I recently finished writing a new novel, and I’ll be honest with you: I’m pretty scared!
I don’t feel like people talk about this part of the process very much.
Whenever you hear writers talking about struggles and failures, they’re often discussed when it’s all over, after that person has already gone on to find success. Those struggles are contextualized as a dramatic interlude in an otherwise nice, neat, inspirational narrative that culminates with someone overcoming those obstacles and roadblocks.
I see very few people talk about this part, while they’re actually in it, where you’ve finished something and you have literally no idea what is going to happen with it. No idea whether it’s going to be a success or disappear into a drawer never to be heard from again. No idea whether there will be a happy ending for all those struggles and whether it will actually feel worth it in the end. The part where you’re just plain vulnerable.
Should I have trusted myself?
More than any other book I’ve written, and I’ve written… uh… *counts on fingers* seven now, this novel was personal. I followed my own (possibly insane) artistic vision no matter where it took me. I tried to trust my instincts. I slogged away for years even though the plot was insanely difficult to execute.
More than anything else, I wrote this one for me. I gave up blogging for a while. I kept going even when I thought I was crazy and even in the face of negative feedback. I had to get this thing out of my system.
Was that the right move? Should I have tempered my instincts? Did I write something the market doesn’t want? Did I go too far against the grain? Did I not listen to other people enough? Was the whole thing several years of misguided work?
I LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA.
The advice I would give myself
I know what I would tell other authors in my shoes. Heck, I wrote a whole book about it. I’d tell them that all you can do is choose an idea you love, write the best book you possibly can, and then just understand that what the market decides about it is largely outside of your control.
Good luck following the advice you give other people!
But… truth be told, there is comfort in knowing I just followed my instincts. There is truth to the fact that I had to get this out of my system.
While of course I want to be showered with riches and have my genius heralded far and wide just like anyone else, I care about those things a lot less with this one than I did with the others. It really was better to chase an idea that was truly meaningful to me. (I guess the advice I give isn’t terrible after all).
What will happen now?
Does following a more meaningful writing process mean I’m on the right track?
Like I said, I have no idea. But I do know that I feel better about this one. I distantly trust that I’ll still feel good about it even if it ends up in a drawer, because at least I wrote this for the simple personal satisfaction of having pulled it off.
Still, that doesn’t blunt the creeping terror of having spent hundreds and hundreds of hours on a single project and facing having it come to very little or even nothing. It doesn’t dull the pain of the prospect of it disappearing, to not have it validated by the external world, especially when there are bills to be paid and when, in the end, I think most writers just want to be seen and to feel that profound, primordial satisfaction when someone reads your book and actually likes it.
This is the scary part. And if you’ve felt it, just know that you’re not alone.
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Art: Jeune orpheline au cimetière by Eugène Delacroix
Thanks for sharing Nathan. I wonder if it’s harder now than ever to put forth a piece of yourself (art of any kind). I mean, everyone has an opinion these days and they love to share it.
Most of the people I’ve shared my work with are friends so I always get sugar coated reviews. I haven’t shared a lot lately because of that.
I just finished a short story that I wanted to submit to a magazine. But I keep asking myself 1) is it different enough 2) is it edgy enough (I’m not an edgy person so this is probably a no) 3) does it have enough sensory detail…. and so on. I wonder if all the things I try to put into a story actually hampers the story. It’s like you have to learn about the writing process, about literary techniques, and grammar, and craft, but then you have to forget it. But can you ever really forget it all?
In the end, like you said, I want someone to read my story and not only like it, but feel connected to it some way. I don’t know that I’ll ever reach the talent necessary, but I want to write The Lottery, The Interlopers, Lamb to the Slaughter. I want my story to stay with someone after they put it down.
And unfortunately, that is a huge weight, especially when I have no way of knowing if my work is more garbage can worthy than magazine worthy. Plus, I have little time to write.
I just finished the masterclass with Dan Brown. He said (paraphrased) that a writers’ love should be in the writing process…Because there is accomplishment in sitting down and writing, there is accomplishment in finishing a project. The fact that you were dedicated to a project and finished it, and put your best into it, is an award anyone should be proud of regardless of what happens next.
But I do wish you, and everyone reading, the best of luck.
I have had success with having friends as beta readers, and by success, I mean getting honest opinions and feedback I can use.
I think it helps to make sure, first of all, that those people are readers. If you hand 300 pages to someone who never reads, chances are they won’t read your whole novel.
Secondly, I like to make up a packet to give them with the novel. I explain that I am looking for constructive criticism and encourage honest feedback and encourage them to write comments on the pages as they read. But I also include questions for them to answer. If I am worried about how something goes over, or if something seems too far-fetched, I call myself out and ask them directly about it. I ask the questions I want answers to, and I find the feedback to be helpful in tweaking the next draft. You can ask yes or no questions, but be sure to ask questions that require them to write a response.
If you just ask if they liked it when they give it back, you are putting them on the spot and making them think and remember on their feet. But if they are able to write down their answers to your questions in their own time and they don’t have to tell you face to face, it can be easier for them to give honest, constructive feedback. Having them answer specific questions is also useful. Just because someone loves to read, it doesn’t make them a writer or a book reviewer. Asking questions helps them to focus and reinforces the idea that you are indeed looking for constructive criticism.
Just remember, if you get comments that are not sugar coated, keep an open mind. Don’t take it personally. Look at what they are saying and think about how it might help you.
“Those struggles are contextualized as a dramatic interlude in an otherwise nice, neat, inspirational narrative that culminates with someone overcoming those obstacles and roadblocks.”
Like Games Of Thrones.
Oh, wait…
You keep saying you have no idea, but then express many interesting ideas! And, even if worst comes to worst, self-publishing means neither yours nor any other book need vanish into a drawer.
BTW, who gave the negative feedback, and did you dispose of their bodies properly? Obviously, you did not let such miscreants live!
But Nathan, what’s your novel about? TELL! SPILL! The genre at least. Space-Monkeys? Hovercrafts full of eels? We HAVE to know!
I hope to share more in due time!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Nathan! I needed to hear this, truly. I’m currently working on my first serious novel (I wrote one in college, but it’s awful. If you’re ever having a terrible-horrible-no good-very bad day, let me know and I’ll send you just a sample chapter. You’ll laugh so hard, your day will instantly get better.) I’m filled with doubts every day, with fear about whether this will ever get the eye of publishers. To know someone as seasoned as yourself, who has been on the other side of the door in the publishing game, also struggles with similar feelings makes me feel less alone.
And, yes, I agree with the comment that we need to hear a few details on the novel. Pretty please! :>
Thanks, Nathan. You’re awesome!
I’ll hopefully share more soon. And thank you!
I just went through this, too. All three of my novels, I’ve written for myself; but with the first two, I went through heroic compromises to get them published and to satisfy other people. Book three . . . well, the only thing that really matters is I wrote it. It went over like a lead balloon with most of beta readers and shows little promise of being accepted anywhere for publication, and selling at all if I publish it myself. It is what it is what it is, but boy, do I feel better for having written it!
Good luck Nathan with your novel and the next steps toward publishing. It will be great to follow you along the way, and witness your experience first hand!
Thank you!
Yep, I am literally right there with you at this very moment. It is scary. And at least for me, I think the scariest thought of all is “Am I really an OK writer, or am I just a wanna-be who no one wants to read?” Good luck with the novel, Nathan. Thanks for sharing.
I think we all ask that question!
I enjoyed reading your article, Nathan, and the comments it generated.
Finishing can be as scary as getting stuck or… But I firmly believe that no time spent writing is a waste. It’s all helps you grow as a writer.
Feel the fear and write on…
Hello Nathan: I can’t express the joy I felt on reading your article. I found it heartfelt and inspiring. I read it the same day I wrote “End” on the 3rd draft of a 70K word novel. (Take a deep breath, mate – it involves vampires). Despair and lack of confidence in my ability as a writer washed over me and then, like magic, your article popped into my Inbox. How wonderful to know the talented amongst us have those moments of doubt. So, I have put my novel away and will return to it in a few weeks, re-read and move on to the next draft. You never know, by then I might have regained my belief in my natural genius. Thanks.
I have missed your blog. I am glad you were writing.
The accomplishment of writing a novel is not in the market accepting you. The accomplishment is that you got those ideas out of your head. The characters no longer haunt you with their stories.
They no longer keep you up at night. There’s no longer that voice in your head demanding attention. Those characters and their stories are on paper. They’ve been brought to life.
Being published is it’s own separate accomplishment. Writing needs to be for you, because it is so very deeply personal. It is a lot of vulnerability to go through for market and money. You have to love your idea and love (sometimes hate) the process.
I find the end to be the hardest part of writing. You’ve done all you could. It’s exactly the way you want it, and there’s nothing more. It’s time to say goodbye to characters you’ve gotten to know well. You have to wait for something else to fill your head, some new character to demand your attention.
Sometimes I write plays, and they are performed and I get to see my words literally brought to life, but then after the show, that’s it. It is satisfying, but it is also a little depressing. That just means that it’s time to get back to work, time to create something else.