The….. winner…… is…… atthebottomofthispost.
But first, I promised to discuss more about what went into my decisions. And before we begin delving into the ins and outs of first paragraphs, I think I should probably state this up front for the record:
It’s just a first paragraph.
Lots of really great books have very quiet and/or unremarkable first paragraphs. Your book is not going to succeed or fail based solely on its first paragraph. While I do think a good first paragraph can help grab a reader, I hope the takeaway from this contest isn’t to elevate the first paragraph more than it deserves or convey that it’s essential to cram the entire plot into the first paragraph or to make it overly clever or to treat it as anything but it what it is: your reader’s first impression of the book.
I also want to emphasize, as I did in the last contest, that I think I read these first paragraphs differently as an agent than a lot of readers do. Lots of people look at the paragraphs and think, “Is this a book I want to read? Am I hooked? Would I buy this?” When I’m reading a paragraph (or a partial), I’m looking for execution more than I’m looking for whether there’s a catchy plot introduced right off the bat. If the writing isn’t there it doesn’t matter how much I like the concept.
Also, have I mentioned how hard it was to choose the finalists? It was hard. In order to show you the kinds of decisions I was making as I was whittling the 2,500 down to the longlist and the longlist down to 10, I thought it might be helpful to discuss some of the honorable mentions, both to give them credit where due for being awesome, and to show the kind of hairsplitting I had to engage in to reduce the list to just the ten finalists.
There were paragraphs, like John Askins’, where I really loved the concept. What isn’t there to like about a novel opening with a toilet-trained monkey in some bar in Guadalajara? But I felt that the transition between the second sentence and the third was a little choppy, and I didn’t feel that “potty trained” needed to be repeated in two sentences in a row and instead thought those sentences could be combined. Like I said, splitting hairs.
There were paragraphs like Jenny W.’s, which opens up such an appealing world. I love the idea of a man casually shooing away a monster going to the bathroom in the front yard. But while at first blush it read so smoothly and has such a great voice, there was a contradiction in the paragraph that I couldn’t quite get over – if it was the narrator’s first time seeing the monster, why were they on a first name basis and seemed so familiar with each other? It seemed like the catchy first line contradicted the rest of the paragraph.
There were other paragraphs, such as L.T. Host’s and Vanessa’s, where there’s a high concept hook right off the bat. These are classic “I want to know more” openers, and seriously, I really want to know more please e-mail me. But in a competition for best first paragraph, I had to leave out ones that had an interesting, straightforward concept but mainly left it at that. I really liked these paragraphs and don’t want/need a paragraph that’s overwrought or needlessly florid, but I couldn’t help but feel that there could have been something just a little bit more to invite the reader a further into these worlds even if there’s a high concept idea introduced right away.
Can you tell how subjective this gets when you’re choosing between 20-25 of the best written paragraphs? It is.
Now. Circling back: do I have an overarching philosophy when it comes to first paragraphs?
Sort of.
I was pretty surprised at the specificity of many of the people who weighed in on the You Tell Me on what makes a good paragraph, not to mention how contradictory many of the opinions were. Some people only wanted in media res, some hate in media res. Some want description, some don’t. Some like beginning with dialogue, some hate beginnings with dialogue. Some want to be grabbed by the throat, some want to be led in gently. Some want spare, some want florid. It definitely explains why there are such wildly divergent opinions about the paragraphs.
I don’t have any set preferences when it comes to structure and approach. frohock left a great comment that sums up my feeling about first paragraphs almost entirely. Essentially, I think the first paragraph has three important functions: it establishes the tone/voice, it gets the reader into the flow of the book, and it establishes trust between the author and reader.
The concept of flow and rhythm is especially important. It’s hard to begin reading a book. The reader is starting with a blank slate and doesn’t have much context for understanding what is happening. It takes a lot of brain power to read the opening and begin to feel comfortable in the world of that book. So even if the novel starts with action, or especially if it begins with action, it’s very important to draw in the reader methodically, with one thought leading to the next. The flow of the words and a steady building goes a long way toward hooking the reader. Quite a few paragraphs jumped around or felt scattered, and it made it difficult to stay engaged.
And on the trust issue: I shy away from anything that feels like a gimmick. A novel is simply too long for gimmicks. Not only do they get exhausting, anything that is clever merely for the sake of being clever comes at the expense of trust between author and reader. To put it another way: if a first paragraph is how an author makes their first impression, using a gimmick in the opener is kind of like going to shake the reader’s hand while wearing a hand buzzer. There might be a quick thrill, but they’re probably not going to trust you after that. There was a feeling of forced cleverness in many of the entries where I wasn’t able to lose myself in the paragraph and forget the hand of the author who was writing it.
In any contest where someone is reading 2,500 paragraphs basically in one setting, originality is probably more important than it would be normally. While there were plenty of openings in this contest that were very good, there were stretches where things kind of blended together. The ones that were different tended to stand out in the contest, even though I fully recognize that you can write a perfectly competent but unremarkable first paragraph and still write a very good book.
Lastly, I would urge everyone to read as many of the entries as possible. There really is no substitute for reading them until your eyes bleed and see what begins to jump out at you once they’ve begun to blend together. Manning a slush pile is a tremendous learning opportunity for any writer, and reading a couple thousand of these is the closest approximation.
And speaking of blending together, here are some of the things I saw a lot of as I read through the entries. Bear in mind that I’m not saying you can’t use any of these elements in your first paragraph. Anything can be done well. But these are common tropes that I picked up on:
– There were quite a lot openings with setting/rising suns and characters bathed in red colors, as well as moons and characters bathed in twilight.
– Girls looking in mirrors/brushing their hair/looking in mirrors while brushing their hair
– Holy cow, or should I say Holy Dead Bloody Cow were there a lot of corpses and blood in the first paragraphs. “Blood” was used 181 times, and that doesn’t count the euphemisms. Not necessarily a bad thing (and one of the bloody ones made the finals), but wow.
– You wrote a lot of paragraphs in the second person.
– One common trope involves a person who is dying but feels all detached from the experience. Sort of like: “I am dying, but I feel nothing but a bemused disinterest about it. Isn’t it curious that I’m dying? I suppose I should be scared right now. This is peculiar indeed.”
– Waking up/waking up in a panic/waking up in a burning down house/waking up from a really good dream/waking up from a really bad nightmare/waking up and not wanting to wake up/waking up and realizing actually dead.
– Gripping the steering wheel tightly
– Contemplating the depth of an important moment, especially: “If only this one thing hadn’t happened, then everything would have been different.” “It was just like any other day, only then this one thing happened.” “This was the precise moment when everything changed.”
– The pull the chair out from under the reader several times paragraph, like this: “Statement. Well, it wasn’t that per se, it was somewhat like this. Or should I say rather more like this. Still, it was indeed kind of like that original statement. Only kind of not really.”
– Common phrases: “consumed with fear,” “last thing I/he/she wanted/expected, “washed over me/him/her, “top of my/his/her lungs,” “farthest thing from my/his/her mind,” “(blank) – literally,” “they/my mom/my grandmother say(s) that (aphorism).”
Like I said, any of these things can be done very well, and I’m not trying to say you shouldn’t use any of them. It’s just difficult to make something unique out of elements that are very common, and I think we’re all generally drawn to something that feels different.
For instance, someone along the way pointed out that SATURDAY opens with the protagonist waking up. So it can be done, particularly if your novel takes place over the course of one day and particularly if your name is Ian McEwan. And if anything, the same trope in the beginning can result in wildly different results. “Dark and stormy night” can lead to WRINKLE IN TIME or it can lead to this paragraph from PAUL CLIFFORD, originally written by the long-dead Edward Bulwer-Lytton, the inspiration for the bad-writing contest of the same name, which I assume someone entered in an attempt to trick me.
Heh.
Here is why I ended up choosing these ten finalists:
Josin L. McQuein pulls you in with the geometry-teacher-as-devil idea, and then keeps it going with a great punch line. I really love “I want to strangle myself with a hypotenuse,” not only because it’s funny, but it’s geometrically accurate! Great voice.
Alanna. Confession: I am not generally a fan of the second person. But I thought the writing and the concept here are quite spectacular and I didn’t hesitate to include this paragraph as a finalist. I thought it was moving to have the action going in reverse, the prose was top notch (love: “The dust falls out of the beam of light from your window and settles back on the scarred wooden floor”), and I found the interplay between the writing and subject very evocative. I might have liked it even better if it were third person, but this is some serious raw writing talent on display.
K and A. What I love about this paragraph is how fully-realized this world is and how effortlessly the details are melded into the paragraph. I was drawn in by the list of people and how they aren’t what they say they are, but what really drove this paragraph home for me was that the new arrival shows up with a protest sign that says “Peace not plasma.” K and A didn’t stop with the plot concept, there are small details throughout that creates a very convincing and interesting world. This is a great example of how a world can come alive with small details.
M has an instantly memorable setup: a protag with a changed name on the run from some murders. But it’s more than just an interesting concept, there’s a great voice too. I love that the character is looking out for the reader. Now. Is Mara the culprit or a witness? I guess we’ll have to read on to find out.
Jackie Brown. I really liked the interplay between inside and outside in this paragraph. At first it seemed like the child was perhaps dangerous (she’s wearing a mask and we see her staring in the door and is compared to a ghost), but then the action subtly shifts and we’re seeing things from the perspective of a very human-like child staring inside at a mysterious veiled figure. I found the experience of reading it very unsettling in a good way, almost like, “Hey, wait, my brain was just in that house what in the heck is in there?”
miridunn. I thought this paragraph had very strong writing, great rhythm, and it’s about a very wrenching subject. Quite a few people who read the first couple hundred paragraphs mentioned this one as a standout, and I think it’s a reflection of how gripping it is right away.
Travis Erwin. The humor and sense of place just shine right through. The joke about the titles of other coming of age stories is hilarious and instantly memorable. Very clever and very funny.
Simon C. Larter. This is another paragraph that combines great rhythm with great details, which suck the reader into the story. I thought the writing was smooth and the tension palpable.
Lisa Marie gave an immediate, gripping sense of grief, and I thought the contrast between the precision with which the protagonist moved on and the mystery of the note was interesting and moving. A very nice progression throughout the paragraph.
Maya. There were a whole lot of paragraphs that began with a character outside in nature and contemplating where they are in life and thinking about what’s next. I chose Maya’s to represent this group because I thought the different elements came together very nicely – the pomegranate juice, the sound of the orchard, and the bark in her back all meshed with what she is thinking about her past. I found it to be an elegant and nicely balanced paragraph that appealed to all of the senses and evoked a place.
Congratulations to all of the finalists!
And now…
I have tallied the votes.
The four runners-up are….
miridunn
M
Josin L. McQuein
Alanna
Congratulations! Please e-mail me about your query critique and signed THE SECRET YEAR bookmark.
And now, the author of the stupendously ultimate winning paragraph and the winner of a prize of his choosing and a galley and our undying admiration is….
TRAVIS ERWIN!!!
Congratulations to Travis, and thanks so much to everyone who participated!
Pseudonymous High School Teacher says
Congratualtions to Travis and the runners up!
I bookmarked your blog last week thinking I would enter and then utterly forgot.
I'll be back to read the slush pile. Hopefully it will inspire my writing.
My usual slush pile of tenth grade student writing (this week they have poems coming in) has the opposite effect on me. As in makes me want to go running or surfing and not sit at a computer on my time off.
Stephanie says
So, after the comment with the "Pretentious, much?" remark, I realized that not only can I not type today, but my post was pretentious. I didn't intend it to be. I just wanted to emphasize that no opportunity to learn is wasted, and this was an opportunity to learn. I'll shut up now.
Matilda McCloud says
Congrats, Travis! Can't wait to read the rest of your memoir.
Congrats to all finalists and honorable mentions,
and congrats to everyone else as well. I read a lot of great paragraphs!
Sarah Laurenson says
Congrats, Travis! Awesome voice.
Congrats to the runners up, the finalists and the honorable mentions, too.
And thank you very much, Nathan. You are so generous with your help, your insight, your support, your failing eyesight. 🙂
I do find it interesting that there were 3 times as many entries as votes in this contest. I know some people are busy and couldn't vote for various reasons, but seems like a large dropout rate.
Cat Woods says
Thanks, Nathan, for a wonderful experience. Reading so many first paragraphs followed by a professional opinion regarding them in general was very enlightening.
Congrats to the winners–who are in essence, everyone who had the guts to submit.
Ryan Thomas Riddle says
Congrats to Travis and all the finalist. Job well done!
Thradar says
Congrats Travis!
I read many of the entries and the overlap of themes and ideas started to make my brain hurt. =) Nathan IS a machine.
Thanks for the great advice in this blog entry Nathan.
Josin L. McQuein says
Congrats, Travis!
And Nathan, thanks for the terrific post. You should hold seminars with that kind of information. No, wait, that's a bad idea. I can't get to seminars, so keep putting it here where I can read it.
😛
dcamardo says
Nathan, I also wanted to say that if I were Jennifer Hubbard, I'd be giving you a great big care package (maybe with one of those cheese logs).
You're a marketing genius.
Callie James says
Congratulations, Travis!!!
I voted for you and was thrilled to see your name as our winner! Hope your year gets better.
Helluva opener!
Nathan Bransford says
dcamardo-
Thanks for the thought, but I'm the lucky one for representing Jennifer. She's an incredible writer!
jjdebenedictis says
Squee! Congratulations, Travis! Well-done like a good steak, you unrepentant carnivore, you!
*flails pom-poms and does hand-springs despite being unaffiliated with a sports team*
Thank you, Nathan, for the gift of your time and expertise, both for the contest itself and your very precise and helpful explanations of all your decisions.
John says
My favorite first paragraph is a drawing of a banana sword-fighting with a beef taco.
I only read picture books. All these words make my fingers itch.
thoughtful1 says
Congratulations, Travis!
Congratulations, Nathan, for seeing this immense project through.
I really enjoyed all the reading and critiquing I did last week. What a rush! Does it stay so alive if you do it day in day out, or is it your day's work at the coal mine, Nathan?
Nathan Bransford says
thoughtful1-
A little of both, honestly.
Lydia Sharp says
Congrats to all the authors mentioned, and thanks to Nathan for being so thorough. Informative and fun.
Julia says
Congrats again to all the winners!
Nathan, one question about the style that you have not mention. I bet you've brought that up before as many people seem to be aware of that… Or maybe it is something really well known in English literature and I am committing the worst blunder asking about it. I do have an excuse however, as I am not a native speaker 🙂
So, the question (please forgive me for asking!): what is wrong with using the simile?
jjdebenedictis says
Gordon, your post consists of scolding Nathan for not stroking writers' egos.
They can get that from their mom. Nathan's telling them why their writing might not appeal to an agent, which is damned useful information, and I thank him for it.
But oh, some poor woobie might be crushed their paragraph didn't even place–how are they going to feel after their first dozen rejection letters? The woobie had better learn to deal with it.
PLJ says
Congrats, Travis! Great paragraph and great contest!
Nathan,
Now the contest is over and your loyal followers have shared over 2500 first paragraphs…any chance we could convince you to share your first paragraph? It's only fair and would be a great way to end the contest!
PLJ
Tara says
Wow! What an experience. Thank you for doing this.
Nathan Bransford says
Thanks, PLJ. My first paragraph is actually in flux since I'm now working on my edits, so it's not quite ready to be shared. But I appreciate the interest!
Teri says
Congrats, Travis!
Thank you, Nathan, for taking the time to read through all the entries.
This was a fun contest.
brian_ohio says
Hey! I voted for Travis! For once I picked the winner! (Sorry, Travis, this does not bode well for you).
And, Nathan, I was taught long ago to put a horribly bad paragraph up front to set the reader's expectations low. Then 'Bam!', they hit that second paragraph.
Catenabi says
Congrats Travis!!! Your paragraph was funny and charming and I hope you finish your manuscript ASAP! 🙂
A lot of people have mentioned this and I think it's *so* true: everyone who entered this contest is a winner.
Even though my paragraph wasn't selected, I'm more determined than ever to finish my WIP and (in the words of Barney Stinson–next year's judge, perhaps?) make it awesome!! 😉
Good luck to everyone out there!
Chris Eldin says
YAY Travis!!!
Way to go!!!
Very happy for you!!
🙂
Rebecca Knight says
Congrats, Travis, and contrats to the finalists!! 🙂 I loved reading your paragraphs and can't wait to read your published novels someday (soon, hopefully!)
Also, thank you, Nathan, for going over what stuck out to you and why you chose the ones you did. I found this whole contest both fascinating and eye-opening :).
Eric says
Enjoy what will no doubt be an exceptional Monday, Travis. Well done!
Kudos to the the finalists and honorable mentions, as well.
And, of course, thank you, Nathan.
Mira says
Let's try that last line again.
Travis, that's wonderful!! Congratulations to you. It was very moving to read your story and hear that this came at a good psychological moment for you. I love that the Universe is so clearly supporting your writing – right on, Travis. If you've had a hard year, I'm guessing you really have earned this. 🙂
Also, congrats to all the finalists. How fun to have Nathan talk about how much he liked your writing. 🙂
Nathan – this was so much work for you!! Not just the actual work, but dealing with the ins and outs and ups and downs of people's reactions. Very challenging. Love how you meet those challenges head on.
As for me, this was a hard contest for me. I'm not sure why. Now, I'm struggling with self-doubt and other doubts….it's absurd to be bothered that my paragraph – that I just wrote this week – wasn't selected out of 2500, but nonetheless, I am.
Fortunately for all of you, especially Nathan, I plan to process all of that on the this site. Maybe. I'll see. But later. I have a paper due and a test, and I have to go now.
And if anyone tells me that I should be tough and should process rejection well, I'm going to (figuratively) bop you on the head. Writers are sensitive and fragile and that is a huge part of what makes them a writer. Trying to insist that writers are tough is just, well, not realistic.
Toby says
Gordon,
I hear you, but Nathan owned up to the subjectivity of his selections, and I think his preferences are evident: young adult or woman's literature. His blog. No problem.
I thought the selections were well written, and he provided interesting insight and advice.
Thanks, Nathan.
Congrats to all of the finalists.
Actually, congratulations to everyone who had the courage to enter. Well done. I have and will continue to learn from all of your entries. Thanks.
Nathan Bransford says
toby-
Thanks for your thoughts, but I don't think this reflects a preference I have for YA or women's fiction. While I don't know every genre of every work, the finalists include at least YA, memoir, literary fiction, science fiction, women's fiction, and historical fiction. I think my choices for finalists are more reflective of the entries than they are of my personal preferences.
The Rejectionist says
FAULKNER is better than STEINBECK?!? OMG, we might have to throw down.
However, you clearly know a fine paragraph when you see one. Travis, you can feel free to query us too.
Terry says
Thanks for the terrific contest, Nathan. Congratulations to the runners up, finalists, and Travis. Ride that confidence wave.
And a salute to all who entered. Brazen chutzpah, and/or trepidation overcome are necessary attitudes for publishing success.
-AKA Terry DeHart
Nathan Bransford says
Rej-
Yes, it makes me a traitor to my beloved California, but Steinbeck's simpletons/characters (but wise! from the earth!) kind of drive me crazy.
Tricia J. O'Brien says
Woo-hoo, Travis! I loved that opening.
Nathan, thank you for what you offer writers. It was fabulous to read these entries and then why the finalists made the list.
The Rejectionist says
HMMMPH.
Diana Paz says
Congratulations Travis and all the finalists!!
And thanks Nathan for the time you put into your blog and all your phenomenal insight. No one knows how you do it, but we're lucky you do 🙂
PurpleClover says
Travis, I just knew yours would win. I really liked your Amazon contest book and this opening paragraph grabbed me as much as that one did!
I also voted for Travis! YAY ME! Uh…I mean YAY TRAVIS!
M says
Huge congratulations to Travis, and infinite thanks to Nathan, for hosting such a valuable contest!
And to everyone who voted and/or commented on my paragraph, I have to echo Maya; it felt incredible to know that strangers were hooked by my writing. And then to learn that some of those people have published YA novels I love and are admins of blogs I adore? Wow. Just…wow.
So thanks again- it was an honor to be chosen as a finalist and to be voted as a runner up. I have learned so much.
Michael says
I read some first paragrpahs of my favorite books this weekend and concluded that Nathan is right – many great books are born from not-so-great first paragraphs. Many of them wouldn't have had a chance in this contest. But, I did learn something about writing and every time that happens, I become a better writer. So, thank you Nathan for that!
And congrats to Travis (although I stubbornly still think that Maya's was the best).
Ink says
Hey, lol, that was me prattling on about McEwan. Of course, any time some idiot prattles on about McEwan or McCarthy in your comments it's a pretty good bet it's me. I figure Vegas is giving it out at 3/2.
And, of course, congrats to Travis! A fun contest for everyone. Except Gordon.
A. says
Congrats to Travis and the runners-up!
Thanks for doing this, Nathan! I didn't submit a paragraph this year, but it was an entertaining and educational experience, as always!
Amber Hamilton says
Wowie Wow Wow! That was an incredibly helpful post! Thanks!
Can you go into more detail about "gimmick"s?
James says
Congratulation, Travis.
Thank you, Nathan.
This was an interesting exercise. I learned quite a bit from it.
Mystery Robin says
YAY! Congratulations, Travis!!!
Calli says
Congratulations to Travis and the rest of the finalists!
I got a lot out of this contest, not least the experience of trying to read over 2500 posts! (I bailed around the 1600 mark.) As for that Bulwer-Lytton entry, I assumed it was a joke and nothing more. It made me chuckle, anyhow.
Ben Dutton says
I thought there were some very good first paragraphs there, and I'm not surprised by Travis's win – it is a memorable conceit. Be interested to see where it is taken.
As one of the ones that used the word 'blood' I cannot help but wonder why the preponderance of that word. It, and things associated with it, are everywhere at the moment. Though I find the vampire genre moribund, it is popular, and I'm guessing many of those entries that used that word will be in that genre. Mine wasn't, but reading it without further contextulisation I can see that it might be mistaken for such. What this first paragraph contest has taught me is that even when you think you've got your piece crystal clear, it might not always be so. Thanks Nathan for inadvertantly getting me to think about my work in another light.
Lisa says
I am new to your blog and learned SO MUCH just with this one entry. THANK YOU.
I haven't read any of the entries, but would like to congratulate Travis just the same.
Hopefully I can join the next contest.
Terry says
Congratulations Travis!!! Keep that smile on. I hope this makes your difficult year much better.
And thanks Nathan for a great contest and a bonus of expert advice.
Everyone else, lots of wonderful first graphs. Keep writing and learning.
Bradley Gavin says
Congrats to Travis, it really is an excellent paragraph. Well done, man.
I have a quick request for Nathan.
I love all the advice and you're usually really clear and easy to understand while you dispense your wisdom. I was wondering if you could expand on this a little:
"And on the trust issue: I shy away from anything that feels like a gimmick. A novel is simply too long for gimmicks. Not only do they get exhausting, anything that is clever merely for the sake of being clever comes at the expense of trust between author and reader."
What would you consider "gimmicky" and what would you say is "clever for the sake of clever?"
I'm not sure I've got the right idea about what this means. For instance, if Billy Pilgrim is unstuck in time, would that be a gimmick? How about… well… anything by Chuck Palahniuk? I love all of his stuff as well as everything Vonnegut wrote, but they always include some little quirky thing ("Rant" actually did seem too gimmicky) that makes the story tick.
Thanks a lot.
And to Gordon – Dude, lighten up a little.
Chuck H. says
Congratulations to Travis! Congratulations to everyone who participated. If you're like me, you've learned a lot these last few days. My deepest sympathy to Gordon. You missed the point, dude. Too bad.
Word Ver: geuts – scottish for intestinal fortitude?