I’m on record saying that the solution to every problem that ever existed is to keep writing.
That doesn’t mean you can solve everything alone.
We live in perennially stressful times, and the writing vocation is uniquely challenging. You are not likely to be chased by a pack of wild hyenas in the throes of writing (though if you are, I’m already in line to buy your book), but you are nevertheless exposing a vulnerable chunk of your soul to the messy open air, with all the primal responses that go along with that.
Writing an entire book is one of the most psychologically taxing endeavors one can undertake. A true mental marathon. And that’s before you get to the part where your guts are ripped to shreds with editorial letters, reviews, and a response from the world that’s never precisely what you want it to be.
The answer to world stress as well as writing stress is always the same: Lean on your community.
No one understands what you’re going through more than fellow writers. And few can make you feel less alone. It’s so important to build solidarity to keep your head up, your spine stiffened, and your heart lifted so you can keep fighting the good fight.
In case you are just getting started, here are some ideas for how to find your writing community. (This is top of mind for me as I’ve been hard at work building a fresh community after my move to Pasadena.)
Practice patience and make a sustained effort
Before I get to specific ideas for finding writing communities, I want to stress one thing right away: Building community and making writing friends is not easy!
Not at all. There’s a reason we’re experiencing a loneliness epidemic. It’s not easy to make friends as an adult in our frenzied, over-scheduled, distracted times.
It’s not a situation where you can just snap your fingers and have writing besties at your beck and call to read your manuscript and lend you their shoulder to cry on. If you’re starting from scratch, it’s going to take some time and effort.
Part of this means it’s important to buttress your mindset. With sustained effort you’ll get where you want to go, but as you try to build your community you’re going to have more misses than hits. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. It’s hitting a baseball, not shooting a free throw.
I’m a firm believer that if you want to do anything, you must make time for it, which is why I believe in extreme calendaring. If you want to build your writing community, set aside a chunk of time each week to work on it. Set benchmarks for how many times you want to reach out to people per week and track them through time.
But no matter the effort you put in, it’s so important to not take the misses personally, because if you get paralyzed or discouraged enough to stop trying, you won’t get there.
Invest in people you like online
If you’re reading this post, you’re already on the right track. First of all: thank you, but second of all, there are people reading and commenting on this blog who could be part of your potential writing community.
Even if you’re geographically disparate or have physical challenges that limit your mobility, there is so much you can do to connect with like-minded people online.
Subscribe to your favorite blogs so they become a part of your daily/weekly routine. Don’t just lurk and sit in the background: leave comments and engage meaningfully so both the creator and the creator’s followers can find you. Give the people you like a boost. Follow people on social media. Engage, engage, engage.
Once you’re more known within a community, there will be regulars you recognize and get to know. From there, you can take discussions to email, texts, or even *gasp* real life.
Attend a writers’ conference
Too many writers think about writers’ conferences in terms of making industry connections and finding a literary agent.
Sure. Sometimes this happens. It’s rare, but it does. But for me, it’s not the reason to attend writers’ conferences.
The reason to go to a writers’ conference is to meet other writers. Sure, you’ll invariably learn new things as you listen to keynotes and attend panels. It’s helpful to hear about how literary agents and editors talk about their jobs, what they’re looking for, and how they think about the business.
But it’s also just incredibly inspiring to be in a room with a whole lot of fellow writers. You can’t help but disabuse yourself of the notion that they’re your competition. You’ll feel the truth: this is your community. And you just might make some lasting connections.
Conference quality varies, but some good ones are the AWP Conference and Bookfair, SCBWI conferences, the Pikes Peak Writers Conference, the San Francisco Writers Conference, Writer’s Digest Annual Conference, San Miguel de Allende Writers’ Conference and Literary Festival, YALLFEST and YALLWEST and many many many more.
The Absolute Write message boards are a good place to see what others have said about past conferences.
Join a local writers group
While meeting writers online and at conferences you travel to can be very fun and rewarding, there’s nothing quite like having in person connections with other writers. And one way of establishing that is through a local writers group that meets regularly to critique each other’s work and talk about the writing process.
I’ve never actually been a member of a writers group because my network has always had an abundance of writers in it, so I don’t think I have the best advice about how to join and/or maintain one.
If you have been in a successful writer group, would you mind sharing in the comments how it came to be and any recommendations you have for finding one? Thank you!
Build something and share
I can’t even tell you the number of close friends and a constellation of acquaintances I have made as a result of writing this blog. I can’t even fathom the number of doors it has opened in my life. I’m just incredibly, incredibly fortunate.
But in order to experience that great fortune, well, I had to start this thing from scratch, build it, share it, and keep it going.
Everything you create is an opportunity to find your people. Our creations are magnets. They magically draw the right people to you. It’s one of the most profound and beautiful things in the human experience.
But so many of us sit on our creations, too scared to put them into the light.
Don’t just think about what might come your way in terms of sales, good or bad reviews, positive and negative reaction, or whatever else holds you back.
Think of the connections you might make if you treat your work as a magnet.
Don’t be afraid to make the ask, but don’t get discouraged if it’s a “no”
Once you’ve identified like-minded people, at some point you’ll need to make an ask to build community with them. Maybe it’s to meet in person, to exchange critiques, to join something you’re starting, to help spread the word about something important to you.
The answer will probably be no. Even if you make it to the level of hanging out with someone, that might be the only time it happens.
To get a core, thriving crew, it takes a ton of sustained effort, a lot of “no’s,” and a lot of near misses. That’s just the name of the game.
But if you keep throwing effort at community building, the result will be incalculably valuable. You’ll be a stronger writer, a more connected individual, much more resilient, and ready to tackle even the most difficult challenges.
If you’ve built a solid community, how did you go about it? What advice do you have for those who are just starting out?
Need help with your book? I’m available for manuscript edits, query critiques, and coaching!
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Art: Maskenball by Jules Alexandre Grün
Well, as you kind of know, I needed this one. Great ideas. Love the reminder about what writing conferences are for – being surrounded by people who get my angst (and my joy).
Thanks Nathan. Great timing. All the best and a luta continua. Seyi
Thanks, Nathan, for this really beautiful post.
I’ve made so many great friends through writing conferences and retreats. I’d recommend starting with smaller events, where you’re more likely to run into the same people several times, and be sure to save time for and attend the social parts of it! At big events, I try to schedule lunches or dinners with friends in advance, because it’s entirely possible we won’t see each other otherwise except in passing.
PS – volunteering with a local writers organization or at an event is also a great way to meet people!
Excellent advice. Another way is to seek out/attend writers’ readings, and you’ll likely meet some like-minded people there.
Lastly, I’d say don’t limit your ‘community’ to writers. Or your genre. Or anything too granular. Painters, musicians, poets, songwriters, actors, screenplay writers, playwrights, bricklayers, architects, sculptors, plumbers, all are artists in their own rights.
The self-doubt coupled with high expectations isn’t unique to writers. And the only real way to build community is to realize, you and your problems/concerns aren’t unique. They just seem or feel like it, until you expand your acquaintances.
I started going to a writers’ group about 18 years ago, where I met other writers who became friends. When the group leadership changed, some of us “splintered off” into our own smaller group. Over the years that group has morphed; one person became a bank VP, another got a professorship, another took on an administrative job. Only two of us are still writing. But we still meet monthly, just because we want to.
Check with your local library. Many of them support various events for writers. I run four different writers’ groups where I work, including a how-to session, memoir, short story throwdown, and a critique group. I also run a virtual critique group, and we have monthly workshops and author readings etc. Most libraries are happy to host a group if they don’t run one. Ours have been running for nine years and a number of books have been written. People come and go but great friendships have been forged. There have been personality clashes, too. My advice is to have a code of conduct that members have to adhere to. It makes things easier for the facilitator. Hope this helps.
Dear Nathan,
I loved your post today. Just to jog your memory, you helped me so much with my query letter several years ago, before you moved to Pasadena. I am a longtime screenwriter, now writing novels. I just finished my 3rd rewrite of my newest novel. I am looking for a writing community, my people, as you said, who are writers of fiction. I just don’t have a clue as to how to find them. I live in Brentwood, and regretably, don’t have a car, which limits my driving somewhere. (like to Pasadena, to visit you, for instance) I am very isolated; I don’t have a community of writers to share thoughts with. I would appreciate any suggestions on how to go about finding a group of serious writers where we could share our work and our thoughts. Thanks so much.
We have moved at the whim of the corporation so many times. Every time, I’ve had to find a new writing group. I would say I”ve participated in eight different groups in five different cities. I usually begin with a class/workshop. Or by volunteering for a reader event. Or by joining an organized chapter in my area of writing interest. I currently write sprints (Zoom) and share critique (in person) with groups that I found through SCBWI. My writer friends are so knowledgeable and supportive. I feel encouraged every time we get together. If you’re searching for a group, keep in mind that It doesn’t always work out. I’ve left three groups. The dynamics don’t always work. I’ve had people sneer at my work, tell me that my characters were psychopaths, and say that they didn’t want to read anything else I wrote. If your group isn’t a good fit, find another one. Delivering constructive criticism is learned skill. Making use of constructive criticism is, too. Persevere! You will find the writing companions who will take mutual joy in your successes.