This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day:
My novel Paranoid starts out in the familiar classic mode: an innocent person stumbles onto a conspiracy so huge and terrifying that he can’t go to the police without proof: they would just assume he was insane. So he has to fight a shadowy, diabolical organization — alone and on the run — while the conspirators chase him down. It sounds like any one of a dozen thrillers, from North by Northwest to Three Days of the Condor. But there’s a crucial difference: the hero of Paranoid really is crazy. Three quarters of the way through the book that becomes undeniably clear. The President of the United States has not been ‘replaced by an impostor’; the President’s son is not the only one who can rescue the country from a Devil’s bargain with the mafia. No, the President’s son is actually a paranoid schizophrenic. He also happens to be a trained killer with an intimate knowledge of the life and habits of the leader of the free world. In the other words – the perfect assassin.
For the reader, this revelation punches every expectation inside out: the hero is suddenly the villain; the sinister agents trying to bring him down are in fact the Secret Service … the good guys. And of course the final twist, revealed through a few bars of music whistled during a televised interview with the President, is that even paranoids have real enemies. And sometimes it takes a crazy guy to save the world.
The novel is complete at 92,000 words. I’ll be happy to send all or any part of it, if you’d like to take a look.
Thanks,
Author
STATS: 5% request rate
Diana says
Dear Query #18:
Thank you very much for your query. Unfortunately, this isn’t the right project for me.
Best wishes,
Diana
Perle_Rare says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission but this isn’t right for me at this time.
Best wishes,
Perle_Rare
Reason:
– No hook
H. Zilionis says
Dear Author,
Thank you so much for sending me your query and offering me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, I am not the right agent for your project.
Good luck and keep writing!
Holly Z – Agent for a Day
Just_Me says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Your novel sounds intriguing but at this time does not suit our list. We wish you the best of luck placing it with another agency.
Sincerely,
Agent
Note: I think the pitch is off. This is what I expect a reviewer to tell me, not the back of the novel. I have to turn around and pitch this to an editor, give me something to work with!
Flemmily says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I feel that PARANOID is not a fit for our agency.
Best of luck with your future endeavors,
Flemmily
Davien says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.
All the best,
Jenn S. says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. It’s not right for me, but please keep me in mind for future submissions.
Regards,
Jenn S.
(Reason: the query was somewhat confusing [especially the first paragraph–the President? The President’s son? Took me a minute]. I also was taken aback at the tone in places. The comparison to other thrillers was oddly self-deprecating, but the guarantee that the reader’s every expectation would be overturned was almost smug. The unevenness of the query gave me a bad feeling about the manuscript.)
Dana says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I am not interested in representing your novel.
Regards,
Dana
reasons: not interested in the idea, wasn’t a fan of the writing
Janine says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but I am not the right agent for this. Best of luck.
Rebecca Knight says
Dear Paranoid,
Thank you for your query, and for thinking of my agency. Unfortunately, I feel that I’m not the best fit for your project. This industry is highly subjective, so I’m sure others will feel differently. Best of luck to you in all your endeavors.
Sincerely,
Rebecca Knight
Nora Coon says
Not right for us at this time. Best of luck.
***
Sounds interesting, if the author really could pull it off, but the query itself doesn’t convince me of that and in my imagined role as agent I don’t have three hours to spend reading this novel to find out.
Alisa says
No, thank you.
Alisa.
lilianamama says
Dear Author:
This was a difficult decision to make as I enjoy a good twist, but I’m concerned that your twist isn’t evident until three quarters of the way through the book. That works well in movies when you’ve paid a considerable sum to sit still for only two hours. But a book is a longer time investment and I’m not convinced people will wait through a conventional plot to discover everything is not as it seems. Perhaps it might help your query to show us that moment of revelation in your book? Or do you have another pov you might use interchangibly with your hero to bring in the question of who is sane and who is right earlier in your novel?
I wish you all the best as it seems this could be a good story.
Shannon says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query for PARANOID for review. Unfortunately, I am not the right person to represent this story. This is a subjective business so another agent may feel differently. Good luck.
Sincerely,
Shannon
Annie Reynolds says
Dear author
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to the A.F.A.D. agency.
Let me start by telling you I did enjoy your query, your novel concept caught my interest. I did however find your query letter could benefit from additional polishing, and would be happy for you to resubmit your query at a later date.
Yours truly,
Annie Reynolds.
Dorothy says
Drae Author:
Thank you for submitting Paranoid for consideration. I am not able to offer representation for your project, though I admit it is different!
I have two concerns about the premise. I am concerned that the reader will not read far enough through the manuscript to discover the twist because the plot appears predictable in the beginning.
Secondly, I expect an insane main character will reveal himself sooner than the author allows, which both undermines the book’s credibility and spoils the surprise. Consider bringing out the insanity earlier in the plot and use it as a point of tension and political intrigue.
Good luck with this. A vision of madness from the inside set in our political capitol has possibilities.
Sincerely, Honesty Is the Best Policy
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I’m sorry, but this story is not right for me. Thanks for sending me your request, I really appreciate it. Please continue writing.
Veronica Lovette
AgentforDay says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query for PARANOID for my consideration. I find the premise interesting; however I suspect you may have thrown the query together to meet a deadline, and perhaps, you have not done your manuscript justice.
I would suggest you consider making the following changes:
1. Don’t use diminishing statements such as ‘familiar classic mode’ or ‘it sounds like any one of a dozen thrillers…’ Consider: PARANOID would appeal to readers who enjoy novels like ‘North by Northwest’ and ‘The Day of the Condor’ – and put this after you explain the premise and plot of the novel. — Hook me on the premise first… then tell me who I can market the novel to.
2. Explain what is so ‘huge and terrifying’ and why the police would just think he is insane.
“Joe Schmo knows a terrifying secret: his father has been replaced by an imposter. Joe is the only one who knows the man is not his father and only he can get close enough to stop him. Joe embarks on a mission to find out the truth, stop the imposter’s plot, and if necessary, assassinate the President of the United States.” –rough, but you get the idea.
Oh, and never tell agents and publishers what the novel will do to the reader. We like to find out for ourselves, and we get a little peevish if an author thinks we have to be told what to think or feel. Just show us.
3. The glimpses into the plot that you’ve provided brings to mind ‘The Manchurian Candidate’ in which a ex-soldier who has access to America’s most powerful politicians has been programmed to be an assassin — Or ‘The Dead Zone’ in which a psychic has a vision that a presidential candidate will start WWIII, and since everyone will think he is crazy, he tries to assassinate the candidate himself….
There is a painfully thin line between “appealing to readers who liked…” and clichéd hybrids.
Don’t ask me exactly where “the line” is… it moves. And there’s nothing wrong with being similar… as long as you can sell it and pull it off convincingly.
Please rework your query and feel free to resubmit.
Sincerely,
Agent for the Day
Anonymous says
Dear Pursuing Author,
After reviewing your query, I feel that what you have presented to us is just not going to fly in our market right now. Sorry but keep up the good work.
Sincerely,
Pepe Habanera
Aisling says
Dear Author,
I am sorry to inform you that I am not interested in your book. It does not fit with what I am looking for right now so I regret to tell you that, although I appreciated you sending me your query, I would not like to represent your work. I wish you the best of luck with your future writing!
Aisling
Anonymous says
Thank you for your query, though I don’t think I’m interested in taking your story idea. Keep on writing.
-Thanks,
Suzuki Volkeswagon
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Your book is interesting and I feel it has some potential, but it’s not for me, thanks for the attempt though.
Sincerely,
Mitsubishi
Asherose says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but it isn’t for me at this time. Best of luck with it elsewhere!
Agent
Reasoning: Words like ‘classic’ and ‘familiar’ and especially ‘sounds like any one of a dozen’ are an anti-sell. Showing a difference after that does not take away the negative impression already given. The idea and the story itself seem interesting, and rewriting the query might very well succeed. Good query structure otherwise.
Anonymous says
Dear writer,
I appreciate the query but your book is not what I am looking for at the moment. However, I wish you luck in getting this book published.
Best regards,
Nathaniel Orange
drat says
Dear Author,
Thank you for sending me your query. I gave it careful consideration, but ultimately I concluded I’m not the right agent for the book.
The query was good, but lost me about 3/4ths through. I’d like more detail about the emotional stakes of the protag.
Good luck with your manuscript, and query widely!
Thanks,
SDC
Anonymous says
Dear writer,
I enjoyed your query, but I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent this work. I’d love to see more of your writing.
Gloria Valentine
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I appreciate your time and efforts, but I am sorry to say that I do not wish to represent your story. If you have another story idea, please send it to me in the future, and I would be happy to look at it.
Best Wishes,
Quintus Blackburn
Katalina Marie says
Dear Author,
I’m sorry but I don’t think that this book is the one for me.
Regards,
Katalina Marie
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I am not interested in your novel. Keep writing, your story had potential but was not for me. Feel free to Query me later with another piece of your work.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I think that your story seems like it has publishing potential, and I would like to have the full manuscript.
Keep Writing,
Agent Jackie Moon
Anonymous says
Dear author,
I appreciate your query and found your concept interesting; however, it is just not what I am looking for. I look forward to future queries from you!
Thank you, Scarlett Cyrus
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I have decided not to take up your offer on publishing this book. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to view your material.
Thank You,
Happy Gilmore
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I regret to inform you that I am not interested in representing your story. I hope you have better luck in the future.
Best of luck,
Arkham
Megan says
Dear Author,
I am intrigued. Please send a manuscript.
Thanks,
Meg Spencer
Gryph says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for your query. While I appreciate the time and effort you’ve put into your work, I don’t believe this is a good fit for me.
Please remember that what doesn’t fit one agent may well fit another! I encourage you to not give up. In the future, if you have other manuscripts to query, I hope that you’ll think of me again.
Sincerely,
Agent Gryph
Reba says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, it is not the right fit for me.
Best,
Reba
(Note: You may not want to make your work seem mundane by saying it sounds like all other thrillers – especially since that also implies all thrillers sound the same.)
Kate H says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent you, but I wish you the best of luck.
Kate H
s.koncilja says
Dear Author,
I received and read your query. Your story seems intense and full of potential. Please send me the complete manuscript.
Agent S.K.
superwench83 says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your manuscript isn’t right for me. Best wishes in your search for an agent.
Sincerely,
Agent for a Day
(Don’t I remember reading this query from Miss Snark’s blog or some other contest? I remember it grabbing me the first time, but it’s just not doing anything for me now. Tastes change, I guess. Anyway, I still wish you the best!)
publishingcareer says
Dear Author
Thank you for expressing your interest in our agency and submitting your query for your novel Paranoid.
I read it with interest and would very much like to read the first three chapters with a view to consider representing you and your novel.
Please email me or post (with a SAE) these to me at your earliest convenience.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully
Robert Sullivan, AFAD
Melissa says
Form rejection:
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately it doesn’t meet my needs at this time.
Thank you and best of luck,
Melissa (Ximera)
PCB says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query. We are not in a position to represent you at this time, but wish you all the very best in your writing endeavors.
Sincerely,
PCB
Dave says
Sounds interesting. Please send it along.
Nikki Hensley says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I don’t think I am the right agent for this novel. Best of luck in your search!
Agent Nikki
vicariousrising says
Thank you for your submission. I regret that I don’t feel this project isn’t right for me.
I wish you the best in your writing endeavors.
Agent FaD jen says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the query. Unfortunately, I am going to have to pass. Good luck,
Agent FaD Jen
Comment: The premise seems intriguing, but the twist doesn’t come until the last quarter of the book. You suggest in the query that the first 3/4 of the book is just like every other thriller out there, and no one is going to read that far to find a twist if the story isn’t holding their interest.
Hildegarde512 says
Thank you for submitting however [If I were a real agent, a GENTLE FORM REJECTION would exist here].
Vic K says
Thank you for submitting to my agency, however I’m going to take a pass at this time.
Vic K
Reason; I found the plot a little convoluted to follow and it made me wonder how it would read. At the end of the day, I wasn’t caught up in the concept.
The Spidermonkey says
Thank you for your query, which I have considered carefully. I’m sorry to say I can’t represent you at this time.
Your story sounds like a lot of others, and you don’t help yourself by pointing this out. The twist doesn’t save it.
This is a subjective opinion of course, and others may see it differently. Good luck!
Heather says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for taking the time to query our agency. I have given your project thoughtful consideration; unfortunately, it is not a good fit for us at this time because, although the project seems to be very well conceived, I had some difficulty with your word choice in the query letter, and feel the manuscript may need extensive editing prior to being ready for shopping at publishing houses; however, after a revision of your query letter and/or partial manuscript, please feel free to resubmit to my attention.
Sincerely,
Heather