For some reason I got to thinking this morning about how innkeepers in fantasy novels really have it made. Everyone always seems to have a good time, it’s warm and cozy inside, there’s a fire going, the ale is flowing, and the place is usually packed. At least, until the hero shows up, gets attacked, and everyone starts breaking stuff.
So. Who has the worst job in fiction?
Is it the non-hero who accompanies two main characters on a dangerous mission in science fiction?
An orc soldier (smelly AND dangerous)?
James Bond’s mechanic?
robalay says
What about dungeon design engineers? Their best efforts are constantly being thwarted. It would be tough to build a resume like that.
Kaitlyne says
The red shirts!
Brooke says
The no-named guy that dies first in a story… either in the tavern brawl, the bandit ambush, or any other sort of fight. I always feel that guy deserves a name for his efforts.
TaraNator says
What about the sidekick who gets all the crap but never gets the girl? Or the minor character who always gets killed in some horrific manner (a la Kenny hah).
Daisy Harris says
Romance novel heroine's girlfriend.
Hero's best bud is usually a charming ladies man, and is almost certain to hook up in a sequel.
Heroine's phone-friend is either slutty, with a horrible guy, or trapped in boring marriage. She *may* be redeemed later- a la Bridget Jones, but more often is always a bridesmaid, never a bride.
(Except in Kresley Cole novels- those chicks hook up in sequels. One of reasons I love KC.)
Steph Sinkhorn says
Ahahahaha Kaitlyne, I was going to say the red shirts, too XD
Any big, brutish, ugly person/creature whose sole purpose is to be big and threatening. They're always deployed to crush the hero, and they always end up with their heads chopped off or a wand up the nose or something.
Amanda says
Definitely the wench: always serving, never served. She doesn't get the chance to glisten; her sweat drops on sawdust floors and mingles with all the other potions in the always-medieval-for-some-reason, never-filled-with-freshly-groomed-men pit of despair where there is always a wench known for little other than her wenchfulness.
T.N. Tobias says
Think about who has to clean-up after the 30,000 strong orc war party comes strolling through town. Fantasy settings seem to leave out the sanitation engineers that must exist. In fact, the only story I can even think of that deals with someone having to clean up poo is Hercules and the Augean Stables.
Jamie says
The villian…he/she always works tirelessly to get what they want and always fail in the end.
Katzie says
The hero's assistant who loyally fulfills his or her duties but then gets killed by the villain as a way getting at the hero.
TaraNator says
The annoying gossip whose sole purpose is to start trouble. No one ever likes her & tries to stay away from her. Perhaps we should look at her past & try to understand what makes her a meddling old hag. 😉
Anonymous says
The parent in kids-fic. They either have to put up with a spotty angsty teenager, or they're dead.
– NM
C Scott Morris says
I agree, it's the Evil Overlord who has the worst job. Has to spend his days trampling freedoms underfoot, exploiting the masses, killing those who fail him, etc.
And what does he get for his troubles? The hero shows up and kills him. Worst retirement package ever.
CobraMisfit says
The cops. They always seem to show up thirty seconds after the main character needed them the most (same goes for TV shows). And no matter how much training they go through, they always walk into the ambush that the main character warned them about.
Brooks says
The whipping boy. I mean, the job title speaks for itself.
Katrina L. Lantz says
Yeah, it's definitely Lt. Fodder in space sci-fi. You can't get much worse than a certain and ignominious death.
Anonymous says
Why is nobody considering the main villain? Sure, he usually makes his minions do all the dirty work, but sometimes they're lucky enough to sneak off without getting killed (or maybe the heroes have mercy on them and let them go). Whereas the villains always get killed eventually. . .
Ping!
M.A.Leslie says
Argus Filch…Hands down worst job in all of the fiction world. He works in a magical castle with magical students and can not use magic. I have alway felt sorry for him and always wished he could have a new job.
Down the well says
"The wench: always serving, never served."
Love it.
bobhussey says
Of course it's the hero's mother. She's always worried about him.
Anonymous says
Oh, I guess some people did mention the main villain–they weren't up yet when I posted . . .
Ping!
Mary Hoffman's Newsletter says
The question was "in faction" no? Not just fantasy. So I nominate:
Jo, the crossings-sweeper in Bleak House
Mark Terry says
Anyone wearing a red shirt in a Star Trek tie-in novel.
CobraMisfit says
Or what about the hero himself? He (or she) rarely asks to thwart a crisis and everyone around them die in messy, yet cleverly designed ways. Maybe all he wants is to sip Merlot with his sidekick and flirt with the wench. . . .
Shennandoah Diaz says
I hear H.S. Principal is becoming the messiest and most dangerous job. Often times the school is invested with vampires, demons, werewolves, and cheerleaders. They put up with it only to be eaten by a dragon that appears during an eclipse (oh yes, Whedon, I rejoiced when Buffy's principal was finally eaten). The state of the education system these days. No wonder our kids can't concentrate on their studies!
Jenn Marie says
The beat cop or security guard in suspense novels. Just doing their job, thisclose to a commendation or promotion for noticing a clue that nobody else did, when WHAM. Serially killed.
Anonymous says
In my story it's the knight who has to, against his better judgment, provide, protect and care for 3 whiney, self-absorbed teenagers while fighting a war brought on by an arrogant dragon and a narcissistic sorcerer.
pookha says
Mystic stones. They're always being dug up and used to try to take over the world.
Marie says
Oh, easily the Best Friend of the YA Hero or Heroine Who Has Always Loved Hero/Heroine But Will Never Get Lucky Because Hero/Heroine Meets Some Other Mysterious Yet Beautiful Person. 🙂
heather says
Incarceron has the worst job, far and away.
Nate Wilson says
It's gotta be tough being the chief inspector or head detective in a mystery. Not only do they arrest the wrong guy every single time, but they're constantly shown up by someone with no formal training whatsoever.
Those poor, arrogant fools.
Melody says
I've always felt sorry for the best-friend-of-hero, usually slightly nerdy, never gets the girl… I mean, really?
Also, little brothers and sisters in MG/YA novels. They're (almost) always annoying pests who get in the way. Makes me sad. (That's one reason I like Louis Sachar's THE CARDTURNER, Jennifer Brown's HATE LIST, and even Suzanne Collin's GREGOR THE OVERLANDER et al.)
Spicer says
The chief of police. He is either having to deal with a loose cannon hero, or being killed by some unknown monster, or being corrupt thus being killed by the hero, or having to stop the party of young kids wanting to have fun, or being the doubter of an obviously supernatural situation.
Essentially, he either has a lot of unnecessary PR work to do caused by the 'hero', or comes off really bland and stupid, or is destined to be dead (actually, no matter what this seems to be the conclusion). Not really the ideal job for most people I know.
Kristin Laughtin says
Random stableboys. They always seem to get caught up in the attack and either dismembered or killed, at least in the books I've read.
Marilyn Peake says
Main characters in literary fiction – oh, the tragic lives they lead!
Marilyn Peake says
Oh, and I agree with Kaitlyne and Mark Terry – Star Trek redshirts definitely have one of the worst jobs in fiction.
J. T. Shea says
Black sidekicks! And if the black guy is also anonymous and wears a red shirt he won't last a reel, or chapter.
Some wenches are wretched. I call the wrenches. They're not the sharpest tools in the box…
lora96 says
The hero's girl in fantasy novels. She's forever being kidnapped and used as a pawn. Any spunk she displays results in automatic disaster and the necessity of further rescue which, I'm sorry to say, the hapless girl never appreciates properly. She is both inept and somewhat uppity.
Emily White says
It's the antagonist! He works just as hard, if not harder, than the protag and he ALWAYS loses. That's gotta really suck.
ilana says
Redshirts on Star Trek! I guess technically that isn't fiction, although Star Trek has lived on in paperback novelizations.
Mira says
The murder victim in any murder mystery.
They're doomed. Little comfort if Hercule Periot finds your killer if you're already dead.
Fun topic, fun comments.
Illyria Books at Twitter says
Pity Dr Alfred Prunesquallor and the loathesome obligation of looking after the Countess Gertrude and Abiatha Swelter.
Ermo says
Robert Langdon's students. He's never there to teach them a gosh darn thing.
Anonymous says
The worst job is the hero.
Hands down.
Writer has to torment the hell of them. Yeah, they may win in the end, but they have to pass through sooooo much to get there.
Lorenda says
I'm with Daisy – it's the romance novel heroine's best friend. In addition to what she said, I'd like to add that they have to listen to the heroine whine about the hero. . . and then watch as the heroine completely ignores her advice and does something stupid.
Eli Ashpence says
The hero's horse. He rarely gets appreciation, he's always pressured to be smarter than other horses, and he has to be physically fit enough to cover an impossible distance in a single day.
Livia says
The mentor figure in Western coming of age stories. They always end up dying so the protagonist can come into his own.
Dumbledore, Sirius, Allanon, Yoda, Obiwan Kenobi, Gandalf (although he comes back)
Stephanie McGee says
Whoever draws the short straw and gets to wear the red shirt.
Anita Saxena says
The poor parents in fantasy YA who have no clue about the paranormal shenanigans their kids are up to. They probably blame themselves for their children's behavior.
Jessica Lei says
LOL Worse job = The parents
Half the time they're not even there.