This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day,
What if you could make things happen just by imagining them? Fourteen year old Sarah Lewis has the power, but she’d do anything to get rid of it. That’s because her talent is uncontrollable and unpredictable, and when it takes over, people usually end up getting hurt.
Sarah’s struggle to accept her gift and the responsibility it thrusts upon her are at the center of Running Blind, a completed young adult manuscript of approximately 60,000 words.
Fearful of her secret gift, Sarah does everything possible to avoid triggering it. She learns to blend into the background, avoid attention, and minimize emotional ties, all in an effort to keep herself from lashing out psychically. But everything changes when Sarah is invited to attend exclusive Delhart Academy, an “invitation only” private school surrounded by tall gates and an air of mystery. First, she catches the eye of god-like Student Recruiter Eric Sanders. Then there’s sexy Garrett Landry, a loner with a tattoo and an attitude the size of Mount Rainier. Garrett plays on Dancia’s deepest fears when he suggests that there’s something nefarious going on at Delhart, and Eric is playing an integral part.
Eventually, Sarah will be forced to take sides in the most difficult struggle she has ever faced. Should she trust Eric, or Garrett? Must she follow the rules, or her own instincts for what is right and wrong? And perhaps most importantly, can she learn to believe in her talent, or will she always be fighting with a piece of herself?
A little about me, I am an active member of the Romance Writers of America and a former Golden Heart Finalist. I am also an attorney, mom to two fabulous kids, and very slow triathlete.
Thank you for your time. I would welcome an email or phone call if you are interested in seeing more of Running Blind. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Author
STATS: 17% request rate
Rebecca Knight says
Dear Running,
Thank you for your query, and for thinking of my agency. Unfortunately, I feel that I’m not the best fit for your project. This industry is highly subjective, so I’m sure others will feel differently. Best of luck to you in all your endeavors.
Sincerely,
Rebecca Knight
Janine says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but I am not the right agent for this. Best of luck.
Reason: Close call here. I wasn’t sure what the first idea, with the imaginative power, had to do with the rest of the plot. Show me how it works and I’d be more inclined to give a yes.
Nora Coon says
Not right for us at this time. Best of luck.
***
Who’s Dancia?
What’s the central conflict? What’s the general arc of the story? Give me more in your query.
Mira says
Dear Author,
I was very tempted by this one. A YA fantasy, set in a private school, with a good cast of characters, including two sexy love interests competing for the heroine? Romance, sex, fantasy, special powers, school setting, this has alot going for it. I think this could appeal to the Twilight set of teen girls, and be very marketable.
I’m not requesting a partial simply because I’m guessing that it’s not yet published and I want to win the contest. If I were a real agent, I would! Your writing in the query is very good – if the story held up to that, I think you could have a winner here.
Best of luck – I hope to see this published, if it’s not already!
Mira
Getabo Publishing says
I like this overall concept and Dancia’s conflict between the two male students. Overall, sounds like a great premise, and this made my top choices.
Suggestions:
I think you could focus the query on what exactly happens (action, triggers, outcome) and less on general description what it;s about. I don’t get a solid enough feel for a tight plot.
“Eventually, Sarah will be forced to take sides in the most difficult struggle she has ever faced. Should she trust Eric, or Garrett?” – show me more precisely to really ‘hook’ me. Not hooked (yet.) But love the idea and think it could be great.
***
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately we do not think that your book would be a likely prospect for our list.
We regret that the large number of submissions we receive makes it impossible to offer individual comment. We believe it is more important to read and evaluate every query / submission we receive with due consideration.
We appreciate you thinking of Getabo Creative Publishing, and wish you the best of luck with your manuscript and future writing endeavors.
Sincerely.
The Editors
Getabo Creative Publishing
Alisa says
No, thank you.
Alisa.
lilianamama says
Dear Author:
This was a difficult decision to make as you did an excellent job of outlining your plot and showing its marketability.
However, I like to see tight writing in queries as it tells me you’re a good self editor. You’ve got a lot of “to be” verbs followed by “ing” verbs. This indicates passive language. You’ve also got a lot of “ly” endings, which indicates you’re not using the strongest verb available. I think if you can strengthen your verbs and cut down a bit on your word count, you will have no trouble finding an agent.
I wish you well.
Annie Reynolds says
Dear author
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to the A.F. A.D. agency. Unfortunately I do not believe your novel is a good fit at this time, but please remember that this is a very subjective industry, so keep trying.
Good luck with your career.
Yours truly,
Annie Reynolds.
Dorothy says
Dear Author:
Thank you for submitting Running Blind. I am not in the market for what appears to be a formula piece of YA fiction. I would be much more interested if Sarah Lewis delighted in her psychic gift, set about finding away to harness it and struggled with her selfish 14 year old ego in creating good instead of evil. That’s just my take on how to make things more interesting. Other agents may feel differently.
In your opinion, does the private boarding school enhance the characterization, theme and plot? Or is it another cliche to attract a certain readership? The story might move the reader to deeper insight if it were set in an urban school solidly amid real life.
I wish you well as you continue to mold your project.
Sincerely,
Honesty is the Best Policy
Anonymous says
Thank you for your query, though I don’t think I’m interested in taking your story idea. Keep on writing.
-Thanks,
Suzuki Volkeswagon
Anonymous says
I greatly enjoyed reading your query, and I would be very interested in reading more.
S. Pancake
Aisling says
Dear Author,
Your query was very intriguing to me! I would love for you to send me the first few pages of your book. I am extremely interested in your work and I look forward to receiving the first bit of your book!
Aisling
Anonymous says
Dear Pursuing Author,
After reviewing your query, I feel that what you have presented to us is just not going to fly in our market right now. Sorry but keep up the good work.
Sincerely,
Pepe Habanera
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I liked your story and I would like to hear more about it.
Sincerely,
Mitsubishi
Asherose says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but it isn’t for me at this time. Best of luck with it elsewhere!
Agent
Reasoning: Though the idea seems intriguing, the blurb needs to be condensed, probably to two short paras. Query structure pretty good, although I recommend putting the ‘about the story’ para after the (shorter) blurb. Personal data not applicable to this project is unneeded.
Anonymous says
Dear writer,
I appreciate the query but your book is not what I am looking for at the moment. However, I wish you luck in getting this book published.
Best regards,
Nathaniel Orange
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Not my cup of tea.
Agent Edgar Leroy 3rd
drat says
Dear Author,
Thank you for sending me your query. I gave it careful consideration, but ultimately I concluded I’m not the right agent for the book.
Good luck with your manuscript, and query widely!
Thanks,
SDC
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I appreciate your time and efforts, but I am sorry to say that I do not wish to represent your story. If you have another story idea, please send it to me in the future, and I would be happy to look at it.
Best Wishes,
Quintus Blackburn
Anonymous says
Dear writer,
I enjoyed your query, but I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent this work. I’d love to see more of your writing.
Gloria Valentine
Katalina Marie says
Dear Author,
I’m sorry but I don’t think that this book is the one for me.
Regards,
Katalina Marie
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I am not interested in your novel. Keep writing, your story had potential but was not for me. Feel free to Query me later with another piece of your work.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the submission, but I regret to inform you that I will not be picking up your story.
Keep Writing,
Agent Jackie Moon
Anonymous says
Dear author,
I appreciate your query and found your concept interesting; however, it is just not what I am looking for. I look forward to future queries from you!
Thank you, Scarlett Cyrus
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I think that you have a very interesting book and I would like to read view more. Please send me the full manuscript.
Thank You,
Happy Gilmore
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I have read your request and I do believe you have something going. Please send me the first thirty pages, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
Have a nice day,
Veronica Lovette
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I regret to inform you that I am not interested in representing your story. I hope you have better luck in the future.
Best of luck,
Arkham
LateInTheGame says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I am not the best representative for your work.
Good luck in your search for representation.
All the best,
Agent LateInTheGame
Gryph says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for your query. While I appreciate the time and effort you’ve put into your work, I don’t believe this is a good fit for me.
Please remember that what doesn’t fit one agent may well fit another! I encourage you to not give up. In the future, if you have other manuscripts to query, I hope that you’ll think of me again.
Sincerely,
Agent Gryph
Reba says
Dear Author,
Please send the first three chapters at once.
Best,
Reba
AgentforDay says
Dear Author,
I find the premise of RUNNING BLIND intriguing, but I am having difficulty reconciling how becoming an isolationist keeps the Sarah from using her imagination.
Why does she mysteriously get selected to go to the Dalhart Academy: her extraordinary skills or outstanding academic record? Is it a school for the ‘gifted’?
Does she have problem ‘believing’ in her gift or controlling it?
I like the intrigue surrounding the “love interests” , perhaps you could focus on that conflict / resolution in the query?
Please feel free to rework the query and resubmit.
Sincerely,
Agent for the Day
Kate H says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent you, but I wish you the best of luck.
Kate H
s.koncilja says
Dear Author,
I received and read your query. Unfortunately it is not something that I’m looking for at the moment.
Keep me informed about your future work and good luck!
Agent S.K.
Anonymous says
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for your project. I encourage you to query other agents and wish you the best of luck.
Thank you,
Agent C
Shannon says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query for RUNNING BLIND for review. Unfortunately, I am not the right person to represent this story. This is a subjective business so another agent may feel differently. Good luck.
Sincerely,
Shannon
(to author – this was a tough call for me and pages could have swayed me. I did wonder who Danica was as there was only one mention and I couldn’t figure out how she fit in. Best of luck!)
superwench83 says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your manuscript isn’t right for me. Best wishes in your search for an agent.
Sincerely,
Agent for a Day
publishingcareer says
Dear Author
Thank you for your interest in our agency and submitting your query for your novel Running Blind.
I read it with interest but unfortunately it is not what I am looking for.
Best of luck and kind regards.
Yours faithfully
Robert Sullivan AFAD
L.C. Gant says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but I’m afraid your story isn’t right for me at this time. Good luck with your continued search for literary representation.
Best wishes,
L.C. Gant (Agent for a Day)
(Reasoning: While the query was well written, the story reminded me of a dozen others like it: Vampire Academy, Evernight, Xmen, and more. The concept has been done to death, so you have to really make your ms stand out, and it’s not there yet.)
Nikki Hensley says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I don’t think I am the right agent for this novel. Best of luck in your search!
Agent Nikki
Melissa says
Form rejection:
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately it doesn’t meet my needs at this time.
Thank you and best of luck,
Melissa (Ximera)
PCB says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query. We are not in a position to represent you at this time, but wish you all the very best in your writing endeavors.
Sincerely,
PCB
Here’s why: I was not sure who Dancia was in your query letter.
Dave says
Sorry, but I’m going to have to pass. Don’t give up though!no
vicariousrising says
Thank you for your submission. I regret that I don’t feel this project isn’t right for me.
I wish you the best in your writing endeavors.
Hildegarde512 says
Thank you for submitting however [If I were a real agent, a GENTLE FORM REJECTION would exist here].
Agent FaD Jen says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the query. Unfortunately, I am going to have to pass. Good luck,
Agent FaD Jen
Comment: Who is Dancia? How does playing on her fears affect the main character Sarah? The premise sounds intriguing and the query would be pretty good with some tightening. Also, there should be a bit more about the central conflict.
Kendra says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your work. Unfortunately, this is not a project I feel I can sucessfully represent. Good luck in your writing.
Kendra
Hallie says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to My Imaginary Yet Successful Literary Agency. I receive many queries each day, and I request only a small percentage of manuscripts that I’m interested in representing. I have decided not to request one for your book because I don’t feel that I’m intrigued enough to be its best representative.
Should you need resources for querying, finding writing resources and groups, or if you’d like to know more about how I choose manuscripts, please visit (this section of my agency’s website) for more information. I wish you the best of luck in finding a home for your writing. Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to consider your work.
Warm regards,
Hallie
__________________________________
And if I were fortunate enough to be able to give some feedback to each and every author I declined, I’d note the following:
This was on my maybe list for several reads, but in the end, the struggles and conflicts Sarah will face were just a little too vague to make my top 5. I think this would grab teen readers, though, and I would have asked for a partial otherwise. Best wishes!
Vic K says
Thank you for submitting to my agency, however I’m going to take a pass at this time.
Vic K
Reason; At the end of the day, I wasn’t caught up enough in the concept – it seemed vaguely familiar.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for considering me. Unfortunately I have to pass. Reason for rejection – personal taste.
Best of Luck!
Agent X-9
Heather says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for taking the time to query our agency. I have given your project thoughtful consideration; unfortunately, it is not a good fit for us at this time because, although the project is built on an interesting premise, the story does not feel unique or compelling at this time; however, after a revision of your query letter and/or partial manuscript, please feel free to resubmit to my attention.
Sincerely,
Heather