One of the many things I have discovered in the course of being a blogging agent is the intense sensitivity of many writer types.
And actually, the mere fact that I typed that sentence will probably get legions of anonymous commenters up in arms about my gross insensitivity. Steel yourselves, sensitive writers! Steel!
To take the most obvious example, there’s a proud and distinguished history of authors losing their minds over bad reviews and acting badly, to the point an author has to really, really act badly for anyone to surprised anymore (but writers also happen to be inventive types and manage to find new ways).
To take another example, I can’t count the number of times in the course of writing this blog I’ve been accused of hating writers or looking down on writers or otherwise being reflective of all that is wrong with publishing today. Even aside from the fact that I’m actually a writer in my spare time, why in the world would I spend my time blogging about writers and books if I hated them? Why would I have spent seven years in this business to begin with?
Now, to be clear and fair, I’ve written a lot of words on this blog and anyone who spills this much e-ink is going to misspeak or state things inartfully from time to time. So I’m not criticizing people for taking offense occasionally. I also don’t intend to absolve agents everywhere of bad behavior or attitudes that don’t deserve to be absolved.
But still, there’s a small, vocal portion of the Internet writing community who will seize upon any teeny tiny perceived slight and use it as proof that agents really truly are haters of writers/scum of the earth/enemy of Literature with a capital L/Philistines/Luddites/Carthaginians (is that a thing?)/you name it.
It’s worth remembering during these times: agents have devoted their working lives to writers, they have typically worked their way up for years while living in expensive cities and making less than some part time temp workers, and they often work for hours on end with writers whose books they can’t sell, for which they receive absolutely no compensation. I’ve never met a single agent who is in this business for any reason other than the fact that they love writers and they love books.
But there’s just something about writing, where it’s almost as if writer types feel things more deeply and need a channel for that passion and the inevitable frustration that comes with the business. And frustration really is inevitable. No matter how successful you are there are always going to be challenges, needlessly personal bad reviews/rejections, and any number of road blocks along the way.
Channeling it into frustration with the business side of publishing, against literary agents, editors, reviewers, bookstores… you see it so often, and yet it’s just so clearly not the most productive way to be.
Anecdote.
Michael Jordan is the one of the most notorious competitors and cataloguer of slights of all time. Rumor has it he never missed an opportunity to feel slighted. The sensitive soul of an artist!
And yet: he didn’t complain (at least not publicly) when he was supposedly frozen out when he was a young All Star or when the Pistons created the “Jordan Rules,” which basically entailed knocking him senseless at every opportunity, or about the height of the rims or the length of the court or David Stern or fans or anything else. Instead he set about destroying the competition on the court.
This is probably some of the most obvious advice you’ve ever seen on the Internet, but still! I think it’s worth remembering that if you’re a writer you are most likely also a sensitive type who must steel yourself from time to time and remember to channel your passion into the proper vessel: your writing.
If you have a child, not everyone will think it's cute.
If you Join the army, someone will shoot at you.
If you write, not everyone will think it's some celestial text penned in golden angel's blood by the 12 muses.
Sensitivity is not restricted to artists, just that art, by it's very nature, is a public forum event and therefore garners more focus and opinion.
For example, if someone walked up to you in the street and made and said "You know I can see where you were trying to go, but this route is much longer and doesn't have a view of the canal", you'd be pretty affronted. If you happened to be of the mind that the route you were taking was the single best route and the other ways were just cheap and tacky and for gaudy, foppish people, you'd probably fly into one.
Art, sport, TV, literature: all these things are designed for a public medium, regardless of whether or not they make it.
TO bastardize a quote from Henry Ford: Those who think they will or will not be offended by a thing, are probably right.
Word verification – Fuxpi: what is said when you can't remember 3.14285714285714
The fact is, you can't be sensitive about your work if you plan to make your living as an artist. Art is inherently subjective. Example: I thought Juno was a BRILLIANTLY CRAFTED movie, best dialogue I've heard in ages, and handled the issue of teen pregnancy with grace. Yet, FOX News insists that the film GLORIFIES teen pregnancy. I'm right, of course, but still :-). No matter how brilliant your story or writing are, someone will absolutely DETEST it. Might as well prepare yourself now, or its going to be a long road.
I don’t think many athletes are sensitive about their ability – it’s not subjective, like writing. They get feedback every time the ball leaves their hand, foot, racket, etc. An athlete KNOWS what he or she can do. (S)he’s not going to play a game and have some people say it was brilliant, others say it was okay, and others say it was the worst piece of garbage they ever saw.
Athletes are allowed to develop an inner confidence that is more elusive for writers. That’s why we, as writers, are more sensitive, I think.
Susan Quinn said: "I noticed right away my sensitivity levels zooming to the stratosphere. That could easily be facetious, but it is not – I became more sensitive once I started putting my heart, soul, tears and laughter on the page. So I sympathize with you tender hearts. I do. Really."
So true. It was the same for me. I was completely normal until I started writing (age 24). Before, I never used to cry over a movie no matter how tragic. After a year or two of serious writing, I first noticed a change when I suddenly cried at an old Star Trek TNG episode because it was so moving. Nowadays, I cry every time I watch Matthew Cuthbert die. I cry all the way through the third episode of (Gaskell's) North and South (BBC). And don't even get me started on Phantom of the Opera. Deluge! I used to make fun of people like me. ;o)
People often ask me if I write to "express myself." Asking what they mean by it usually reveals that they believe writing must be some sort of outlet or even therapy to help a person deal with stress, pain, whatever. But it's the other way round: the writing is the cause of much of the pain, stress, anxiety, etc. (Whether the result is worth all that pain and stress remains, for me, yet to be seen.)
But I believe without pain there can be no art.
And if people think the writing biz is tough, they ought to spend a little time in other fields.
Part of life is figuring out which criticisms are legit and intended to assist you, and which are someone else's 'unfinished business' that you really need to disregard.
Great post.
I think sports is a good analogy for writers, and it's the one I always have in the back of my mind when I'm about to give up. As a writer, you have to be a marathon runner, not a sprinter. When I'm lifting weights, it's the last few reps that make the difference (and that's when it's also the hardest). I ALLOW myself to feel down–I'm as sensitive as the next person and every single rejection makes me feel lousy. But then I get out there and start running again.
Thanks for writing this. It's right on.
T.
Shiela, have you ever talked to anyone ever about sport? Opinions over the quality of a performance or inate ability is probably THE driving force behind its media success.
The fact that two people can watch the same game with the same outcome and completely differ on their opinions on who 'should've' won not only underpins the allure of thing but also underpins the fact that some Sport is an form of art.
Sportsman live and die on confidence, sometimes from week to week, hell, sometimes in the middle of a match!
Writers are not special. It's the medium and the ungainly timeframe that matters. If you spent 4 months polishing your car for an international motor show, the feelings would be just as distressing.
word verification – Ecents: online money
Intense sensitivity is not just a phenomena restricted to writers; artists and animal rescuers make that list too. They all do one thing very well, they pour every ounce of their heart and soul into their work, be it on parchment, canvas or,in the case of the animal rescuer, the dying and abused.
I don't think they feel their emotions any deeper than anyone else but where they excel is sympathizing with another, be it character or creature. They coddle their work like a babe birthed from their own body; give breath, substance and ultimately they want to protect it. And here in lies the problem.
When the rejection form letter come the receiving individual views it as a personal slight. Due to the amount of emotional investment in the work the result is injury. I think Agents should remember that, but at the same time writers have to understand it wasn't personal. It was business.
As hard as it maybe despite the amount of emotional frustration one is feeling you have to retain your professional decorum. God knows that is difficult and I'm far from perfect. I can't count the number of times I've choked on a reply to keep from spouting off at the mouth. I've also shoved my hands in my pockets to stifle the urge to strangle the individual.
We must keep our professionalism when dealing with business. We can not let our emotions over some our mind. Instead take it bottle it up, search for the words then let it out through ink and parchment.
geez! I had hoped my comment was obviously giving my appreciation for Nathan rather than anyone thinking I was serious.
As for wondering if there are writers out there who think agents are evil… I can think of one bitter writer from a writing group online who does believe that and will encourage others not to submit to agents.
If you need more examples, check out one of those agent feedback websites. Holy crap the things people are bitter about- the agent responded too soon, the agent took to long- it is ridiculous.
Quite frankly, there are always people out there willing to hate. I am confused why someone would think there are no writers who think agents hate them. Heck I am sure you could find someone out there who believes Mother Teresa or Ghandi hates them.
Give it a rest.
Claiming literary agents hate writers is like saying primary school teachers hate children.
Great advice. I've just found your blog (living under a rock in Africa can leave a person a bit behind…), and love it.
Cheers
Holli in Ghana
This made me chuckle! Great post Nathan!
My skin is definitely thicker now that I've been around the block a few times. I even requested that my agent send me my rejections while he's shopping my new manuscript. But two days later I changed my mind and told him I'd rather not know. Guess it's not that thick.
I have to constantly remind myself that it's not personal, and to disconnect somewhat from my work but the things one knows rationally don't always make it to the more emotional part of the brain.
Nathan,
I did get a chuckle at how mad one (or maybe a few, who knows, who cares) annons got and directed their ire at you, demanding you produce proof. If they'd bother to read your blog history, they'd see where you've had to close down annon comments many times because someone came on flaming because they didn't like something you did (like who you picked to win a contest) or said (this happens to a number of agents, and many do keep the info on their blogs)
Those who want proof need look no further than some of the old posts on your blog.
Great topic, Nathan. I was devastated when I got my first bad review. I thought I was not talented enough, or even worthy enough to be a writer. But I never slashed out at anyone. And, I looked at it this way. I really enjoy writing. And, the more I write, the better I get.
And, the contest was fun!
Wow! This was a great post and so true.
I really don't want to know people think my writing sucks, but if it sucks, then don't beat around the bush just come right out and tell me. I'll go cry then try to make it not suck [so much] hopefully.
You know, this comment actually sucks! =)
Maya – thank you. That completely made my day, and I copied and pasted it to look at when I feel discouraged. Thanks!! 🙂
Your paragraph in the contest was just gorgeous. I'll absolutely look for your book. 🙂
Other Lisa – sorry I didn't mean to imply Rationals weren't writers. And even if I did, I think Twain, Neitzche and…..oh what was his name……alittle obscure, but still….oh, yeah, Shakespeare would just tell me I had no idea what I was talking about.
And you're an Architect? Cool. You're in good company with another obscure one…..oh yeah. Einstein.
I'm an INFJ, so there's a good chance we'd be friends if we met, since we match up. That's kind of cool.
Really, I just popped in to watch the legions of anonymous commenters froth over your sensitive writer-types statement.
LOL
JK
😀
G.
Thank you for this post. I loved the bit about Michael Jordan. Truth is, some people are born to complain (and I have those days as well.)
I couldn't agree more. I appreciate the fact that you take extraordinary care to present both sides of a matter, before you carefully slip in a well worded slice of advice. Obvious advice, that could be far more simply put:
Stop your whining and keep working!
Even tempered humour is a better way to vent, I find. At least it makes me laugh.
It's just as I've always believed, that motive is vitally important. Sometimes my motive is split (1) to have the labor of my heart published–so I listen carefully and edit, edit, edit (2) I, also, write it just the way I know is perfect, print it, and put it in my personal file. I'm new here and agree with the others, please, keep telling us the way you see it. Thanks.
I'm in danger of becoming a serial commenter, if not worse, but one of the comments reminded me of a Winston Churchill quote:
“Writing a book is an adventure. To begin with, it is a toy and an amusement; then it becomes a mistress, and then it becomes a master, and then a tyrant. The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the monster, and fling him out to the public.”
Now, Churchill probably didn't have a hard time getting published, but flinging your work out into the public doesn't have to mean "book deal at a large publishing house".
Several things came to mind when I read this post:
1. I actually have a pretty high tolerance for specific criticism. Either the person is totally off-base and I can ignore the comment, or they have a good point, and now I can change my work for the better. The reason I don't get offended is because the person is trying to help me improve my work.
However, I've gotten upset by a rejection letter for a totally unrelated reason. I spend a lot of time as a science researcher "selling" my work for grants, etc. and am fairly successful at this.I had this idea that a polished, professional, well-researched query would meet positive results. So my response to the "I don't think I'm the best agent for this" form letter, I had a moment of "oh, no! Does my work stink that badly? Was there something horribly wrong with my query? Am I just another one of those talentless pests agents complain about??"
2. I've been on several critique sites where people lashed out at those who didn't give a glowing review. It gets annoying fast.
3. I find it weird that people expect one to be angry at the agent/editor who did the rejecting. One of my friends found out I'd gotten a rejection letter, and proceeded to say some…unkind… things about the agent, who seems like a very nice person. She wouldn't believe me that it was probably me who failed to choose an agent properly or wrote a crappy novel, and swore that the person must be "incompetent". It was really weird– why would I be mad at the agent or editor?
I realize I'm a bit late in replying, and maybe I'm more zen about this than the average writer, but I take feedback from a professional as having merit. They're in the business. Until I'm published, I'm not.
Sure, I get dejected when I get a rejection or the feedback isn't good, but then I tell myself, "This person knows something about writing. There was a reason (even if they didn't give one) that it failed. So what's the reason? What can I do to make it better?"
But maybe that's also to do with the fact that I am consciously putting myself in the position of student. I'm still learning. When I get it right, then maybe I'll graduate to published.
Last year at a writing conference, I wound up going to a party after the day's events. Present was an agent who, though she'd asked me in a previous year to send in my manuscript, sent me a form rejection when I did. I, slightly tipsy (wine and I have this … history) told her as sincerely as possible, "Thank you for rejecting me." In the eight months between the rejection and the party, I'd had time to realize that whoa, it really did need a LOT of work.
Naturally the agent was slightly embarassed, probably because when someone says "You rejected me," they're a little bitter about it. I feel bad now for causing her any unintended discomfort. But I really was glad, because it gave me an opportunity to grow as a writer in fruitful and unexpected ways, ways that I hope will help me get published.
I am not sure how familiar you are with personality types? I am an INFP, who as a whole "make good writers, teachers, and psychologists" We are one of the most sensitive personality types as well.
The only thing to consider, is many good writers are in touch with emotion. That's how they know how to write stories that move the reader.
However, I believe sensitivity can be channeled for good. To be an effective writer, as much as you need to understand emotion, you need to also understand how to CONTROL emotion. Sensitivity can be used for good through writing – but when it the business end of things, its time to put the sensitivity aside. A truly sensitive person knows when not to be over-sensitive.
Another facet of the issue is people not being confident in their abilities. Do I care if someone rips my stories apart in a critique group? Of course not! I encourage it. This is how I learn. I find it truly exciting – to find out where my weaknesses are, why they are weaknesses, and how to fix them. HOW INSPIRING! That doesn't mean I don't mourn the death of parts of my manuscripts, but it's hard to dwell on it too long when there is work to be done – and the work that follows is always the most rewarding
My advice is to take rejection and channel it into something productive. Honestly, if you can't take the criticism of a few agents and publishers, how will you handle the rejection of the hundreds of people who may not like your story? Yes – even if you are "good enough" to get published, that doesn't mean that your book will be a bestseller or get five stars on Amazon.
Honestly, a little compassion could be shown towards the Literary Agents and Publishers. Many times books don't even earn back their production costs. They HAVE to be picky. Maybe writers could be a little more sensitive towards the time of these people and the amount of pressure they are under. It's the wrong kind of sensitivity that becomes a problem. As a writer, you have to please a lot of people. You can't be self centered.
A good start might be for people not send in unedited first drafts of their stories.
This is, of course, only my opinion. Which I think is the point. We all have them – so even if we like our story that doesn't mean the rest of the world has to like it too.
On a side note – understanding personality types is wonderful for character development. I always take the Meyer Briggs tests from the mindset of my characters to make sure i truly understand the character i am writing, and also to help me further develop them.
*steps off her soap box*