This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
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Dear Agent for a Day,
This is my first novel:
Sixteen-year-old Ellie Matthew’s nightly routine of sneaking out and clubbing is broken when her traveling salesman father returns home for good and sends her to a church-run abstinence program. There, she meets eighteen-year-old John Branson IV, who is charming, rich, handsome, and desperately trying to shed his hard-partying lifestyle. Together, they realize the shallowness of their past relationships and the loneliness of ignoring your true self in order to be popular. A young adult novel, CHASING CHASTITY is not a social agenda for religion and abstinence or against drugs and alcohol. These factors only provide the backdrop to the story. The core of the story is about two lonely high-school kids who finally find the love and acceptance that they crave. I have copied the first page of the first chapter of CHASING CHASTITY at the bottom of this query.
I have just begun to read your blog, but I am positive that I will forsake most of my responsibilities in order to thoroughly peruse the archives. As a novelist taking her first steps, I know that your posts will fill my head with the know-how to get my book published. Knock on wood.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission,
Author
*Chasing Chastity*
Chapter One
Ellie
The day’s heat had simmered down and the night air ghosted over my skin like a sigh. Still, the soles of my feet began to sweat as I tiptoed, barefoot, out the backdoor. Outside, I slipped my feet, wet from the dew-dotted grass, into my heels. They were uncomfortably tight.
I was as unsteady on my feet as I had been the first time I went out. My ankles, weak as wet noodles, wobbled on the three-inch stilettos. The rubber tipped ends of my heels clicked against the sidewalk and the street lamps cast my shadow onto the street.
Even in quiet and well-lit suburbia, I was jumpy. Now that Joanna had moved out, I had no one to keep me company during the fifteen-minute walk to New Clark. A dog barked and my heart fluttered nervously. I crossed my arms tightly across my chest — a makeshift shield against any lurkers in the bushes.
My toenail polish was chipped. With every step, my red-speckled nails would come into view. They peeked out of the quarter-size hole cut into the ends of my shoes. The hard leather around the hole cut a pink groove into my big toe and a big, ugly blister was blooming.
I always came home after a night-out with blisters, but, for some reason, having someone there to complain with made the pain less present. When Joanna was around, we would draw up a bath and dip our achy feet into the warm water. Then we’d sit on the plastic edge of the tub, our heels discarded on the bathroom rug and our dresses hitched up to our thighs, and talk until our legs fell asleep.
A car glided past me, and a trailing breeze of exhaust and summer air lifted the edges of my dress. Loud music pounded the insides of the car and the passenger window was half-opened. A wrist, encircled by a charm bracelet, hung out the window and a fat roach burned between her fingers. Watching the car drive away, I wondered if I knew the owner of the smoke-tinged fingers and a part of me hoped that the car would stop and that whoever was inside would offer me a ride. The other part was scared of what I would do if the car did stop.
I was both relieved and disappointed when I finally saw its glowing taillights fade into the midnight mist. I had a driver’s license, but our garage door hadn’t been oiled in years. Whenever it opened or closed, it creaked and groaned so loudly that the house practically shook from its vibrations. My mother, heavy sleeper that she was, would have snored through it and my little sisters would have pretended not to hear it, as I had done for my older siblings. However, my father, back for good since mid-June, could hear the refrigerator door opening at three in the morning and would have certainly caught me before I even pulled out onto the driveway.
STATS: 4% request rate
Dana says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Though I really enjoyed your writing, I am going to have to pass at this time. Please continue to query widely as I’m sure this will find a good home.
Regards,
Dana
Reasons: I really liked the writing and initially liked the premise, but when push came to shove it sounded like it might be a little too preachy for me
Nora Coon says
Not right for us at this time. Best of luck.
***
Sample didn’t grab me, and the title really threw me. Not sure how it could be done without getting very preachy.
Rebecca Knight says
Dear Chasing,
Thank you for your query, and for thinking of my agency. Unfortunately, I feel that I’m not the best fit for your project. This industry is highly subjective, so I’m sure others will feel differently. Best of luck to you in all your endeavors.
Sincerely,
Rebecca Knight
Janine says
Thank you for your query, but I am not the right agent for this. Best of luck.
Jenn S. says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. It’s not right for me, but please keep me in mind for future submissions.
Regards,
Jenn S.
(Reason: If this is a story, not a social agenda, then the query needs more detail about the plot and less detail about the theme/moral lesson. What happens in the abstinence program? How do Ellie and John help each other? Why does John want to change his life? Does Ellie go through any sort of transformation?
The voice wasn’t bad, but a few too many adverbs and adjectives. )
Hallie says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to My Imaginary Yet Successful Literary Agency. I receive many queries each day, and I request only a small percentage of manuscripts that I’m interested in representing. I have decided not to request one for your book because I don’t feel that I’m intrigued enough to be its best representative.
Should you need resources for querying, finding writing resources and groups, or if you’d like to know more about how I choose manuscripts, please visit (this section of my agency’s website) for more information. I wish you the best of luck in finding a home for your writing. Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to consider your work.
Warm regards,
Hallie
__________________________________
And if I were fortunate enough to be able to give some feedback for each and every author I declined, I’d note the following:
I hate to say this, but I wasn’t compelled enough by the query and the sample pages. I think that a romance between two teens who are learning to find themselves is, at heart, a good idea. (And you’re welcome to tell me more about the plot and less about whether the book is a “message book”–because if you write a good query, I won’t worry about that.)
Also, with the sample pages, it was a while before your story got started. I think you could start out somewhere closer to the car passing by and Ellie not knowing if she would or wouldn’t accept a ride, because that fits well with her finding herself in the rest of the book.
Good luck!
Alisa says
No, thank you.
Alisa.
Shannon says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query for CHASING CHASTITY for review. Unfortunately, I am not the right person to represent this story. This is a subjective business so another agent may feel differently. Good luck.
Sincerely,
Shannon
Jada says
Form rejection.
Reason: This wasn’t in my top five. Nothing really wrong with it, although it started a little slowly in my opinion.
Annie Reynolds says
Dear author
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to the A.F.A.D. agency.
Let me start by telling you I did enjoy your query, your novel concept caught my interest. I did however find your query letter could benefit from additional polishing, and would be happy for you to resubmit your query at a later date.
Yours truly,
Annie Reynolds.
Dorothy says
Dear Author:
Chasing Chasity is not a project I can get behind. Message writing has little hope of success in the markets in which I am most connected. A gritty story of sexual crisis, epiphany and conversion might be if it were focused on the characters and not the outcome.
Rethink your approach to the theme. Is the message more important than the story? I am more interested in story tellers.
Other agents may feel differently. Christian publishers may snap this up.
Sincerely,
Honesty Is the Best Policy
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I liked it. Send me more
Backdoor Trojan
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I’m sorry, but this story is not right for me. Thanks for sending me your request, I really appreciate it. Please continue writing.
Veronica Lovette
Mega says
I thank you for sending me your query but it isn’t right for me at this time.
-MV
Aisling says
Dear Author,
I am sorry to inform you that I am not interested in your book. It does not fit with what I am looking for right now so I regret to tell you that, although I appreciated you sending me your query, I would not like to represent your work. I wish you the best of luck with your future writing!
Aisling
Anonymous says
Dear Pursuing Author,
After reviewing your query, I feel that what you have presented to us is just not going to fly in our market right now. Sorry but keep up the good work.
Sincerely,
Pepe Habanera
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Your book is interesting and I feel it has some potential, but it’s not for me, thanks for the attempt though.
Sincerely,
Mitsubishi
Asherose says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but it isn’t for me at this time. Best of luck with it elsewhere!
Agent
Reasoning: Good query structure, but first para of blurb is too long, hard to follow; may have been meant to be two paras. Flattery in second para unneeded.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I appreciate your time and efforts, but I am sorry to say that I do not wish to represent your story. If you have another story idea, please send it to me in the future, and I would be happy to look at it.
Best Wishes,
Quintus Blackburn
Anonymous says
Dear writer,
I enjoyed your query, but I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent this work. I’d love to see more of your writing.
Gloria Valentine
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I am interested in the writing you submitted and would love to read more. If you could send me the first fifty pages I will look into your writing a bit further. I look forward to hearing from you.
Agent Emily Jean
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I am not interested in your novel. Keep writing, your story had potential but was not for me. Feel free to Query me later with another piece of your work.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the submission, but I regret to inform you that I will not be picking up your story.
Keep Writing,
Agent Jackie Moon
Anonymous says
Dear author,
I appreciate your query and found your concept interesting; however, it is just not what I am looking for. I look forward to future queries from you!
Thank you, Scarlett Cyrus
Katalina Marie says
Dear Author,
I’m sorry but I don’t think that this book is the one for me.
Regards,
Katalina Marie
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I have decided not to take up your offer on publishing this book. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to view your material.
Thank You,
Happy Gilmore
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I regret to inform you that I am not interested in representing your story. I hope you have better luck in the future.
Best of luck,
Arkham
LateInTheGame says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I am not the best representative for your work.
Good luck in your search for representation.
All the best,
Agent LateInTheGame
Gryph says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for your query. While I appreciate the time and effort you’ve put into your work, I don’t believe this is a good fit for me.
Please remember that what doesn’t fit one agent may well fit another! I encourage you to not give up. In the future, if you have other manuscripts to query, I hope that you’ll think of me again.
Sincerely,
Agent Gryph
Reba says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, it is not the right fit for me.
Best,
Reba
(Note: Instead of trying to dissociate your work from religious or conservative views, you may want to submit to an agent who specializes in them. The market is out there. Good luck!)
Kate H says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent you, but I wish you the best of luck.
Kate H
Anonymous says
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for your project. I encourage you to query other agents and wish you the best of luck.
Thank you,
Agent C
s.koncilja says
Dear Author,
I received and read your query. Unfortunately it is not something that I’m looking for at the moment.
Keep me informed about your future work and good luck!
Agent S.K.
AgentforDay says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting CHASING CHASTITY.
I hear a distinct voice and see potential.
Though you did not intend to promote a ‘social agenda for religion and abstinence’, maybe Christian publishers are exactly who you should consider.
I will have to look over the rest of the novel to know if CHASING CHASITY could be targeted toward the Christian market or not.
If you are interested in exploring this avenue of publishing, please forward your entire manuscript. Please include the word count.
Sincerely,
Agent for the Day
BTW: I love the title’s possible – double entendre. Maybe the main character could be named Chastity (just kidding).
superwench83 says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your manuscript isn’t right for me. Best wishes in your search for an agent.
Sincerely,
Agent for a Day
publishingcareer says
Dear Author
Thank you for your interest in our agency and submitting your query for your novel Chasing Chastity.
I read it with interest but unfortunately it is not what I am looking for.
Best of luck and kind regards.
Yours faithfully
Robert Sullivan AFAD
Nikki Hensley says
Dear Author:
This sounds like something I would be very interested in. Please send the full manuscript by email.
Thanks!
Agent Nikki
SuzieQ Agent4U says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that your story is right for me.
Best,
S
PCB says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query. We are not in a position to represent you at this time, but wish you all the very best in your writing endeavors.
Sincerely,
PCB
Melissa says
Form rejection:
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately it doesn’t meet my needs at this time.
Thank you and best of luck,
Melissa (Ximera)
Dave says
Sorry, but I’m going to have to pass. Don’t give up though!
vicariousrising says
Thank you for your submission. I regret that I don’t feel this project isn’t right for me.
I wish you the best in your writing endeavors.
Kendra says
Dear Author
Thank you for submitting your work. Concidering my current workload, I can only take on projects I feel truly passionate about. While the work shows promise, I didn’t find myself truly drawn to the idea. I have to pass. Good luck in your writing.
Kendra
Hildegarde512 says
Thank you for submitting however [If I were a real agent, a GENTLE FORM REJECTION would exist here].
Agent FaD Jen says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the query. Unfortunately, I am going to have to pass. Good luck,
Agent FaD Jen
Comment: The premise was intriguing. I thought the query and the first pages needed to be tightened.
The Spidermonkey says
Thank you for your query, which I have considered carefully. I’m sorry to say I can’t represent you at this time.
I’m afraid your story just doesn’t stand out sufficiently- there’s no hook in plot or character, and I detect a whiff of preaching.
This is a subjective opinion of course, and others may see it differently. Good luck!
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for considering me. I can see this being picked up elsewhere, but unfortunately I have to pass. Reason for rejection – personal taste.
Best of Luck!
Agent X-9
Heather says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for taking the time to query our agency. I have given your project thoughtful consideration; unfortunately, it is not a good fit for us at this time because, although the project is built on an interesting premise, the story does not feel unique or compelling at this time; however, after a revision of your query letter and/or partial manuscript, please feel free to resubmit to my attention.
Sincerely,
Heather
Kathy says
Thank you for your query, but I’m afraid this manuscript isn’t right for me.
Sincerely,
Kathy
Rik says
Thank you for submitting your book – Chasing Chastity – for my consideration. Regrettably, I do not feel that I am able to represent this work for you. Best wishes for your future endeavours. Agent Rik.