Person #1: Wow, you’re a reviser? A published reviser??
Person #2: Yeah. I’ve revised five books now.
Person #1: Oh my god!! I can’t believe I’m actually talking to a published reviser!! How glamorous is that?
Person #2: Well, it’s hard work actually. I put a lot of time into my revisions.
Person #1: But to see your revisions on the shelf? What is that like?
Person #2: I’ve been revising since I was twelve, so…. it’s kind of a dream.
Person #1: Wow. Aren’t all revisers super rich?
Person #2: Not really. You’d be surprised at how little revisers make. I still have a day job, though of course the dream is to be a full-time reviser.
Person #1: You know… I’ve always thought everyone has one revision in them. Someday I’m just going to sit down and revise my memoir.
Person #2: Well… revising isn’t that easy. You don’t just sit down and revise, you should really study the craft.
Person #1: Oh nonsense, how hard could revising a book be?
Person #2: Would you look at that, my drink is empty. I’d better head to the bar. Nice meeting you. Good luck with that revision.
PS: CONGRATULATIONS to Ashley A. for correctly picking Duke as the NCAA National Champion and for winning the 2nd Annual Blog Bracket Challenge!! Thanks so much to everyone for participating.
Man, I guess the world needs more cocktail parties. Let's make it happen. Could world peace be far behind?
Hmm, where does one find these deep-thinking writers?
Hear, hear, Nathan! Here's a toast to your idea for a cocktail party:
Toast #1 … and here's a toast to your idea that world peace could follow:
Toast #2.
Thank you, that was beautiful.
(Where do you get the ideas for your revisions?)
Oh, wow. This actually made me spit my beer out, it was so funny.
Then it made me sad, because I'm a professional reviser, just not published, and I haven't been to a cocktail party in over ten years.
But then I read it again, laughed again, and decided I'd have my own cocktail party while revising later tonight. Thanks for the laugh. 🙂
You glossed over the part where they tell you ALL the details of their would-be revision. And then ask you if you would write it and they will share the profits.
Must be that fifth drink….
Are you sure?
*laughing!*
Thank you. I needed a laugh today.
cute. I like.
A reviser died and, arriving at the pearly gates, wondered why all the revisers who died and went to heaven were chained to their computers. The keeper of the gate showed him the other place which was much warmer, but all the revisers there were chained to their computers as well.
"There is no difference between…?" the reviser started to ask.
"Sure there is – those in heaven get published."
I love your posts Nathan. TNX for making our obsession a little lighter.
btw – my latest revision has a file name of (book title)crap.doc. I promised my computer (my person #1 in my virtual cocktail conversations) that this was the LAST one. ever. ever. til next time
Page 1 of my wip has had 97 separate revisions (large or small), perhaps I could run through them all with you over a cocktail? 😉
Haha wow, pretty hilarious conversation. 😛
Thanks for sharing!
Just finished a huge revision.
I feel like a stuffed toy after my little dogs have finished ripping its insides out.
Guts regenerate, right?
I've been to cocktail parties more likely to cause World War Three than world peace!
Some writer should start a blog called THE REVISIONIST or maybe THE REVISIONARY or THE REVISION QUEST or THE 20/20 REVISION or THE REVISION THING? But what exactly was in that cocktail?
Even after six revisions, not even I think this comment seems funny, cute, witty or any of the things I'm striving for. But I do have a story about revision and cocktail parties that is definitely non-fiction. (If you don't already know this, I'm 57… holding my own, but no longer a cute young thing)
Anyway, I'm at a cocktail party with my daughter, Maggie (who is a very cute young thing) We're speaking with a friend who asks what we're doing these days… I sigh and tell him I'm still revising my novel.
Suddenly a 2010 version of the 70s lounge lizard pushes his way into our circle, looks at Maggie and says,"You're revising a novel. That is the sexiest thing I've ever heard." Maggie rolls her eyes, points to me, looks at him and says,
"Whatever… but this lady here is your sex kitten." He's turned purple by now but neither of us is letting him off the hook. I put my arm through my daughter's and as we move away, I say, "Never judge a book by its cover!"
Amen, brotha.
I want to thank you. I sent you my query Saturday and you responded by Monday. It was a rejection, but I appreciate the speed. As your reward (or punishment?), below is the Worst Query Letter Humanly Possible. If you find it theraputic to print the letter out and burn it, I will not object.
Seriously: enjoy.
Dear Whats Your Face,
Hi! My name is Firstname Lastname, and I’m a brilliant genius. I JUST finished writing the next great American novel. It’s about this guy who goes on a journey and then walks into town as a stranger. It is a comic tragedy, and it’s kind of long, but not TOO long. My book, which is extreemely well writen, rivals such famous authors as J. K. Rowling, John Grisham, and whomever wrote 1984.
I personally guarantee that you will love my book; everyone else whom has read it so far loves it. I live in New York City, I have a Chihuahua named Skip, and I once bowled a perfect game. For pictures of my dog, please visit my Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/firstnamelastname
My Grandma says Coming Soon is verrry exciting, and my dog liked it, too, after I read it aloud to him (which just shows you my dedication]. As you can see, I've already included the entire manuscript, because I knew you just weren't serious in your submission guidelines. But I'll be ever-so happy to send you another copy if you need one, which you probably will, because I just know youll want to represent it. It's the best thing written since Lord of the Ring, and I write exactly like Charles Dikens and Steven King. But you'd better respond fast!! I queried twenty-seven hundred other agents at the same time.
Hopefully yours,
Firstname Lastname
I love it! Made me smile on a day when smiles are a little hard to come by. 🙂
Constant reader, rare commenter, but this one rang really true with me. As wise writing gurus say "the secret to GOOD writing is RE-writing."
And as far as the brackets go, all I can say is that Coach K appears to be aging exceptionally well.
Yeah; and professional reviser sounds so much more appealing than aspiring writer. (hehehe)
I could even call myself an editor; I've spent more hours editing and revising and kicking myself than I did actually writing the novels.
Sadly, the IRS disagrees its failed self employment and won't give me any reimbursement.
………dhole
*loved it*
Ah, when are we ever NOT revising? Did that happen at one time? I can't remember.
I have reached the point where my reward for finishing the current revision is getting to write something new.
Which is kind of like eating half of a chocolate cake as a reward for going to the gym three days in a row… but hey, I'm addicted.
Hilarious, Nathan. Thanks for the laugh.
So very funny — thanks for the laugh. No go back and read it again substituting the verb "to bullsh**" for "to revise," and you'll have my life.
Hi. My name is Donna…and I'm a compulsive Reviser.
My journey started years ago…