Everyone in this business has to face rejections. A lot. Everyone talks about how (insert bestseller here) was passed on 27 thousand million times before it became a bestseller, so you know even bestselling authors face it.
So how do you deal with it? How do you move on? What helps?
Any favorite strategies to share with your fellow writers?
Need help with your book? I’m available for manuscript edits, query critiques, and coaching!
For my best advice, check out my online classes, my guide to writing a novel and my guide to publishing a book.
And if you like this post: subscribe to my newsletter!
Arjun says
A writer needs an enormously thick skin and needs to believe in his/her work. Writing is an act of arrogance and a writer needs a healthy amount of it in this game. Arrogance with a chaser of humility.
Sherry Ficklin says
I’ve kept a list of helpful rejections I’ve gotten. The criticisms have helped make my novel that much better. Those people will all get nice than you cards someday!
Tiffany Schmidt says
I’ve got a multi-part plan.
Step 1 : (Grieving) Go for a run, call a friend, or eat some chocolate
Step 2: (Inspiration) Read something wonderful and reflect on why it’s wonderful
Step 3: (Re-dedication) Get back to work & figure out how I can improve my piece
(sometimes step 1 needs to be revisited…)
Julie Poplawski says
I read fan messages and try to stay really high level while analyzing the criticism specifically. If I can look at the situation from 10,000 ft. and decide what I can take to make ME stronger I feel really productive. Then ditch the bad feelings and go out for some exercise and move ON!
Michael Pickett says
Throw the letter away — that is, if it’s just a generic rejection. If it has personalized critique, you obviously should read that and think seriously about its merits. Then, keep writing and submitting. That’s the only remedy I’ve found for the rejection blues.
Steven Cordero says
At first I used to get really depressed, and that had a serious negative impact on my life. Now, I get angry and I use that anger to have an excellent workout running on the treadmill or weight training. I feel refreshed after and go on with my day. I don’t know how this will all pan out, but I’m getting a great body because of it. 😉
Luc2 says
I’ll chase the ball down, dribble back into the key and make a running hookshot. Impossible to block.
In other words: I lower my head and send it out again, to another market.
Anonymous says
A numbing heat burns through something similiar to right before you pass out.I get depressed for a little while, then I try to figure out what to improve. Sometimes I come in from a completely different angle. The problem with this is I really don’t know if there was something wrong with my approach or it was simply not the person’s cup of tea.
sunna says
Well, there are five bars within walking distance, so I’m pretty much set.
–Outside of that, and less expensively for my wallet and my liver, I give myself an hour or so to sulk, and then I write a scene or two. Nothing like the determination to prove something to get you motivated.
After that I feel better, and I can read over any criticism that came with the R with enough objectivity to use it and move on.
Writer from Hell says
I believe the one rejecting must feel awful especially with a new author. May be that’s why people are kind and polite in their response. So don’t take it personally.
There is no choice but to move on. Sometimes I wish I could ask a person why? but I try to assess that for myself, by reflecting on whether or not I made any goofs or gaffs or just a misfit; I usually think its the former.
I handle it well may be coz I always assume oh he must feel bad doing it to me.
But you know, learn, find new tracks, new doors.. life in all its colours. But ya I do grieve for a while before I feel better and I never fight that phase and make no attempts at being brave or matured..
I finally pull myself up by reading words from people from past that I admire or about people who have coped well or meet new interesting people about me etc. And surely reading funny wise blogs always cheers me up!
Hamish MacDonald says
Ultimately, I stopped doing what doesn’t work — namely looking for approval or adoption by commercial businesses.
Starting my own press has made the work be about my imagination, the story, and entertaining readers. It’s commercial death, but it’s been a helluva lot more fun.
Thanks very much for your kind and positive posts of late. This is an extremely rare gesture. I’ve attended events where agents made fun of query letters in front of an audience of writers, and #queryfail was another instance of this mean-spirited “help”. Thank you for not participating, but contributing something better to the creative community.
David says
Two ways:
Tears.
Beers.
Abby says
I’ve yet to experience rejection, at least in connection to my writing. That’s only because I haven’t submitted anything yet.
On a very positive note – I wrote the last words of my MS last night. I’ve been procrastinating writing the ending for over a month, because I didn’t know how to do it. Then, as I was writing, I stopped and realized I’d just written it without even thinking about it. Yea!
Now for some serious polishing. Then we’ll see how I deal with rejection. Scary!
Colorado Writer says
Rejection doesn’t bug me. I keep writing, keep submitting, go to conferences, read a lot of books in my genre, learn from mistakes, read Bird by Bird and First Five Pages, rework, revise, start something new. Rinse and repeat.
And eat copious amounts of chocolate, Red Vines, and Chex Mix.
Tyler says
After the initial, “Aw, dangit,” I just tell myself that this no means I’m one step closer to a yes.
Of course, the severity of my “Aw, dangit” depends on who I submitted to. If it’s someone I just did some research on, it’s easy to brush off. But if it’s someone I met at a conference or had any other factor that might be leaning it in favor, the no is a little more crushing.
Deaf Indian Muslim Anarchist! says
Just keep going, duh.
Carmen Shirkey says
I have kept all of my rejection letters from agents, so that one day, when I get that “yes” that I know is coming (Janet Evanovich says she has CRATES of them, and look at her success) I can have a rejection to approval party. 🙂
Bradley Robb says
First – awesome Lebowski reference.
As for the question at hand, I’m a vet. If my time in Iraq taught me anything, it’s that I can compartmentalize as much as I need to in order to get the job done. If it taught me anything else, it’s don’t vent in public.
So, I do what I can. I take the lessons doled to me like apathetic punches, see what I can gain from them, hitch my thumbs under my ruck straps, and carry on.
Sharon A. Lavy says
Save them
Josephine Damian says
*waves to my buddy Luc2*
Every rejection puts you closer to acceptance – one by one you eliminate all the “Mr. Wrongs” till you narrow the field down to “Mr. Right.”
When you get how subjective this whole preocess is and how it’s much more a matter of one person’s taste as opposed to actual quality or merit, you’ll stop being hurt by rejection.
The only response to rejection (in publishing as well as romance is): NEXT!
Ulysses says
My reaction to rejection is here.
The Reader’s Digest version is: Rejection is a default state.
1) Say “Ow,” and get over it.
2) Send your work out again.
3) Write something else.
Writer from Hell says
Then there’s always the yoga class, spiritual discussions with the trainer, belly dancing, bicycling, walking, loafing about, spending time with my kid and kat, daydreaming etc. my feel good list is endless.
Jen says
The first one stung because I got it only sixteen hours after I sent the query, but after that they didn’t really bug me much. Now when I get one I just shrug it off and go send out another one.
Rick Daley says
How do I deal with rejections?
I stalk her.
Just kidding, of course. You can go back to the station now, officer.
I deal with rejections politely and professionally. Most of the time this means I do nothing to reply, which is really easy. In some cases I will reply asking for a clarification if I received feedback, but this would relate to a manuscript rejection, not a query rejection.
The tough part is trying to find out what to learn from the experience.
Should I do a better job selecting an agent to query? Should I work on my query letter? Should I work on my manuscript? Or all of the above…
And if that doesn’t work, there’s always alcohol and/or the loving embrace of my wife, who knows in her heart that my novel rocks.
Vieva says
Video games.
Yes, I’m a video game junkie. Currently I dismember pirates.
I might not get instant gratification from my letters, but there’s something very satisfying about pirate smitification.
Then, y’know, write more etc. But first? PIRATES!
Anonymous says
Oddly enough, thanks to the internet, knowing how many other writers are facing the same “great mountain” of rejection reminds me I’m not alone. Rejection is part of being in the “club” with those that actually try instead of just think about it. I know I’m not the only writer that has to deal with this aspect of trying to get published.
Before I began to submit my work I read A LOT of blogs and message boards to see what might be ahead for me. So I already knew that rejection was the valley I would have to walk and(sometimes)crawl through before I’d see my work in print.
That said…I get breiefly dissappointed but I don’t lose heart and that’s the most important thing.
Elizabeth Cota says
For me it’s kind of a business strategy. A rejection is going to happen, so like everyone else, snap my fingers *ah shucks* and move on. If comments come back with it, look into them.
In the meantime, keep writing, b/c more lessons are likely to be learned there.
Mechelle Avey says
I agree with Arjun. Aspiring to be published requires thick skin and confidence. I don’t have that in spades, not for agents and editors. I self-published. I’m happy. I’ve made a little money, been invited to speak at a few conferences, and I’ve learned so much more about publishing than I would have learned had I not presented my writing to those whose rejection really counts — the readers.
Likari says
The best rejection I ever got was also the most debilitating.
A well-known, lovely agent read my full. The week she read it she sent me a few emails about how she was enjoying it.
Then I got an email saying she was going to call.
She didn’t call. Being a newbie and knowing nothing, I called her.
Being a thoughtful person, she took the call. She talked to me for about 45 minutes about why she decided not to take on the book after all.
I spent the next three years tweaking that book. I love that book. I could not let it go.
I studied all the info I found online, read Miss Snark, et al., and refined my masterpiece. Changed the ending, the beginning, encased it in a whole new frame. My precious.
About a month ago, I saw a call for submissions on Samhain for a shapeshifter anthology and thought, why not? Write something short and fun and get your head out of the precious.
Thank you, Angela James!
So I spent those years polishing a toad, but learning too. This new story has a plot! I found a fantastic critique service (Anne Frasier’s First Fifty Pages) and I am treating this book like a piece of business instead of a piece of my heart.
This time, when I get rejected, I won’t lick my wounds for three years. I’ll move on to the next agent and keep writing, having already started the next project.
Steve Fuller says
Become angry and blame the query system, spewing bitter poison wherever I go.
Craven says
I’m okay with it. Right now I’m in the learning phase, and a rejection is communication on the work, and my ability to date.
On my first submitted work, I received requests for more material. That told me I wasn’t horrible, although that first novel had problems.
The rejections I love are when the agent has taken the time to give a brief comment. As newbies, we are lost in the dark. A rejection is a clue – you’re not there yet, but you don’t know why. A comment is a flashlight. I know agents are busy people, and critiques, even one-liners, are not part of the job. But when a writer gets one, it’s huge. It beats floundering about wondering what is it about my writing that sucks. What do I need to fix?
Blogs like this one are a help too. Thanks Nathan.
Justus M. Bowman says
When I receive a rejection from an agent, I assume it’s because my writing isn’t ready for publication.
Anonymous says
I go through the submission process with a thick skin and a soft heart.
Morgan
Aubrey says
CHOCOLATE! Then you just keep going.
I think the important thing is to learn from it and move on. I love the agents that have the time and are able to give a reason (I realize this is not always feasable!) but it helps authors edit and fix the things that might have been stopping representation for the next query.
Carly Tuma says
I just tell myself that rejections are what make me a real writer. XD I try to keep a good attitude about them, tell myself that something better’s out there for that piece, and celebrate the rejection.
Chocolate helps, too. 😀
Rachel says
I love rejection letters, especially the personalized ones that include constructive criticism. Ultimately, they make my writing stronger. Also, sometimes an agent or editor will reject your current work but ask you to consider them for future work. In which case, I love the letters even more!
Anonymous says
I don’t know why, but when I get a rejection, Dory from Finding Nemo pops into my head:
just keep swimming, just keep swimming . . .
Loren Eaton says
I write something else. Those typically lengthy response times allow plenty of breathing room to do so.
Jenn Johansson says
I think every writer needs to picture themselves like a contestant on American Idol LOL. The rejections come from the Simon’s… take them with a grain of salt and if they have suggestions you should seriously consider taking them.
They also need to make sure they have a steady group of Paula’s that tell them they are wonderful no matter what.
Find that balance and believe in yourself, your work, and your ability to improve–then you’ll be able to handle the rejections.
Dharma Kelleher says
I listen to a Sarah McLachlan album and let myself feel the frustration for about an hour. Then I move on.
Earlier this week, I received a rejection letter. Within two hours, I had dropped off a query at the post office.
If I run out of agents and publishers to submit to, I’ll podcast the darn thing and use it to increase my following. Meanwhile, I’m hard at work revising novel# 2.
Renee Collins says
Query rejections roll off my back at this point. Now, full rejections, those sting. I always go through a brief, “I suck” moment, after getting one.
I’ve discovered the best thing for me is to throw myself into work on my WiP. Writing always makes me feel better.
Merry Monteleone says
I wallow a little in fantasies like the one Janet Reid posted about here
But mostly, you take anything you can learn from and use it, and just move on to the next thing. If you wallow in every rejection, you’ll just drive yourself crazy. I like to keep the ones with some personal message or tip that can help me, just to look back at it and see if I’ve improved later… otherwise, toss them and move on.
Jaime Theler says
I go clean something or run a few miles. Kick a small animal (So kidding! Don’t come after me, PETA).
Then get back to work. You have to.
a story to tell says
Everyone’s writing about exercise… yech. That would only make it worse, happy little endorphins or not.
It’s a part of every writer’s life. Knowing that helps for some reason. Reading On Writing and knowing SK went through the myriad of rejections he did and kept writing changed my writer’s worldview.
Misery loves good company.
Rebbie Macintyre says
Stuart Kaminsky–no explanation needed–says he pictures his work as a giant conveyor belt. Sends something out–one of his screenplays, a novel, a short story etc–keeps it out for a while and if there are no bites, brings it back in, takes a look at it again in a few months to see if it needs revision. If yes, he does it and re-sends. If no, he sends it out again to another set of people. He says he has 7 to 8 projects constantly out there, going in and out on the conveyor belt.
My hero.
David Eric Tomlinson says
I’m actually looking forward to the point where I can start getting some rejections in my in-box. It will mean the manuscript is done 😉
Eric says
I was a magazine editor for many years, so I know something about rejections from the other side as well. There were as many reasons for rejecting something as I got submissions. Some of the time it was because the submission just plain sucked. Some of the time it wasn’t quite good enough. Some of the time it was almost there but I didn’t have the time to work on it. Some of the time it was great, but it wasn’t right for my publication or what was planned for the coming year of my publication (and so it might have been dated by the time we got around to it.) Sometimes, as much as I hate to admit it, I rejected things, no doubt, because I happened to be in a crappy mood when I read them.
With writers I knew well, I’d let them know why it was rejected. Other writers I’d just politely say that it wasn’t for me at this time.
There are a lot of reasons for being rejected, at least some of them have nothing to do with the quality of the work.
At least that’s what I tell myself now that I see it from the other side. (Although I’ve eventually sold every book I’ve ever written.)
JohnO says
1) See if rejection has anything to do to you (i.e., agent has a tragic lack of vision, or ridiculous requirement like “all first novels MUST be less than 84,000 words,” etc.). If nothing to do to you, ignore. Do not lose sleep. You must knock on doors if you want one to open. That’s the process.
2) If rejection is for a reason, learn from reason. Case in point, an agent who passed on one of my projects said, “this was a story in search of a plot, it felt a bit episodic to me.”
And … she was right.
Kristi says
I’m at the beginning of the whole process so I loved reading others’ posts on this. To increase my chances of someone asking for a partial (and hopefully reduce blanket rejections):
I joined writing groups (SCBWI and PPW – Pikes Peak Writers)
I voraciously read blogs like Nathan’s and Janet Reid’s about things like formatting query letters
I’m in the process of joining a critique group as my beta readers thus far have included my husband and sister (what, don’t agents love hearing how brilliant your family thinks you are? :)) Although I swear they do give great editing suggestions!
I think having supportive people around you is so helpful. My husband is a singer/songwriter and I’ve watched him go through so many rejections (despite one CD review stating he had the best voice they ever heard, which shows how tough the music business is) However, he kept doing it because he loved it and now is having some amazing things happen…I truly think that perseverance is the most important thing. As other people posted here, just keep writing…just keep swimming!
A good glass of red wine never hurts either!
Anonymous says
I’ve yet to submit, and so haven’t as yet been rejected. But I have a strategy planned which I can’t divulge. It includes a clown suit, a rubber, penut butter, and iguanas.
Fred