A while back I outlined the general necessity of whittling down your plot to one sentence, one paragraph, and two paragraph pitches in order to give yourself a head start on the literally thousands of times you are going to need to summarize your work over the course of a book’s lifetime.
Today I want to zero in on the one sentence pitch for fiction and memoirs.
How to write a one sentence pitch
In previous iterations of this post, I have emphasized that a one sentence pitch is not something that is going to float or sink your book.
That’s now changing somewhat. In our current challenging marketplace, I’m increasingly seeing agents ask for loglines and emphasizing that they’re looking for high concept plots.
I still stand by the essence of past advice: Just because your book is not easily distilled down to one sentence doesn’t mean you’re dead in the water. And you don’t necessarily have to include a logline in a query letter. But the better your one sentence pitch, the more you’ll help your odds.
The one sentence pitch is the core of all the summarizing you’re going to do in the future. It’s the heart of your book, whittled down to one sentence. It’s what you build around when crafting longer pitches.
And there’s an art to it.
There are four basic elements in a good one sentence pitch:
- The opening conflict (or the Inciting Incident)
- The obstacle
- The quest
- The stakes
The quest can be a physical or interior journey, but it’s what happens to the character(s) between the moment when the plot begins and ends. The opening conflict is the first step in that quest. It’s how the journey begins. The obstacle is what stands in the way of that journey.
The resulting very basic pitch is this:
When INCITING INCIDENT happens to CHARACTER(s), they have OVERCOME OBSTACLE to COMPLETE QUEST in order to/or else STAKES.
I know Star Wars is a movie and not a novel, but everyone’s familiar with the story so it makes for an easy example. You can use the above framework thusly to arrive at a pretty solid one sentence pitch:
When young moisture farmboy Luke Skywalker encounters a mysterious droid who displays a message from a princess in danger, he must learn the mysterious ways of the Force and destroy a fearsome space station called the Death Star in order to save the Galactic Rebellion.
There are lots of different ways of structuring these basic elements, and you don’t necessarily need all four of them present if it makes the pitch unwieldy. But the more the better.
For instance, in the above pitch I included the ultimate quest but not the stakes. If I wanted, I could weave in the stakes instead of the quest like this:
When young moisture farmboy Luke Skywalker encounters a mysterious droid who displays a message from a princess in danger, he must learn the mysterious ways of the Force and destroy a fearsome space station called the Death Star or else evil lord Darth Vader will rule the galaxy forever.
The key to a good pitch: specificity
The important thing to remember is that a good pitch is a specific description of what actually happens in your novel.
It’s a one sentence description of the plot, not the theme.
So for instance, in my pitch about Star Wars, I’m not emphasizing that it’s a “coming of age” story, even though it is one. “Coming of age” is a really vague theme that can apply to thousands of stories so it ends up telling us extremely little about your novel. Those are completely wasted words in a one sentence pitch.
Instead, just demonstrate that it’s a coming of age story by focusing on the specifics. When I say Luke Skywalker is a young moisture farmboy who must learn and do some difficult-sounding things, it’s self-evident that it could be considered a coming of age story without using those literal words.
Push themes out of your mind. They’re just not helpful. They stop you from utilizing your story specifics and the resulting pitch inevitably ends up sounding generic.
A good pitch for the memoir Eat Pray Love is not “A recently divorced woman searches for love and happiness.” That sounds like, well, a million books published every year. A better pitch would be “A recently divorced woman travels to Italy for pleasure, India for spirituality, and Bali for balance, but she finds love instead.” That’s what actually happens.
Vagueness will kill a one sentence pitch. Every single word counts. Tell us what actually happens in your story, don’t zoom out to abstractions.
Add flavor
Once you’ve gotten the essence of your one sentence pitch down, try to add a dash of flavor. Flesh out your pitch with key details that give a sense of the character of your novel (funny, scary, intense, tragic, etc.), which goes a long way to giving a sense of your story’s unique personality.
I tried my best to live by the philosophy I have detailed above for my Jacob Wonderbar one sentence pitch:
Three kids trade a corndog for a spaceship, blast off into space, accidentally break the universe, and have to find their way back to their little street where all the houses look the same.
In addition to including as many elements of the four elements as I could, I didn’t just say “Three kids find a spaceship,” which is a true but flat/basic way of describing what happens. Instead, I utilize the (literally) flavorful plot point that they trade a corndog for the spaceship to give a more vivid sense that this is a wacky children’s novel.
Again: Every word counts. Keep trying to swap out what’s vague for what’s specific. Then try to swap out what’s specific for what’s flavorful.
Once you have your one sentence pitch down pat, you can build off it and add more detail for your longer pitches, and the rest of your descriptions will be gravy. On corndogs. Yum.
Need help with your book? I’m available for manuscript edits, query critiques, and coaching!
For my best advice, check out my online classes, my guide to writing a novel and my guide to publishing a book.
And if you like this post: subscribe to my newsletter!
Art: Paar im Gespräch by Simon Glücklich
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED May 20, 2010
%20for%20novels%20and%20memoirs){kind=link}
My old one-line pitch:
A young girl is kidnapped, and instead of destroying her life, the crime saves her and hundreds of others.
Boo hiss!
My new one-line pitch:
When a reluctant psychic (FLAVOR) kidnaps a three-year-old girl (OPENING CONFLICT), an FBI agent fights to keep the kidnapper free (OBSTACLE) in hopes she will lead the Bureau to a stolen cache of explosives (QUEST).
Better. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Excellent post.
I'll get back to work on my pitch after I memorize this excellent post.
Thanks for such a helpful post. It definitely showed me how I need to craft my pitch into something that actually makes sense now and isn't a rambling mess 😛
Good stuff 🙂
I really enjoyed reading everybody's pitches. There are some great sounding books out there.
Question for Nathan: when pitching a three-part series, does one aim for a 1-sentence pitch that captures the ENTIRE series? Or one that captures only the first book?
Hi, Diana–you asked that question 12 years ago! I hope you figured it out by now… but for those who are currently reading, I’d say the ENTIRE series because it’s the series you’re pitching, not just book 1.
Helen Troy believed her newly acquired super powers would help her persuade everyone to quit their tobacco addiction, but found it only increased the number of problems to be solved.
This was very helpful. Thanks.
Nathan,
As an avid reader of your blog, I'm hoping you saw (or will link to my blog wherein I mention and review) the article on e-books in today's WSJ.
Keep up the good work,
Dick Hannah
https://puborperish.blogspot.com/
When struggling novelist Sean Keating finds out the best way for a debut author to get published is through non-fiction, he decides to writing about love, something he knows nothing about…until he reunites with his prom date.
That helps. Thanks, Nahtan.
This is excellent — thanks! I recently read a literary agent's advice to never use the names of characters in a query letter. It's distracting. What do you think of that, and also, what about in a one-sentence-pitch?
Linda – I've also heard that about omitting character names. I look at the NY Times bestseller lists occasionally for one-sentence pitch ideas, but some use character names and others don't.
My problem is I can't decide how much detail to include. I have this spare, simple one-line pitch:
A teenage girl is drawn to a fictional relationship where she discovers a surprising reality.
But when I try to give it more detail, I feel like it gets too long:
A teenage girl is drawn to a boy she meets in a recurring dream, discovers his existence isn't entirely imaginary, and must uncover the truth of their mysterious connection before someone else does.
I wrote the longer one pretty quickly, so it could be better… but I'm just wondering if I should stop at the simple one.
I really like the longer pitch! Yes. For sure!
I followed this link from your site to a blog and then a website. It offers the long form in free e-book
https://www.writeagreatquery.com/
I decided to add a new five pages to my opening, very reluctantly; at first, but I think I was able to marry an active opening that makes my protagonists motivations and quest extremely clear to a follow on segment that logically and hypnotically engages in world building that seems: "this could be possible."
I have your formula suggestions and breakdown of your plot sequence as the practical intro to that longer ebook.
Its a tough task but I accept it is essential. Maybe you could cover suspension of disbelief and first three chapters in the future. Thx N.
My three "candidates" left standing.
1.) Quantum physicist Pierce Daniels must survive butchery carnage and mass slaughter to prevent the top secret experiment that leads to The Armageddon of 2012.
2.) Thirteen miles of defenses known as The Bell Devil’s Hellfire Walk separates America’s annihilation from Physicist Pierce Daniels 7337th death.
3.)The atomized obliteration of the United States of America in 2012 can only be stopped by the person who originally ignited the conflagration that engulfed all of mankind; Quantum Physicist and Nobel Laureate Dr. Pierce Daniels.
Awesome! I've never seen this spelled out so clearly and logically. Definitely a keeper. Thanks NB!
Great post Nathan. I think a one sentence pitch helps the writer focus on the through plot to see if it has enough meat. I love loglines anyway so I always try and describe my WIP in a single sentence.
Thanks! Very useful.
Long time reader, first time poster. This is not related to the current blog post, but as someone who clearly enjoy filmed drama and children's literature, I felt I would be amiss if I didn't wise you to a guy making "Golden Books" style pages out of classic (R-rated) movie scenes: https://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/brainiac/2010/05/golden_books_th.html
for a gallery of them, check out:
https://kotaku.com/5540330/these-golden-books-are-not-for-children/gallery/
(He already has a book deal)
This is such good advice, not only for being able to tell a top class agent you have the luck to meet in the lift at a writing conference why it's imperative that he should read your book, but also to guide you when you're doing those last few vital edits before submitting the manuscript. It would keep you focused and might even make you realise you aren't quite on the right track. Thank you so much.
Since I am already posting irrelevent links, I think you might also enjoy the next link on Brainiac (a wonderful little blog that the Boston Globe puts out): Adult authors who write children's books… and how to get them.
Again, https://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/brainiac/2010/05/graham_greene_w.html and https://wetoowerechildren.blogspot.com/
I'm not fond of deep-fried cornbread-wrapped weiners on a stick, but then I'm not partial to traditional carnival foods. I've preferred beer and then booze. Even those delights are denied me now. The one constant from childhood that remains my favorite, savoring the flavors of interpersonal and group interaction dynamics. People as inciters, flavors, obstacles, quests.
What a logical recipe to follow. I spent last night crafting my one sentence pitch according to your template, and I still wrestled. A lot.
But it is in the wrestle…the very struggle, that provides the opportunity to think, and think deeply.
Thank you for that.
This morning I reviewed my pitch based on your recipe and found that it seems to follow suit. This is one of your best posts ever. Also the previous "one paragraph, two paragraph pitch" post rocks.
Thank you so much for posting this! Maybe I'm just thick-skulled but, I would love a few more examples from well-known adult or YA fiction novels. I think the whittling down is the trickiest part.
As usual your post is very helpful. The examples are a great guide we can build on. Now we simply have to make our stories sound dynamic, intriguing and heart felt in one sentence. Thank you for showing it can be done.
I read a book on script writing that mandated starting with your logline before you even begin writing the story. When you know what your story is about, it's much easier to decide between potential subplots and character choices.
Thanks, Nathan. I thought I had my one-sentence pitch down until I read this. But I'd stated the quest too generically. Once I made the quest specific to my novel-in-progress, I realized something I hadn't before: the protagonist's quest in her personal life is mirrored in her professional life. Thanks for the inspiration!
This is awesome. Very helpful.
After I refined my one-sentence pitch following this blog post, I attended a cousin's communion, where someone asked me about my current project.
Perfect opportunity to perfect the pitch, right?
So, I launched right in. It must have been a hit… two tables of guests kept asking me, "And then what happens?"
Thanks, Nathan!
Wow! That's just what I needed. So glad Judith sent me here.
The one sentence pitch could keep me focused on my story. Thanks for the insight.
Dude! This is exciting. I thought I was doing these one-liners wrong.
Thank you so much for the info. 🙂
Nathan, I love formulas! You've given easy to follow directions and a great example, especially adding the corn dogs…what fun!
Great advice, and love the idea of adding flavour. Definately going to use that!
I’ve written a book wherein the protagonist has two major, disparate conflicts – which climax in a confluence of events. If I can’t state it in one sentence as a result, does it mean there’s a flaw in the book?
It’s possible there’s a flaw in the book, but you may also need to take a step back at what the real quest is. For instance, in my novel the protagonist also has two competing desires — he wants to find his dad in outer space, but he also wants to get back to Earth, and these come to a head in the climax. But it wouldn’t work to get into all that in the one-sentence pitch, and I instead just focus on getting back to Earth.
So it’s possible you might just need to focus on one over the other, or you could find a way to weave them in.
Hope that helps!
I loved your helpful suggestions, Nathan! Thanks for simplifying the basic pitch elements!
This is incredible information. Considering I’m a new writer, who’s always wanted to be an “ACTOR” not just a writer. Have you ever heard of person who brings home all the beautiful ornaments and topper for a Christmas tree. The ornaments have so much detail so different, they really are uniquely different in their own way. Then you ask yourself, “What the hell were you thinking?” Where’s the Christmas Tree. I have so many good ideas but I don’t know how a foundation a beginning, a middle or a damn ending. Me and my friend are writing this story about my father who was basically a Voice for young black youth in Dallas Texas -like an activist! We have over a 100 pages and I still feel lost! Anyway we’re going to a writers conference and all your information is going to help us re-group.
“how to make your pitch sound like it was produced by an random pitch generator on the internet.”
Nothing personal (no pun intended), but all the articles I read about “how to write your pitch” are just some kind of mathematical, geometrical recipe. Just like the structuring of stories, the 3 acts structures, heroe’s journey, etc… all these tools are useful, but no wonder an abysmal number of novel are just boring, like most of the tv series. They are “industrial grade built”, which is great if you write 2 books a year, but if you really have something to say, something precious, that requires full attention for more than a couple of years, these tips are more harmful than anything.
Looking for a One-liner? Try to convey the story, not the plot. Using your own style. Face it like poetry, be creative, no one cares about a plot. Any one liner plot is at best simple, and at worst a cringy sentence begging to be special.
Good publishers want to be surprised. Once you got their attention, you can dive into your story. Beware: your story, not your plot. Leave the tv guide line to the people writing tv guides.
So there are no good haikus because they all follow a formula?
Formulas are just a starting place, and it’s essential to infuse them with creativity. To each their own, but “no one cares about a plot” is not remotely true.
When military orders force a young Northern teacher and her husband to move to Selma, Alabama in 1969, her dreams are shattered and her safety is threatened until an underground sisterhood changes her life.