Originally posted March 10, 2009. In this post I say I’m not an author, but I am now.
It used to be that the worst negativity an author was subjected to were rejections or, for the fortunately published, bad reviews in newspapers (ha! Remember those? What innocent times we lived in three years ago). Even the toughest of authors struggled to maintain a level head in the face of reviews they felt were unfair. Norman Mailer, so tough his corpse could probably still beat me up, sent a letter to the publisher of the NY Times in 2003 complaining about his bad reviews.
But now in the Internet age, rather than the big dagger in the heart courtesy of the Times Book Review, it’s more like a death by a thousand Internet paper cuts. If you are out there with any sort of presence on
the Internet you will feel it. People will try and cut you down to size, to get to you, to leave you nasty Amazon reviews, to take out their frustrations on you.
I feel it constantly, every single day, and I’m not even an author.
But I’m not complaining! You know why? Because the cardinal rule of dealing with negativity is: Don’t complain about negativity.
No one wants to hear someone complain about how they’re being picked on. And the more successful someone is the less people want to hear about how they’re being picked on. Who knows why. Human nature. I once saw a pack of pigeons ganging up on one pigeon and pecking him like crazy. I’m guessing the fight started when that pigeon complained about how the other pigeons were a bunch of meanies.
But once you have been picked on: try try try to care as little as possible.
This can be hard to do. It hurts when someone says something truly mean about you, particularly when it contains a grain of truth that has been blown up, distorted, or turned around. Or especially when it’s a blatant falsehood, like the time someone said I looked like Chace Crawford only with fetal alcohol syndrome (Um… that’s false, right? Please?). But it’s so important to see the meanness for what it is: meanness. It’s not even about you.
(The word “Whatever,” spoken aloud, works wonders as well. So does this video.)
And most importantly: don’t respond.
Okay, sometimes it’s too tempting to resist responding. But if you are going to respond, there is only one way to do so: with a perfectly clear head.
This takes some self-reflection. It takes asking oneself, do I really have a clear head or am I still ready to throttle this person and dip them slowly into a pool of magma? If it’s the latter, your anger will come
through in your response and you’ll wind up looking shrill or passive-aggressive and not at all how you are intending. If you have a clear head: the perfect comeback will present itself.
The only way to respond is through genuine humor, humility, or selflessness. Not passive-aggression. Truly funny or humble or both. If you can’t bring that because you’re too upset: then just don’t do it. Better to put out a tough front and just not respond at all.
All of this boils down to one thing: negativity is a test of strength. If you show weakness in the face of negativity: you lose. If you show strength and character in the face of negativity: you win.
The Internet smells weakness. Be strong. Be magnanimous. Be virtuous.
And then you’ll beat those &*$^@*$ into a &*(^&^$ virtual pulp.
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Jennie Allen says
Thank you for this. I am a new author with stuff coming out this fall and this is a constant fear. I just have to quit or I can't enjoy any of it.
Liz Fichera says
There's mean and then there's constructive. It's usually easy to spot the difference. With mean-spirited comments, I find the best thing to do is ignore them. By acknowledging them, you give them a reason to exist.
blueroses says
"All of this boils down to one thing: negativity is a test of strength. If you show weakness in the face of negativity: you lose. If you show strength and character in the face of negativity: you win.
The Internet smells weakness. Be strong. Be magnanimous. Be virtuous."
Wow! I love this! Every adolescent "facebooker" or kid in general should MEMORIZE this quote! This one is for keeps and is going up near my computer!
Great post! Thanks!
Conor Neill says
My 4 year old daughter in the car speaking with her 2 year old cousin yesterday:
She "My favourite rabbit is white"
He "No, its black"
She "Daddy, he is telling me that my favourite rabbit is black and it is not, it is white"
Me "He is teaching you an important lesson in life".
She "But my favourite rabbit is white"
Julia Munroe Martin says
"A thousand Internet paper cuts" — which can even come from complete silence or simply comparison…. working to be strong!
Laura Pauling says
I learned a long time ago not to blog, email or tweet when emotional because sometimes I'd say things without that clear head and then regret it. Great advice.
Anne R. Allen says
I'm late to this party but it's an important subject:
Be aware there are Amazon review trolls who routinely try to bring down a successful author's star-stats with bogus 1- and 2-star reviews.
Rumors are that some of them are paid by "rival" authors. You can recognize the trolls because all their (very short) "reviews" have the same syntax, plus a similar log in name, and it's obvious they haven't read the book. The criticism is often stuff like, "this has too many words and it's too long. It's the worst book ever written."
If you see any reviews like this of your favorite authors, report the reviewer for abuse (there's a handy button.) Amazon needs to know how to recognize this particular type of spammer, so the more reports, the more likely we can get these guys.
Anonymous says
Whever somone criticized me and I feel really hurt by it I remember this part of a buddhist quote i read somewhere:
"These reported events are like an arrow shot at my heart but it lands at my feet.
I choose not to bend over, pick it up, and stab myself with it."
It really does help. Cause I can sure do more damage with that damn arrow than the one who shot it in the first place!
mackenzie says
I feel like people write bad reviews on purpose to try to get under someones skin. I was reading home direct reviews and I couldn't believe some of the reviews. I have used them and I never had a problem. I think you should take bad reviews with a grain of salt. I never let other people bother me.
Anonymous says
Glad you wrote about this. I haven't published anything, but I am an avid reader and I love Goodreads. But some people on there are just unbelievable bullies. I once made a comment on a horrible review of a book that the reviewer even admitted to not reading. It was directed at the author who supposedly spamed her 'advertising' her book. The hate in that review was really worrysome and the number of followers this person had was even more concerning. Most of her reviewes were on books she hated. And she seemed to get so much pleasure from getting her 5 minutes of fame.
I thought "oh, get a life", but then again, if I were the author, I'd probably feel awful, as this was not a review about the book at all…so you start on a wrong foot at Goodreads – it may really screw you up.
Now I TRY not to read any amature reviews until I read the book myself (they do influence me as a reader)
Wish they didn't.
And I wish people could start ignoring the obvious hateful reviews of people who have nothing better to do with their own lives.
THE WORKER IN ME By Tracey Maguire says
BAD REVIEWS – BRING IT ON! 'THE WORKER IN ME' By Tracey Maguire would love some bad reviews. The more, the merrier. You don't even have to have read the book. Just read what you can find and the rest will be history. There's poetry in a bad book review. Show us what you've got. Get stuck in, get the knives out, shovel some dirt. Any words are better than no words. People give bad reviews often because the only way they can feel bigger is to put someone bigger down. Put 'The Worker in Me' By Tracey Maguire down. She's asking for it!
Anonymous says
The Goddess of Real Estate is about to have her say on this matter. She's from the spellbinding book 'THE WORKER IN ME' By Tracey Maguire. She's about to bring some issues to the surface and she's sure to feel some negativity. Positivity is the way to fight negativity. Transformations…lead to….
Anonymous says
What's the point? Why ask for a review anyway?
'Review yourself'as advised in 'The Worker in Me' By Tracey Maguire.
Here's a book reviewing a book.
You've got to take a look, because its hiding in its nook. Watch out for the hook because there's more than one book and its about what was took. Tracey's no sook.