The….. winner…… is…… atthebottomofthispost.
But first, I promised to discuss more about what went into my decisions. And before we begin delving into the ins and outs of first paragraphs, I think I should probably state this up front for the record:
It’s just a first paragraph.
Lots of really great books have very quiet and/or unremarkable first paragraphs. Your book is not going to succeed or fail based solely on its first paragraph. While I do think a good first paragraph can help grab a reader, I hope the takeaway from this contest isn’t to elevate the first paragraph more than it deserves or convey that it’s essential to cram the entire plot into the first paragraph or to make it overly clever or to treat it as anything but it what it is: your reader’s first impression of the book.
I also want to emphasize, as I did in the last contest, that I think I read these first paragraphs differently as an agent than a lot of readers do. Lots of people look at the paragraphs and think, “Is this a book I want to read? Am I hooked? Would I buy this?” When I’m reading a paragraph (or a partial), I’m looking for execution more than I’m looking for whether there’s a catchy plot introduced right off the bat. If the writing isn’t there it doesn’t matter how much I like the concept.
Also, have I mentioned how hard it was to choose the finalists? It was hard. In order to show you the kinds of decisions I was making as I was whittling the 2,500 down to the longlist and the longlist down to 10, I thought it might be helpful to discuss some of the honorable mentions, both to give them credit where due for being awesome, and to show the kind of hairsplitting I had to engage in to reduce the list to just the ten finalists.
There were paragraphs, like John Askins’, where I really loved the concept. What isn’t there to like about a novel opening with a toilet-trained monkey in some bar in Guadalajara? But I felt that the transition between the second sentence and the third was a little choppy, and I didn’t feel that “potty trained” needed to be repeated in two sentences in a row and instead thought those sentences could be combined. Like I said, splitting hairs.
There were paragraphs like Jenny W.’s, which opens up such an appealing world. I love the idea of a man casually shooing away a monster going to the bathroom in the front yard. But while at first blush it read so smoothly and has such a great voice, there was a contradiction in the paragraph that I couldn’t quite get over – if it was the narrator’s first time seeing the monster, why were they on a first name basis and seemed so familiar with each other? It seemed like the catchy first line contradicted the rest of the paragraph.
There were other paragraphs, such as L.T. Host’s and Vanessa’s, where there’s a high concept hook right off the bat. These are classic “I want to know more” openers, and seriously, I really want to know more please e-mail me. But in a competition for best first paragraph, I had to leave out ones that had an interesting, straightforward concept but mainly left it at that. I really liked these paragraphs and don’t want/need a paragraph that’s overwrought or needlessly florid, but I couldn’t help but feel that there could have been something just a little bit more to invite the reader a further into these worlds even if there’s a high concept idea introduced right away.
Can you tell how subjective this gets when you’re choosing between 20-25 of the best written paragraphs? It is.
Now. Circling back: do I have an overarching philosophy when it comes to first paragraphs?
Sort of.
I was pretty surprised at the specificity of many of the people who weighed in on the You Tell Me on what makes a good paragraph, not to mention how contradictory many of the opinions were. Some people only wanted in media res, some hate in media res. Some want description, some don’t. Some like beginning with dialogue, some hate beginnings with dialogue. Some want to be grabbed by the throat, some want to be led in gently. Some want spare, some want florid. It definitely explains why there are such wildly divergent opinions about the paragraphs.
I don’t have any set preferences when it comes to structure and approach. frohock left a great comment that sums up my feeling about first paragraphs almost entirely. Essentially, I think the first paragraph has three important functions: it establishes the tone/voice, it gets the reader into the flow of the book, and it establishes trust between the author and reader.
The concept of flow and rhythm is especially important. It’s hard to begin reading a book. The reader is starting with a blank slate and doesn’t have much context for understanding what is happening. It takes a lot of brain power to read the opening and begin to feel comfortable in the world of that book. So even if the novel starts with action, or especially if it begins with action, it’s very important to draw in the reader methodically, with one thought leading to the next. The flow of the words and a steady building goes a long way toward hooking the reader. Quite a few paragraphs jumped around or felt scattered, and it made it difficult to stay engaged.
And on the trust issue: I shy away from anything that feels like a gimmick. A novel is simply too long for gimmicks. Not only do they get exhausting, anything that is clever merely for the sake of being clever comes at the expense of trust between author and reader. To put it another way: if a first paragraph is how an author makes their first impression, using a gimmick in the opener is kind of like going to shake the reader’s hand while wearing a hand buzzer. There might be a quick thrill, but they’re probably not going to trust you after that. There was a feeling of forced cleverness in many of the entries where I wasn’t able to lose myself in the paragraph and forget the hand of the author who was writing it.
In any contest where someone is reading 2,500 paragraphs basically in one setting, originality is probably more important than it would be normally. While there were plenty of openings in this contest that were very good, there were stretches where things kind of blended together. The ones that were different tended to stand out in the contest, even though I fully recognize that you can write a perfectly competent but unremarkable first paragraph and still write a very good book.
Lastly, I would urge everyone to read as many of the entries as possible. There really is no substitute for reading them until your eyes bleed and see what begins to jump out at you once they’ve begun to blend together. Manning a slush pile is a tremendous learning opportunity for any writer, and reading a couple thousand of these is the closest approximation.
And speaking of blending together, here are some of the things I saw a lot of as I read through the entries. Bear in mind that I’m not saying you can’t use any of these elements in your first paragraph. Anything can be done well. But these are common tropes that I picked up on:
– There were quite a lot openings with setting/rising suns and characters bathed in red colors, as well as moons and characters bathed in twilight.
– Girls looking in mirrors/brushing their hair/looking in mirrors while brushing their hair
– Holy cow, or should I say Holy Dead Bloody Cow were there a lot of corpses and blood in the first paragraphs. “Blood” was used 181 times, and that doesn’t count the euphemisms. Not necessarily a bad thing (and one of the bloody ones made the finals), but wow.
– You wrote a lot of paragraphs in the second person.
– One common trope involves a person who is dying but feels all detached from the experience. Sort of like: “I am dying, but I feel nothing but a bemused disinterest about it. Isn’t it curious that I’m dying? I suppose I should be scared right now. This is peculiar indeed.”
– Waking up/waking up in a panic/waking up in a burning down house/waking up from a really good dream/waking up from a really bad nightmare/waking up and not wanting to wake up/waking up and realizing actually dead.
– Gripping the steering wheel tightly
– Contemplating the depth of an important moment, especially: “If only this one thing hadn’t happened, then everything would have been different.” “It was just like any other day, only then this one thing happened.” “This was the precise moment when everything changed.”
– The pull the chair out from under the reader several times paragraph, like this: “Statement. Well, it wasn’t that per se, it was somewhat like this. Or should I say rather more like this. Still, it was indeed kind of like that original statement. Only kind of not really.”
– Common phrases: “consumed with fear,” “last thing I/he/she wanted/expected, “washed over me/him/her, “top of my/his/her lungs,” “farthest thing from my/his/her mind,” “(blank) – literally,” “they/my mom/my grandmother say(s) that (aphorism).”
Like I said, any of these things can be done very well, and I’m not trying to say you shouldn’t use any of them. It’s just difficult to make something unique out of elements that are very common, and I think we’re all generally drawn to something that feels different.
For instance, someone along the way pointed out that SATURDAY opens with the protagonist waking up. So it can be done, particularly if your novel takes place over the course of one day and particularly if your name is Ian McEwan. And if anything, the same trope in the beginning can result in wildly different results. “Dark and stormy night” can lead to WRINKLE IN TIME or it can lead to this paragraph from PAUL CLIFFORD, originally written by the long-dead Edward Bulwer-Lytton, the inspiration for the bad-writing contest of the same name, which I assume someone entered in an attempt to trick me.
Heh.
Here is why I ended up choosing these ten finalists:
Josin L. McQuein pulls you in with the geometry-teacher-as-devil idea, and then keeps it going with a great punch line. I really love “I want to strangle myself with a hypotenuse,” not only because it’s funny, but it’s geometrically accurate! Great voice.
Alanna. Confession: I am not generally a fan of the second person. But I thought the writing and the concept here are quite spectacular and I didn’t hesitate to include this paragraph as a finalist. I thought it was moving to have the action going in reverse, the prose was top notch (love: “The dust falls out of the beam of light from your window and settles back on the scarred wooden floor”), and I found the interplay between the writing and subject very evocative. I might have liked it even better if it were third person, but this is some serious raw writing talent on display.
K and A. What I love about this paragraph is how fully-realized this world is and how effortlessly the details are melded into the paragraph. I was drawn in by the list of people and how they aren’t what they say they are, but what really drove this paragraph home for me was that the new arrival shows up with a protest sign that says “Peace not plasma.” K and A didn’t stop with the plot concept, there are small details throughout that creates a very convincing and interesting world. This is a great example of how a world can come alive with small details.
M has an instantly memorable setup: a protag with a changed name on the run from some murders. But it’s more than just an interesting concept, there’s a great voice too. I love that the character is looking out for the reader. Now. Is Mara the culprit or a witness? I guess we’ll have to read on to find out.
Jackie Brown. I really liked the interplay between inside and outside in this paragraph. At first it seemed like the child was perhaps dangerous (she’s wearing a mask and we see her staring in the door and is compared to a ghost), but then the action subtly shifts and we’re seeing things from the perspective of a very human-like child staring inside at a mysterious veiled figure. I found the experience of reading it very unsettling in a good way, almost like, “Hey, wait, my brain was just in that house what in the heck is in there?”
miridunn. I thought this paragraph had very strong writing, great rhythm, and it’s about a very wrenching subject. Quite a few people who read the first couple hundred paragraphs mentioned this one as a standout, and I think it’s a reflection of how gripping it is right away.
Travis Erwin. The humor and sense of place just shine right through. The joke about the titles of other coming of age stories is hilarious and instantly memorable. Very clever and very funny.
Simon C. Larter. This is another paragraph that combines great rhythm with great details, which suck the reader into the story. I thought the writing was smooth and the tension palpable.
Lisa Marie gave an immediate, gripping sense of grief, and I thought the contrast between the precision with which the protagonist moved on and the mystery of the note was interesting and moving. A very nice progression throughout the paragraph.
Maya. There were a whole lot of paragraphs that began with a character outside in nature and contemplating where they are in life and thinking about what’s next. I chose Maya’s to represent this group because I thought the different elements came together very nicely – the pomegranate juice, the sound of the orchard, and the bark in her back all meshed with what she is thinking about her past. I found it to be an elegant and nicely balanced paragraph that appealed to all of the senses and evoked a place.
Congratulations to all of the finalists!
And now…
I have tallied the votes.
The four runners-up are….
miridunn
M
Josin L. McQuein
Alanna
Congratulations! Please e-mail me about your query critique and signed THE SECRET YEAR bookmark.
And now, the author of the stupendously ultimate winning paragraph and the winner of a prize of his choosing and a galley and our undying admiration is….
TRAVIS ERWIN!!!
Congratulations to Travis, and thanks so much to everyone who participated!
Re: gimmicks, I elaborated a bit up the thread. It's impossible to generalize too greatly about them, though, because every paragraph/story is different.
Hey- I voted for Travis- do I have the makings of an agent? : )
Congratulations to all. I will join Mira in expressing that this was a hard contest for me too. On one hand, it gave the week a level of excitement it wouldn't have had, but on the other, my paragraph didn't have any of the mentioned over-done elements. I could make myself crazy trying to figure out why it wasn't picked (but I won't). I admit I'm disappointed for myself, but I still enjoyed the contest- especially the pro-Faulkner part!
Very well done, everyone!
Mira, if you are still around, don't be bummed! You are in good company. I saw many excellent writers submit paragraphs here.
It would be interesting to know if any of the finalists' entries were made up for this contest. I would imagine that the more compelling openings have a complete story behind them, but I may be wrong.
This was such a great learning experience. Thanks Nathan and everyone who participated. So much fun!
Travis, congrats! I hope this encourages you to finish the MSS.
Nathan, thank you for running the contest. I missed most of the first part but caught up pretty quickly and enjoyed it immensely!
M, Congrats on being shortlisted. I just wanted to point out something. Your paragraph reminded my of Jodi Picoult's 'Nineteen Minutes' which is about a teenager that kills his classmates and it mentions Death Cab for Cutie somewhere in the first chaper (maybe second). While I'm sure you haven't read it, it made me instantly think of it and almost made me think you were trying to emulate her writing. I wasn't going to mention it as I'm 100% sure that's not the case but if I were you and there was a chance other readers might think that way, I would hope that someone would point it out.
Kia x
Congratulations to Travis and to the runners-up! I really felt like there were a lot of great entries — so many that I, er, was a weenie when it came to voting.
I really enjoy the discussion about what makes a great first graph and also how important that is to the balance of the book. What I take away from all this is, yes, the first graph needs to establish voice, trust and chops. But a novel is loooong. It's about sustaining a level of story and craft over many many pages. Every paragraph is important, but it's also just one of many.
Word verification: "piker." Which is what I'm in danger of becoming if I don't get to work.
Nathan,
How on earth did I only find out about your blog last week? Thank you so much for running the contest – talk about a crash course on how to write an opening! (A crash course with good timing, I should add – for me, anyway.)
Seriously. Thank you.
K.Olson
Congratulations to Travis Erwin and all the runners-up!
(I just returned home from a 4-day whirlwind of a vacation in Southern California, so I missed most of the winner announcement excitement here on this blog. I had stopped in briefly to congratulate the winners, but haven't yet had time to read the entry paragraphs or comments. Looks like there’s a lot to read.)
Nathan, I am amazed that you could put in so much time in helping out authors and even more time with contests such as this, and you get comments like "Gordon Jerome."
You know, we all love you, Nathan!
I haven't read the 114 comments before mine, but I'm not sure I understand what you mean by 'a gimmick.' In your post you note that a novel is too long for gimmick and that an opening that is cute for the sake of being cute doesn't work.
I wish I understood this so that I don't do it! 🙂
Hooray Travis!
Also, just a reminder to miridunn and Jackie Brown to write those dang things so we can find out "what happens next". Promise?
Thank you too Nathan for being a cyborg. Your blood must also run with enough caffeine to wire a city.
ok, off to write (songs).
Ctrl+F, guys. Ctrl+F.
Hurray, Travis!
Great notes, Nathan, very helpful. Ignore the haters.
Congrats, Travis. Fun entry, and well done!
Congratulations and well done, all!
Thanks for all your voluntary work in hosting the contest, Nathan! I didn't get my paragraph posted in time, but it was a great learning experience nonetheless. Congrats to the finalists and winner!
Travis – after reading your comment, I'm really glad you entered and won this contest. When I see your memoir in the window at Borders, I'll feel like my vote helped propel you to finish it.
Nathan – a belated and heartfelt thanks. I read about 80% of the entries, and doing that gave me a glimpse of what it must be like to be on the receiving end of countless queries.
Reading the finalists and long list helped me understand aspects of my own writing that need improvement. Lots of agents and editors tell writers what to do or avoid, but by running this contest you're showing us.
wtg, Travis! Congrats!
*admires you undyingly*
🙂
Congrats to Travis
Nathan,
Thanks again for all your effort. Your gifts of time and sage advice are not lost on all of us out here with stories to tell.
Gordon,
Did you really need a contest like this to learn that reading taste is subjective?
Most of us lost the contest too. Boo hoo.
Get over it man.
Just wanted to add my CONGRATS to Travis and my thanks to Nathan for running the contest.
And thank you for writing this sentence: "anything that is clever merely for the sake of being clever comes at the expense of trust between author and reader." You put into words everything I've been trying to identify as what's wrong with my own novel. I've skipped depth and that all-important third dimension for the sake of clever quips. I lost sight of the most important thing: tell the damn story. Thanks, Nathan!
Congrats Travis, and to all who made the finals.
Nathan…
Did you read the thousands of entries on your kindle or your iPhone?
Congratulations, Travis!
Thanks, Nathan, for the contest. It's great to see such a range of creativity among writers. 🙂
Congrats to Travis and all the finalists – this was a great contest. Oh yeah, and Nathan rocks because I learned about word clouds.
Congrats, Travis!
Thanks for another great contest, Nathan. I'm grateful for your list of trends in first graphs as well as the reasons you chose your finalists — sound advice for for the thousands of us who didn't win! Finally, no one should fret about not winning; it's always better to lose than not to try!
Travis, you rock. Bask in well- deserved glory. Ditto all the finalists. And everybody who entered. Lots of really creative stuff here.
But non-finalists shouldn't take this as an excuse to wallow in a slough of despond. As Nathan said, sometimes positioning kept a piece buried with similar ones when it might have been a standout in another spot. Lots of reasons something excellent might be ignored in such a quick reading.
And blog-god that he is, Nathan is just one (albeit superpowered) person. Taste is subjective.
My entry came from a story that has already won two other contests. It didn't place here. Does that make me a loser? I don't think so.
It's just that this is Travis's moment. And he deserves it.
I can't believe you were able to spot a previously published entry. Who ARE you?!!
What a fun contest. I found that it was easier for me to spot what didn't work (for me). But the amount of paragraphs that could certainly be made into books I'd like to read was overwhelming.
Also, I got goosebumps for the two people you asked, "seriously, email me." Cool for them.
Your blog is so fun.
Good Job, Travis.
Thanks, Nathan, for the contest.
Congrats, Travis!
And, thanks Nathan for letting us all in on what draws you into a novel! I've really enjoyed this contest!
K. Found the thread expansion on gimmicks. Still thinking on it. Hmmm…
If you run out of post topics, some specific examples of this might be helpful.
Thank you, Nathan. Fascinating lessons. And now I know what "trope" means too.
First of all, Travis, well done! and I'm glad you are happy.
Alanna, I love "backwards" writing and your paragraph filled me with appreciation.
Nathan, I have learnt a lot from you today and regret posting a hurridly typed first paragraph after shying away from revealing my actual manuscript.
I shall now serve myself up a slice of humble pie, with sauce.
Congrats, Travis! Excellent, indeed. And thanks to Nathan for all the great first paragraph writing tips. Most helpful.
Travis!
The opening made me smile – I did want to know more.
Jackie – your paragraph sent chill down my spine – I would love to read the rest too. It is haunting.
Thanks Nathan, a great learning experience, as usual.
Obviously, you have, again, decimated my writerly self-esteem and confidence. 🙂
WORD VERIFICATION: jackf? Is this you replying already? lol
Congratulations, Travis. Well done, sir. And all in the space of six sentences, too!
Congrats to all the other finalists as well. Each of the paragraphs was arresting in its own way, and the variety was amazing!
For may part, like I said last week, I'm a finalist, and that's enough. It's those little bits of validation that keep us going as writers, isn't it?
And Monsieur Bransford, many thanks for the opportunity, and for the encouragement you've given me. That'll keep me going for a good long while!
Oh wow TRavis! Congratulations! Even though I wasn't even close to being chosen, this contest gave me an incredible incentive to go back and re-examine my WIP. THANK YOU NATHAN! My husband is getting tired of hearing me talk about you and your blog everyday, but I just can't help myself.
Travis, I'm not having a great day today, but reading your comment, so full of rightful pride and happiness in having your paragraph selected, gave me a smile.
This is the best blog ever!
Yay for Travis and Fabulous for Josie and others. Okay, I voted for Josie but it was a great contest. I am so happy my paragraph did not have any common glitches. Fun for all. Thanks, Nathan!
I vote for Simon/Thank-god I can get more e-mails now. I learned that the the drama I accused everyone else of having is my problem/My grandson is Nathan Isaac Stoller/when I sent you Natie my synopsis disguised as a query it spit out funny/w lil' #'s all over the place/ I'll send it again from the micro-space. I want the male stripper sheriff to give me a massage next year/and for my phone to ring/ "Hello is Francy there/I want to critique your manuscript." At sixty-two yrs. old I should be able to know that I'm a first rate poet and that fiction/non-fiction is just as difficult as poetry. Thank-you all/ Alanna/Maya/ Myra/Justin/Anon.1/11/and 111, I'm going to get busy now and create a novel that when I close my eyes I can see every word perfect.
Congratulations Travis and all the finalists. Such great entries.
Thanks for running the contest again Nathan, it's really interesting and a great learning experience.
This contest has been very,very, very, mega-helpful in my own writing. Thanks Nathan!
Also re: Gordon, if a genius writer is going to be completely discouraged from ever writing again because they didn't place in a first paragraph competition on a blog, I doubt they would last long in the publishing industry anyway.
Yeah! Congrats to all the runners up and especially to Travis. Your paragraph was a stand-out and very fun read.
🙂
I'd be very curious to know: How many of the finalists and honorable mentionees have finished their respective works and how many are still works in progress?
Would you guys be willing to tell us?
Congratulations, Sir Travis!
I look forward to buying your novel.
Congratulations.
Well done Travis, I totally loved your opener…they were all great, but yours rocked a little bit more!
Congratulations Travis and to all of the finalists.
Thank you Nathan for having this contest. I'm looking forward to the next one.
Congrats to Travis and all the finalists!
Nathan – once again you educated with style and humor. Nicely done (and thanks!).
I was wondering if you saw any qualitative differences in the entries this year, compared to para-contest numero uno? More vampire entries? Different genre weightings? More similes?
Since I know you're really a computer, your mechanical brain should be able to spit that right out.
🙂
Thanks again for a great contest!
Faulkner achieved his immortality in the same fashion as Gertrude Stein: by generating "literary fog" (in Ralph Keyes' words) that people were too intimidated by to call the nonsense that it was.
Steinbeck rules all; Faulkner's mother was a fish. And that's the game!
😀
Interesting result.
I liked Travis' voice, but I couldn't get over the literary allusion to David Copperfield in the first passage of a 'coming-of-age' story. Being such a well-established characteristic of The Catcher in the Rye, I'm certain I would've compared every aspect of the remainder of the story with Salinger's.
On the flip side, it was presented in a slightly different context and the writing was capable. Perhaps the story goes on to sufficiently stand alone.
Regardless, congratulations to him and everyone who submitted. You put yourself out there and win or lose, you should be proud of yourself.
The remainder of Travis' non-fiction account is just as stellar as the first paragraph.
Congratulations to the runner-up finalists, too.
Thank you, Nathan, for hosting an exciting time for striving writers.