Not only is Lisa Brackmann’s debut novel Rock Paper Tiger to die for, but when she originally contacted me she wrote one of the best query letters I ever received when I was a literary agent. (Frequent readers might also know Lisa as blog commenter Other Lisa).
Rock Paper Tiger went on to be published by Soho Press and was named one of Amazon’s best books of the year. It all started with her query!
Here’s Lisa’s most excellent query letter:
Dear Mr. Bransford,
The Beijing ’08 Olympics are over, the war in Iraq is lost, and former National Guard medic Ellie McEnroe is stuck in China, trying to lose herself in the alien worlds of performance artists and online gamers. When a chance encounter with a Chinese Muslim dissident drops her down a rabbit hole of conspiracies, Ellie must decide who to trust among the artists, dealers, collectors and operatives claiming to be on her side – in particular, a mysterious organization operating within a popular online game.
ROCK PAPER TIGER is a fast-paced, 108,000 word mainstream novel set in a China where the ultra-modern and cutting-edge clash with ancient neighborhoods and traditions, and in an America where the consequences of war reverberate long after the troops have come home. It will appeal to fans of William Gibson’s books with contemporary settings, Laura Lippman’s strong female protagonists, and almost anybody’s whacked-out travelogues about the world’s more surreal places.
I have a background in politics, Chinese history and the entertainment industry. I am working on a pop biography of Zhou Enlai for a small press and with a partner wrote a feature screenplay based on a series of Taiwanese fantasy novels, THE IMMORTALS, which was optioned by ActionGate Films. I was also a contributing editor for TWILIGHT OF EMPIRE: RESPONSES TO OCCUPATION, a collection of essays about the American occupation of Iraq (Perceval Press, 2004). I lived in China, travel there often and speak decent, if not quite fluent, Mandarin.
I’m querying you because you like novels set in foreign countries.
Also, I hate the Lakers.
Best regards,
Lisa
This query is just stellar. It’s well-written, it has a nice balance between key details (alien worlds of performance artists and gamers), plot (chance encounter drops her into a rabbit hole of conspiracies), personalization (knows my taste), and most importantly of all, she hates the Lakers.
I had to restrain myself from immediately offering representation. I waited on the novel though, which was amazing.
For more tips on how to write a great query letter, check out these posts:
- How to write a query letter
- My query letter for Jacob Wonderbar
- Emily Conrad’s query for The Boy in the Basement
Need help with your book? I’m available for manuscript edits, query critiques, and coaching!
For my best advice, check out my online classes, my guide to writing a novel and my guide to publishing a book.
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Ken Coffman says
I've read Rock Paper Tiger and I think it's marvelous, simply marvelous. I hope it makes a huge splash when it hits the market. I'm a curmugeon, but I'll grant the query letter has merit. It worked, didn't it? Awesome.
Dana Fredsti says
Heh. Loved the Buffy versus Edward. As discussed, Lisa, "What are you? Twelve?"
Buffy would kick his butt. So would Spike! Which reveals MY addiction, Julie. 🙂
I've read RPT too and concur with Ken. It's an amazing novel. And I LIKE Lisa's wine-soaked query.
Mentioning one's favorite color in a query letter would be narcissistic and kinda stupid…unless the agent being queried expressed a marked preference for it, say, on his blog. Nathan, do you like pink?
readwriteandedit says
Lisa's query is perfection. Like Lisa, the letter is literary, creative, and to the point. Thanks for sharing it, Nathan. I hope you both succeed beyond your imaginations with this one.
MattDel says
@Julie
You forget that Buffy laid the proverbial smackdown on several creatures (Glory for one) leagues more powerful than the sparkly Mr. Cullen.
/anti Twilight vampires rant.
Nathan Bransford says
dana-
Orange!
Bane of Anubis says
Corporate suck up :p
Dana Fredsti says
Heh. Your profile picture should have clued me in. 🙂
Anonymous says
I do't like queriesthat start with the pitch first. I think the 2nd para. should be 1st, and the first should be second.
Also, Idon't like when authors declare their own novels to be something, e.g. "..it's a fast-paced novel." I'm sure you want it to be, but is it? that's like saying, it's a great novel, or it's sure to sell a bazillion copies.
But other than that, I think it's a good query.
Nathan Bransford says
anon-
As someone who reads a whole lot of queries that begin "I'm writing you about a 75,000 word novel of suspense," trust me when I say it's refreshing when people just start with the pitch on occasion.
Also, I see "fast-paced" as a technical point than a value-judgment — it's not something that could be conveyed by the query. It's really not the same thing as professing that one's novel is awesome, amazing, hysterical, etc.
Liz, de-lurking says
Hi Nathan and Lisa! I just wanted to let you know that as an indie sales rep for Soho, I look forward to getting your book into stores around the Southeast. Sounds like a fascinating read – I look forward to seeing it on the list!
Jeffrey says
I'd like top add my voice to the chorus of congratulations!
As I finish the last parts of my novel, I'd like to ask your opinion on something, Nathan. Does it make sense to use in the query the same voice/style in which the novel is written?
Nathan Bransford says
jeffrey-
Yes, it's helpful if the query can demonstrate the style of the novel.
hannah says
Lisa, congratulations! Always great to hear when people are successful in these crazy times.
Karen Murphy says
Wow – great letter. I can't wait to read the book!
Way to go (Other) Lisa!!!!
Mike says
I hate the Lakers too. I also hate the Yankees. They represent all that is wrong with America.
I'm not even an agent and I may request a partial on this one.
Really, good luck with your book. A request for a partial is a beautiful moment in any aspiring authors life
Laura Martone says
I'm late to the party (as is often the case), but I nevertheless would like to offer my own congratulations – to Lisa, for an engaging query and for an apparently more enticing novel (which I can't wait to read), and to Nathan, for your constant efforts to teach us about what works and what doesn't (at least from your humble agently perspective).
Being a major Whedonite, I also have to weigh in on this whole Buffy-versus-Edward debate. I'm sorry, but acrobatic Buffy (and sexy Spike, for that matter) could kick Sparkly Pants' petrified buns! So there.
And Jeffrey, on a more serious note… check out The Public Query Slushpile (an exceedingly helpful site where writers can post their queries and critique others as well) – there, you'll find that the queries that present the same voice/style as the novel often do stand out from the rest. They just GRAB you – in a way that a straight, professional letter doesn't.
Other Lisa says
Yeah, capturing the novel's voice was where the wine came in.. 😉
Anonymous says
Nathan,
I can see how it would be refreshing to get the pitch-first letter, although I don't think it's underused these days. I guess I just prefer the traditional business letter format where you state up front what it is you want, then go on to describe the details of the proposed deal.
As for the fast-paced thing, it SHOULD be a technical point, but these days the term is thrown around much too casually to basically mean, "not boring."
Skeptic says
I always have felt good after reading this blog – but knowing that you too hate the Lakers… well, that just cements your status as "good people" in my opinion. 😉
Silicon Valley Diva says
Congratulations Lisa! Sounds like a page turner.
How exciting and so nice to see a fellow reader of the blog sign with Nathan & get a book deal. ESPECIALLY in this market. You must be stellar indeed. Great news.
Robena Grant says
Yes. Have to agree, this is a great query letter. The pacing was fast, exciting, so I believe the story will be equally so. Love it, love your word choices, you made every single one count. Congratulations, Lisa.
I'm looking forward to the read.
LCS249 says
Thank you, Nathan, for sharing what works… especially with such a stellar example. I can see why the book would be "to die for."
LS
ElanaJ says
I love the query letter. The thing I like most about it is the balance between telling about the book and telling about the author. One doesn't overpower the other, as I've seen done in so many queries.
Thanks for sharing. 🙂
jrafferty says
Nathan, thanks for publishing the query. I've heard the story behind this one from Lisa, but there's no substitute for the full letter and hearing what you liked about it. I'm really looking forward to reading Rock Paper Tiger and wish the book loads of success.
Chris Eldin says
LOVED the query! Congrats all around!!
Jill Lynn says
Great taste, Nathan.
And great query, Lisa. You showed the novel has a complex and original plot, and then backed it up with your impressive experience. Also, I thought the Lakers comment was genius. Not only did it show you "know" Nathan, it showed a lighter side to what is otherwise a very serious query. It gave you personality.
And, Lisa, I don't know if I've ever told you what a great title Rock Paper Tiger is. Love it! Congratulations again.
clindsay says
Yup, pretty much a perfect query letter. Nice!
suzie says
Congrats Lisa!
Kimberly Lynn says
WOW!
terryd says
I smiled when I saw the announcement at Publishers Marketplace.
Congrats Lisa and Nathan!
Suzan Harden says
Just adding my 'Atta Girl!' for Other Lisa. It's always terrific to hear one of the unwashed masses have broken through to publishing Nirvana.
Sandra says
Well done, Lisa!
I'm just getting started in this business and it really helps to read what someone considers to be a winning query letter instead of descriptions of winning query letters. Thanks for posting this, Nathan.
Mechelle Fogelsong says
I wish I could come up with catchy titles like that. Great play on words, idiom-style.
Mark says
Good pitch. I had one that worked here too. Partial didn't but I got where I needed to be. Keep tabs on that sales rep who chimed in. Gonna need her. I grew up in Celtic country hating them. Became a Laker fan.
Mark Wise says
Nathan or Lisa,
I have a question. I notice a political tint to the query letter presented, namely in regards to Iraq. Is it generally wise to use politically charged words/phrases in a query letter at the risk of offending a prospective agent who may not agree with it? Or is this something that you should research and know what you can get away with before hand?
Thanks!
P.S. – Congratulations Lisa!
~Sia McKye~ says
Lisa, I'm glad to see Nathan living up to his rep of brilliance and signing you and recognizing your amazing talent.
I've had the pleasure of reading an excerpt or two and love it. I can't wait to read the whole thing, my friend!
Oh, and Nathan, be prepared, I fully intend to snag Lisa for my Over Coffee blog as soon as her book is out. She's a fascinating person, a wonderful friend, and a fabulous writer.
Congratulation to the both of you.
Leigh K C says
Yep, that is stellar all right. Even though my book has nothing to do with China, performance artists or online gamers, will use this for my next round of agent queries but will change China to … India. Will avoid mention of a team though as that sounds like a lot of research 🙂
Sharon M. Smith says
Thank you so much for sharing her letter. I was surprised how short the letter was – although long enough to get our attention.
Other Lisa says
@Mark Wise,
When I wrote my book, that was my prediction for Iraq. The Iraq war is an integral part of the book, so I really wanted to mention it, and also the sense that it wasn't going to be the triumphal march to victory that we'd been sold.
While I wouldn't say now that the war has been "lost," I stand by the assertion that it didn't turn out to be the cakewalk that our leaders promised us it would be, and that the consequences would continue to reverberate long after the troops came home, and not in a good way.
I don't consider this to be a political statement so much as a logical evaluation of the facts on the ground. But one of the many problems I've had with politics in recent years is the tendency to label realistic analyses as political judgments.
So, maybe this is just me being bull-headed, but it is such an important part of book that I guess i figured if an agent was offended by it, then he/she wasn't the right agent for me anyway.
Other Lisa says
and Liz de-lurking – I'm new to all this stuff – if I can help you help me, let me know!
Andrew says
7First off congratulations! I am jealous and envious, of course…=0)
The best thing about this query letter is that it shows how few people who are ready with advice (including me) know what they are talking about. I've seen so many query letters run through the mill on AQ connect and this would probably receive plenty of tips for revision (not the last two paragraphs, of course, just the plot one). First thing I thought when I read it was: what are the stakes? Why is the olympics or Iraq important? But what do I know? Nathan's an agent, ergo, his word is law, it's him I've got to impress, not me.
At least now I can look at me queries without worrying about too much of the advice I get back….=0)
Word verification – Drotro: A powerful Audi rally car with a cold
Ily says
AWESOME query letter! Absolutely LOVED it, well done, Other Lisa. Congratulations and may the book hit No.1 by end of 2010, Weeeeeeee 🙂
Steph Damore says
Nathan – as always thanks for the awesome example.
Lisa – CONGRATS! Your novel sounds amazing. I also loved your word usage in your query "rabbit hole of conspiracies" and "whacked-out travelogues" – Nice!
Re:Edward vs. Buffy – Edward. No explanation required. *sigh*
Lydia Sharp says
That query letter "grabbed", and I would expect her book to do the same. Excellent example.
Congrats to both of you! And good luck to everyone who takes Nathan's advice to heart. We are lucky to have someone like him in the writing community, helping complete strangers to improve their chances of success.
caitmorgan says
'Gratz, Lisa on a superb query and the good karma train it summoned–I'll make a point of ordering Rock Paper Tiger as soon as humanly possible, as it sounds right up my alley.
@MattDel–I, too, write mainly Sci-Fi and Fantasy. Do you belong to any online writing groups specific to those genres? Cheers.
WV: jaing. Bling gone horribly, horribly wrong?
Lynne Connolly says
Loved the letter, only wish mine were as good.
How about "Manchester United Forever – Go Red Devils!" That rock your boat? Thought not. But they do.
JStantonChandler says
Thank for posting this outstanding query, Nathan. I'm in the query writing process and I'm always on the hunt for help!
Congrats, Lisa! And great job on the query 🙂
~Jen
Bill Mabe says
"Many many drafts. The others got all the information in but they didn't capture the "voice" of the book the way this one seems to have."
Very helpful comment, Lisa. Congraulations!
Kim Rossi Stagliano says
Fantastic from start to finish. Best of luck with the book.
Anonymous says
If an author sets the book in the near future and assumes a particular political/economic outcome which doesn't happen is that a major problem with getting the book published?
Does the book become a type of SF alternative history? Will the book become dated soon after publishing?