How to nail the last line of the plot description in a query letter

One of the most difficult parts of writing a query letter: sticking the landing.

It’s so important to tie things together and leave the agent wanting to smash the reply button to ask for the manuscript. But so many query letters I see just kind of limply fizzle out.

Here’s some advice on landing the plane safely.

To spoil or not to spoil?

In general, I wouldn’t worry about spoilers in a query letter. If you try too hard to withhold spoilers, you might write a super vague query that doesn’t tell an agent much of anything.

Agents are extremely experienced readers and they’re used to putting themselves in the shoes of readers who are coming to a project fresh. I’d err on the side of being precise, rather than filling you query letter with phrases like “a shocking secret changes everything,” which just doesn’t really tell the agent anything.

That said, while there aren’t hard and fast rules, it usually works best to withhold the ultimate ending. There are a few reasons for this:

• The goal of the query is to entice the agent to read more. Ideally, you want to leave at least some information dangling to inspire curiosity. I wouldn’t worry about the heart of the plot. But the ending? Let the agent be curious how you handle the climax.
• It’s really difficult to fit the whole plot into a query letter. As you probably know by now, it’s extremely difficult to fit your novel into a query letter. It’s even more difficult if you try to fit the climax and resolution as well.

To synthesize here: there aren’t rules about what to spoil. For the bulk of your plot, I wouldn’t worry about spoilers. But I would withhold the ultimate ending.

Conveying the “spine” of the plot

So if the last line doesn’t give away the ending, what does it need to do?

The bulk of the query is typically devoted to setup. You’re conveying the protagonist(s) goals, their obstacles, giving a sense of their journey, and establishing what they’re up against.

For the last line, you’re tying the plot together and giving the agent a sense of where the novel is headed as the climax approaches.

What do the protagonists ultimately need to do or decide? What is the ultimate obstacle standing in their way? What’s at stake if they succeed or fail?

In my query letter for Jacob Wonderbar, here’s what I went with:

The friends have to work together to make it back to their little street where the houses look the same, even as Earth seems farther and farther away.

This conveys the ultimate task ahead of the climax: The kids have to work together or they may never make it back to Earth.

My handy-dandy last line formula

If this seems like a confusing task, never fear. I have a formula for you.

Here’s a pretty simple setup you can draw upon:

[PROTAGONIST(s)] must [DO X AND/OR Y AND/OR Z] in order to [GOAL/REWARDS] / or else [CONSEQUENCES].

Not every final line needs to follow this precise formula. Maybe in some plots you want to spell out the rewards a bit more, others to clearly articulate the consequences. In my query for Jacob Wonderbar, the stakes of not making it home are largely implied, so I didn’t feel the need to go overboard spelling that out.

But if you utilize this formula, you’ll quickly give the agent a sense of what’s ultimately at stake for the protagonist and the novel as a whole and help them visualize the climax.

DO: Beef up your voice. DON’T: devolve into vague themes

Not only is the last line of the plot description a chance to drive home the “spine” of the plot, it’s your last chance to engage the agent with your voice.

For my query letter, I wove in the detail of the “little street where all the houses look the same” to give a final visual of the characters’ goal. Other writers succeed with a pithy quip, or dangling a conspiracy to unravel.

What I wouldn’t recommend is descending into a morass of vague themes, like “MY NOVEL is ultimately a coming of age story about what happens when trust is broken and order must be restored.” That just doesn’t really tell the agent anything that’s helpful. As I like to say, writers are storytellers, not theme-tellers.

Instead: stick to the specific events in your novel and punch up the voice. With a strong ending, the agent won’t be able to reply fast enough.

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Art: Guidance and Navaigation: CV-990 Shuttle simulation by NASA Ames Research Center