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The “voice of god” from movie trailers is killing your query letter

August 23, 2021 by Nathan Bransford 4 Comments

Last week I went to the movies for the first time since the pandemic started, and I encountered a curiosity I’d largely forgotten existed: movie trailers.

And while I was coaching a writer on how to improve their query letter, I had an epiphany: lots of authors are writing their query letters like the “voice of god” who narrates action movie trailers.

You know what I’m talking about. That gravelly deep voice who says things like, “In a world where nothing is as it seems…three friends…must go on a journey…to save the world…”

Now, this works when it’s accompanied by exciting visuals of the friends, the action, passionate kisses, people reaching plaintively for each other as they’re separated by evil security forces, and all the other images that populate movie trailers.

It doesn’t work in a query letter. Why? Because you’re not giving anyone the visuals. Take away the montage, and the summary “In a world where nothing is as it sees three friends must go on a journey to save the world” could apply to dozens of movies. It doesn’t tell us anything at all.

In order to help an agent understand what makes your story unique, you need specificity and voice. You have to provide the visuals.

It’s the same with the novel itself. Lots of writers fill their scenes with pages and pages of Quentin Tarantino-esque banter while ignoring that the “Royale With Cheese” conversation in Pulp Fiction wouldn’t work without the physical presence of John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson.

It’s fine to draw upon movies for inspiration, but novelists aren’t mere screenwriters, they’re also directors, cinematographers, and sound engineers. So when you’re pitching your novel, ditch the “voice of god” and think about how you can give a sharp and clear glimpse of the world of your novel.

Need help with your book? I’m available for manuscript edits, query critiques, and coaching!

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Art: King David and the 24 Elders adoring God the Father by Johann Jakob Zeiller

Filed Under: Query Letters

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Dana says

    August 23, 2021 at 1:42 pm

    Good analogy.

    Reply
  2. abc says

    August 23, 2021 at 6:34 pm

    Was it Pig? That’s a good movie.
    I really love the idea of being the screenwriter, director, cinematographer, etc. This will be helpful when writing.

    Reply
  3. Neil Larkins says

    August 24, 2021 at 12:39 am

    I do like that analogy too. Many of us should get jobs writing movie trailers.

    Reply
  4. Wendy says

    August 24, 2021 at 5:11 am

    Really good advice, Nathan.

    Reply

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Hi, I’m Nathan. I’m the author of How to Write a Novel and the Jacob Wonderbar series, which was published by Penguin. I used to be a literary agent at Curtis Brown Ltd. and I’m dedicated to helping authors achieve their dreams. Let me help you with your book!

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