At first you’re thinking of writing a novel and you’re all…
But then you have an idea!
And you go…
But then you hit page 50 and you’re all….
And then you hit page 75 and you’re all…
But you power through!!
And then you’re finished!!! You have finished a novel!!
Only then find out you have to start querying agents.
So you write your query letter…
You obsess over it…
And then you send it out to agents and you’re all…
Then a couple of days go by and you’re all…
And…
And…
But then you hear from your first agent!! And you’re all…
And…
And it’s a rejection. But it’s just your first one so you’re all…
Then you get a few more and it’s more like…
But then! An agent calls! And they love your work! They want to represent you! And inside you’re like…
But you don’t want your agent to think you’re crazy so instead you’re like…
And you love your agent! When you say “yes” you want to…
But instead you go…
And then it’s time to submit to publishers. You are back on submission, and you’re like…
Then the editors start saying….
And…
And your inbox starts looking like…
And you’re all…
And…
And…
But then your phone says your agent is calling. And you want to be like…
But instead it’s more like…
And it’s an offer! You have an offer! And you feel like…
And…
And…
And…
And then you go celebrate with your friends and they’re all…
And on the car ride home you’re still like…
But it’s time for revisions. And you pretend you know what you’re doing…
And it’s back to…
But then you’re done! You’re really really done! Only your book doesn’t come out for another year. And so you’re like…
And…
You get your cover and you’re all…
But then publication day approaches! And your reviews start coming out and it kind of feels like…
But some of them are good! And you’re like…
And then your book is out there! People are reading your book!
And it feels pretty good!
And there’s only one thing to do. Start the whole thing over again.
Need help with your book? I’m available for manuscript edits, query critiques, and coaching!
For my best advice, check out my guide to writing a novel (now available in audio) and my guide to publishing a book.
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that was really … long.
Awesome, Nathan!!:)
This is absolutely awesome. I laughed until any metaphor for how MUCH I laughed would be inappropriate to write on a stranger's blog. A very funny and realistic representation of what getting a book out there is like, for most people.
A ray of hope, though: this is actually pretty inaccurate for people whose first step is learning the craft. Getting published is easier than getting an agent, for one thing. For another, getting a good agent means they'll negotiate with publishers and, if you've written a good book (which a good agent will be able to judge) it will sell. The hard parts are two-fold: learning to write, and selling quality work for more money than you can feed a cat with.
As Scott Bradfield, Paul McAuley and Ian Banks said to me, "Keep writing and reading and you'll get it." Now I'm represented by one of the biggest agents in the world: the same gal who represented Anthony Burgess. I help explain how this happened on my blog, if anyone is interested. The thing is, goals don't come, they get grabbed. Now get back to work and stop flitting around the internet. I'm going to go now and take a bit of my own advice.
Wm. Luke Everest
everestbyfog.blogspot.com
That was fantastic – I'm just at stage where i'm about to get a look at the cover and awaiting those reviews. Very and couldn't be more true.
Oh my goodness- LOVE it! Thanks 😀
Absolutely Brilliant!
Just…yeah, I have nothing more to add. It's perfection.
I just couldn't look away… Falling in…
B^)
Love it!
*hugs* Finally! Someone who understands how I really feel. 😀 LOL LOVED THIS POST!
Very clever and funny, thanks 🙂
FYI your post is the subject of our story on the Daily Dot. How meta!
Brilliant!
Sei Bravo! (You are awesome). I am now Internet Guy but someday . . . Elf! Benvenuti from Siena where I am writing Eat–Have Sex–Get Fat. Nathan you are like a really great big brother. Thanks for sharing your knowledge so freely and making me laugh.
You are too much.
You nailed it. So fun. Thanks for the laughs.
Love it!!! It's so true! Especially the dive-bombing review moment and the hey I've published, awesome feeling… replaced by the big Oh feeling… and the hamster wheel starts again. So funny! And that Hugh jiggle always gets me giggling.
Brilliant.
That might be a masterpiece. Can't wait for the sequel.
This wins so very much!
Hysterical and so true. What you've cleverly described is EXACTLY how writing and publishing works. Well done, Nathan!
Ahahahahahaa. Nathan, you had too much time on your hands, dude. LOL. This was hysterical! You didn't add any procrastination gifs in there. Maybe later.
Ahahha. Nathan, that is hysterical, dude. I think you had too much time on your hands. 😛 LOL. There weren't any procrastination gifs, I noticed. Maybe later.
Wonder if Kathryn Stockett felt like that after her 60th rejection?
This is awesome!! Thanks for posting it, Nathan, especially the reminder at the end. It's true what they say: life is a journey, not a destination!!
FUNNIEST. POST. EVER. I laughed my butt off! Awesome!!
Excellent – made me chuckle 🙂
Superb! Very funny- I think? Thank you for sharing 🙂
Seriously, I laughed so hard I cried. 😀 Sharing!
Oh Lordy, lordy, this is HYSTERICAL!! Can i somehow post this on my wall?
sorry-for those multiple comments. I think my phone has a bug. 🙁
Absolutely YES!! I laughed so hard I almost stopped writing for a few seconds!!!!!
It is soooo true and I loved it – thanks for that hug from the inside as my book launch is tomorrow and I am doing most if not ALL of those faces!!
Utterly brilliant. You've nailed it. I have tears of laughter streaming down my face. Thanks!
I was absolutely ROLLING was I was reading this! Hilarious! (Even though I'm still I'm only halfway through personally….I'm SURE that's how I'd be for the rest of the steps too!) =)
Hysterical! Thanks for putting this together! 🙂
Rod Arters, Writer – on FB
I never got to the "getting an agent" part but I did self-publish and it feels very similar to everything in your post. Well done!
SUPER FUN!
Love it! Thank you!
I would be super happy if Bernie read my novel! I hope to finish it in six months. One can hope I hope!
The Hugh Grant dance is my acceptance dance. I'm so not kidding right now. I play the song and dance like Hugh. Laughed and cried all the way through. Thanks, Nathan.
I haven't laughed SO hard in a long time. I needed this! Nathan you are SO awesome!