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I don’t spread around that I want to be a novelist. It’s not that I’m shy or feel too inadequate to call myself a writer; it’s because of the crazy reactions I get from people.
The Q&A Session: Often people tell me they have a book and ask how to get it published. Talk about a broad question. Someone on an airplane asked me this when we were going to land in 30 minutes. I gave him a crash-course in query letters, suggested some books to read, and most likely scared him away from publishing completely.
The Bandwagon-Jumper: When I told people in college I wanted to be a novelist, they always, always, always said the same thing: “Oh, like Stephanie Meyer?” Even my professors said this. I always responded the same way: “No. Not like Stephanie Meyer.” I write mainstream and historical fiction; I don’t write YA and I don’t like vampires.
This bothers me because they assume I sat down, read a famous book, and said, “I want to do that. It looks easy and I could make a lot of money.” I’m not a bandwagon-jumper.
The Advocate: I’m surprised at how many people give me pep talks. Not too long ago someone asked what I want to do with my life and I admitted I want to write. She said, “That’s great! You should write everyday and take creative writing classes. I know you can do it.” I don’t think this girl even knew my last name, but she knew I could “do it.” Then she asked, “Have you ever written anything before?” Instead of saying I had finished manuscripts, I just said, “Yeah, a little.”
The Head-Tapper: I can tell when people don’t take writing seriously. They all but say, “That’s nice.” Once I refused to give away the ending of my book to someone and she rolled her eyes and said, “Yeah, like I’m ever going to read it.” That was unusually blatant. Most head-tappers just ask, “What else do you want to do?” I always told them I wanted to be an editor to make them happy.
The Readers: These are the people I like. They don’t know anything about writing and they don’t care, but they like books and they want to know what I’m writing. I tell them about my book and they tell me what a great idea it is and make me feel warm and bubbly inside. What I really love is when the same people ask me years later how the book is going.
The Professionals: These people are my favorites. They recognize writing is a job like any other, wish me luck, and go on to talk about their own jobs.
Do you tell people you like to write? How do they usually respond?
Nicole L Rivera says
I tell people if they ask. By their reaction I know if I'm ever going to talk to them about it again. The "are you published yet?" line every week or so from the same person is a bit annoying. Some people get the publishing industry, some don't. The worst is running into someone who thinks fiction is a waste of time, tells you so, then asks what you write. *Blush* Fiction.
Great post. As I was reading I pictured each of the people who represent these types in my life. Lol.
Roger Floyd says
Most of the time when I tell someone I'm trying to make a life as a writer, they say, "Oh, that's nice," then change the subject.
Matthew MacNish says
I don't talk to anyone except other writers about the fact that I write. I used to, but it makes for too many awkward moments. I have enough of those already.
v.n.rieker says
Nathan, I relate! I love to relate!
Sometimes, I still venture out and answer honestly–that I write seriously and hope to be published. But my head retracts back into my shell for a few more months when I get patronized.
When I talk to someone I haven't seen in a long time, and they ask, "What have you been doing?"
I say, "I'm working as a secretary, got married a couple years ago…" I'm writing a book…
Hey, I wonder how many of those people say, "Me? I'm living in [wherever], had a couple of kids…" I'm writing a book…
L.G.Smith says
Ha! Been there done that. Don't do it anymore.
Like Matt, I only tell other writers now. And editors and agents when they'll listen. 🙂
w/a Sharla Lovelace says
I love this post, I've been in every single one of those conversations!! I linked to it and did the same subject on my blog today.
csdaley says
I tell people but not the people I work with anymore. I am a teacher and after telling a few people I realized I was never really happy with the response.
It varied from, "when is your book going to be published?" to "if your not published you're not a writer" to "i have half a novel in my desk do you think you could help me?"
I have done much better with friends who seem to really understand my passion and why it is important to me.
Teralyn Rose Pilgrim says
Thanks for all the compliments! You made me blush.
In answer to some of your questions, I'm unpublished, but plan on sending out query letters sometime next month (hopefully). When the book gets published, I plan on telling everyone with ears. Those people on the plane will want to buy my book, so help me!
Neurotic Workaholic says
I don't tell most people out of the blogosphere that I write and that I hope to get published someday; that's one of the reasons that I'm anonymous on my blog. Only a couple close friends know that I write fiction; I know that other people would want to know what I'm writing about and I feel like I'm going to jinx the story somehow if I talk about it before I finish it. I know that's superstitious, but still.
Erik says
I only tell people who seem like they'd be interested in knowing that kind of info about me.
So, no.
Robert Trevino says
I used to not tell people but now I do. I do tend to think it's a lost cause to tell people though. Most are either "That's nice" or look like a deer in headlights not knowing what to say. The thing I hate worse though is that I am fixing to go to school and learn film making so now when I tell people I'd like to make movies they tend to ask what kind. Depending on what kind of person you tell they almost always ask if I am trying to make "dirty" movies (no, I'm not btw).
Scott Marlowe says
I generally don't. I live in many different "worlds", with not a lot of crossover between them. I kind of like having them separate, so I've never gone out of my way to promote one while I'm engaged in another.
However, during a recent interview it came up that the person had google'd me and, of course, my writing blog came up. I confirmed that I was that person; they seemed generally impressed as you don't often see software engineers who also have an interest/aptitude for writing.
Julie Nilson says
Fortunately, most of my friends are Readers, so a lot of them are jazzed about the idea of me writing a novel. I find that most Readers have at least a vague idea that it takes a long time to write a novel, and to get from ms to publication, so I don't get too many dopey questions.
Also, I've been a corporate writer since I graduated from college, so no one (so far) has taken the "oh, isn't that cute?" attitude.
ibisbill says
I've found that if you just look and act devious enough, people will constantly ask you: "Would you mind putting that in writing?"
Yat-Yee says
I love your categorizations, especially the Head Tapper and the Advocate, maybe because those are the ones I get the most.
But I'm used to it, having told people for many years I was a musician… (how nice/do you play in (the local) orchestra?/I took piano lessons as a kid, shouldn't have stopped /Hey I composed a song yesterday, just sat down at the piano and did it. Wanna hear it?
nataliefaybooks says
I remember when I told my mom that I was dropping computer science to be a writer and she said she would also love to write something. *signs*
After that I decided to keep to myself as much as possible.
I try to avoid the question. Writing is tough; you don't make any money upfront, you are always doubting your skills and your family don't understand you.
All of that + listening to people talk about your work as if it was some sort of hobby is just not helpful.
People are not mean on propose; they have preconceptions of what a writer is and they judge you based on that.
Nicole says
I do tell people I write, but I usually supplement it with the fact that I'm a freelance writer by trade. Somehow, knowing I'm getting paid to write articles or blog posts sits better with people than "simply" writing novels.
kathrynleighaz says
I tell people that I write, and they're usually what you called the advocate.
I don't know why, when I tell people I'm seeking representation for my WIP, they either see poverty and broken dreams or magic $ pixies who pick their favorite writers and sponsor them. The more pixies sponsor you, the closer you get to being J.K. Rowling's BFF.
I mostly tell people for their sake so they feel like I shared my life with them openly, but the truth is that it's a job no one understands… and that's okay.
Anonymous says
I never talk about it to anyone. I wrote my first book in secret. After awhile I finally let someone read it and that is the only person I really "talk" about my writing to.
Nathan, I read your post from yesterday and found the "genre section interesting.The ones I read were written in 2009. The Twilight talk about vampires and the paranormal in general I found interesting. I don't think in that time it has changed. We as writers for YA are still pressured to write what the market place wants.
Jen Greyson | Author says
I do tell people, and since I write corporate training material for a living, it's a bit easier than telling people I write novels in my spare time.
I did also get, "Hmm. That doesn't sound interesting at all. I couldn't sit in a room and write. But, good for you."
I think there's still a separation for some between writing as an art form, and writing that everyone does when they send an email. It takes years to learn and perfect the craft, but non-writers equate success with a book on the shelf. I've had to define success differently for me (though the ultimate goal is always a long-term publishing career – and a book on the shelf) in order to persevere.
Dean K Miller says
I can relate to this because:
A) my first profession as an air traffic controller pulls the same kind of off-beat reactions, especially since I don't work at an airport.
B)Now that I'm writing, it's the same game with different responses, just like you say. But yeah, I don't hesitate to tell people.
Maybe I should just let it all hang out and tell people that I'm an airport-less air traffic controller who writes about everything except airplanes, just to see their reactions.
(BTW: no I'm not the one with the orange-coned flashlights that guide the plane to the gate. ;-}
Joy D. Fanning says
I tell people I write as well. Most just say, "Oh that's cool. What kind of books do you want to write?" Then when I tell them science fiction, they seem to become disinterested. Others will ask if I have a book published or not, and then I have to explain how hard it is to get one published and how I'm still working on it.
Liesl says
I didn't tell people for a long time, because I felt vulnerable enough as it was. I didn't need other people's opinions at that time.
But I feel more confident now and I tell people all the time. I get a lot of the "like Stephenie Meyer?" And I always say, "Absolutely. Just like that. Except no vampires or werewolves or aliens or whiny protagonists and I write middle-grade."
BP says
Haha, think that's bad? Try telling people you're going into medicine. Or just changing things up and tell them you want to work for the government. Yeah, that'll totally leave 'em clueless. 😉
The Pen and Ink Blog says
I am a writer. Of course I tell people. But I didn't tell them till I had a couple of projects under my belt. It's the same thing being an actor. I am an actor. I'm not working at this moment, but I'm still an actor
Aurlumen says
Heh. I try to avoid it as best I can. But as I'm young and still in college people obviously ask me what I'm studying or what I'm interested in. I just say I'm studying English. Then I get
"Oh you want to be a teacher!"
"…."No… Not really."
"Then why study English?"
"I like to read."
"Oh…"
"And write."
"Oh. Well that's nice."
But my dad (even though I tell him not to!) loooves telling everyone he comes across. My daughter wants to be a writer.
Then I get that blank face with the slightest smile possible and I just know they're thinking they don't take me seriously.
Oh well, what can you do. Other than that my close friends know and probably my entire family (thanks to Dad) and a few other friends and that's it.
Hana says
Nathan, this list of people is really nice and came just in time to make me smile.
You forgot to mention just one type of people, the "Writing Is a Total Bullshit and Waste of Time". None of my family believe I can write a novel and they never tell a word to support me. It troubles me that they don't care, but writing makes me feel good and more happy about myself (among other stuff). That's why I sit everyday on my chair and write.
I take writing as a high-priority thing (I don't do anything else at evenings), but they don't understand it. When they say I have to do something else and I tell them I need to write, they say: "Ahh, write. You can do that any other time." They don't get it when I say: "No one else will write this novel for me…"
Sad, but true. I have a great partner that supports me a lot. I'm truly glad I have him. 🙂
The Red Angel says
I really appreciate this article, Nathan–it's kind of scary how I can relate!
Most of my friends and family know that I love to write and are completely supportive because they know how crazy I am about literature and about writing itself!
When I meet new people and start to get to know them, one of the first things I mention is that I love to write. Most of the people I've encountered think that's great–and a lot of them say, "Me too!" The ones who aren't so crazy about my dreams, however, are usually the ones who point out how unrealistic it is to get a job in the literary industry.
To put it nicely, I dislike bandwagon-jumpers to the highest degree.
~TRA
https://xtheredangelx.blogspot.com
J. R. McLemore says
I don't spread it around that I am a writer unless someone asks, which is usually rare for me.
Everyone I work with knows that I write, and they are very supportive. I haven't had anyone look at me as though I was crazy and they seem to take genuine interest in my work. Some of them have actually read many of my short stories and discussed them with me.
My closest friends know that if they start discussing books or writing, I won't shut up if I get involved. I try not to be a bore, but I love those discussions.
I guess, for me, the people around me are kind of a support group to help me stay motivated with long works-in-progress.
Anonymous says
"Oh, poor you! They say it's very difficult these days to get published. They say J K rowling was rejected many times." That's why I don't shout it from the roof-tops. I only tell a select few, but I can still see their eyebrows question what I do.
Diana says
Try writing erotic romance with a BDSM kink! At my very first Romantic Times Convention another writer asked me what genre I wrote. When I replied, "Contemporary Bondage", I thought she was going to faint.
I've met those that fit into all your categories, but I'd have to add one more that, at this point, is strictly populated by males: the "You-write-erotica-so-you-must-put-out" category. You would not believe the number of men who assume you are what you write!
captcha appropriateness: derti
Kathryn Paterson says
This is a BRILLIANT post. Unfortunately, since I teach fiction writing and recently finished a PhD in it, I can't exactly hide what I do–but I really wish I could. I'm familiar with all of the types you mentioned, although you forgot my least favorite. I call them the unsavory subset of the Q&A category, the ones who hear that YOU'RE writing and ask "so can you just take a look at my short story/essay/poem/flash fiction/unfinished novel/finished novel/finished series of novels/finished apocalyptic screenplay about polydactyl cats" (Fill in the blank with one or the other and sometimes all of the above)
And seriously, it's one of the reasons I question academia as the best type of work for a novelist. Sometimes I think I'd be happier doing something for my day job that was completely unrelated, because at least then no one would care what I was working on!
Zee Lemke says
I use curious strangers to practice my elevator pitch. If they follow, success. If they're confused, needs revising. If they're not into it, shrug, smile, and ask what they do. If they grin and ask an intelligent question, practice the full pitch.
Teralyn Rose Pilgrim says
Arlumen:
OH MY GOSH, I could't stand it how everyone who knew I was an English major assumed I would be a teacher. If the only thing you can do in a field is teach, then there's no point in teaching it. They're unknowingly insinuating that English is pointless. I would get really snooty with them, and then later when I couldn't get an editing job, I got my teaching license. Poetic justice.
Bron says
I don't tell people for a lot of the reasons that have been mentioned above. People just don't understand how long this process is and how small the odds are. They just assume you send your book to a publisher (no one knows about agents) and wait for the call. It doesn't help that a friend of mine did exactly that and, four weeks later, got an offer. Her deal unfortunately fell through, but I think my friends have been left with thinking that's how it works.
G says
Most of my friends know that I write. Problem is that most of them have a problem reconciling me the writer with me the person or me the blogger.
Which is due to the type of stuff I enjoy writing about (sex, etc.).
As for my immediate family, only my wife really knows anything, because for the most part, the rest of my family is very patronizing towards me about it.
So whatever rare successs I've had, I don't tell them.
christinerice says
I'm still in the query stage, so only a small handful of people (other writers) plus my husband know about my writing. It's too difficult to explain to others that the process can take awhile and every time they see you, you have to field the questions about when you're "finally" going to have a printed book.
The English Teacher says
You should hear the reactions I get when I tell people I'm a junior high school English teacher! Unless the person is a teacher her/himself or has a family member who is a teacher, her/his reactions will usually fall into one of two categories: s/he'll think I'm either a saint or insane.
robinC says
Loved this post Teralyn! And can so relate. For the longest time I didn't tell anyone except my husband and closest writer friends – which felt weird – but it was easier than dealing with The Head Tappers who usually looked at me as if I said I was spearheading the next search for Big Foot. Now that I'm more confident in my craft, I talk about what I'm writing but also get the questions like "Am I in it?" or "Which character are you?"
Sigh.
Regan Leigh says
I've just recently disclosed that I'm a writer. Some people in my life had known, but not many. And it was very hard for me. I don't usually link to my blog, but I did a post about it. (Which had good dialogue going on in the comments.)
https://www.reganleigh.com/?p=2057
Alex says
This post made me smile and yes, I tell people I write, but also already expect one of those "Oh well, that's nice" responses, which is pretty much the verbal equivalent of one's eyes glazing over. Same definitely counts for studying English (the "You're either a saint or totally insane" response totally fits, by the way). I think the most frustrating experience I personally made was with someone I had been dating at this point and he was all "Hey, everyone can write!" and promptly took a writing class (which he failed miserably). The phrase poetic justice comes to mind…
Carolyn Arnold says
Oh, I don't care about the reaction it gets from other people. I'm a writer first and foremost, and if people can't accept that, than that's their issue, IMO. It might sound harsh, but it's so much a part of who I am, that it's hard to make any exemption.
africa2asia says
Yes, I tell people that I am a writer. Nine times out of ten the conversation will go like this:
"So, what do you do?"
"I'm a writer."
"That's nice, what do you write?"
"Fantasy."
"Oh, like Jackie Collins?"
🙂
Which is why I love talking to other writers, they immediately understand.
Jenni Wiltz says
I do tell people I'm a writer, but I don't like to talk about what I'm working on. Mostly because I don't have an agent or a novel published yet, and it's too hard to explain why not. But also because I think it jinxes whatever I'm working on. I like to keep my cards close to the vest, so to speak.
Kristy Marie Feltenberger Gillespie says
Fabulous post! Yes, I do tell people that I write. Recently I had my first short story published in a lit magazine and I was so excited to tell my mom. "I have great news, mom!" "You're pregnant?!" "No, mom, but one of my stories is being published." "That's nice too, dear."
I find it helps to commiserate with fellow writers!
Leigh D'Ansey says
I never used to tell people I write but I do now – sometimes. Usually their eyes glaze over. I love it when I meet another writer who understands what it's all about.
Mageela Troche says
When I tell people I write, they usually tell me, my life would make a great story.
DearHelenHartman says
To tell people I write would mean I'd have to talk to people. I write so the only people I have to talk to are people who already know I write because they are also writers or agents or editors or family. Good post.
Backfence says
I have learned to be very selective when it comes to revealing my secret love and my goal of becoming a published author. There are always a few naysayers to rain on your parade, and when you're already struggling to master the art of query letters and synopses, and facing those inevitable rejection letters, the naysayers DO get to you at times. Thank heavens they're far and few between and balanced out by just as many positive and supportive souls who encourage you to keep plugging.
Those who don't write – or are not creatively inclined – just don't understand the allure. It's like announcing you want to be an actress or a senator or an astronaut … something far beyond the person they have always known. Some people consider such ambitions just plain weird – and that can be devastating to a writer's self-confidence.
That's why writing groups are so great. You can speak freely among them. They "get" your affair with the written word, and encourage you while at the same time offering constructive and sometimes much needed criticism.
Kate says
I tell people I write.
I usually get one extreme or the other. People either think it is easy to succeed as a writer and bring up J.K. Rowling. Sometimes I tell people that it is a long process, and they respond with the advice that I should JUST get an agent. Hmmmmm….
Either that or I get people reminding what my odds are of getting published, and implying it is a waste of time.
Most people just don't know much about it.
But I see myself as a writer so I say I am one.