It’s holidays time and literally everyone on the internet who produces #content is posting their holiday gift guides chock full of dubious products and affiliate links.
Most of these gift guides are earnest and sincere. This one is not.
Behold! A real holiday gift guide for writers.
Click on the pictures if you actually want to buy any of this stuff. Most links are affiliate links because hey I need to buy holiday presents too.
A writer’s block
I’m of the opinion that writer’s block does not exist. Except for this one. This is a block. And if it’s in the possession of an author, well, I suppose I’d be forced to admit writer’s block does exist.
Floor cleaning system for maximum procrastination
Writers have some of the cleanest houses and apartments I know. Why? Because scrubbing your floor starts to look way more appealing than writing by the time you’re halfway done writing a novel.
I personally find scrubbing the floor to be the most cathartic chore, but feel free to sub in some grout cleaner if the writer in your life wants to go to town on the bathroom tiles.
Ship in a bottle whiskey decanter because hey why not
Most writers love to drink. Most writers also like fussy, vaguely historical trinkets. WHY NOT COMBINE THE TWO.
This gift idea also combines two things that writers love: hiding under blankets and managing stress.
THE JOURNALING. THE NOTE-TAKING. THE SCRIBBLING TO LOOK BUSY WHILE PROCRASTINATING IN A COFFEE SHOP.
New Zealand travel guide
Trust me, the writer in your life has thought about going to New Zealand. They probably already have a very detailed itinerary hidden somewhere on their laptop. They may escape there after their next rejection.
Your writing loved one is going to be doing a lot of waiting. Their query letter is but a grain of sand in an agent’s inbox. Why not get them a gift that symbolizes this painful but noble process?
Faux book with hidden compartment
Every writer has written material that cannot fall into enemy hands. Give them this faux book with a hidden compartment and let them stash their secret flash drives in it.
(That said, they probably want to hide their secret writing from you too so this will merely be their diversionary secret compartment to distract from their actual hidden compartment, which you will never ever find in a million years).
Hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor! Hodor hodor, hodor hodor hodor.
Desk padding kit
The writer you love is going to bang their head on their desk at some point, intentionally or otherwise. Plan ahead.
Get it. Plan ahead. Heh. Heh heh.
A cabin in the woods
If you purchase a cabin in the woods for a writer you are now officially married. I don’t make the rules.
You didn’t think I was going to make a whole freaking gift guide without plugging my books, did you??
What are you getting the writer in your life? (I promise I won’t tell).
Need help with your book? I’m available for manuscript edits, query critiques, and coaching!
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