In yesterday’s discussion about writers and sensitivity, Gordon Pamplona left a comment that stuck with me:
“…a lot of times the sensitivity about the writing is a stand-in for sensitivity about something else: you spent so much time chasing this pipe dream that you lose your job, your marriage, your kids; your kids don’t respect you because you didn’t write Harry Potter or Twilight; you charged a lot of money on the credit card for conferences and classes with no tangible results, and now the family is eating beans and rice. For many of us, writing is an addiction, no different from alcohol or drugs or gambling. And maybe people who are angry, bitter, stressed out, or despondent should take a hard look at whether this is something they should be doing–if it’s gone from a hobby to something that’s ruining their lives and their relationships with others.”
As a society, we often celebrate tortured and struggling artists who finally make it big despite their obstacles, and yet we don’t often examine the flip side of this, which is that the vast majority of tortured and struggling artists don’t actually make it. We tend to encourage everyone to write (Person 1 tells an interesting story, Person 2 says “Wow, you should write a book about that”), and there are very few people out there willing to tell any writer they don’t have what it takes and should probably try pursuing something else with their time. I’m guilty of this as well – who am I to say whether or not someone will or won’t be published?
But is this the right approach? Is writing, especially when the odds are long and the cost to a personal life is high, sometimes akin to addiction? When does it cross the line from hobby to “habit?” And should we be encouraging everyone to write?
Diana says
An interesting question. I think if one is doing anything whether it is writing or some other hobby to such an extent that their children, their spouse, their friends, etc. never see them or they're going way into debt to pursue that hobby, then there is a problem.
Becoming a Best Selling Author will not solve your personal problems. It will make you happy for a little while, but you'll still have to deal with the reality of your life, whatever that may be. So, yes, writing to avoid dealing with personal problems isn't healthy.
Literary Cowgirl says
I find myself so guilty. For over 1 1/2 years, I've been writing my heart out, trying to please the publisher who showed interest in my story.I revised through a major surgery, and my wedding (to give some more extreme examples). Not long ago, I finally signed the contract! My husband was away, so I went home, fed my children and pulled up the latest revisions from my editor. No celebrating what so ever. By the end of last week, I was lucky to have my agent talk me down off the ledge, because I was ready to blow from the pressure.
Then I stopped and took a minute. I played Little People with my children. We baked cookies and made blanket forts. I took them to see Where The Wild Things are, and afterward, we went for rootbeer floats. I did absolutely nothing that was writing related.
Today, I dug in on the latest round and finished after four hours. I didn't accomplish half as much in the past two weeks I had been pecking away constantly at it. And, I had some really strong new elements to add that never occurred to me before.
Lesson learned. Get out and enjoy life. An hour in a blanket fort will earn you three or four in front of your computer. And, your kids will be much happier, too.
Gabriella says
Substitute any one passion for “writing” and the question is the same. We want the success but need to be noticed. What grander way than to be published? Who doesn’t want to win the blue ribbon, get the gold star or grab the brass ring? It’s what separates us from others. We need to be the spotted zebra.
Hobbies and habits can be good things; what messes it up is the attitude. I write whenever I can. I think about writing and characters and watch what people say and the odd things they do and how they dress and wonder why. I also get up at 5:00, go to work, cook, clean, shop, read, and plop down on the couch and watch The Big Bang Theory, if I don’t fall asleep first. I would love to be published and think I could be but will it happen? I don’t know. Right now it’s enough for me to write it all down.
Should we encourage everyone to write? I’m not a crusader but there are times when I have suggested to people they write – a note to a teen they can’t seem to talk to, a letter to a friend they may not send, a journal to help get over a bad relationship or sort out thoughts after a layoff. Writing is very personal and it doesn’t help unless you aren’t afraid to let it all hang out. Writing isn’t for everyone, neither is running, boat building, sewing, gardening, or kick-boxing. You have to do your own thing with an even attitude. Moderation with a splash of obsession won’t hurt anyone. But you also have to remember to feed the cat.
Dawn Maria says
The agent hunt left me without my mojo for most of the summer and well into the fall. I'm almost out of my malaise, and look forward to enjoying writing again. (have a conference coming that will fire me up.)
As difficult as this has been so far, I'm glad I'm here trying to make it happen. I'm learning a lot about myself, meeting great people and going to sleep every night knowing I'm doing everything possible to make a dream come true.
I do neglect things at times, but I believe the cost of not trying would be greater than having the housework and laundry caught up on.
Nikole Hahn says
Be gentle. Be realistic. Not everyone who picks up a pen is a writer. Writing, I agree, can be an addiction. This is why I space everything out to accomplish my goals without sacraficing my marriage, my friendships, or my beliefs. Hey, maybe someday when I die my unpublished work will be worth millions??? lol.
J. R. McLemore says
I don't feel that everyone has what it takes to be a writer. Although I write everyday, I sometimes doubt my own aptitude to be a successful writer. I lost my job at the end of January of this year. I've gone through a horrible divorce (not as a result of my writing), but I have since remarried, to an awesome individual (an English professor that supports my endeavor). I told her that I want to wait until the beginning of next year to begin looking for a job.
I was a computer programmer before my year-long quest to finish my first novel and begin my second. I have submerged myself in my writing and the pursuit of learning more about honing my writing craft in order to get published. I read agents' blogs, writers' blogs, etc., with the hope of learning all that I can to make my MS the best it can be and to shape myself into the best writer I can be. I realize, however, that becoming a published novelist takes more than a year. This is just time I've set aside for myself to learn all that I can.
While reading other writers' work, I've learned that some people do not have what it takes. I probably don't have what it takes, but I'm committed to at least try to learn while I'm at it. I plan to be published one day.
I realize there are some people out there that put writing before everything else and this is a bit disheartening. There have been countless writers who have made it while writing their novels between working day jobs. I'm grateful that I'm in a situation where my wife works and supports me while I chase a dream, but I also realize that I will soon have to get a day job to help support the dream that I'm chasing.
It's sad to think that some people will put their family's security at stake to see this dream through. I've realized that there are many hurdles along the way and still there is no guarantee that the author will be published.
I guess the main thing to keep in mind is that while you're chasing the dream of selling that first book, you have to keep your priorities in check. Family first, work on the book second. If it's meant to be, it will.
Ryan Thomas Riddle says
"Keith Popely said…
Nathan, it sounds like you really took a beating from some of the folks who didn't win the paragraph contest. I'm sorry this is the case because you are the most valuable resource on the web for all writers, but especially for the unpublished masses. You should be thanked and celebrated for running what is the single most informative and helpful writing website."
I too want to echo Keith's statement. This is the best resource for writers at any career stage.
Writing is detrimental when it becomes a quest solely for ultimate fame and fortune, and when it transfigures into jealousy over another person's success.
Laura Martone says
I can't speak for anyone else, but as with any "addiction" (yes, I used quotes, so sue me) – the act of writing and the desire to be published should never overshadow all else in a writer's life – from family to health. But who am I to tell someone that he/she shouldn't pursue the one thing he/she has always wanted? What sort of spark might that extinguish?
I'll admit – my writing goals have often come between me and my family, who worry about my well-being. But I have a supportive hubby who knows I must at least try to see this goal through. I feel blessed to have such an understanding spouse – and a kitty who's willing to get her quality time with me while sitting on my desk, watching me type.
Mary says
Writing becomes unhealthy when it consumes all your time and energy and you find no time for family or friends.When writing is a part of your life,no matter what the reason;it should be just that, a part of your life. Not your whole life. Consider balance so that you may be refreshed when you sit down again to write of your experiences or imaginations. Hope this helps. Mary W.
Thomas Dean says
I am one of the lucky ones because I do not have to work because my wife has done an amazing job of giving me a chance to chase a dream, actually several at once. So I have not allowed my job to suffer or to give up things for my family.
However, I do have to say I almost lost my way a couple of times. My characters became so real to me that I was starting to have very dark and detailed feelings about each of them. Some I loved so deeply that I could imagine a relationship with them, while others I wanted nothing more than to destroy them. I would get so worked up over them that I could feel myself spiraling out of control. These were the moments that I knew I had to take a break, one break came at the point of our 4 year old knocking a glass of water into the keyboard of my laptop. But each time I came back stronger and more resolved to push the book to the next level.
So when is writing unhealthy? I am going to go with when you become some obsessed you find yourself in love with a character or to the point where you want to kill them because you are so attached to the work you are having a hard time separating it from reality.
Marva says
Just follow the rule that money comes to the writer. That's why I don't waste my money on lots of conferences and classes. I don't think the expenditure of time and money makes a whit of difference. You either have talent or not. Why spend hundreds of dollars to find out you don't?
Jo says
If doing it doesn't make you happy (most of the time).
Whirlochre says
Anything that "[ruins your life and your relationship with others]" isn't necessarily the fault of the thing itself.
Might be the manner of your doing of the thing.
Journaling Woman says
The passion for writing can't be ignored. It's a mind and heart thing. It saves me from a bad day. I can write anytime- anywhere.
Yes we should encourage others to write. Anyone can learn to write well, not everyone has a talent for writing. Sometimes that matters.
Kimberly Loomis says
So many subjective terms here… let me first say that my definition of "unhealthy" is the point where, if the author previously had one (i.e. mentally unhealthy don't fit into this definition), a person looses their grounding; perception of reality, of what needs to be done, fall by the wayside. If it becomes a form of necessary escape and not an exercise of the mind and heart then, I think, it is unhealthy- just like any other activity that does this.
The difficulty with telling people they shouldn't write, or pursue publishing, is that whoever is doing the telling is making that person submissive to someone else's opinion. I, generally, don't think that's a healthy thing for a person to do with their craft. I also am not comfortable in that role of telling people to give up, that requires assuming a responsibility that is no one's but that artist's. Honestly- so much *stuff* gets published these days who would I be to judge anyway? If someone came to me with "Twilight" I never would have thought it would be published, never mind the phenomenon it is; "Ahab's Wife" I would have sworn should win all kinds of accolades and awards; "Not without My Daughter" I would have passed over for the Pulitzer. Perhaps it's fair to say (as an industry professional mind you- and I am not she) "you should hang up your hat" but instead "the market isn't interested in this kind of book right now" or other comments along the lines critiquing that brings attention to the very subjectivity being presented.
Just my $1.50 (pro-rated for inflation).
Avida Novitatis says
It's funny – I was just thinking about this question. I finished my first novel not long ago, and found it to be a really fun process – it was fun to find myself thinking about my characters like they were friends and even getting crushes on them.
So then I decided to start on another book, a memoir, or maybe fictionalized memoir, that I've been thinking about doing for a long time. I went back and starting reading old journals as research. I wasn't at all prepared for what an emotional punch there would be for me in reading about my thoughts and experiences from 20 years ago. It's made me kind of depressed and confused, and I can see that if I carry this project through, it's going to be difficult for me. I still want to do it, but I'm a bit scared of what it might do to me, and indirectly to my family if it ends up getting me depressed.
I think I'm going to keep going with it, but I actually asked my husband to monitor me for signs of depression. If he thinks I'm getting too depressed, I will back off and get some distance from it for a while.
wendy says
As one nears the end of one's life and looks back and reviews, the spiritual things become more important. Success seems just a transient, ephemeral thing and a 'so what?'. If writing is something we've enjoyed and got a thrill from doing, then not a second of doing it was wasted – whatever the outcome. It was totally worth while. It's the enjoyment and the discoveries made along the way that are important.
ryan field says
"As one nears the end of one's life and looks back and reviews, the spiritual things become more important. Success seems just a transient, ephemeral thing and a 'so what?'. If writing is something we've enjoyed and got a thrill from doing, then not a second of doing it was wasted – whatever the outcome. It was totally worth while. It's the enjoyment and the discoveries made along the way that are important."
I love this…thanks for posting it.
Cheree says
I, for one, haven't had the pleasure of being a starving artist, but I can't picture me doing anything else but writing, it's my solace after work, and the only time I've gone hungry is when I've forgotten to eat because I'm so wrapped up in a scene that I lose track of time.
Writing is only unhealthy when one forgets about their obligations. It is a reality that writers do need day jobs, but as long as the writer can find a balance between work, family and writing, it can be a pleasant escape at the end of a stressful day.
wendy says
But to relate more to the question, if one writes for sheer enjoyment and to develop skills without ambition or expectations, then I think they are less likely to become too driven and obsessive. Do what you love first and then consider sharing it with others.
wendy says
Thank you, Ryan. 🙂
Leslie Garrett says
Very interesting post. I used to guest lecture at a "writing for children" course and there wasn't a single manuscript that I thought was anything above mediocre. My friend, who taught the course, was a positive, cheerleader type who really encouraged all of them but it felt disingenuous to me. I consoled myself with the knowledge that, as a book reviewer, I saw PUBLISHED books that were barely above mediocre (some worse…) so what the heck did I know? But I tried my hardest to disenchant the students about the writing dream.
Lorel Clayton says
I've always been the follow your dream type. I agree that family and surviving comes first, but if you're a writer you have to write. I put it on the back burner for ten years and grew miserable. I no longer had a goal for my life and was simply being a good little worker bee. That's not living. Now that I've taken it up again (and very seriously this time)I have more energy than before. The ideas flow and the writing gets easier the more I do. If you give up on it entirely (and maybe it never was the right thing for you to begin with, so its ok) then you better find a new dream or risk spending your old age bitter and regretful.
Timothy Nies says
Writers aren't happy people. The act of writing in itself is unhealthy. The crafts requires you to constantly go inward, and alienate yourself from the world around you. You have to force yourself to go ever deeper into your conscious, and mine for hours in the hopes of finding that tiny nugget of gold.
Its frustrating, unrewarding and bares a toll on you. And even if you do make it big, think to yourself, when was the last time you saw a picture of a successful author looking giddy.
They all bare the same expression, look for the puffed rings under their eyes. Those are trophies they have earned, from when they confront their darkest selves. Yet, they still are able to come through relatively sane. If you want a happy life don't become an author. Well wait that's not completely true, the only happy writers I have ever met are the ones that write books for very young children.
Fawn Neun says
My observation is that anyone who turns writing, or any other creative endeavor, into a have-all, be-all struggle for identity probably had problems to begin with.
The process of writing makes you sensitive. If you haven't grounded your ego in reality first, you might slip a little when you first start writing.
It's something to be passionate about. When does going to church become unhealthy? When does volunteer work become unhealthy?
When I'm not writing, I'm editing. When I'm not editing, I'm promoting other writers. When I'm at rest, I'm reading other writers or talking to them. It's a passion, not an addiction.
I would never dare tell anyone to give up. That's why I use a form letter to reject. Art is subjective.
Annie Reynolds says
If you try your best and you don't succeed, you will never lament what could have been.
By allowing myself the indulgence to write, I am hopefully demonstrating to my children that it is ok to follow your dreams, no matter what the outcome.
A soul that is not nurtured by the things that drive us will surely wither and die.
No I don't believe in blowing sunshine into nether regions, but I also do not think that my opinion is the only one. If mine was the only opinion that counted half the music on the radio would never have been aired, musicals would rule in their place, and my daughter would probably implode.
What I believe is crap, has frequently won awards, so who am I to tell another author to stick to their day jobs?
Victoria says
I haven't finished reading the comments yet, but I wanted to remark on the quote from Marilynn Byerly before I got so far along I couldn't find it again;
"Writing is a hobby, an avocation, or a career, but it is not a life. Real life is what matters most. You will regret it if you look up from your keyboard one day to discover life has passed you by, and the writing wasn't worth the cost."
Yes, this. This is good, sound advice and I really like it.
For me, I was signed with an agent about a week before my first child arrived. (I'm now two weeks away from my fourth!)
I was operating under the theory that life would be easy… I would write, stay at home with the kids, raise a family, write, and enjoy a career as a published author.
And at first it was easy – feedback from editors was encouraging. Though my agent never made a sale we went through acquisitions twice and my writing improved every time.
But now, though I have an two editors who have requested to see my next novel, it is getting harder. Harder to keep my head down while my children need me.
I think most of the angst we go through is the battle we wage between allocating our time to what we should do versus what we want to do. Since writing is largely still unpaid work, it is hard to justify the time I need to devote to it, when so much else needs my attention.
Macie says
Anything can become an addiction and unhealthy–even exercise. As with everything, balance is the key.
I do believe that everyone should be encouraged to write, everyone has a story to tell, but not everyone should share it.
I don't like being told I'm good at something when I'm not. I want an honest opinion. If my work is good, please tell me, but also tell me if it needs a lot of work or if it would be better left in private. I'm more self-conscious if I don't know where I stand. And I can tell if someone is feeding me a line or schmoozing.
C.S. Gomez says
To answer the question: "When does writing cross the line from hobby to 'habit'?"…I think it's the wrong question.
For some, writing is something done on the side of the regular job. But for others it is the job. Writing is their career, their only way of earning income. Maybe it isn't as common as I sometimes like to think it is, but it happens.
So I don't think it's so appropriate to refer to writing strictly by the term 'hobby', especially for someone (like me) who is shooting for the moon and wants it to be their actual profession. Has it become unhealthy if the writer wants that? Maybe, but I don't think so. It's uncertain, it's scary, and not very pragmatic. But if it's your real, true dream, your Heart's Desire, then why wouldn't you try to pursue it?
So if you think of writing as less a hobby and more a profession I think it becomes unhealthy at about the same point that workaholism emerges in other jobs. It can happen with any work, and it can happen with writing. But I don't think making writing your profession should be considered an unhealthy choice in and of itself.
Paul Michael Murphy says
What's wrong with beans and rice?
Kaitlyne says
I think dedication and hard work are important, and in writing probably the most important thing. But there is also a point where dedication becomes unhealthy, I think. If writing is destroying your marriage or causing you to miss important events in your child's life or interfering with your day job, then there is a serious problem.
I'm not quite sure I'd compare it to an addiction, however. The effects might be similar, but I think people are more likely to use writing as an escape from problems they already have, or view writing as the solution. "If I can only get published I'll be happy."
I don't think anything is worth ruining relationships with the people we love.
Lucinda says
Interesting topic and interesting comments as well.
Below is a short that I wrote once trying to get a grip on writing…
"Writing books is quite an adventure. First, it is a daydream, an entertainment of our imagination. Then it transforms into an idea which grows until it consumes us like a nightmare. We can either shiver with fear of the imaginary monster growing in our head, or slay the dragon with the sword of publishing."
Success and priorities are personal aspects of our lives of which no one else can define for us.
If we don't have a solid definition of success and fail to get our priorities straight, any over-zealous ambition will lead to misery and destruction, not just in writing.
After reading many of these comments, I have to say that as many times as I have heard or read that writing is an addiction equal to drugs or alcohol, I disagree.
Once we are addicted to something, we no longer have control.
But, an obsession of the mind, although at times can be overwhelming, can be changed easier than an addiction.
Some people are obsessed with television, work, games, or any number of activities that lead them away from their families and life.
Define success honestly and discover what you hope to achieve by writing. "Fame and fortune" is not all that.
word ver: micksh – what we say when we "mix" one too many
Nick says
Should we encourage everyone to write? Yes and no. I think when people are young, like my age (18 this upcoming January) or younger, should be encouraged, see who has potential, and those who do, IF they like it, should carry on.
When is writing too much? I would say never. But I also have many personal reasons as to why I will very probably never marry or bear children, and thus only have myself to be concerned with, and while I don't deny I would like a roof over my head, if it comes down to it, I'd rather be eating scraps out of a dumpster and writing on my arm with half-dead pens living in a cardboard box than stuck in a monotonous, poisonous work environment I loathe with little or no time to write.
I've more than likely said it before: Since I was in the third grade, writing is the one and only thing I've ever wanted to do with my life. The only feasible thing anyway. I have, ever since kindergarten, wanted to be a pirate, and frankly that is my only back up plan. Alas it's just not as realistic an option as 250-odd years ago.
As for other people, people like my friend Megan who's getting married this spring, it becomes too much if it starts adversely affecting home life. In some cases. In some cases, the partner may not be understanding, and if that's the case, I say get out ASAP. But if your partner is fine and dandy with you writing and understands that, and it's still negatively affecting your relationship and your life, stop and think.
Is it akin to addiction? Yes. I am at my happiest in my home life when I am writing. I am at my very happiest when I am visiting my friends who live in the UK, but here at home…well, my family is very dysfunctional, and the only time I really get any peace of mind is when no one else is around, so writing is a bit of a catharsis for me. Even if I'm writing something totally unrelated to my home troubles, it distracts me, it keeps me happy. So I suppose it's not much different than a heroin addict or some other sort of druggie, now that I think on it. Will I stop writing though? Not if I can help it. And if I lose the physical ability to write somehow, I will continue to craft stories in my mind.
Is this unhealthy? Most certainly. But like I said, not stopping. It is the one thing I've ever shown any degree of talent in, and it's the only thing I've wanted to do with my life that I can conceivably do. So long as we live in a society which demands I get a job to make money to maintain the basic things needed for life, I will never stop writing.
/end rant
Chris Bates says
@ Wendy:
"If writing is something we've enjoyed and got a thrill from doing, then not a second of doing it was wasted – whatever the outcome."
I gotta disagree with you, Wendy. Not to be argumentative, just that I think that there are degrees of self-involvement with writing.
I enjoy the writing process too, but the outcome of me getting my kicks can be excessive time spent writing or 'inhabiting' the work. Such focus can be detrimental to those who depend upon me for simple things like "Daddy, talk about when you were a little boy."
I hate to admit, there have been times that I have responded to such requests with an offhand, "Daddy has to go do some work, Sweetheart." That's real waste.
alexonthenet says
Yes we should encourage people to write since this group is the one who will buy the unknown author's books and who will attend seminars and leave reviews on their blogs promoting your short story.
I feel like the whole small publishing house world depends on the wanna-be writers. Encourage them at all cost.
J. Wolf says
I think the answer to this is in your ten commandments for writers. I refer to it whenever I wonder if writing is taking up too much of my life. Luckily I have four kids and a husband who are (almost always) amazingly supportive. They are okay with eating out and a messy house sometimes because they know this makes me happy. BUT I keep reminding myself, I only have a few years with my children before I have to let them out in the world. I have my whole life to write. Writing is my therapy, so when it makes me crazy instead of making me sane, I know its time to pull back.
Victoria says
Back to your other question… should we be encouraging everyone to write?
I'm torn on this one. On one hand, who am I to be setting myself up as guardian to the world of writing? It isn't for me to say whether anyone can or will make it as a published author. I believe it isn't for anyone to say, because even if someone's current work isn't ready, who is to say their next won't be perfect? Dedication and hard work will get even the most talentless writer published evenetually, I think. Most of writing is about the perspiration, not the inspiration. (Though talent helps it is a stepping stone forward, not a free-pass to success.)
On the other hand, I have found myself in situation where I am called to express my opinion as to whether someone's WIP is working or not. I have been known to deliver brutal feedback and I've also had critiquing partners do the same for me.
But I welcome this; I have been in the situation of submitting to my agent work my writing partners have raved over, only to find that indeed, it may have been more helpful if they'd been more ruthlessly honest about the suckability of the work in question.
In general, my point is that honesty is vastly under-rated in general in our society today, and it is easy to understand why – honest feedback is almost always delivered via sting. But if we were all a little more honest with each other about how much some of our work really does suck, we might all move toward publication a lot faster.
So, in a roundabout way, my answer is that we shouldn't tell anyone whether they can or can't write, but perhaps more honesty when they are on the journey to publication might be helpful.
wendy says
Yes, Ryan, that's a good point. I admit I was speaking from my own point of view where I've not had the responsibilities of children, etc. Of course these responbilities must come first. But I meant more in terms of worrying about outcomes such as success, fame, fortune. These things are not important compared to spending time doing what enjoy and love and learn so much from.
Jessie Oliveros says
Even if a writer does make it, if they sacrifice all the real stuff (family, relationships, self-respect) it is still not worth it. I like to consider what I will take with me to heaven when I die. Not a bestseller.
wendy says
Sorry, Chris, I meant to address my post to you. 🙂
Susanne says
Wow — that's quite a comment from your reader, Nathan. I guess I don't know anyone who fits that bill. Never met anyone who destroyed their life over writing, although I have met people who destroyed their lives over sex or drugs or rock n roll or ponzy schemes.
I lament not having enough time to write, as I am a full-time employee and wife, mother, homeowner with all the responsibilities that go along with each role. This means I have to carve out time to write after the most important responsibilities are taken care of — children (because they are the most important) and paid work (since it allows me to care for the children). Next comes writing, and then, sadly, husband and housework. You read that right — we've been married for 18 years. 🙂 That's all right — I come in about fourth or fifth on his list too. 😀 Somewhere after kids and paid work, then either football or guitar.
I still have managed to write several yet-unpublished novels and a dozen short stories (with two small sales). I figure since I have been able to keep everything else going on in my life, I am not spending too much time writing. But oh how i wish I could write full-time and envy those who do.
People are sensitive about writing and comments about their work because it feels very personal. You bleed when you write, you mine your brain, and if people dismiss your work, it feels as if you are being dismissed. Scar tissue takes a while to form and in the interim, the wound is very sensitive. I'm starting to develop a writer's thick skin, but I still hurt.
Susanne says
Oh, and as to the question of whether we should encourage everyone to write — I say that if you love to write, if you can't stop writing even if you don't sell it, and if you are able to keep it in perspective, then yes, yes, yes! Write for the sheer joy of it if it brings you joy. Life is too short to give up writing merely because you can't sell what you write.
Now, if you destroy your life and your family because of an obsession with selling a novel then you've got to step back and get some perspective.
A says
Are you kidding me?
Is Life unhealthy?
What's healthy?
Who's healthy?
Are you saying we're all nut-jobs, or just *potentially* nut-jobs?
Writing is a craft.
It requires practice. Patience. And a certain amount of confidence.
Don't rain on writing. Don't poison my well. Or…OR, I won't read your blog anymore! WAH!
Love the parade, and keep up the good work!
Donna Hole says
I'd have to say that your opening comment on this is as good a description of "too far" as any I could write.
What can I say; I'm a workaholic who hopes someday my hobby will become my income. Maybe I just don't have the drive to give up everything it takes.
……….dhole
anne says
Who's encouraging everybody to write? All I see is perfunctory disclaimers ("We all know writing's great, BUT…") and discussions implying that the chances of an unpublished writer turning into a published one are roughly the same as the chances of the American Medical Association endorsing socialized medicine.
I work with surgeons, who share many of the characteristics of writers as you describe them in your post, and nobody tells them to stop doing surgery and get real and spend time with their families. If established surgeons talked with medical students leaning toward a surgical career the way people on the web talk to aspiring writers, we'd have a huge surgeon shortage.
Even you, Nathan, who are better than most, still focus much of your blog on things like query letter wording, first paragraphs, and the like, leaving the impression that the chances of anyone getting a first book published are right up there with the chance the American Medical Association will embrace socialized medicine.
I think the advice to new writers people are popping their seed corn and munching it on DVD night with Slim Jims and cheap beer. I've been reading the new Cheever biography, and the early correspondence with his New Yorker editor is luminous. That can't have completely disappeared, can it have?
Mira says
Anne – wow, great point! Thanks.
I have to say the comments on this thread are just great. Really enjoying reading them.
Mira says
Although Anne, I do think Nathan is much more encouraging than you give him credit for….
I also think it's natural for him to grapple with whether to encourage or not.
I think it's very hard on agents to feel they are the cause of so much disappointment. To find a way to accept what their role is and then let go of the result is much easier said than done.
I've been thinking about that – how hard it must be to be an agent on an underlying level. Especially now with the internet, where agents are confronted with writers in the flesh, all wanting something from them. And having to turn down so many….
Hard.
I don't know if I'm making sense – hope I am.
Mira says
Oh, I'm worried someone will misunderstand. My above post wasn't really related to the topic. I'm not saying Nathan or any agent will discourage people from writing just so they won't have to turn them down. That doesn't make any sense. I'm just saying this is hard on both sides.
An agent has to make the best possible choices they can, trust that all the people they turned down have their own path, and when faced with the inevitable bumps in the road, learn from them, so they can grow in experience and skill.
Writers need to write and experience the joy of creation and insight regardless of the outcome. To let their hearts break sometimes and soar other times. And understand their own value is not determined by the creative process, but also see how the creative process connects them to something profound.
And I have had 4 papers, a test, and a mid-term within 2 days, and an unusual glass of wine tonight, and I'm going to stop typing now.
Allison Brennan says
To LYNN: 3 rejections? That's it? That's nothing. I had over 100 rejections before I sold. My 13th book is coming out at the end of January.
I have a workshop I've presented from time to time called NO PLOTTERS ALLOWED which is really more a motivational workshop about writers block, time, family and day job pressures. One of the things I ask the group is, "If you knew today that you would never sell, would you still write?" If you answer yes, you're halfway to publication. Doesn't mean you WILL sell, just means that you have the mindset TO sell.
When you have a passion for anything, it borders on unhealthy. A passionate relationship, even when both people love each other, can border on obsession. A passion for your job, whatever the job is from neurosurgeon to sales to writing, can lead to long hours not only out of necessity, but out of the need to do the job–it becomes, in many ways, a vocation.
I made a lot of sacrifices to make the time to write. I gave up television for three years (I love TV) because I had a full-time day job and a family and the only time I could write was at night after the kids went to bed. My husband also sacrificed because he was on his own at 9 pm every night. Still is most nights. My kids sacrifice by not having me around some weekends when I go to a conference–yet they get the benefit of me working from home so I can take the time to drive on field trips, go to their games, and pick them up when school gets out. I lost a lot of friends when I committed myself to writing–but I also discovered my true friends and new ones, and those friendship are stronger because either they were old friends who supported my writing and passion for writing, or new friends who understood because they share the passion.
Anahita says
I read in Robert McKee's Story, that "you must have some talent there; otherwise you wouldn't be itching for writing." I think it is true. If the itch is for writing and its intrinsic pleasure, I guess it generates exactly that—pleasure. It generates sustainable positive energy. It enhances life. It does not hurt it. Like any other passion of life that people follow. I have encouraged people to write, none of them actually did, it was not their favorite thing to do. They followed, passionately, their own things.
There is one more point I want to add: It took a while for me to realize the genre that I loved to write was the one that I loved to read since I was twelve. It may seem obvious to you but it took me a year to realize that. While writing in other genres had sometimes lead to frustration and wondering if I should do something else with my time, writing in my own favorite genre has been a blast of energy with no negative threads in it since the very beginning.