When I was little I memorized the way my mom would spell out our last name to people over the phone. Ready?
“B as in boy, R – A – N, S as in Sam, F as in Frank, O-R-D. BransFORD.”
My sister has a variation that emphasizes the SF in the middle, which is more comprehensible when you separate it out into BRAN – SF – ORD.
All of this is to say I know I have an uncommon last name that is a bit of a mouthful, and I don’t get up in arms when people misspell it in a query and I certainly never reject anyone for it. At least they’re in the ballpark (and below you’ll see why I’ll take a misspelling over some of the other results).
I thought it might be an interesting insight into the old inbox to show the rather incredible variety of ways people address me in a query. So I kept track for a week, and here’s the result.
Behold! Query salutations. During the past week I received 258 queries and requested 3 partials (all addressed properly).
Number of queries addressed to:
Satisfactory:
Mr. Bransford: 124
Nathan: 33
Nathan Bransford: 29
Mr. Nathan Bransford: 10
Nathan Bransford, Literary Agent: 2
Total: 198
Not so much:
(Blank): 41
To Whom It May Concern: 3
Bransford: 1
Nate B.: 1
Literary Agent: 1
Literary Agency: 1
Editor: 1
Agent Nathan: 1
Mr. Branford: 1
Mr. Bradford: 1
Chris: 1
Vicky Bijur: 1
Martha Bransford: 1
Ms. Bransford: 3
Curtis Brown: 1
Mr. Brown: 1
Total: 60
I fully understand that mistakes happen, and I want to emphasize again that I don’t reject anyone solely because they messed up the salutation. But this is really the absolute easiest thing to get right in the query, and it’s a tad eye-opening that 23% missed the mark.
Anonymous says
Can't help but to laugh at Martha Bransford. Nate B is too cool.
Tahereh says
WHO IS CHRIS?!
hahahahaha
oh, Vicky. i don't understand how so many people could get your name wrong.
Erinn says
That sucks, Curtis, I mean you work so hard to start up an agency and someone screws up your name. Stupid people are lame.
🙂
Kathryn says
Agent Nathan. It's like you're FBI.
Anonymous says
Nate B., Literary Agent, sounds like a comic book superhero.
Simon C. Larter says
Does "Yo, dog!" work? I'm partial to that mode of address, myself.
Hillary says
Dude, I have an Agent Nathan in one of my short stories…but he doesn't accept queries. I do like Nate B. and just Bransford, like you're a brand name. Martha Bransford is just right out.
How can people say they want their book published and then put so little effort into a critical part of that process?
J. R. McLemore says
That's hilarious!
I used to get bent out of shape when people messed up my last name. As time has gone by, however, I've mellowed out about it quite a bit. It still irks me, however, when someone is looking at my name spelled out and still calls me McEnroe or something similar. I know, then, that the person didn't even care to try to pronounce my name right. My last name is McLemore, by the way. Pronounced: Mac-La-more 🙂
Thankfully, I wasn't the recipient of a more difficult name, like Mastrogiovanni, like a guy I was in high school with. Poor fellow.
Natalie Whipple says
Actually, I think the agent's name is potentially the easiest thing to get wrong.
I mean, I assume most writers have their query ready to cut and paste, save those few lines of personalization.
The agent's name is one of the few things you actually type into the email. Of course you should triple check it, but sometimes you just miss-type and it looks close enough you don't notice.
Of course…that does not account for Martha or Chris…
Anonymous says
lol!
Why when spelling out your name, don't you go B-R-A-N-S-FORD?
If they don't know FORD, you can go like the car company.
Karla Nellenbach says
Vicky Bijur made me snicker a little 😉
I feel your pain on whole name game…I'm always like Karla with a K and that's Nellenbach…N as in Nancy, E-L-L-E-N as in Nancy, B as in boy, A-C-H **sigh** the joys of having long names that NO ONE can spell 🙂
Easier Read than Done says
I think Nate B should be in the acceptable category. It's like a nickname, similar to Jackie O, A-Rod, or Paulie D.
Amanda J. says
HAHA Nate B and Martha, it must be so interesting to read your slush. And I'm with Anon 11:45 – Nate B, Literary Agent does sound like a comic superhero. 🙂
Mia says
You know, Vicks, it's nice to know that queries aren't automatically rejected on this mistake even though, from your photo, you're clearly not a Martha 🙂
I am slightly worried that 198 seem to think your name is Nathan Bransford though….
jjdebenedictis says
23%
Is that on a bad day, or is this typical?
Bittersweet Fountain says
I had a teacher once who told the class that she would give us a zero on our exam if we misspelled our own names. Then she looked at me and said, "except for you. I'll understand if you misspell it."
Apparently having a 13 letter Polish last name earns me a few freebies in life.
P-I-E-T-R-U-S-Z as in Zebra – SKI
I always say Z as in Zebra because people never quite believe it's there.
So how do you pronounce it?
Petra-shef-skee
No one ever gets it right. *sigh*
Emily White says
I think out of all of them, Mr. Brown is the worst. Although, Martha Bransford and Chris are pretty bad, too.
Durango Writer says
Great that you have a sense of humor re: the misspellings! My last name (Mikulencak) has been butchered my entire life. That's why I resorted to DurangoWriter for my e-mail address!
February Grace says
Twenty-three percent?
Yikes.
I have to wonder if a truly blockbuster query ever started out with such a simple mistake or if the lack of attention to detail in the salutation is just the pre-show for an epic fail overall in most cases?
Liberty Speidel says
I can relate! (And, hey, at least you didn't get any to "Nathaniel"–my husband's first name is Nathan–not Nathaniel–and it drives him crazy if someone addresses him by the wrong name!)
I have a name that could be either male or female, so I get addressed as Mr. or Ms. (both of which irk me–I'm a Mrs.!) And my last name is Germanic, so people always reverse the E and the I. I just had it happen on the phone 30 minutes ago, even after I'd specifically spelled it out: S as in Sam, P as in Paul E-I D as in dog E-L. Not that complicated!
*sigh*
Nathan Bransford says
Haha- as I misspell my own client's name. You see!! This is why I can't cast stones!
Matthew Rush says
I used to put a d somewhere in your last name a lot. Then I started stalking you more – er I mean getting to know you better and I made sure to get it right.
My girlfriend has a name with slightly similar issues. Her last name is Jefferis, which is not Jefferies unless you just met her, are taking a phone call from her etc. She has gotten used to it.
I take it that you would prefer not to be referred to as NB in a query? Is it okay if I do it on my blog? Like saying we met on NB's forums …
What about Nate Dogg? Or Nathaniel (insert random middle initial) Bransford esquire?
Carole says
This was superbly funny. Funny in a Steve Martin sort of way. Not so much in a Nathan Bransford way.
cheekychook says
I remember learning how to spell my last name by listening to my mom spell it to someone on the phone. She spoke so quickly when she did it. For years I thought "F-as-in-Frank" was one word!
And,for what it's worth, Bransford hardly seems like it should have a place on the Challenging Last Names list. Take it from someone who was born with a frequently mispronounced name and married someone with a perpetually mispronounced name. Don't get me started on how both mispronunciations are actually derogatory words.
*slinks off to ponder easy-to-say pen name*
Donna Hole says
Thats funny 🙂
Glad you're so good natured about it.
Have a good day Nate.
……..dhole
Jill says
The second most common salutation this week was NO salutation?
That's just rude.
Bane of Anubis says
What, Natey B. doesn't do it for you 🙂
No Nathaniels, Guv'nor?
Jaimie says
Ms. Bransford. Hahaha.
swampfox says
It's why I tell my students to just call me Mr. D.
And sometimes they even spell THAT wrong!
cheekychook says
Guv'nor. Heehee.
I notice there was no Dude either.
Josin L. McQuein says
I'm disappointed. Not one: Yo, dude, read my book 'k?
I can laugh at this because I know of at least 2 instances where I misspelled the agents name or cut/pasted the query and forgot to change the agent's name in the one I sent.
I cut/paste email addresses to make sure I spell the names right there, but usually try and type the salutation by hand so I don't have to deal with deleting the "dot" and "at" info, and it doesn't always end well.
blog says
Oh that's too much! Martha? Really?
Martha *may* be a cut/paste error — pasting from a list of agents, and only got the last name changed.
My last name is fairly uncommon as well; I've gotten pretty laid back about misspellings. And mispronunciations, my favorite of which is L'brand: strong emphasis on the second syllable and almost none on the first. The first is like an elided le in French? I don't even know. (It's pronounced LYE-brand, for the curious.)
Love these query stats posts! It's reassuring to see what you do and do not reject for.
Phyllis says
I'm missing Mr. Bramsford. Is he not living at your address?
Theresa Milstein says
First I laughed at Nate B. But when I got to Martha, I laughed louder.
My last name used to be Brown, so life was simple. Then I got married and became Milstein, so now I get lots of variations. I'm not a literary agent, but people still manage to mangle my name.
The one thing I take pride in is getting the agents' names spelled correctly on queries. Once I queried a Corey and triple checked whether it was Mr. or Ms.!
Derrick says
Agent Nathan,
Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to make my book famous and my wallet full.
This query will self-destruct.
Casey Lybrand says
Okay, still working out how to internet, apparently. "blog" above is me. My name it not blog. Though think of the fun I would have if it were . . .
isaiah.campbell says
You should license Agent Nathan. I see a wonderful future of action figures for you. 😉
Other Lisa says
"Agent Nathan" is not okay?
Damn…
Joseph L. Selby says
Ha ha ha ha, that's awesome, Vicky.
I remember my first query to Kristin Nelson. This was a big deal. She's a big deal. I gotta get it right. Check and double-check everything. I'm just about to hit send and I realize my mistake. I was calling her Kristin and not Karen. Wouldn't that have been embarrassing if I had called her by the wrong first name.
Send.
Blink. Blink.
No, no wait. That's backward. Her name is Kristin. It would have been embarrassing if I had called her Karen.
WHICH I DID! GAH! *dies of failure*
Kelly Wittmann says
Fun post, Nathan– thanks!
Carin says
When I was an editor, a lot of slush authors would call, hear my name, and ask how to spell my last name as it is tricky. But they would all assume they knew how to spell what sounds like "Karen". Nope. I spell it "Carin". So I was able to sort my submissions and still ignore the slush authors who were trying to make it into my To Read piles by pretending I'd requested them. Ha!
D. G. Hudson says
'Agent Nathan' does have a ring to it, doesn't it? My guess is that the 'Bransford' and 'Nate B' salutations were from guys. Something about the macho sound of a punchy name.
It's common courtesy to address someone by their correct name,but even more so when you expect that person to do something for you.
Using a checklist can help one remember all the bits, and avoid a gaff.
crawshawus says
Chris??
Mayowa says
I feel your pain Nathan, names can be a bother when it comes to pronunciation and spelling
Janet Johnson says
Martha. Hilarious! Yes, I definitely recommend getting the name right.:)
Kathryn says
@Natalie Whipple, some of my worst nightmares have been about misspelled agent names. I check about three or four times before I convince myself that I am indeed not crazy and that it's spelled correctly. o_0
Melissa Emerald says
I read your blog to learn. I also read it to laugh. And that's what I did today. Thank you for this hilarious, eye-opening post.
BTW … Bransford seems like an easy sur name compared to mine, which has eight letters and only three consonants. No wonder I use a nom de plume. 🙂
The Alliterative Allomorph says
haha! Isn't Vicky Bijur a real agent? I'm pretty sure she is. They must have been sending their query to various agents and accidentally sent you hers. LOL Honest mistake. Poor thing.
RosieC says
I want to laugh (and, well, the "Martha" salutation is pretty funny), but I can just feel myself doing something equally is dense. I haven't sent you a query (yet), and I hope that when I do, I get it right. It's nice that you're so good-natured about it.
Genella deGrey says
Had to giggle at the "not so much" list.
Just don't call him late for dinner.
That's just a guess, though.
🙂
G.