olton, I wish to employ OMalley’s company to defend my people from invaders and, if possible, drive them from my world.”
“Well. You can follow orders if they’re clear. That’s good.” Olton snorted, as if suddenly amused by something. “On the other hand, ‘if possible? Son, thats got to be the oddest request Ive heard in a while. For one thing, most requests I hear of put the driving off first and the protection second, at least in cases where the opponents are already on the ground. For another, we work in absolutes. Do or do not. People don’t pay mercenaries for a good effort.”
“So I have been given to understand. My first priority must be to the defense of my people, however. Goods can be replaced, homes can be rebuilt, and if need be, new neighbors can be tolerated. My people have done all of these things and more in the past. They cannot, however, bring the dead back to life.”
Embarrassingly, Trams voice failed on the last word. The Captain looked at him a moment, then pressed a button on the phone on his desk.
“Canteen, send a cadet up to my office with a pitcher of water. The negotiations are making me thirsty.” He nodded to Tram. “Go on.”
“Thank you sir,” said Tram hoarsely, “but if I could wait until the water arrives, I will be much more able to continue.”
“Didn’t say it was for you, did I now? In fact, Im betting that cadet only brings up one glass. Course, if youre rude enough and desperate enough to drink straight from the pitcher, I’m probably not going to be all that offended, seeing how trying to sort out what youre saying is causing undue strain on my poor old ears.”
Tram stood stunned for just a moment then forced his face to stillness. Shock at the implied insult gave way to curiosity as to the odd generosity of his host. For a variety of reasons, not the least of which that it had actually become slightly painful to talk, Tram held his peace until the pitcher arrived. Once the cadet had poured a glass, set it in front of the Captain, and left the room, Tram waited for the Captain to raise his glass.
“Negotiating sure is thirsty work, no? I imagine youre quite familiar with that phenomenon by now.”
Upon seeing the Captain drink, Tram reached across the table with deliberate slowness to lift the pitcher. Somewhat to his surprise, he needed both hands, as it was a rather large pitcher, obviously designed to provide water for a full conference room at need, and it was near full of iced water. He lifted it to his lips, drank a small amount, and pulled an ice cube into his mouth. For a moment, both the slight at being forced to drink from a pitcher and the embarrassment of being forced to attend to his physical condition were forgotten in the combined shock and pleasure of the cold, clear water and the crunch of the ice.
Refreshed, at least to some small degree, he carefully set the pitcher back down on the table in front of himself.
The Captain smiled. “Cocky, but not so full of yourself that you cant suck down your pride rather than dropping from dehydration. Son, let me ask you a few things, just to make sure Im sure of what youre asking. That will save your voice and, if Im right, save us both some time.”
Tram nodded his assent, still not quite sure of his voice.
“Well then. First, I’ve heard through the grapevine that there is a young man traveling about Penance alone and on foot looking for a mercenary company to defend his home world from an unspecified invading force. That would be you, correct?”
Tram nodded, then, out of ingrained impulse, said “To the best of my knowledge there are no others that fit that description.” His voice was a bit scratchy, but coming back nicely. He lifted the pitcher again for another sip and another cube of ice.
“Second, based on those same inquiries, that force has already landed, controls the only spaceport on the planet, and instead of following normal operational patterns for raiders, has emplaced a permanent garrison?”
Tram nodded again, and again spoke to clarify. “There have already been multiple ships sent off world with a variety of goods. It is possible troops were rotated as well.”
“Meaning?”
Tram realized hed fallen into a position of parade rest while addressing the Captain. He shrugged and continued, suddenly not caring if it made him appear the supplicant. The display fit the reality, and that fit his basic, truthful nature.
“We’re uncertain how stable the garrison size is, only that there are always troops on the surface holding the port.”
“Ah. Understood. Now, third, you understand that OMalley’s is not an assault unit? In point of fact, were not even really what you might call combat troops. We can and have stood off pirates before, but our specialty is and has always been low-risk protective details. Going in to that kind of mission isnt something were terribly well equipped for.”
Tram began to feel the first tendrils of despair reaching up from his gut. Despite his attempt at control, something must have shown through on his face, because the old man on the far side of the table relented.
“Son, Im going to level with you. I know how much youve offered other units to try this, and I know how much it would cost us to ensure we could liberate your world from what youve described there. We could do it, although it would be right on that fuzzy borderline of profitable. But weve done charity work before too.” At this point the Captains face, previously quite animated for a negotiator, had simply closed off. “But due to considerations entirely separate from economics or merit, I cannot commit men under my command to this task.”
The Captains face softened slightly and a wry grin tilted one corner of his mouth. “Tell you what, son. You can’t help your people back home. Not here, not now. Maybe not anywhere, maybe not ever. Certainly not with the pittance youre carrying on you. But Im impressed with what Ive heard about you over the past week, and Im even more impressed by what Ive seen today. Answer a few simple questions for me, and maybe I can do something for you.”
“I shall endeavor to answer any questions to the best of my ability, as any aid you can provide is more than I have received from most of the Companies I have visited.”
“Height? Weight?”
Tram paused, confused momentarily by the questions. Cursing his condition mentally when he understood the simple nature of what the Captain was asking him, he spoke while calculating rapidly. “I am six feet tall and weigh one hundred seventy five pounds.” As the Captain looked at him quizzically, he finished his rapid conversions and spoke again. “That would be roughly one hundred eighty four centimeters in height and roughly eighty kilos. The weight may be off slightly, I have not been able to work out since I left Astori, and have had little food since then.”
The Captain made a few notes, and then continued, “Any combat experience?”
“I have been trained in several forms of combat, and have had reason to use most of the particulars of my training at one time or another.”
Olton set down his pen and gave Tram a wry look. “Son, I gotta tell you, Im a mustang myself, came up through the ranks. You used one too many oblique references in that answer for me to follow. Care to try again?”
Tram blushed at the older mans tone, took a moment to think then replied. “I have been trained to use man portable linear accelerators, to fight with knives, and to fight without weapons. I have used that training in life threatening situations against both men and animals. I have not taken part in large unit actions, so I cannot honestly say I have battlefield experience.”
“Ever killed someone with that training of yours?”
STATS: 3% request rate
Janine says
Thank you for your query, but I am not the right agent for this. Best of luck.
Hallie says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to My Imaginary Yet Successful Literary Agency. I receive many queries each day, and I request only a small percentage of manuscripts that I’m interested in representing. I have decided not to request one for your book because I don’t feel that I’m intrigued enough to be its best representative.
Should you need resources for querying, finding writing resources and groups, or if you’d like to know more about how I choose manuscripts, please visit (this section of my agency’s website) for more information. I wish you the best of luck in finding a home for your writing. Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to consider your work.
Warm regards,
Hallie
_________________________________
And if I were fortunate enough to be able to give some feedback for each and every author I declined, I’d note the following:
Names with apostrophes in them are usually a bad sign for me, and here, I don’t even know if it’s Do’Shire or Do-Shire. This was a pretty big chunk of query to process, and I’d recommend starting at “XLI is the story of Tram, a Protector from the world of Astori” and removing the candy descriptions.
From there, I thought the premise was fun–I like quirky space opera–but the opening pages didn’t move fast enough for me.
Alisa says
No, thank you.
Alisa.
Alisa says
No, thank you.
Alisa.
Shannon says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query for XLI for review. Unfortunately, I am not the right person to represent this story. This is a subjective business so another agent may feel differently. Good luck.
Sincerely,
Shannon
Annie Reynolds says
Dear author
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to the A.F. A.D. agency. Unfortunately I do not believe your novel is a good fit at this time, but please remember that this is a very subjective industry, so keep trying.
Good luck with your career.
Yours truly,
Annie Reynolds.
Annie Reynolds says
Dear author
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to the A.F. A.D. agency. Unfortunately I do not believe your novel is a good fit at this time, but please remember that this is a very subjective industry, so keep trying.
Good luck with your career.
Yours truly,
Annie Reynolds.
Jada says
Form rejection.
Reason: There’s a few reasons, that on their own maybe not have made for a form rejection. I think the query could be tightened. I would cut the second paragraph, as the third tells us all we need to know.
I’d also leave out any mention of a five-part series. I think this would turn off potential agents and publishers.
Lastly, the second sentence in the second paragraph of your sample is awkward, in my opinion. I stumbled over it. I would get to the point of the scene instead of having us listening to his inner thoughts about receptionist classification. That made me lose interest.
Again though, this premise sounds interesting and I would have asked for a partial if the query and pages had been a bit tighter.
Cat Moleski says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. I am interested in reading more. Please send me your first fifty pages.
Cat
Aisling says
Dear Author,
I am sorry to inform you that I am not interested in your book. It does not fit with what I am looking for right now so I regret to tell you that, although I appreciated you sending me your query, I would not like to represent your work. I wish you the best of luck with your future writing!
Aisling
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I’m sorry, but this story is not right for me. Thanks for sending me your request, I really appreciate it. Please continue writing.
Veronica Lovette
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I didn’t like it. Try again later.
Backdoor Trojan
Mega says
I thank you for sending me your query but it isn’t right for me at this time.
-MV
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Your book is interesting and I feel it has some potential, but it’s not for me, thanks for the attempt though.
Sincerely,
Mitsubishi
Anonymous says
I appreciate you sending me this, but I’m going to pass.
S. Pancake
Anonymous says
Dear Pursuing Author,
After thoroughly reading your query, I feel that your story might have some real potential, and that it holds a lot of the qualities that we are looking for at this time. Please send us the first 30-50 pages of your story for further reviewing.
Thank you,
Pepe Habanera
Anonymous says
Dear writer,
I appreciate the query but your book is not what I am looking for at the moment. However, I wish you luck in getting this book published.
Best regards,
Nathaniel Orange
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I appreciate your time and efforts, but I am sorry to say that I do not wish to represent your story. If you have another story idea, please send it to me in the future, and I would be happy to look at it.
Best Wishes,
Quintus Blackburn
Anonymous says
Dear writer,
I enjoyed your query, but I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent this work. I’d love to see more of your writing.
Gloria Valentine
Asherose says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but it isn’t for me at this time. Best of luck with it elsewhere!
Agent
Reasoning: First para unneeded except for title of book, which could go elsewhere. The blurb seemed too long and involved, and I felt it was confusing. Fourth para too much information about the book; might mention a sequel in the works and mention that it received a request for rewrite and representation from Baen, without going into so much detail. Most included samples are consecutive first pages or chapters, but check guidelines.
drat says
Dear Author,
Thank you for sending me your query. I gave it careful consideration, but ultimately I concluded I’m not the right agent for the book.
I would like to compliment you on your writing. I was intrigued, and you made the short list, but the description of the female supporting character put me off a bit.
Good luck with your manuscript, and query widely!
Thanks,
SDC
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the submission, but I regret to inform you that I will not be picking up your story.
Keep Writing,
Agent Jackie Moon
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I am not interested in your novel. Keep writing, your story had potential but was not for me. Feel free to Query me later with another piece of your work.
Anonymous says
Dear author,
I found your story intriguing and I’d like to represent you. Please send me the first fifty pages and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible!
Thank you, Scarlett Cyrus
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I have decided not to take up your offer on publishing this book. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to view your material.
Thank You,
Happy Gilmore
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I regret to inform you that I am not interested in representing your story. I hope you have better luck in the future.
Best of luck,
Arkham
LateInTheGame says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will not be requesting further material at this time.
Good luck in your search for representation.
All the best,
Agent LateInTheGame
<><><><><><><><>
I’m interested in the story, but the sample doesn’t draw me in and needs tightening.
Gryph says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for your query. While I appreciate the time and effort you’ve put into your work, I don’t believe this is a good fit for me.
Please remember that what doesn’t fit one agent may well fit another! I encourage you to not give up. In the future, if you have other manuscripts to query, I hope that you’ll think of me again.
Sincerely,
Agent Gryph
Nifaerie Noven says
Hi,
I do not think that this is the right story for me at this time.
Best of luck.
Reba says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, it is not the right fit for me.
Best,
Reba
Kate H says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent you, but I wish you the best of luck.
Kate H
s.koncilja says
Dear Author,
I received and read your query. Unfortunately it is not something that I’m looking for at the moment.
Keep me informed about your future work and good luck!
Agent S.K.
superwench83 says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your manuscript isn’t right for me. Best wishes in your search for an agent.
Sincerely,
Agent for a Day
publishingcareer says
Dear Author
Thank you for your interest in our agency and submitting your query for your novel XLI.
I read it with interest but unfortunately it is not what I am looking for.
Best of luck and kind regards.
Yours faithfully
Robert Sullivan AFAD
Mira says
Dear Author,
This was one of the hardest to turn down. You really had me at Pamela Uphoff. A publisher at Baen? Can I type fast enough?
However. After sitting on this for a couple of days, I’ve decided I am not requesting a partial. I don’t mean this to sound harsh, I hope it’s not, but I just don’t think your re-write is ready yet.
I think Science Fiction humor is one of the most difficult genres to write. It requires quick pacing with a very smooth flow, so the story and humor can interweave seamlessly.
Your idea is fun, and your work shows great promise. You are definitely able to market yourself. But, in my humble opinion, your sentences are too long and too full. I woud try to tighten.
That is my completely unsolicited advice, so please ignore it if it doesn’t work for you.
When you’ve polished this to a sparkling gem, the fact that Pam is waiting – that alone would be likely to entice an agent consider you.
You lucky devil, you.
Good luck! My very best wishes to you!
Mira
Nikki Hensley says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I don’t think I am the right agent for this novel. Best of luck in your search!
Agent Nikki
SuzieQ Agent4U says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that your story is right for me.
Best,
S
Melissa says
Form rejection:
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately it doesn’t meet my needs at this time.
Thank you and best of luck,
Melissa (Ximera)
Dave says
Sorry, but I’m going to have to pass. Don’t give up though!
vicariousrising says
Thank you for your submission. I regret that I don’t feel this project isn’t right for me.
I wish you the best in your writing endeavors.
jenn S. says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. It’s not right for me, but please keep me in mind for future submissions.
Regards,
Jenn S.
(Reason: plot seemed somewhat formulaic. I also found the query letter unclear–what exactly is a Protector? How do the dreams figure into the plot? What motivates Tenly to help Tram stir up a a rebellion? There are too many “x and y” modifiers in the query letter’s second paragraph, and too many adjectives/adverbs in sample pages. In addition, 130k seems over-long. Congrats on the professional interest from Baen; however, I suggest further revision before you submit to agents. Try to tighten the language in both the ms and the query letter.)
Kendra says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your work. Unfortunately, this is not a project I feel I can sucessfully represent. While the premise sounded great, the sample pages didn’t live up to my expectations. The sample was also full of punctuation errors that made it difficult to read. Good luck in your writing.
Kendra
Hildegarde512 says
Thank you for submitting however [If I were a real agent, a GENTLE FORM REJECTION would exist here].
Vic K says
Thank you for submitting to my agency, however I’m going to take a pass at this time.
Vic K
Reason; I Liked the premise but the pages didn’t grab me.
The Spidermonkey says
Thank you for your query, which I have considered carefully. I’m sorry to say I can’t represent you at this time.
Your story is interesting, if muddled, but the sample pages were way too slow.
This is a subjective opinion of course, and others may see it differently. Good luck!
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for considering me. Unfortunately I have to pass. Reason for rejection – personal taste.
Best of Luck!
Agent X-9
Heather says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for taking the time to query our agency. I have given your project thoughtful consideration; unfortunately, it is not a good fit for us at this time because, although the project seems to be well conceived, I had some difficulty with your word choice in the query letter, and feel the manuscript may need extensive editing prior to being ready for shopping at publishing houses. However, after a revision of your query letter and manuscript, please feel free to resubmit to my attention.
Sincerely,
Heather
abouttothunder says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the opportunity to represent your work. Unfortunately, it isn’t a good fit for me. Since you deserve an agent who will fully support you project, I will have to pass.
I wish you the best of luck in finding representation.
Sincerely,
Agent-for-a-day Sara
AgentforDay says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I enjoyed the premise, but XLI is not what I am looking for at this time.
Good luck with your search for representation.
Please feel free to submit future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Agent for the Day
I see promise; however, the manuscript can be tightened up further to pick up the pace.
Go after the adverbs, the repeated words, and the unnecessary description of every movement.
I began shaking my head when I read that the second installment is half completed at 86K words.
Anahita says
Sorry my comment went through unfinished. Here it is again:
Dear author:
Please send me your manuscript. Thanks for sharing your query.
PS I enjoyed your pages. Yours was my top choice and the only choice that I feel confident about. I hope it is one of the already published ones because I want to see what happens next!