Nathan here! Keeping up with Stupendously Ultimate First Paragraph Challenge tradition, I invited a special guest to announce the finalists. Please welcome Tom Wambsgans from HBO’s hit show “Succession.” No spoilers contained herein.
Wow. Uh, hi. Hello. Greg didn’t tell me I was going to do this. GREG! Why didn’t you tell me I had to do this, GREG?
Ha ha ha. Just kidding Greg, I won’t murder you until at least Season 4.
Well, it was such a pleasure reading these first paragraphs, I felt like I was eating gold caviar off the floor of a gleaming black yacht.
But holy cow, you all are a bunch of sickos! There’s so much death in these first paragraphs I thought I was on a Waystar cruise ship. I’m not going to lie, I kind of liked it!
One thing I couldn’t help but notice is that… one moment.
“What’s that, Honey Bunches of Oats with sugar on top?”
Sorry, Shiv is summoning me for her morning foot massage. I need to make this faster than Logan Roy’s first marriage. Wait. You’re going to tell him I said that are you? Please don’t tell him I said that.
First, congratulations to the honorable mentions! You all get 10 shares of Roystar Wayco stock, which will be worthless in no time at all due to the proxy battle! WELL DONE, guys!
Now let’s talk about voting. You are all members of the board, so if you’re ever in a hospital make sure to put Kendall Roy on the guest list.
In order to vote for the winner, please leave a vote in the comments section of this post. You will have until Tuesday, 7pm ET to vote. Do not email Nathan or any of the Roys with your vote.
There shall be no campaigning in private or public for yourself or your favorites, and suspicious voting may result in disqualification and being put in charge of the Cruises Department at Roystar Wayco.
Also: anonymous comments will not be counted. This is a board vote not something ghastly like American democracy. There must be an email address associated with your vote.
Now then. The five finalists are…
KS Karamchandani
Every traveler has a favorite part of the route. Some admire giant gaseous spheres in red and yellow. Others delight in the blinding brilliance of not so distant stars. Although Konstance has only seen it twice, her preference is for cerulean seas as they angle to enter the atmosphere. The sea reminds her most of home—of salty air and human contact.
Carrie Keyes
In the dawning pink light from the window, Javier Allende rests his pencil on the pine desk and reads his handwritten obituary. The swirls and loops of his handwriting reveal a journey he has traveled; a destination he feels prepared to meet. The feeling is nearly transcendental, as though he might be high above himself, staring down at the bald spot on his head. He folds his death notice twice and places it inside a pre-addressed envelope, dropping in a few pesos for publication costs. Sealing it, he sets the letter on the desk and looks down at the tan dog lying next to his lizard skin boots. The dog scratches itself; the odor of age wafts up from its hide.
Bobbi
We all begin in water, the warm slosh of the womb, but I believe it was the sea that gave me life, the frigid North Atlantic surrounding my island called Newfoundland, a jagged rock that rose from the depths into the cruel weather. My parents hailed from long lines of fisherfolk. My mother, a woman whose hands were rarely free from silver scales and slimy innards; my father, a man who lived his life combing the ocean for cod and died doing the same, he and his two brothers swallowed up by the icy black water when I was barely eleven. A tragedy in a town of six hundred souls, but hardly the first and certainly not the last seafaring misadventure to be borne. The sea takes what she will people were often heard to say. But before I knew loss, I knew only happiness.
Jessica L.
She spotted the column of smoke just as the sun was setting. Airis sat up with a jolt as she rounded the bend and finally left the scraggly forests behind. Before her stretched the Frostbed valley. And there, nestled in the valley like a pearl in an oyster, was a collection of red-tiled rooftops surrounded by tall, forbidding walls of white stone and iron. “It’s really here.” She nudged her long-horned yak, Munch, with the toe of her boot as a delighted laugh bubbled out of her chest. Munch pricked his ears and lifted his shaggy head higher. She’d found the impossible village of Darfas. It was even inhabited; she could see shadows moving beyond the reinforced gates and hear the distant, unmistakable sounds of people going about their day – the tolling of the evening bell, the crackle of lightning being summoned to light the lamps. Despite the maps denying its existence, here was Darfas, living and breathing as surely as she did. Her father had been right after all.
Marci Whitehurst
Momma waved a hundred dollar bill before my eyes–the cash we got for Brown Betty, our station wagon that coughed us into Seattle. Brown Betty died in Washington after moving us from California to New Mexico to Wisconsin to Mississippi, then Alabama and several states in between. Now, if Momma wanted to move again, it’d be up to the rain to float us away.
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My vote is for Marci Whitehurst.
Congrats to all the finalists and honorable mentions. And there were a number of other entries I thought were great. Glad I didn’t have to winnow it down!
Marci Whitehurst.
Marci Whitehorse. This entry was vivid, crisp & immediate. It grabbed my attention & made me want to read more.
Jessica L.
KS Karamchandani.
Congrats to all!
Oh, Tom.
These are all sooooo good!
My vote is for Carrie Keyes.
Bobbi
Well, has to be Bobbi…
I’m very happy to be a finalist! A little thrill today. Because I am sucker for seas of any kind, I cast my vote for KS Karamchandani.
“We all begin in water, the warm slosh of the womb..”. Love this. Right away I’m hooked. I vote for Bobbi.
Marci Whitehurst for the win!
Wonderful opening paragraphs, everyone! You did what I didn’t have the guts to do. My vote goes to Marci Whitehurst.
Marci Whitehurst
All very compelling – congrats all! – but I vote for Bobbi: “We all begin in water…”
All fine. But Marci Whitehurst is my pick.
Love your site Nathan. Thanks for putting in the effort, buddy.
I’m voting for Carrie Keyes.
Marci Whitehurst. Clean and inviting prose. It wins on several levels, but “…our station wagon that coughed us into Seattle” was enough by itself.
Bobbi’s opening lines were my fav, but I liked Marci’s first graph, too. Truth to tell, I’d happily follow both these writers farther into their stories and maybe even to the end.
My vote is for Bobbi. Love the imagery.
They’re all so good – but since I can only vote for one, it has to be KS Karamchandani – I’d love to read more!
These are all good, but my vote is for Carrie Keyes. It’s the only first paragraph where I had a strong urge to read the second.
KS Karamchandani. Thanks for honorably mentioning me, Nathan. I’ve followed your website for years and have recommended it to many. You are a friendly and informative force for good! P.S. I’m selling my Roystar Wayco stock, stat!
Bobbi is my vote, though it was a very tough choice between her and Marci Whitehurst. All terrific!
My vote is for Marci Whitehurst. Super cool voice.
My vote is for Marci Whitehurst.
Marci Whitehurst was definitely the best. Each sentence was lean and didn’t need additional alliteration
My vote goes to Bobbi
Marci Whitehurst
Congrats to everyone!!
Marci Whitehurst. I’ve had many a car like Brown Betty. One named The Hummer Bummer Crashmobile.
I really liked all of them, but my vote goes to Marci Whitehurst.
Carrie Keyes. Great work.
Bobbi
Marci Whitehurst. This is the one that grabs me and isn’t overstuffed with worldbuilding and unfamiliar objects. I want to know these characters right off the bat.
I had to reread the Honorable Mention list six times before my brain caught up to the fact my name was really on it!! I almost gave up on the project, but now have new hope it might be worth continuing. Thank you!!
My vote is for Marci Whitehurst. 🙂
Marci Whitehurst!
Marci Whitehurst
Wow! I’m honored to be a finalist amongst such compelling and well-written first paragraphs. My compliments to everyone who entered and congrats to the honorable mentions and finalists. A special shout-out to Bobbi–obviously a kindred sea soul.
Sea souls gotta roll together 😉
Marci Whitehurst
Bobbi! But they are all beautiful.
KS Karamchandani – nice writing. Of course, this is my loved genre, but I like the way you’ve approached this.
Another for Marci W. This is of course largely personal taste, but that’s the one that made me want to read on.
Marci! Marci! Marci!
Wow! For one of the few times in my life I think I’m getting to vote with the majority!
Marci Whitehurst
Bobbi all the way!
Vote goes to Jessica L. Loving the fantasy setting and I wanna know more about the adventures of Airis and Munch!
I vote for Marci Whitehurst. Love the voice of the narrator and want to find out why the family was always on the move!
Carrie Keyes 🙂
Marci Whitehurst
While all the first paragraphs were mesmerizing, I was most taken with the one written by Carrie Keyes. Good luck on making a final selection!
Jessica L.!
I’m honored to be a part of this final group of writers. Wow. Thank you to Nathan for the opportunity and to writing peers for excellent feedback thus far. It’s helpful to know what resonates with readers in choosing a favorite. All of the entries are riveting!