This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day:
I understand from your blog that you are interested in young adult and science fiction. I believe you will enjoy GHOSTLAND (82,000 words), a dystopian YA in the vein of Neal Shusterman’s UNWIND and Scott Westerfeld’s UGLIES.
In a society that breeds perfection, seventeen-year-old Dax is a mistake – and mistakes are illegal. His survival depends on his ability to be invisible, to make the world forget he exists. But Dax has heard rumors of a place where “defects” aren’t killed for their freckles, mismatched eyes, or mental disabilities.
They call it the Promised Land.
Serenity Faire’s family calls it dangerous – a threat to national security. Which is why they allow Dax to live when he is caught stealing, forcing him instead to help them find this city that has eluded the government for centuries. Their search leads them through the tunnels of Washington D.C.’s abandoned subways, into the heart of an America that was lost years ago. But in this forgotten world, Dax and Serenity uncover their own secret – a romance that is even more illegal than Dax’s freckles. Their growing affection has consequences that echo through the White House, drawing the attention of the oppressive ruling family and threatening both the surface world and the subway city. Because the only thing worse than a defect who is allowed to live is a defect who is allowed to love.
I am currently a freelance writer for the Mountain Valley News, a local paper in Cedaredge, CO, as well as a student at Colorado State University in Pueblo.
Thank you so much for your time. The full manuscript of GHOSTLAND is available for your consideration.
I look forward to hearing back from you.
Sincerely,
Author
STATS: 33% request rate
Anonymous says
Dear Pursuing Author,
After thoroughly reading your query, I feel that your story might have some real potential, and that it holds a lot of the qualities that we are looking for at this time. Please send us the first 30-50 pages of your story for further reviewing.
Thank you,
Pepe Habanera
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Your book is interesting and I feel it has some potential, but it’s not for me, thanks for the attempt though.
Sincerely,
Mitsubishi
Shawntelle says
Dear Author,
Thanks for your submission today. It was a difficult decision since I was deciding between your submission in my final slot. I enjoyed the premise, but it didn’t grab me enough. Good luck in seeking representation.
Sincerely,
Shawntelle
Anonymous says
Dear writer,
I appreciate the query but your book is not what I am looking for at the moment. However, I wish you luck in getting this book published.
Best regards,
Nathaniel Orange
Asherose says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but it isn’t for me at this time. Best of luck with it elsewhere!
Agent
Reasoning: Very close. Good query structure. Blurb well written but a little long; suggest breaking up paras more. Story itself looks great, would have requested it if I had more slots.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I appreciate your time and efforts, but I am sorry to say that I do not wish to represent your story. If you have another story idea, please send it to me in the future, and I would be happy to look at it.
Best Wishes,
Quintus Blackburn
drat says
Dear Author,
Thank you for sending me your query. I gave it careful consideration, but ultimately I concluded I’m not the right agent for the book. I’m sure you’ll find representation elsewhere with this well-done query, though.
Good luck with your manuscript, and query widely!
Thanks,
SDC
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the submission, but I regret to inform you that I will not be picking up your story.
Keep Writing,
Agent Jackie Moon
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I think your novel has real potential, please send me a full manuscript for further review.
Anonymous says
Dear author,
I appreciate your query and found your concept interesting; however, it is just not what I am looking for. I look forward to future queries from you!
Thank you, Scarlett Cyrus
ccallicotte4 says
Thank you for sending me your query for BOOK TITLE. I appreciate you considering me.
I reviewed your proposal and unfortunately am going to pass on representing it. While your query is well written and your work sounds interesting, I did not get a sense for what sets this apart from other stories with a similar theme. Please keep in mind that this is a subjective business, and another agent may feel differently. I encourage you to query widely.
Best of luck to you.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I have read your request and I do believe you have something going. Please send me the first thirty pages, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
Have a nice day,
Veronica Lovette
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I think that you have a very interesting book and I would like to read view more. Please send me the full manuscript.
Thank You,
Happy Gilmore
Katalina Marie says
Dear Author,
Your story sounds good, please send me a partial.
Regards,
Katalina Marie
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I regret to inform you that I am not interested in representing your story. I hope you have better luck in the future.
Best of luck,
Arkham
LateInTheGame says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I am not the best representative for your work.
Good luck in your search for representation.
All the best,
Agent LateInTheGame
Gryph says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for your query. While I appreciate the time and effort you’ve put into your work, I don’t believe this is a good fit for me.
Please remember that what doesn’t fit one agent may well fit another! I encourage you to not give up. In the future, if you have other manuscripts to query, I hope that you’ll think of me again.
Sincerely,
Agent Gryph
Reba says
Dear Author,
Please submit the first three chapters.
Best,
Reba
(Note: More YA that might appeal to boys! Hooray!)
Kate H says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent you, but I wish you the best of luck.
Kate H
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Sounds interesting. A top 5. Please send me your full manuscript.
C
Dorothy says
Dear author
Thank you for submitting Ghostland. I agree the premise caught my attention and I gave it a second and third look. However, I am not prepard to add this to my list. I am sure another agent will.
sincerley,
Honesty Is the Best Policy
s.koncilja says
Dear Author,
I received and read your query. Unfortunately it is not something that I’m looking for at the moment.
Keep me informed about your future work and good luck!
Agent S.K.
Kat says
Interesting premise! I like the world you have set up here. Partial request- please send first three chapters!
superwench83 says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query! I would love to read more. Please email me the manuscript.
Sincerely,
Agent for a Day
publishingcareer says
Dear Author
Thank you for your interest in our agency and submitting your query for your novel GHOSTLAND.
I read it with interest but unfortunately it is not what I am looking for.
Best of luck and kind regards.
Yours faithfully
Robert Sullivan AFAD
Nikki Hensley says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I don’t think I am the right agent for this novel. Best of luck in your search!
Agent Nikki
SuzieQ Agent4U says
Dear Author,
While the premise of your book is interesting and your letter well crafted, the story seems too similar to the UGLIES trilogy for me to consider taking it on. Please keep me in mind for future works.
Best,
S
PCB says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query. We are not in a position to represent you at this time, but wish you all the very best in your writing endeavors.
Sincerely,
PCB
Melissa says
Form rejection:
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately it doesn’t meet my needs at this time.
Thank you and best of luck,
Melissa (Ximera)
Dave says
Sorry, but I’m going to have to pass. Don’t give up though!
Just_Me says
Dear Author,
After serious deliberation I am afraid I must pass on this manuscript. While I like the concept I feel like I the genre is flooded with this concept at the moment. And I am concerned about the word count.
Please consider querying me again with future projects or after a serious revision.
Sincerely,
Agent
vicariousrising says
Thank you for your submission. I regret that I don’t feel this project isn’t right for me.
I wish you the best in your writing endeavors.
* I like the premise and its similarity to Gattaca, but I’m not sure I understand the connection to Serenity Faire’s family – are they trying to destroy the promised land city and are using Dax as bait? Or do they want to get to the city themselves? And if the former, why not mention Serenity’s conflicting alliances?
Jenn S. says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. It’s not right for me, but please keep me in mind for future submissions.
Regards,
Jenn S.
(Reason: YA is tough for me to judge, since I’m not that familiar with the genre. I’m passing because some of the plot details were confusing–I didn’t understand who or what Serenity Faire was at first, what this has to do with the White House, etc. This has potential, I think, but I’m passing because I don’t feel qualified to judge whether this is marketable. )
Hildegarde512 says
Thank you for submitting however [If I were a real agent, a GENTLE FORM REJECTION would exist here].
Kendra says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your work. Concidering my current workload, I can only take on projects I feel truly passionate about. While the work shows promise, I didn’t find myself truly drawn to the idea. I have to pass. Good luck in your writing.
Kendra
Hallie says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to My Imaginary Yet Successful Literary Agency. I receive many queries each day, and I request only a small percentage of manuscripts that I’m interested in representing. I have decided not to request one for your book because I don’t feel that I’m intrigued enough to be its best representative.
Should you need resources for querying, finding writing resources and groups, or if you’d like to know more about how I choose manuscripts, please visit (this section of my agency’s website) for more information. I wish you the best of luck in finding a home for your writing. Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to consider your work.
Warm regards,
Hallie
__________________________________
And if I were fortunate enough to be able to give some feedback to each and every author I declined, I’d note the following:
This was on my maybe list, and if I were able to choose more than five books to represent myself, I’d ask you for a partial. I think this would make a great readalike for some of the other popular dystopian novels right now without being exactly like any of them. I really like dystopian YA lit, and I’ll be looking for it on a bookshelf near me.
Vic K says
Thank you for submitting to my agency, however I’m going to take a pass at this time.
Vic K
Reason; I loved this concept but it reminded me too much of John Wyndham’s ‘The Chrysalids.’ I know there are no new polts but still… I’m focusing on searching for original concepts.
The Spidermonkey says
Thank you for your query, which I have considered carefully. I’m sorry to say I can’t represent you at this time.
YA fantasy is such an overcrowded market that I could only consider something truly distinctive, and I’m afraid your story just doesn’t stand out sufficiently.
This is a subjective opinion of course, and others may see it differently. Good luck!
Heather says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for taking the time to query our agency. I have given your project thoughtful consideration; unfortunately, it is not a good fit for us at this time because I already have something similar on my list, and want to avoid a conflict of interest.
Thank you so much for considering us, and I wish you the very best of luck in finding representation.
Best Wishes,
Heather
abouttothunder says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the opportunity to represent your work. Unfortunately, it isn’t a good fit for me. Since you deserve an agent who will fully support you project, I will have to pass.
I wish you the best of luck in finding representation.
Sincerely,
Agent-for-a-day Sara
Rik says
Thank you for submitting your book – Ghostland – for my consideration. May I say that I enjoyed reading your query. Regrettably, I do not feel that I am able to represent this particular book – a fact that has more to do with pressures on the time and resources at my disposal rather than on the book itself. Best wishes for your future endeavours, both with this book and with future projects. Agent Rik.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Please send me a complete manuscript for further consideration.
Thank you, PLJ
Meggrs says
Regretful rejection–story could be solid, but I didn’t see an angle that would distinguish it from similar concepts.
AgentforDay says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting GHOSTLAND for my consideration. I am interested in reading more.
Please send a brief synopsis and the first three chapters for further consideration.
Sincerely,
AgentforDay
Leis says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. While I think your story has potential, it is not something I feel confident taking on at this time.
Please feel free to query me with future projects.
Good luck with your work.
Best regards,
Agent for a Day
Madhat says
Dear Author:
GHOSTLAND sounds interesting. Please send me the full as an attachment. Thanks!
-Agent
Reasons: I’m curious, which is why I’m requesting it. I’m not sure if it’s original enough, but I want to see the actual manuscript before I decide.
AndrewDugas says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but I do not believe I would be the best advocate for your novel. I wish you luck in finding representation elsewhere.
Sincerely,
Andy
cwsherwoodedits says
Thank you for your query. I’m out of requests because this is one of the last I read. However, I definitely would have requested this if I were able to. Your query was well-written and the story sounds really interesting.
L.C. Gant says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but I’m afraid I will have to pass on your story.
I can only select a handful of queries for sample pages, and unfortunately yours wasn’t quite at the top of the list.
Take heart, however–another agent may feel differently! Good luck with your continued search for literary representation.
Best wishes,
L.C. Gant (Agent for a Day)
Hilabeans says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your recent submission. Please send me GHOSTLAND as a .doc, .docx, .rtf, or .pdf attachment immediately.
I look forward to reading your work!
Sincerely,
HHS
hilary@hilaryheskett.com