This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day,
There are all kinds of prisons – some with bars and some no better than cages. There are the state, federal, and county kind and then there are the worst kind of all. These are called “the past.”
The past can imprison us as surely as any four-walled structure. The past can cause us to become stifled within its limiting, restrictive barriers until we begin to suffocate. We find we can never grow, learn or stray from the prison it creates around us. Its boundaries continue to separate us from life by flooding our minds with images that haunt us, situations that we can never seem to overcome and by carving out of us an unsettling void that leaves us ill-equipped to leave it behind. In its wake, we live a lonely, often solitary confinement where we are left with pieces of ourselves that we hold in our trembling hands. We are left to wonder how we can glue the pieces back together – and whether that’s even possible.
This is kind of prison that John Michaels finds himself living – and dying – in. He is the sympathetic protagonist in this 65,000 word contemporary suspense novel called The Release. John Michaels is the survivor of a childhood filled with brutal, merciless beatings suffered at the hands of his father. These violent attacks were made all the worse by the fact his numbed, heartless mother stood idly by and watched. The story follows John as he matures and tries to find his place in what we sometimes laughingly call society – as if a true society would tolerate such violence on one so young. With no coping mechanisms in place and no way to internalize his brutalization, we watch helplessly as John falters and stumbles his way through life.
I graduated from The University of Texas in May of 1997 with a degree in journalism. While at the university, several of my articles received The Almay Award for Excellence in Journalism.
I chose to submit my novel for your consideration after seeing that you had interest in this particular genre, especially after you pointed out that Robert Pierce’s novel, The Escape, was one of your favorite reads. Not only did I read the book, but found it similar to mine in that it shows the struggles of a young man trying to escape the horrors of an abusive past.
Upon request, I am prepared to send the completed manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Author
STATS: 2% request rate
Rubenesque Writer says
Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me, but I don’t think I am the right agent to represent this manuscript. Best of luck.
Sincerely,
RW Lit
jnantz says
Dear Author:
I appreciate the opportunity to consider your work. After a lot of thought, I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass. I just don’t feel I can represent this project with the kind of enthusiasm it would require. However, this business is very subjective, and I encourage you to query widely. Many agents may feel differently.
Thank you again,
Jnantz
Kaiscomet says
Thank you for your submission. I regret to inform you that I am passing on your project at this time. I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely
Leis says
Dear Author,
Thank you for querying me. I’m afraid I have to pass on this one.
Good luck with your work.
Kind regards,
Leis
Sara Darling says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query for consideration. However, I’m afraid I cannot ask for a partial. Your story isn’t for me, but do keep trying.
I think your main problem here is that you muse too much on the psychology of your book than on the plot and characters. If you cut out most of the musing in the beginning, my decision might be different.
Good luck and keep up your search!
Best wishes,
Sara Darling
gypsyscarlett says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query.
Unfortunately, your story is not right for me.
I wish you much luck finding a suitable agent.
rantonson17 says
Dear Author,
Thank your for your query. Unfortunately, I am unable to represent your work at this time.
Best of luck,
Rebekka
TecZ aka Dalton C Teczon - Writer says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query and for allowing me to consider your work.
While your novel, “The Release,” sounds exciting, I feel I’m not the right fit for your project. Therefore, I must decline on this project right now. But I do want to encourage you to continue submitting. Just because a project isn’t quite right for me, doesn’t mean the right agent isn’t just around the corner.
I wish you the best of luck with all your writing endeavors and in the querying and submission process. Persistence pays off, so don’t give up!
Best regards,
Dalton C. Teczon – Agent
Anonymous says
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for your project. I encourage you to query other agents and wish you the best of luck.
Thank you,
Agent C
Diana says
Dear Query #11:
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this project isn’t right for me.
Best wishes,
Diana
NotJana says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. However, I’m afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your project.
All the best,
Agent For A Day (Or Two)
Perle_Rare says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission but this isn’t right for me at this time.
Best wishes,
Perle_Rare
Reason:
– Much too long
– No hook
H. Zilionis says
Dear Author,
Thank you so much for sending me your query and offering me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, I am not the right agent for your project.
Good luck and keep writing!
Holly Z – Agent for a Day
Sharon aka Sapphire says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I do not feel it is right for me. Remember that my opinion is just one. I urge you to continue to seek out representation with your manuscript.
Best wishes,
Sharon
Side note: Your ms sounds very interesting, but a bit short. Make sure you are getting your word count to the right level for the genre you are submitting it in.
Aimless Writer says
I’d have to pass. Too much back story and not enough of what drives the plot.
Just_Me says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Your novel sounds intriguing but at this time does not suit our list. We wish you the best of luck placing it with another agency.
Sincerely,
Agent
Note: Sorry, this just didn’t hook me. The query isn’t doing it’s job. Try revising.
Flemmily says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I feel that THE RELEASE is not a fit for our agency.
Best of luck with your future endeavors,
Flemmily
Maria A says
Thank you for thinking of our agency, but not for us at this moment.
Best of luck,
Agent
Davien says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.
All the best,
donnas says
Thank you for your interest. While your story sounds like it has promise I do not feel that it is right for me at this time.
Best of Luck.
Janine says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but I am not the right agent for this. Best of luck.
Reason: couldn’t get past the long paragraph on prisons. Seriously? Just show the plot.
AgentforDay says
Dear author,
Thank you for your query, but THE RELEASE is not what I am looking for at this time. I could not give it the necessary attention.
Good luck with your search for representation.
Please feel free to submit future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Agent for the Day
Rebecca Knight says
Dear Release,
Thank you for your query, and for thinking of my agency. Unfortunately, I feel that I’m not the best fit for your project. This industry is highly subjective, so I’m sure others will feel differently. Best of luck to you in all your endeavors.
Sincerely,
Rebecca Knight
Nora Coon says
Not right for us at this time. Best of luck.
***
The explanations of prisons at the beginning of the query felt almost condescending, and it took too long to get to the actual novel. After that, though, the subject matter was what got me.
Alisa says
No, thank you.
Alisa.
Vic K says
Thanks for your submission, but it isn’t right for me at this time.
Regards,
Vic K
Reason; There was a lot I liked about the premise but the plot didn’t hang together well enough for me.
Shannon says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query for THE RELEASE for review. Unfortunately, I am not the right person to represent this story. This is a subjective business so another agent may feel differently. Good luck.
Sincerely,
Shannon
Annie Reynolds says
Dear author
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to the A.F.A.D. agency.
Let me start by telling you I did enjoy your query, your novel concept caught my interest. I did however find your query letter could benefit from additional polishing, and would be happy for you to resubmit your query at a later date.
Yours truly,
Annie Reynolds
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Your book is interesting and I feel it has some potential, but it’s not for me, thanks for the attempt though.
Sincerely,
Mitsubishi
Aisling says
Dear Author,
I am sorry to inform you that I am not interested in your book. It does not fit with what I am looking for right now so I regret to tell you that, although I appreciated you sending me your query, I would not like to publish your work. Feel free to send me a query for other books you complete. I wish you the best of luck with your writing!
Aisling
Asherose says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but it isn’t for me at this time. Best of luck with it elsewhere!
Agent
Reasoning: While this was mostly a good query structure, the blurb was far too long. ‘Show don’t tell’ is even more true for blurb than for the writing. The subject matter was grim, although for another agent that might not be a problem.
drat says
Dear Author,
Thank you for sending me your query. I gave it careful consideration, but ultimately I concluded I’m not the right agent for the book.
I think you would do well to tighten up your query – let the voice shine through, cut out the fat, and cut out the justifications for writing the novel. Save those for your book signings!
Good luck with your manuscript, and query widely!
Thanks,
SDC
Dorothy says
Dear Author:
Thank you for offering The Release for my consideration. I cannot return the favor with an offer of representation despite the fact I find your writing clear and compelling.
The parallels between your work and The Escape are keenly evident. What makes John Michaels’ story different? What is his release? Suicide or mass murder? Both are predictable conclusions for such a tale. If you have created something different, the story would be more completely yours and of greater interest. But alas, I don’t know because you didn’t sell me.
Keep working with this cathartic book. It may indeed create a compelling vision of despair and release when you connect with the right agent. I wish you well in that effort.
Sincerely,
Honesty Is the Best Policy
Anonymous says
Dear writer,
I appreciate the query but your book is not what I am looking for at the moment. However, I wish you luck in getting this book published.
best regards,
Nathaniel Orange
Anonymous says
Thank you for your query, though I don’t think I’m interested in taking your story idea. Keep on writing.
-Thanks,
Suzuki Volkeswagon
Anonymous says
Dear writer,
I enjoyed your query, but I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent this work. I’d love to see more of your writing.
Gloria Valentine
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I appreciate your time and efforts, but I am sorry to say that I do not wish to represent your story. If you have another story idea, please send it to me in the future, and I would be happy to look at it.
Best Wishes,
Quintus Blackburn
Katalina Marie says
Dear Author,
I’m sorry but I don’t think that this book is the one for me.
Regards,
Katalina Marie
Anonymous says
Dear Writer,
Thanks so much for the query, but this is just not right for us at this time. Feel free to send me any others you might come up with, and best of luck in other endeavors.
AM
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I am not interested in your novel. Keep writing, your story had potential but was not for me. Feel free to Query me later with another piece of your work.
Arkham says
Dear Author,
Your story sounds rather intriguing. I would like to see a full manuscript.
Thanks,
Arkham
LateInTheGame says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I am not the best representative for your work.
Good luck in your search for representation.
All the best,
Agent LateInTheGame
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the submission, but I regret to inform you that I will not be picking up your story.
Keep Writing,
Agent Jackie Moon
Anonymous says
Dear author,
I appreciate your query and found your concept interesting; however, it is just not what I am looking for. I look forward to future queries from you!
Thank you, Scarlett Cyrus
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I have decided not to take up your offer on publishing this book. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to view your material.
Thank You,
Happy Gilmore
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
I have read your request and I do believe you have something going. Please send me the first thirty pages, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
Have a nice day,
Veronica Lovette
Reba says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, it is not the right fit for me.
Best,
Reba
(Note: You may want to tighten up and streamline the query a bit. I suspect there’s a good story in there, but I lost the thread of that in the musings.)
Meggrs says
Rejection with personalization–this query could potentially be tightened by losing the second paragraph and giving more specific plot details in the original third paragraph. Didn’t “ring” for me, but another agent might jump on board.
Kate H says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent you, but I wish you the best of luck.
Kate H
s.koncilja says
Dear Author,
I received and read your query. Unfortunately it is not something that I’m looking for at the moment.
Keep me informed about your future work and good luck!
Agent S.K.